‘Maybe he’s joking … or punishing me … or …I don’t know. Maybe he’ll be back tonight and what if he comes home and I haven’t got anything for tea? Maybe he’ll just go again,’ and finally she lost the battle bending her head over the buggy and weeping uncontrollably, huge tears splashing down onto Millie’s hat.
There wasn’t a sound in the shop, not a movement in the queue as Kate wept at the fearful thought that maybe her husband wasn’t coming home that night.
She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up through her tears at a grey haired woman who had moved to stand at Kate’s side. ‘I think you need to go home my dear,’ she said softly, tucking a strand of tear sodden hair behind Kate’s ear. ‘Take your beautiful little baby home and phone a friend. You shouldn’t be alone right now.’
Kate nodded. She turned the buggy in the direction of the door as everyone pressed themselves backwards so Kate could leave the shop without her distress touching them.
‘Just a minute!’ Another hand on her shoulder as the butcher stepped from behind the counter, his eyes suspiciously bright as he pushed a plastic bag in her hand. ‘Two chops darlin’, on the house. You know… just in case he comes back….’
And then Kate was out of the shop, the relief of the other shoppers palpable as she turned the buggy left and strode down the pavement, the wind stinging her face and almost freezing the tears that were raining down her cheeks.
Five minutes later she turned into a small pathway leading to a Victorian semi. The plants and shrubs either side were overgrown and the pebbles that were meant to neatly edge the borders were scattered across the path catching at the wheels of the buggy. Kate pushed on, reaching the shiny red door and banging at the knocker with a desperation that transmitted itself into the house beyond.
‘Hold on!’ the door flew open, a slight woman with tousled red hair peering anxiously out.
‘Kate! Good God I thought it must be … Kate, what on earth is the matter?’
A shocked hand flew to Fiona’s mouth as she took in the tear soaked cheeks and heaving shoulders of her friend.
‘Kate honey, whatever’s happened?’
Kate struggled to speak, every time her mouth opened sobs erupted but swallowing hard she wiped the tears from her cheeks.
‘He’s left me Fee, Alex has left me!’ and breaking down completely she sank down onto the cold, hard path, awash with tears.
There were several minutes of carefully controlled panic as without saying another word directly to Kate, Fiona grabbed the buggy and hauled it inside the narrow tiled hallway before clutching at Kate’s arm and pulling her inside as well. With the door shut behind them the warmth of the house took only a few minutes to defrost Kate’s icy face and she watched numbly as with soft cooing noises Fiona unstrapped Millie and stripped her of mittens, hat and warm coat and tickled her tummy until she squealed with laughter. Making a quick diversion to the under stairs cupboard she pulled out the play mat and toys reserved for Millie’s visits and the little girl was soon happily laid out on Fiona’s breakfast room floor chewing on her donkey’s ear.
Kate still stood by the front door, her eyes glazed. Fiona took hold of one of her hands and led her into the room, peeling off her coat and pushing her gently down onto the settee. Still not saying anything she stepped into the large messy kitchen and flicked on the kettle, watching Kate anxiously as she made the tea, setting the mugs out of Millie’s reach before sitting down next to her friend.
‘What’s happened Kate?’ she asked softly taking hold of her hand. ‘What’s happened?’
Kate’s lip was wobbling, the tears still rolling down her cheeks but the sobs were quieter, almost a hiccup as she relayed her morning to Fiona.
‘He’s left?’ repeated Fiona, her hazel eyes like saucers.
Kate nodded miserably.
Fiona looked stunned. ‘I can’t believe it Kate, I mean I genuinely can’t believe it. You two always seemed so happy!’
Kate sniffed, ‘We were, we are! I know Millie wasn’t planned, well not right now and money is tight and Alex works so hard. But despite all that, we’re still happy. At least I thought we were. I know things are a struggle at the moment. It’s not been easy but we both said it would soon get better and the main thing was we still loved each other.’
A solitary tear trickled down her cheek. ‘How can I think that we’re happy while Alex is so unhappy that he walks out? How can I have got it so wrong Fee?’ she wailed, the tears turning back into a flood.
