by Wild, Bella
She stared up at me, a slight wrinkle between her brows. “Where do you want to go?”
I shrugged. “You feel like getting a drink?”
“You heard Fred. We’re not going to be safe until we get home. The stalker could have seen us leave.”
He let out a frustrated groan. “I didn’t think of that. Okay. Let’s go home. Hopefully, Kevin’s not there.”
The time at the studio after Kevin had left the studio had been a dream come true. We finished tracks to three of my songs, and had extra time to go back over Kevin’s selections. Terry was the man. He listened to my vision, and quickly added beats and layers to what I had played. It was easily the best recording day I had in years. Getting the songs released would be a stretch with Kevin around. I could do that on my own, or let Terry use his team to do it independently, if Kevin was going to be a hardass.
We were a few hundred feet from the gates of my house when we noticed a group of media people waiting outside. As soon as the limo was close to the gate, the cameras went off. Charles had to wind down his window to punch in the access code. That’s when the crowd of a dozen or so videographers, photographers and reporters went wild. They all started flashing more pictures, aiming their microphones, smartphones, recording devices and video cameras, and hurling questions at me through his window.
Amanda didn’t hesitate. She pulled a sweatshirt from her bag and threw it over the opening in the glass between the driver and us. As soon as the gated opened, the limo sped up my driveway, and Amanda flopped back into her seat.
“That’s nuts!” She said.
“Yeah. I wonder what they want now.”
“Probably a response to the dressing room pictures.
Amanda rested her head back against the seat and closed her eyes. I took the opportunity to let my eyes travel down her body.
“I know the perfect escape,” I said. “If the media leaves later on, we’re going.”
Amanda cocked an eyebrow at me. “And where is that?”
“You’ll see.” I didn’t give her any hints.
“We really shouldn’t. The stalker found you at the studio. She can find you anywhere. And we already know she’s aware of where you live.”
“Amanda. I can’t stop living my life because of that crazy woman. I won’t become a hermit and barricade myself in my house just to be safe. This is exactly what those people want…to terrorize…to victimize us before we’re even victims. It’s crazy.”
She did not have a chance to respond. Charles stopped the limo at my front steps. He let her out and I jumped out behind her. I spoke quietly with him for a moment, letting him in on where I wanted to go later. He said he would wait at the security shed near the front gate, and I could call once I was ready to leave.
“Come on,” I told Amanda after Charles went back to sit in the limo. I wrapped my arm around her waist. “It’s just the two of us here at the house now.”
*****
Amanda must have taken to heart what I said about not being a victim. We hung out for a couple hours in the games room downstairs, and when we didn’t hear back from Fred and his agents, she agreed to go out with me. I told her we could dress casually where I was taking her. We both wore jeans and cotton shirts when we met at the bottom of the stairs. And I felt an extra-special boost—she was wearing the locket I had given to her. She carried a light leather jacket in her arms. It reminded me to grab one from the closet near the front door when we left.
Charles rolled up as we got outside. He was taking us to the dive bar we had gone to after our dinner out about a week ago. Once we were on the way, I relaxed against the seat. Amanda kept looking at me. I couldn’t read her expression, so I let it be. I wanted us to enjoy each other for the rest of the night.
The city around us transformed as dusk fell. It was my favorite time of day. I had a fascination with watching the city make the shift from day to night. Some businesses closed, and others opened. People hurried home in business attire and uniforms, many of them reappearing downtown hours later, dressed to kill, hitting up the hottest restaurants, bars, and clubs. The energy would change later at night, and turn into what some would call an adult playground. Charles drove past all of that, getting us away from the heart of all the action. Personally, although I enjoyed watching it, I had little desire to be a part of the city nightlife. Not anymore.
I looked over at Amanda. I was where I wanted to be, sneaking out to my favorite secret sports bar to have a quiet night with her.
“What are you thinking about over there?” I eventually asked her.
“Not much.” Her eyes briefly darted my way before she turned to look out her window.
“Are you worried about getting into trouble because we’re going out?” I asked.
She shook her head. “No. You’re right. You can’t live like a prisoner forever…I was thinking… God, I hope I don’t upset you with this…”
“Just tell me.” I said, reaching for her hand. “I can handle anything. As long as you’re honest with me, we can figure it out.”
“Okay. I was thinking about last night… about what you said about being more than friends.” She paused for a while, seeming to think about what she would say next.
“You don’t have to censor what you’re thinking before sharing it with me. Just say it.”
“Okay. Here goes…how are you so sure about this? I mean, we’ve only known each other for a little over a week. You barely know me. So what makes you positive it’s me you want?”
That was a tough one. If I had been more prepared, it would have been the perfect opportunity to come clean and tell her I had been her biggest fan during her MMA days. I was not ready for that, so replied with, “Haven’t you ever just known something with such certainty there was no doubt at all?”
“Hmm. Maybe. I didn’t have any doubts about wrestling or joining the MMA.”
“Well that’s how I feel. About you.”
“After a week?”
“Not everyone needs time to be sure it’s the right thing.”
