by Alice Raine
Finally showing some emotion, Jack threw his hands up in the air and then turned to Allie. ‘Is she always this stubborn?’ he demanded in frustration, to which Allie merely nodded and gave a sad smile. ‘Can you see the chemistry between the two of us? Because I feel it so strongly it makes my heart race with possibilities, but for some reason Caitlin just point blank denies it.’
I make his heart race? Wow. Well, that made two of us. For some reason his confession made something in my chest squeeze really tight. And just like him, my heart was definitely racing.
I glared at Allie in a don’t-you-dare-utter-a-word kind of way, and watched as she bit down on her lower lip before chewing it furiously. It was clear she was torn; she liked Jack, and loved the fact that he seemed to like me, but if she jumped in and backed him up now then so help me god she would be in so much trouble.
‘I … I … it’s not really my place to get involved, Jack. I think I might just, um, go to the toilet.’
As soon as Allie had stumbled away from the table, Jack dropped into a crouch beside me, putting his face just below the level of mine. The jokey look from earlier was gone now, replaced instead by a fiercely purposeful expression.
‘All I want is a chance to get to know you, Caitlin,’ he stated heatedly. Running a hand through his hair, he left it spiky and messy all over his head, and drew in a long breath. ‘I apologise if I upset you in the woods … I seem to lose my mind around you, but I swear that won’t happen again.’ He lost his mind too? Because that’s how I felt all the time when he was near.
‘Believe me, I never pursue women like this, and I don’t use my fame to get women in bed, I swear. It’s you, Caitlin. There’s something between us, something powerful. Can’t you give it a chance? Give me a chance?’ He tried to reach out and take my hand, and I was almost tempted to let him just to see if his touch reassured me or freaked me out. But at the last minute I tucked both of my arms down into my lap and linked the fingers tightly. Really tightly. So tightly that they ached.
‘Why?’ he whispered hoarsely, ‘Why are you doing this?’ he repeated, sounding defeated.
For a crazy second I toyed with the idea of just telling him the truth. Because my fuck-up of an ex has left me mentally scarred and I’m terrified of ever letting a man get that close to me again. But like a proper coward I used good old-fashioned spitefulness instead.
‘Perhaps I’m really just not interested. Is that so hard for your ego to understand?’ I whispered. I’d meant to hiss or spit out my reply, but my words were strained and lacked the ferocity I had intended.
I now woke up most mornings having dreamt about him, my subconscious obviously trying to force the issue on me. And when I say most mornings, I actually meant every morning. But to date Jack would mean opening up my past again, dealing with the painful issues that Greg had left me with, and making me the most vulnerable I’d ever allowed.
I couldn’t see how I could do that.
Could I do that? For him?
He hadn’t replied to my jab, instead Jack just stared at me looking completely dejected. I levelled my gaze on him, trying not to flinch or shake or give any trace of my emotions, and then sighed heavily.
‘Allie’s coming back. You should go and join your party,’ I suggested quietly. To my horror, I could feel tears burning at the backs of my eyes, no doubt from the stress of the situation, but the hot liquid built on the rims of my lower lids with surprising speed. I couldn’t let him see me cry, then he’d surely guess that all of my words were complete rubbish. All I had to do was hold it together for a few more seconds, then he’d be gone.
Shaking his head, Jack licked his lips, the brief flick of his tongue immediately drawing my gaze as I broke my rule and looked down at his mouth. Damn it! What would it feel like if he leant up and kissed me right now? Stupidly, this thought made me copy the action and dart my own tongue out to moisten my tingling lips.
I’m fairly sure Jack noticed too, because a tiny flicker of hope seemed to flutter in his eyes as he returned his gaze to mine. As our eyes met he frowned slightly, and I panicked that he would see the tears building in my eyes, so I quickly averted my gaze to the tiled floor.
‘I don’t believe you when you say you’re not interested, Caitlin. I felt it in your kiss, and I can see the emotion in your face right now. You like me too. You feel it,’ he murmured, his face twisting and looking just as affected as me.
