by Tammy Knight
“What… holy God, what did we do!?” Craig cried out, staggering to his feet before remembering he was still entirely nude. He grabbed the sodden sheet off of the bed, holding it in front of himself like a shield. Jamie tilted his head, a sense of dread settling in the pit of his stomach. He knew that he was usually the one to overreact to these sort of things, and while his reaction hadn’t been the calmest, he was troubled to see the look of sheer panic in his friend’s eyes.
“A bit late to be covering your junk, C,” Jamie said, attempting to lighten the mood. Craig stared at him like a deer in the headlights, and he cleared his throat, stepping into the bedroom where they could speak properly without screaming across the room.
“We didn’t… I couldn’t have,” Craig sputtered, tossing the sheet aside and frantically searching for his clothes. Jamie hummed noncommittally, hitching his jeans up as they slid down his slender hips.
“I didn’t think you’d ever go for it either, but, ah… you were receptive. We were both pretty drunk, man, I wouldn’t overthink it too much. It’s kinda funny in a… weird and entirely inappropriate sort of way,” the alpha said haltingly, and Craig met his gaze with watery eyes. Jamie couldn’t help feeling as if the omega were overreacting a bit, and defaulting to his usual defensive posture, he crossed his arms over his chest. “Dude. It’s no big deal. We said we’d keep it casual, remember?” Jamie said a bit coolly.
“We really had sex,” Craig said quietly, his expression broken.
“Oh, come on! There are worst dudes to have a one-night stand with! You’re wigging out over nothing. It’s not going to change anything between us!” Jamie asserted, stepping closer to Craig. As cold and uncaring as he wanted to appear, he couldn’t help softening as Craig struggled to collect all of his clothes. The alpha sighed, grabbing the pair of underwear that had been flung on his lamp and tossing it in Craig’s direction. Craig snagged them out of the air, alternating between staring at Jamie and glaring daggers at the floor. “Seriously, get a shower and I’ll… hell, I was going to make breakfast. Isn’t that domestic as hell? We can get some waffles at the diner, though, you know I don’t keep food in this place,” Jamie said casually, trying to soothe the other wolf. He wanted nothing more than to tug Craig into his arms and kiss his troubles away. Still, it seemed as if it would be one of the least well received actions he could attempt, so he simply watched as Craig got dressed. There was a jerky uncertainty to the omega’s movements, and he nearly tumbled over trying to pull his pants on. “Well, we can get takeout…,” Jamie suggested quietly.
“I’m not hungry,” Craig said a bit curtly, and Jamie felt as if a knife had been jabbed into his chest. Where did the omega get off acting like he’d been molested or something equally ridiculous? Jamie bared his teeth subconsciously, and Craig glanced up with a morose expression. “This is probably a stupid question knowing your history, but did we use protection?” the omega inquired softly. Jamie barked out a laugh, brushing a hand through his hair.
“Yeah, uh huh. My history. You think I gave you something? Of course, we didn’t use protection, it’s not like you’re in your heat cycle,” the alpha said derisively. Craig’s eyes watered, and he shoved past Jamie to get out of the bedroom. “What, you’re just going to pitch a fit and then leave? You’re being ridiculous, dude. You wanted it as much as I did,” Jamie growled defensively. Craig said nothing, walking straight through the apartment and going as far to forgo grabbing his shoes. Jamie trailed behind him, torn between fuming and begging the other man to stay and talk things out.
“I can’t do this right now, James. I have some things I need to figure out,” the omega said quietly.
“We can figure it out together, you ass!” Jamie blurted angrily, fear pricking at his insides. Craig never called him by his given name unless he was pissed or horny, and horny didn’t seem a likely option in the moment. “How do I even know if you’ll ever come back? Are you going to throw me away just because you’re having regrets? You’re the one taking a walk of shame; I enjoyed every minute of pounding that tail,” the alpha continued to rant, grabbing Craig by the shoulder and forcing him to look at him. As the omega wheeled around, he slapped Jamie across the cheek, baring his teeth in a growl of his own.