“And what if I had taken up your offer to be friends? How sure would you have been then?”
I looked out the window. I would have been crushed, but I did not tell her in so many words. “I don’t know. That would have been an entirely different path. But I guess…friendship would be better than not having you in my life at all.”
“So what if I told you I’m sitting over here, still unsure whether I did the right thing by asking you to stay last night?”
“Well my only thought would be you need more time than I do, to be sure. And I don’t mind waiting.”
She was silent.
“Is that what you’re thinking?”
“Yes. I’m sorry.” I waited, searching her eyes as she nibbled her lower lip. “It feels like my heart is in two places,” she finally said. “Meeting you, and getting caught up in all this, was unexpected. Your whole world is larger than life. I got sucked into its allure…This opportunity to work for you came out of nowhere, and maybe I got a little carried away. The amount of money, the traveling to exotic places, private planes, fancy food. It’s insane, you know? And then, I didn’t count on this crazy attraction between us. I got lost in it. I kept telling myself it could be simple, casual… a temporary thing. I didn’t count on you being…” She trailed off.
“Being what?” I asked.
“You,” she finally managed. Her voice was barely above a whisper. “You’re amazing, Johnny. Somewhere along the way, my heart decided to go all renegade, and now I’m confused. I’m terrified to make the wrong move…God, I feel like such a flake for being indecisive. ”
She met my eyes—hers were wide and somewhat fearful. I moved over to get closer to her and wrapped her in my arms.
“When I hold you like this, do you feel any uneasiness with me?”
“No.”
“And when we hung out in the games room earlier, was it awkward in any way?”
“Well, no.”
“How about during our run yesterday?”
“No.”
I moved my lips to her ears and whispered, “And when I made love to you last night?”
She smiled. “No, Johnny. It wasn’t.”
“Then how about we forget about what we talked about last night. Forget it ever happened… Let’s not label anything. How about you just spend time with me? Be with me now. That’s all. Deal?”
She tipped her head and let it come to rest on my shoulders. “Okay.”
Chapter Fourteen
Johnny
Charles stopped the car. We had arrived at the bar. “We’re here.”
I opened the door and stepped out, offering her a hand, which she took. She hopped out, and we walked into the bar. The place was practically empty, which is exactly why I liked it. We found a booth near the bar. She slid in on one side and I sat across from her.
“Evening,” a middle-aged woman greeted us from across the room. “I’ll be right with you!”
I nodded and turned back to Amanda. Her eyes moved from the entrance to the tiny hallway to the restrooms, then she turned to look behind her.
“Keeping an eye out for the stalker?” I asked when she faced me again.
“This place would be a whole lot safer if there was another exit behind us.”
“Why?”
“If and when trouble walks in one door, the idea is to have another door to go out.”
“And what if trouble walks in the back way?” I teased.
“You’ve got eyes too, right? We can watch each other’s back. Hold on. I’m going to check for an exit.”
“Don’t bother. I already know where it is. The kitchen has an exit to the alleyway out back.”
“Ahhh. Okay I feel better already.”
The woman who greeted us came over. I ordered a pint of beer, and Amanda asked for water. She insisted on not being under the influence tonight. Once the woman left, I noticed Amanda’s gaze fixed on the TV above the bar. I turned and noticed it was a men’s MMA fight playing.
“Are they any good?”
She shrugged. “I’ve heard of them, but I don’t know their records. I don’t follow much of it anymore.”
The server came back with our drinks. Amanda grabbed her water off the tray and took a big gulp before the server got the coaster set on the table. I held back a smile as I caught the woman’s eyebrows shoot up.
“A little thirsty?”
“Yes. I’m used to hydrating more, but it’s hard remembering to keep on top of eating well and getting in my fluids these days.”
I nodded. “I can help remind you.”
“All right.”
“And I think it’s time I get my own personal assistant. I’m tired of Kevin treating you like his very own lapdog when his assistant isn’t around.”
“I like the sounds of that,” she said with a laugh. “Seriously though, I don’t mind too much. It’s just, he’s so demanding and ungrateful toward me. I don’t see him treat anyone else that way. It’s pretty demoralizing, to be honest. I don’t know what I’ve ever done to him…”
She looked past me again, her eyes back on the fight playing out on the big screen.
I put a hand over one of hers. “You haven’t done anything. Try not to take it personally. He’s over-protective of me. He was this way with my first set of band members. Anyone who appears to detract from his master plan is a threat in his eyes.”
She took another long sip of her water, draining the glass this time. Her hand gripped the glass after she put it down. I was afraid if she tightened her fist any further, she would crush it until it broke.
“Amanda, what’s going on?”
“Nothing, I’m good.”
“No, you’re not. Tell me what’s going on,” I demanded.
Her eyes snapped to mine, lit with a strange new look I could not identify. I waited for her to unload on me.
“I’m fine. Just leave it alone, okay?”
Her gaze roamed around the bar again. I grabbed her hand. “Amanda, you’re not fine. Just talk to me. We can leave if you’re not feeling well.”