I couldn’t deny it out loud any more. He was right, and my head felt the urge to give just the tiniest nod in response.
Belatedly I became aware that my head was now moving of its own will and I panicked and froze.
Holy crap. Had I actually just nodded?
He’d told me I felt it too, and I had … nodded in response? No, no, I couldn’t have, could I? Oh god, judging from the flaring emotion in Jack’s eyes I might well have done. Shit. I could barely breathe, let alone accept that I had just given away my true feelings with that seemingly inconsequential little body movement. This was crazy.
Feeling a desperate urge to try and take back what I’d just done I blinked and then swallowed hard. ‘Jack, I … I …’ But try as I might, I couldn’t retract my confession because it was completely true, I did like him, and I did feel it too, so I ended up sat there stuttering like an idiot.
‘It’s OK, Caitlin, you’re scared, I can see that. But I just don’t know what of.’ Pulling out a pristine white handkerchief from his suit pocket, he gently laid it across my knee without actually touching me, and gave a small head nod as if acknowledging that I was upset. ‘I plan on proving that you don’t ever need to be scared of me. Even if it’s just as friends, that’s OK, but I will prove it to you, Caitlin.’
I didn’t know what to do. I was on the verge of a meltdown and the only thing I could think to do that would make it better was to throw myself at him. For some insane reason, the idea of his arms around me and comforting me seemed like possibly the best idea in the world.
Or perhaps the worst.
My brain was so scrambled I couldn’t work out which. My goody two shoes side won out, and I refrained, sitting rigidly frozen in my seat.
Jack closed his eyes for a brief second, drew in a slow breath, and then fixed me with a clear, intent gaze. ‘I’m sorry if I’ve upset you again. I seem to do that a lot,’ he murmured, and there was no point denying his words because I was clearly a wreck. ‘I’ll see you around, Caitlin.’ He made those last five words sound like a promise. Or maybe a threat, I couldn’t decide which. And with that he stood to his full height, straightened his suit, and with one last, long look, he stalked off to his table.
TWENTY-TWO
Jack
I’d promised myself that if my path crossed with Caitlin’s again I would take it as a sign of fate and speak to her, so when I’d spotted her in the restaurant I’d barely been able to believe my good fortune. Maybe we really were fated to keep meeting. Or perhaps it was just my lucky day. Mind you, I didn’t feel quite so lucky as I walked away after yet another rejection.
I released a deep breath slowly through my nose as I tried desperately not to look over my shoulder to see if she was watching. It literally took all of my fortitude not to glance back, so to distract myself I thought back through our brief encounter to see if there were any positives I could draw from it. Luckily, there were several.
A smile curved on my lips as I recalled her few spunky outbursts – the way she’d practically hissed when I’d brought up the subject of our kiss was particularly noteworthy, because I’m sure I’d seen arousal spark in her eyes for a second or two. Her cheeks had flushed a very appealing pink too, and from the way she had gripped the table I could only assume that she had been enjoying the memories.
Grimacing with embarrassment I swallowed hard as I recalled the way my cock had given a little twitch in response to her watching me. Luckily I’d managed to tamp it down before I got a full on stiffy in the middle of the restaurant, but it was clear that my body seem
ed to have a mind of its own when she was around.
I hadn’t been exaggerating when I’d said I lost my mind around her, because I really did. It was crazy, but she made me think and do things I would never usually do. If, and I knew it was a pretty big if, but if Caitlin ever did let her barriers down around me I was going to have to be super careful to stick to my promise not to lose control around her again. With the way she made me feel that would be a bloody difficult task, but even if it stretched my willpower to the extremes of my limits I’d do it.
For her, it would be worth it.