Her friend threw a protective arm around her shoulders, holding Kate tight, trying to send some comfort into the trembling figure by her side.
‘Oh Kate honey, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe Alex would just walk out!’
‘He said he’s tried to talk to me, to explain,’ sobbed Kate.
‘Explain. Explain what?’
‘I don’t really know,’ whispered Kate rubbing her eyes much like Millie did. ‘He never told me he was unhappy, he never said anything - apart from the usual stuff.’
Fiona’s eyebrows raised slightly. ‘What is the usual stuff?’ she asked carefully.
‘Oh you know, money, paying the bills. He was a bit fed up that we’d stopped going out. He said children shouldn’t mean that life ended and he was a bit grumpy because I didn’t go to the work’s Christmas do … the usual.’
Fiona nodded. ‘Right.’
‘Oh Fee, I really didn’t think it would be such a big deal skipping the work’s bloody Christmas do! Millie was teething, I was exhausted, I had nothing to wear and couldn’t really afford to buy anything! I thought Alex would enjoy going by himself and letting his hair down for once.’
Kate wondered if it was her imagination or did she just see a flash of something in Fiona’s eyes?
‘And that’s your only argument, not going out since Millie arrived?’
Kate chewed her lip. ‘Well that makes him sound selfish,’ she defended her missing husband. ‘It’s not like we were arguing all the time. We are happy Fee! Really happy. He just doesn’t realise how hard it is to do things on impulse when you’ve got a baby in the house. You know what it’s like,’ she appealed to her friend, ‘just going out shopping takes a morning of planning!’
Fiona nodded sympathetically. ‘I know honey, believe me I know!’
Her eyes rolled slightly in the direction of the school photograph on the dresser showing three mischievous looking boys, all with Fiona’s rich red hair and a smattering of freckles across smiling faces.
‘But’ started Fiona carefully, ‘having a baby in the house doesn’t mean that everything stops.’
Kate’s eyes opened wide and Fiona carried on quickly.
‘What I mean is that it’s still important that you and Alex go out occasionally, have an afternoon shopping, go for lunch, go to the pictures, out for a meal … anything really,’ she trailed off.
‘But Millie...’ began Kate defensively.
‘Millie can always go to a babysitter,’ said Fiona firmly. ‘You know I would have her any time you asked. She could go to your mum’s for the night,’ they both winced slightly and Fiona hurried on, ‘or you can take her with you. I’m just saying that life doesn’t - shouldn’t stop when you have a baby.’
Kate’s lip started to tremble again. ‘You’re saying I’ve neglected Alex and now he’s left me because I wouldn’t go to the Christmas ball?’
‘No! No Kate! Of course not honey, I’m just saying that maybe you’ve taken the whole stay at home with baby a little more seriously than you had to, that’s all. But that doesn’t excuse Alex walking out like that. Oh Kate!’ and putting her cup of tea down, Fiona wrapped her arms around Kate’s shuddering shoulders as a new wave of sobs overcame her.
When the tears had stopped and Kate was calmer, Fiona tried again.
‘You really had no idea he was thinking about leaving? He didn’t say anything before he left?’
Kate shook her head soggily, ‘Nothing. And I’ve been wondering, how
on earth did he pack so quickly and how did he get everything into two suitcases?’
Fiona’s eyebrows shot under her spiky fringe.
‘He’s taken everything Fee, his suits, his casual clothes, even his summer clothes from the storage chest. How did he wake up at 7.15 and have everything packed in less than an hour? I couldn’t begin to manage that. And to get it all in two cases?’
‘You think he may have already moved some things out?’
Kate shrugged unhappily. The thought that Alex wanted to leave her was bad enough. But she had been clinging to the hope that he’d woken up depressed and on impulse had thrown some things in a case and walked out. To consider that he’d been planning his departure, that he’d sat on the settee each evening chatting to her about his day, cuddling Millie while all the time thinking that soon he’d be free, that soon he would be able to leave, was almost more than she could bear.