She stared at me, her eyes boring into mine. I didn’t back down. After what seemed like a few minutes, she broke the intense gaze, and looked down at the tabletop. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what my problem is right now. I’ll be fine.”
“You can talk to me. You know that, right?”
She nodded, still staring at the table. “I do.” Silence fell. She straightened up and took a deep breath. “Do you want to know why I became a fighter?” Her voice was low and unsteady. I leaned in closer to hear her. “It’s a long story.”
“I’ve got time. Go on.”
“All right. My parents divorced when I was young, and at first mom had custody. She rarely let me see him. She had one boyfriend after another, and most of them were not very nice to her. None of them paid any attention to me. It was like I was invisible. She would leave me alone, a lot, to go on dates. Or lock me in my room, if she brought them back to our place.
“Anyway, one night, when I was fifteen, she had this guy over. They started arguing, and he beat her up pretty bad. I heard the noise, and when I came out and saw him hitting her, I got really angry…almost blind with rage. I rushed in the room to help her. I don’t know how, but I pinned the guy on the floor and punched him so hard in the face, it broke his nose.
With all the commotion, one of the neighbors had called the cops. By the time they got there, the guy was long gone. My mom refused to press charges against him, so the cops left. But you know what did me in? She screamed at me for breaking the guy’s nose and chasing her man away. Can you believe that? The guy gave her a black eye and two bruised ribs, and she was mad at me…
“That was when the rift between my mom and me opened right up. I went to my grandmother’s house after school the next day, and begged her for my dad’s number. He had moved to two towns away, and when I told him what happened, he came and got me. He was just as enraged as I was, and threatened to find the guy and whoop his ass. Those were his exact words.” She smiled briefly. “Anyway, he enrolled me in a new high school when I moved in with him, and signed me up for the wrestling team. I was the only girl, but I didn’t care. And it turned out I was great at it. I could beat every boy on the team. None of them dared to make fun of me.”
She lifted her eyes from the table and stared at the game on the TV. The waitress came by, refreshed Amanda’s water, and left again. When she reached out for her glass, I noticed her hand was shaking.
“I don’t hate my mother. Really, I don’t, because Dad made up for it in spades. He was amazing. Years later, I realized she had probably acted that way because she was afraid. Afraid of being alone. I made two promises to myself after that happened. First, that I was not going to let myself get so desperate to have a man in my life that he could dare lay a hand on me and get away with it. Second, that when I had kids, I would never put anyone ahead of them.” She looked at her glass again. “Well, I can’t do anything about the kids part. I wanted to be a mom, you know? A good one. It was just as important to me as being in the MMA. And both were taken away from me on the same night. I thought I still had time…”
I saw a tear roll down her face, and she brushed it away quickly.
“I’m so sorry, Amanda.”
She blinked a few times and waved me off with her free hand. “It was a long time ago.”
“I can’t even imagine…any of that.”
“I’m fine. I’m stronger because of it. My dad would say that all the time before he passed.”
I searched for the right words. All I could come up with was, “That isn’t something that goes away.”
“It fades.” Her walls were back up, possibly higher than before. Her body language closed her off—her arms crossed, she turned her body slightly, and her eyes were transfixed on the TV screen. All of it told me she was emotionally off limits again. I clung to her hand. She didn’t try to pull away.
It was a small comfort.
“Thanks for sharing that with me. I wish I knew the right thing to say.”
She nodded and took a sip of her water. Her eyes floated back to the TV. “It’s weird now, watching these fights. That was my whole life once. And really, it wasn’t even that long ago. I would keep up with every fight, I knew every fighter, memorized all their stats…both men and women. Maybe it will be good to get back to that place.”
“What do you mean?”
She shifted her gaze back to me. “When this job is done, I have an interview to be a commentator on the MMA circuit for a cable network.”
I reared back in my seat. I knew nothing about her plans after the tour. There were five more events, and then she would be released from her contract and could walk away. She had no reason to stay once it was done, but I had imagined I could convince her to stay. For us.
“Well…that’s…great,” I finally replied. Each word was tougher to get out than the last.
“I think so.”
“Amanda, what is it that you really want?”
“How do you mean?”
“I mean, what do you want to do? I thought you wanted to start your own security firm. Now you’re talking about this TV gig. I guess I’m asking where your heart is.”
She hesitated, taking her time to sip some more water before answering. “My heart was in that cage, Johnny. That’s where it got left behind.”
There was nothing I could say to that.
“We should be getting back, don’t you think?” She made a production out of checking the time on her phone, avoiding my eyes.
“Sure, we can go. I’ll go settle the tab.”
I slid from the booth and she walked to the door as I paid at the bar. I sent a text to Charles and he replied that he was waiting outside—he had gone to grab a bite and figured he would stay close for when we were ready. I sauntered to Amanda, standing at the door. There was an anxious pit in my stomach from her news. I offered my hand and she ignored it, putting an arm around my back and bringing my offered hand over her shoulder.
She tucked herself into my side and looked up at me, smiling. “Ready?”