“Grow up, Jamie! Just grow the hell up! I need to figure this out on my own, and if you respected me at all, you would respect my choice! Now stop following me. Go get your waffles or whatever the hell it is you want to do. Maybe you’ll find some other omega to score a cheap lay with,” Craig hissed. Jamie balled his hands into fists, resisting the desire to scream.
“I’m not some kind of slut; why are you being like this? I’m not letting you leave until you give me some kind of answer,” Jamie said through gritted teeth. Craig laughed, a hysterical and almost frightening sound as he shoved past Jamie and grabbed the doorknob.
“You don’t have to let me do anything, Jamie. You don’t own me. You made it very clear that you only wanted something casual, so enjoy your afterglow! I have things to do,” Craig bit out before throwing the door open and storming out. The alpha stared after him, tempted to give chase. There was something seriously wrong with the omega, and he cursed himself for not predicting such a flip-out. Deciding that he wasn’t going to entertain Craig’s pity party any longer, he slammed the door closed and stomped through the house. He planned to purge his house of every lingering scent the omega left behind. First things first was washing those sheets-- he was too broke to burn them, as much as he wanted to. He wasn’t the only one who wanted it to be causal! Neither had wanted to ruin their friendship.
“For what good that did,” Jamie shouted, storming towards the bedroom. He made a face as he sank his foot into something damp and chunky, looking down to see his five-star breakfast platter crushed beneath his feet. He felt as if that likely set the tone for the rest of the day.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Quickly making his way home, panic washed over Craig in agonizing waves. He hoped, no, prayed, that he was wrong. Deep in his heart however, he knew he had completely and irreparably screwed up. If he was right, his thoughtless actions had the potential to not only ruin his life, but ruin the lives of those around him. That was what he was good at, though; ruining lives. He wasn’t one to get down on himself in most situations, but this one definitely called for it. The time he spent painting the town red with Jamie, making innocent wolves’ lives miserable for the fun of it; it was nothing compared to this. He couldn’t begin to fathom why he would have had unprotected sex with Jamie, and it had nothing to whether or not the alpha male had some sort of disease. He was pretty sure Jamie was clean, and that the other wolf wouldn’t purposely infect him with something. The only problem was that he was feeling a bit infected in the moment. More specifically, he felt like he was hosting a parasite.
Touching his stomach with a soft prayer, he made an attempt to rush through the front door of the home he shared with his father. The alpha was sitting in the den, turning a scrutinizing expression on his son. Craig muttered under his breath, continuing his venture to his room without a word. At least, that was the plan.
“You reek of sex, Craig,” his father pointed out, rising to his feet and crossing the room. Maybe the shower Jamie had offered would have been a good idea, if only to get the elder alpha off his back. The omega shook his head dismissively as his father tried to reach out to him, edging towards the stairs. “Don’t walk away from me, you little shit. I’m talking to you, and you’re going to listen. Do you understand me?” The elder male said coldly. Craig stiffened but nodded his head obligingly, turning to face the other man. His father was a terrible person, that much he knew without question. The man was borderline abusive, both physically and emotionally. He never outright struck the younger, nearly identical man, but the harsh way the older male grabbed him at times wasn’t pleasant by any means. He constantly berated his son, telling him how worthless he was. It had a lot to do with his only offspring being an omega, the omega that had killed
his mother in childbirth.
“Dad, you don’t have anything to worry about,” Craig murmured carefully, cringing when the alpha gripped him firmly by the shoulder. His touch was too firm, too cold, the look in his eyes nearly enough to bring Craig to his knees.
“I have plenty to worry about. If you get knocked up, I’m not taking care of you and your little hell spawn. You’re lucky that I let you live here as it stands, considering…,” the alpha trailed off, and tears pricked at the corners of Craig’s eyes. He was an infant, he wasn’t to blame for his mother’s death. Was it not enough that at least some part of his mother remained in him?