Her eyes welled with tears again. ‘Why do you think he left Fee?’ she whispered in anguish. ‘Why would he leave us? Do you really think it’s because I wouldn’t get a baby sitter and go to the Christmas party? Would he leave us over something so trivial?’
Her voice caught and Fiona clasped her hand reassuringly. ‘Oh no Kate, surely not! I think he’s just going through a bad patch that’s all!’ She ran a hand through the already wild red hair, ‘I’m as surprised as you are Kate, I always thought the two of you were as happy as it was possible to be!’
They sat in silence for a while watching Millie. She had played with everything on the mat happily chattering to herself and was now laid with her head on her donkey her eyelashes drifting towards her cheeks.
‘Kate,’ began Fiona delicately, ‘were things alright elsewhere?’
Kate looked at her questioningly.
‘I mean, with you and Alex. Where things, you know okay?’
At Kate’s blank look Fiona rolled her eyes with impatience, ‘For God’s sake Kate, in the bedroom. You and Alex, was everything okay or was that one of the things you argued about?’
‘Oh!’ Kate’s face cleared. ‘I see. Everything was fine Fee, like I said, we were – we are happy.’
Fiona nodded thoughtfully and a shiver went down Kate’s spine.
‘Why do you ask Fee,’ she demanded urgently. ‘Do you know something. Oh my God, is Alex seeing someone else?’
The tears were back as she clutched at her friend’s arm.
‘Don’t be silly Kate,’ said Fiona firmly. ‘If I knew that Alex was having an affair I would have told you. No matter how unpleasant it might have been - for both of us. I was just going through the possibilities. I mean, why do husbands suddenly pack all their belongings and leave?’
Kate had an unpleasant prickling along the back of her neck. ‘But you think he might be having an affair?’
‘Of course not! Like I said, I’m just checking the possibilities.’
‘But he could be having an affair and neither of us know anything about it?’
‘Stop it Kate, don’t be silly!’
Both women sat in silence for a moment.
‘What happened at the Christmas do Fee?’
Fiona looked startled. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Something happened didn’t it? I mentioned the Christmas party earlier and you looked – funny. Something happened at the Christmas party – something with Alex. What was it? Tell me!’
Her voice had risen, strident and forceful and for a moment Millie’s eyes flew open at the unfamiliar sound of her mother shouting.
Kate lowered her voice but gripped Fiona’s arm. ‘You need to tell me everything you know Fee. Absolutely everything. My husband has gone, I don’t know why or where but if you know anything, if you suspect anything you must tell me!’
The tears had vanished, a determined look taking their place.
‘Kate ...’ began Fiona.
‘Tell me!’
Fiona shook her head, ‘It was nothing Kate, really nothing. It’s just with Alex leaving, I thought, I wondered …’
‘TELL ME!’
Fiona looked down defeated. ‘Alex wasn’t his usual self at the party.’
Kate stared at her friend. ‘How?’
Fiona wriggled uncomfortably on the settee. ‘He was very much in the party spirit. I hadn’t seen him like that before.’
‘How?’
‘Oh nothing serious Kate. Nothing to worry about, just a bit - flirty I suppose.’
Kate nodded. She didn’t waste time looking shocked or upset.
‘Go on.’
‘Just flirting that’s all.’
Fiona looked at the set of Kate’s chin and sighed.
‘It just surprised me. He was like a child given a free run in the sweet shop and I wondered at the time how unlike him it was. But I just put it down to too much drink and …’ her voice trailed off and she looked at her knees.
‘Who with?’
‘What?’
‘You heard me Fee, who was he flirting with? Oh God, was he flirting with you? Did he try anything with you?’
Fiona looked shocked. ‘No! of course not. And if he had, don’t you think I would have mentioned it before now?’
‘Sorry I didn’t mean …’
Fiona waved away her apology.
‘So who was he flirting with?’
Fiona shook her head dismissively. ‘He was just being really flirty Kate, sort of quite desperately flirty. The way some husbands are when they’re not getting … when things aren’t good at home. Which is why I asked if you and Alex …’
‘Who with?’
‘No one in particular. It was just the way he was behaving …’
Kate gripped her friend’s hand so hard they both flinched.