Arriving back at my group, I smiled politely to the occupants of my table – my agent Rick, and Barb, the head of my PR team – and retook my seat. Discussing the moves I wanted to take in my career was literally the last thing on my mind right now, so I was grateful for a few minutes’ silence as we all looked at the menus. Well, I pretended to study the menu, but really I was looking over the top of it towards Caitlin. Allie was back, looking tense and concerned, and I definitely didn’t miss the way she flashed a few wary glances in my direction.
I’d almost, almost, believed it when Caitlin had said that she wasn’t interested. After all, I was only human, and there were only so many knockbacks I could endure, but the tiny nod she’d given me when I’d said she felt it too had almost caused me to yell my joy on the spot.
She did like me. And for the first time since meeting her she’d actually admitted it. Not verbally, as I would have liked, but a nod was a start. Something significant had passed between us in that silent moment, and the sudden torrent of emotion that had then flooded her face had nearly done me in. Her expression had been so open and yet so torn, displaying her fear, attraction, and hesitancy so clearly that even a blind man would have been able to sense it and I had wanted to drag her into my arms so desperately.
Watching as she fidgeted nervously at the table, I had to forcibly cross my arms to keep myself from going to her. That wouldn’t help matters. With Caitlin, I was going to have to take this a tiny step at a time. She looked upset, and I hated that I was the one to have caused her distress. And even though she didn’t look my way again, I couldn’t help notice that she still had my handkerchief clutched tightly in her hand, and a small, hopeful smile pulled at my lips.
TWENTY-THREE
Cait
Fuck me, that had been seriously flipping intense.
My head was spinning, and my heart was beating so quickly that I was genuinely worried I might pass out. If he hadn’t been able to see me, I probably would have collapsed forwards onto the table and burst out crying from the tension, but as it was I squeezed my eyes shut to hold back the tears, clutched his handkerchief in one hand, and gripped the edge of the table with the other.
I needed to curl up in a darkened room for several hours to recover from all this stress.
You like me too. You feel it. Clenching my teeth I ran his words through my head, still unable to believe that I’d actually nodded my confirmation.
Fuckety fuck.
I felt the table cloth pull as Allie silently slid back into her seat opposite. I knew she would be watching me carefully, no doubt with a million things she wanted to say, but I couldn’t deal with that here, not with Jack just a few feet away. I could still feel his magnetic presence. I needed to get away. Now.
Opening my eyes, I stared down at her nearly finished plate of pasta. ‘Are you finished?’ I asked quietly.
‘Yes. Are you OK?’ The concern was clear in her voice, but I ignored her question.
‘Can we go please?’ I was still avoiding eye contact, but I was so close to completely falling apart that I didn’t dare look up. If I saw even a trace of sympathy on her face, I’d crumble.
‘Cait, you’re really pale. You’re not going to faint, are you?’
Faint? No. Nod my head? Probably. Goddamn it!
Sniffing back my tears, I cleared my throat with considerable difficulty. ‘I don’t think so, but I don’t feel too great.’ Wasn’t that just an understatement? I felt like I’d been put through an emotional wringer stuck on the spin cycle.
Standing up, I straightened my clothes and ran a trembling hand over my face before gripping Jack’s hankie and wringing it in my hands. The cotton was so soft, and as tempting as it was to make a show of throwing it down on the table and leaving it, I found myself taking it with me as I left.
The effort it took not to look in Jack’s direction as we walked out was exhausting, but even though I hadn’t turned my head his way I knew he was watching me. It was like I could feel his eyes on me, and every hair on my body rose at the attention.
It appeared, that for once, my best friend had been rendered speechless, because we walked out of the restaurant, through the gardens, and towards the tram stop in complete silence. It was only when we were sitting in the carriage for the short ride that Allie spoke again.
‘Sooo, that was pretty crazy, huh?’ she murmured cautiously.
Blinking long and slow, I raised my gaze to hers for the first time since we’d practically fled from the restaurant. Crazy, intense, emotional, stressful … I could probably list a hundred adjectives to describe that encounter.
‘Mmm,’ I agreed. ‘Can you believe he did that in the middle of a restaurant? Talk about arrogant.’