“You wish I were never born,” Craig said with a teary expression. The alpha released his son, staring at him for a period of time that seemed to stretch on forever. Craig became more and more distressed as his father scrutinized him, crying softly in spite of knowing how much his father hated to see him cry. Not for any soft feelings like loving his son--no, he just didn’t like that the omega showed any weakness.
“Go take a shower and get your little boyfriend’s stink off of you,” his father said coldly, turning away to return to his seat in the den. Craig silently thanked whatever powers that be, rubbing his very likely bruised arm. As he ascended the stairs and stepped into the bathroom, he slammed the door shut behind him before sagging back against it. He slid to the floor, burying his face in his hands. How had he managed to mess up so spectacularly? His father hated him, but that was nothing new. He wasn’t sure he could live with himself if Jamie hated him too. He couldn’t be carrying. It was the worst possible thing that could have happened to him. He could only pray that his cycle wasn’t lining up as he remembered it that morning, knew that being even in the early stages of his heat would make him all the more fertile.
“Son of a bitch,” Craig hissed out, dragging a hand down his face. He didn’t want to deal with this, couldn’t deal with it alone. Who was there to turn to, though? For a brief moment, as tears continued to spill down his cheeks, he wished his father had gotten his wish. He wished he had never been born, not into a world so cruel and callous.
Deciding that showering and erasing the evidence--at least the evidence that could be easily erased--would be the best course of action. He struggled to rise to his feet, looking at his reflection in the mirror with distaste. His eyes were puffy, his cheeks flushed miserably. He refused to look at himself in such piss-poor shape. He turned away from the mirror, hiccuping softly. He stripped down slowly, his body sore from the pounding he had taken last night. He couldn’t even remember half of the experience, and those thoughts were questionable at best. He remembered Jamie being kind and gentle as he touched him, showing him a tenderness and reverence that he could not believe his friend was capable of in the bedroom. There was no possible way that it had actually gone down in such a manner. As he slid his pants and underwear off, he made a face of disgust at the dried fluids that caked his legs. He hated himself so damn much. How could he have let this happen?
He turned the shower on, barely allowing the water to get lukewarm before leaping in and scrubbing himself harshly. He felt like he would never be clean, knew that even his heart had been tarnished by the situation. As the water got hotter, he only scrubbed harder, determined to cleanse himself by any means necessary. It wasn’t just his skin that was dirty. As much as he didn’t want to think about it and as desperately as he prayed that he was wrong, he was sure that his womb would be tainted as well. His skin was bright red, both from the harsh way he was washing himself and from the heat of the water. He nearly choked on the sob that erupted from him, tossing his washcloth down and digging his claws into his palms. He sank to the bottom of the stall, sitting with his face buried in his knees. His hands flexed rhythmically, continuing to pierce the soft skin of his palm as he panicked.
“Please, God,” he whispered, sobs wracking his body as he mourned for his future. “I’ll do better, next time. I won’t… I won’t get so drunk. I’ll never drink again if you just… don’t let that thing live inside me,” he prayed, knowing his words were foul but finding himself unable to care.
“Quit using all the hot water,” a voice screamed from downstairs, and Craig laughed humorlessly before reaching out to cut the water. He shakily rose to his feet, opening the curtain and stepping out onto the bath mat. He shook the water off himself as much as he could before toweling the rest of the condensation off. He swiped his hand across the fogged-up mirror, glaring at what looked back at him. He looked even worse than before---something he hadn’t even thought would be possible at any rate. He walked out of the bathroom in the nude, knowing his father was still downstairs. He strode towards his room, lingering outside the door for a moment. Inside was the calendar where he tracked his heat cycles. He didn’t feel any more aroused than usual, but it could have something to do with his extreme emotional responses. Steeling himself, he pushed through his door and walked straight towards his calendar, not bothering to get dressed quite yet. He traced his finger along the paper, coming to the date of the day before. He laughed, drawing his hand away and holding his chest. Guffaws turned into hysterics as he internally berated himself. How could he have been so stupid? How could he be such a fool?