‘Who with Fee?’
Defeated Fiona gently freed her fingers, wiggling them back to life.
‘Sandra Maddison in the accounts department.’
Kate looked blank.
‘You’ve met her, she’s been there for a couple of years.’
Kate trawled through her memory banks for a Sandra but came up blank. Although Fiona was one of her closest friends and her rock, Kate had only known her for a few years. Both their husbands worked at the same company and Kate and Fiona had met at one of the regular company social events, instantly gravitating towards each other. Alex and Stuart, Fiona’s husband, worked in separate departments and had very little to do with each other but Fiona and Kate were delighted to discover that they lived only minutes apart and although Fiona was a few years older than Kate they had quickly moved onto a strong friendship that didn’t rely on company outings. Stuart had worked at the company for years and there was no-one that Fiona didn’t know. At some of the more tedious events she would entertain Kate by feeding her delightful little titbits of gossip about the rest of the staff.
‘What’s she like’ demanded Kate curtly.
Fiona shrugged. ‘Blonde, trying to be thin, not overly attractive but always got the full make up thing going on, highlights, lowlights - a bit desperate I always think.’
Kate nodded, liking the description.
‘And you think Alex has left me for her?’
‘Whoa! I never said that Kate. You’re jumping to massive conclusions! I just said that Alex was flirting with her. The kind of flirting that lonely husband’s often take up, which is why I asked if you and Alex were … okay.’
Kate chewed her lip, thinking frantically back to six weeks before and the Christmas party.
Alex had been really disappointed when she said she wasn’t going to join him. Even Fiona had tried to persuade her to go but Kate was exhausted. Millie had been teething and had a snuffly nose. Kate hadn’t managed more than three hours of straight sleep for days and the effort just seemed too much at the time.
Alex had announced he was going regardless and she hadn’t been at all upset; she’d actually enjoyed having the evening to herself. Millie had gone to bed and against all the odds slept soundly and Kate had enjoyed a long soak i
n a bath full of bubbles, a glass of wine by her side. She’d watched one of her favourite programmes and then slipped into bed to have an amazing night’s sleep. In the morning she’d woken to the sight of Alex’s clothes all over the floor as he lay beside her like a starfish, his hair still smelling of smoke and beer from the night before. She had slipped out of bed and collected Millie before making him a full English breakfast which she took upstairs. Was it her imagination or had he seemed a little subdued? She had wondered if he felt guilty about going out without her but now Kate thought more about it, he had been very pleasant and helpful that rest of the weekend. Was he feeling guilty for other reasons? Her mind racing through every possibility, she didn’t hear Fiona talking to her.
‘Kate!’
Blinking Kate looked at her anxious friend.
‘Please don’t make too much of it Kate. I just mentioned that he was flirting. I did actually mention to him that he seemed to be very - happy. He said it was just good to have a night out.’
Fiona was smiling reassuringly, but now the idea was in Kate’s head it had taken hold and was spreading its tentacles thick and fast.
Kate tried to smile, ‘It’s okay Fee, it’s okay.’
She patted her friend’s hand absently. ‘I think I better get back home.’
‘No! Stay here Kate, stay for the day. I don’t think you should be ...’
Kate stood up stopping Fiona in mid-sentence. ‘Really Fee, I’m okay. I need to go home. I need to think. Don’t worry, I am okay,’ she repeated nodding fiercely to emphasise just how okay she was. ‘Really.’
Under Fiona’s worried gaze she gathered Millie into her arms, wrapping her up against the bitter February weather and strapping her back in the buggy. She kissed Fiona on the cheek, giving her a tight hug before she pushed the buggy out of the door.
‘Kate I really think …’
‘No! It’s okay, I just need to go home. I’ve probably misunderstood it all Fee,’ Kate tried for a laugh but it sounded almost like a yelp.
‘I’ll see you later,’ she called over her shoulder and waving goodbye to a rather dazed Fiona, she set off in the direction of home.
Google Your Husband Back: An wonderful tale of love, loss and how to get your husband back! Page 2