‘It was a bit surprising.’ Allie was speaking in that slow, drawn-out way that meant she had more to say but was holding back. I really didn’t need any more of her persuasive advice right now, so I gave her a firm look to keep her quiet, but instead of understanding, she shrugged and waved her hands.
‘It’s just that he didn’t seem arrogant to me. He came across as, well, as a little fraught, perhaps, maybe even a tad desperate, but not arrogant. He obviously really likes you.’
‘OK, maybe he’s not arrogant,’ I conceded. ‘But he certainly has some air of calm certainty about him that is really frigging unnerving.’ Sighing, I ran my hands over my face, realising that I was still holding his handkerchief but still not bothering to dispose of it. ‘I don’t really want to talk about it any more,’ I murmured, but clearly Allie couldn’t hold back now she had started.
‘I bet he’s great in bed.’
‘What?’ I squeaked, my eyes flying wide as I cast a quick glance around the tram to check that no one was in listening range. Thankfully, we were alone.
‘Well, he’s mature, and quite intense, and that usually makes for a good lover because they’re very focused on you,’ Allie explained, making my cheeks flush as red as her Converse trainers.
‘Allie, you’re really not helping,’ I muttered, averting my eyes and staring out of the window to try and distract myself from imagining what it might be like to be the sole focus of Jack’s attention while in bed with him. Naked. And quite possibly sweaty. My entire body shivered with delight.
‘He was right, you know, the chemistry between you two is really obvious. It’s so strong you can almost see it. I really think you should give him a break. Go out with him, Cait.’ Here we go again. There was going to be no stopping her now.
I was trying to be patient, but after the run-in with Jack, my nerves were already frayed to tearing point and I was getting close to shouting. ‘We went over this at the art gallery, Allie, remember? Me, frigid and inexperienced, and him a world-class player. Not a good mix, and never gonna happen.’
Crossing her arms, she shook her head dismissively. ‘It’s also wildly untrue. Yes, you are a little inexperienced, but you aren’t frigid. You just had a really shitty experience which has made you cautious. And rightly so. And you can believe he’s a player if it makes you feel better, but we both know that’s not the case. After you told me his number of lovers was in single digits, I did a bit of digging on the internet, and it would seem to be true. The over-all opinion of him is that he’s a genuinely nice guy.’
Grudgingly, I could believe that. That night we’d spent in the bar together had been lovely; he’d been sweet, attentive, and friendly. Genuinely nice. But taki
ng it to the next level was a whole new issue, and one I was simply too exhausted to even contemplate at the moment.
The tram pulled to a stop and we wandered off in the direction of the line of cabs eagerly awaiting the disembarking passengers. ‘If I promise you that I’ll consider dating someone, not necessarily Jack, but someone, in the near-ish future, will you please let this subject drop?’
Seeing my weariness Allie caved and linked her arm with mine. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t mean to put pressure on you, it’s just that I worry about you.’
‘But you don’t need to, I’m perfectly happy being single. Give me a few more years and you can call me Caitlin Byrne, spinster specialist.’
‘That’s what worries me,’ she said as she pulled open the back door to a taxi and slid in.
TWENTY-FOUR
Allie
Cait’s contact at the studios had come up trumps, because not only was I now standing outside a pretty flashy-looking complex waiting to view the available house with Cait, but if we liked it, we could get the keys today. We could have a place of our own in Los Angeles by the end of the day! How exciting was that?
I have to say, when Cait said she’d meet me by the complex directly opposite the gates to the studio, I’d taken one look at the place and thought she’d got it wrong. These buildings looked way too nice for us to afford, but when I’d checked the name above the gate, Studio City, I’d realised I was in the right place.
The complex looked amazing. Turning away from the buildings, I smiled at just how close to Dynamic Studios this place was – literally just across the road – which would be perfect for Cait’s work. I also happened to know that Sean’s studios weren’t that far away either, so that earned this place a tick in the location box for me, too.