The night before had been the very first day of his cycle, if the calendar was to be believed. He was relatively certain that he could trust his track record of keeping up with his monthly visitor. It would have been too early for anyone to really detect, but he knew his fertility peaked towards the start of his heat. He didn’t have any offensive scent about him--his father wouldn’t have let him leave his room if he had smelled of pheromones. He couldn’t understand how there could have been no signs, nothing to indicate he was in the beginning of his cycle. He had been a bit more aroused than usual, but…
It hit him like a ton of bricks. That was the entire reason he had given into Jamie’s advances. The alpha may not have been able to scent him, but that didn’t mean Craig was immune to his hormonal urges. How had he not checked the calendar the day before? Why hadn’t he done it? There had to be some reason, some purpose for which he would have even gone out with Jamie that day. He heard his cellphone’s message tone go off, and he realized belatedly that he’d just tossed it in the clothes hamper with his pants from the night before. Shaking his head, still unable to believe his misfortune, he meandered into the bathroom and snagged his phone out of his pocket. He swiped the screen, wrinkling his nose upon seeing the message from Jamie.
‘R u still flippin’ The message read, and he could just hear the alpha’s haughty tone in the back of his mind. He growled, debating tearing into him but not really wanting to put forth the effort. Jamie wasn’t presently worth talking to at all, in his opinion. He knew it was silly, but he blamed the alpha for what had happened just the same. Glancing at the message beneath the one he’d just received, he saw another proclaiming that the alpha urgently needed to discuss their latest plan. Craig gritted his teeth, and it took all his willpower not to simply fling his phone on the floor. He stomped back into his room, getting a brief and grim satisfaction from the thump his phone made as it dropped onto his nightstand. He would regret breaking it if he went through with it, but he couldn’t push Jamie off a cliff so the damn thing had to bear the brunt of his emotional burden.
Shaking his head with a roll of his eyes, he stepped towards his closet and grabbed his most worn-in work uniform. It was the softest of the few sets he owned, and while it wasn’t the most pristine, it wasn’t as if he worked at a five-star restaurant. The crappy little diner down the street from his house wasn’t the most glamorous workplace, but it was better than having no job at all. He knew that Jamie was presently between jobs, so it was a wonder he hadn’t been kicked out of his apartment yet. He knew the alpha wasn’t above stealing the wallet straight out of someone’s pocket. Jamie probably just stole the money to pay his rent. Just the sort of father figure anyone would want for their child. He sighed, resting his palm against the presently flat plane of
his stomach. He even had abs! He had worked so hard to make himself desirable to other people in town. It was a small place, so there weren’t many attractive faces to choose from, but he wanted to make his best effort to land someone who measured up to at least some of his standards.
He was choosing to ignore the fact that he’d been head over heels for some years now, refused to even acknowledge it to himself. He didn’t want to deal with the fact that he was in love with a deadbeat. He knew Jamie had his reasons for being as screwed up as he was, but it wasn’t a really good excuse for the alpha to take advantage of his drunk friend. He wanted to forget that Jamie even existed. He wanted to forget that he may very well be carrying the other shifter’s pup or, God forbid, pups. He just wanted to crawl back in bed and sleep the day away. His job was counting on him, however, and regardless of the outcome, he couldn’t afford to be jobless and potentially homeless as well. Well, as far as he was concerned, neither Jamie nor his father needed or had any right to know about the child he could be carrying. If the problem, as it were, escalated, he would take care of it. He would deal with his own problem, but he was done entertaining his alpha friend’s asinine plans. He was done being Mister Nice Guy. He was simply finished. Gone was the Craig Lee that had lived before that night in Jamie’s bedroom.
