She grinned at Fiona who was throwing her arms in the air in a silent cheer.
‘So – can I take you out one night this week?’ asked Alex with mock formality and Kate couldn’t help the little giggle that slipped out.
‘Okay.’
‘Tonight?’
Kate thought about the preparation; the waxing and moisturizing, the hours spent with the hairdryer, the trawl through her wardrobe to find an outfit that said ‘suitable for first date with ex-husband’ or should that be ‘first date with unfaithful ex-husband who needs to be reminded of how much he used to love his wife.’
‘Sorry,’ she answered with just the right amount of regret in her voice. ‘I know Fiona is out tonight so I won’t have a babysitter.’
‘I could just come round to the house?’ suggested Alex. ‘Millie will be in bed and we can – talk.’
NEUTRAL TERRITORY Fiona was scribbling on a scrap of paper and waving in front of Kate’s nose
‘It might be better if we met somewhere else?’ Kate answered quickly.
‘Right, right. Yeah, you’re probably right.’
‘How about Wednesday?’ asked Kate.
‘I was hoping to see you before then,’ admitted Alex and Kate’s eyes suddenly filled with tears. She knew the feeling.
‘Well,’ she began but Fiona was writing furiously and waving her arms around.
NO! Play it cool. You are not desperate. You have moved on.
Kate didn’t think a salsa class once a week constituted moving on but she collected herself and blinked away the tears.
‘Wednesday’s not too far away,’ she laughed lightly as Fiona nodded approvingly.
‘Okay,’ Alex was being flatteringly forlorn. ‘I suppose Wednesday will have to do. Shall we go to Alfredo’s again? I know it’s your favourite.’
Kate didn’t answer straight away. Alfredo’s was actually Alex’s favourite. And it was also where Kate had sat the night Alex had told her the brutal truth, that he had left her for another woman because he was no longer happy with Kate.
‘Yes of course, Alfredo’s is a great idea.’
And so Alex arranged to pick her up at 7.30 and Kate ended the call.
She and Fiona stared at each other across the table.
‘Like I said,’ Kate grinned at her friend, ‘he will definitely get in touch!’ and they jumped up to hug each other and squeal and laugh until they heard the sounds of Millie waking up and Kate had to dash upstairs and reassure her tiny daughter that all was well.
Fiona made another cup of tea while Kate fed Millie and then the three of them spent a happy hour in Kate’s bedroom, rifling through her wardrobe yet again in search of the perfect outfit that needed to say, ‘I’m okay without you’ at the same time as saying ‘please come back’ and ‘look at me’ while also saying ‘I’m moving on’.
Fiona finally left and Kate spent the rest of the day, humming happily to herself and hugging her arms around her body in delight at the thought of having Alex back in the house.
‘I knew it would all work out okay Millie,’ she whispered to her daughter as she drifted to sleep in her cot that night. ‘I knew daddy would come back.’
She smiled down at the sleeping baby, her cloud of soft baby curls looking like a halo around her face. ‘Who could leave you and not miss you every minute of the day? Daddy just had a funny moment that’s all. He’s coming home Millie, he’s coming back to where he belongs and we’ll soon be a family again,’ and smiling in delight Kate went to hang up her outfit for Wednesday and write down a beauty plan of every hair that needed plucking and every inch of skin that needed polishing.
Chapter 21
By the time Wednesday evening arrived Kate was exhausted with nerves and excitement.
She had dressed for impact in a classic black dress which clung to every part of her now enviably slim curves, allowing a promising shadow of cleavage and ending at just the right spot to show off her long slender legs. Plain, almost severe it was the perfect background for Kate’s pale cheeks and the fall of strawberry blonde waves that cascaded down her back. She had sprayed Alex’s favourite perfume at the hollow of her throat and across her wrists and spent hours applying her make-up.
‘You look amazing,’ reassured Fiona as Kate presented herself for inspection in the kitchen.
‘You think so,’ asked Kate nervously. ‘I mean do you really think so? It’s not too over the top, or not enough? Do you think I should have worn something a little bit more special? Perhaps I should have gone to a hairdresser? What about the make-up? Too understated? Maybe …’
‘Kate!’ Fiona put a calming hand on her friend’s shoulder.
‘You look perfect Kate, believe me it’s exactly right.’
Kate took a deep breath. ‘Sorry,’ she offered. ‘I’m just a little nervous.’
Fiona nodded. She knew how important the evening was, she had spent the last 48 hours helping Kate prepare.
‘Okay,’ said Fiona briskly. ‘Now remember, he is obviously all fired up at the thought that you’ve got a new friend, possibly a new love interest on the go.’
‘Fee! Josh is just a friend, not a love interest! I want Alex back, I want …’
‘Yes, so you keep saying Kate. But we’ve got to think how to get Alex don’t we? And let’s face it, he’s showing an awful lot more interest in you since Josh came on the scene.’
‘Yes but …’
‘No buts Kate. I’m pretty sure if Alex had seen you out at lunch with me and Stuart on Sunday he wouldn’t have bothered phoning you Monday morning! It’s Josh he’s interested in.’
Kate nodded thoughtfully. ‘So I need to tell him all about Josh?’
‘No! Absolutely not! You mustn’t tell him anything about Josh.’
‘But I thought …’
‘Kate, remember what Google said? He probably isn’t ready for you to move on with someone new, it will drive him crazy thinking about you and what you’re doing. And the end result is that he’ll be looking at you with new eyes, remembering the Kate he fell in love with.’
Kate bit her lip. ‘So I don’t tell him about Josh?’ she asked in confusion.
‘You let him know there is a Josh in your life, but you don’t give him any more details. He will be desperate to know what you’re doing. He needs to spend his days thinking about you and what might be going on.’
‘But nothing is going on!’
‘Precisely why you shouldn’t tell Alex.’
Kate shook her head in confusion. ‘Josh is a friend, we dance together at salsa and he took me out for Sunday lunch. That’s it really.’
‘And if Alex knew that maybe his curiosity would be eased and he’d be less interested in you.’
‘Oh Fee, I feel really bad about using Josh to get Alex back. I can’t pretend he’s something he’s not just so Alex pays me attention!’
‘Of course you can honey. Do you want Alex back?’
‘Well, yes …’
‘Do you want him back so much you’ll do anything to make it happen?’
‘Well, yes but …’
‘Then stop worrying about tiny little things like the truth and let Alex believe whatever he wants regarding you and Josh. Don’t give him any details and Alex will make his own story up.’
Kate looked uncertain and Fiona took her hand with a sigh. ‘Remember what you were like when Alex left?’ she asked gently. ‘You spent all day wondering what he was doing, where he was, if he was with Sandra, what they were doing together.’
Kate nodded. She still felt like that most days. She had an overwhelming need to know exactly what Alex was doing every minute of every day since he left. She’d even considered driving past Sandra’s flat again to see if she could get a little glimpse into his new life.
‘Well that’s probably how Alex feels right now.’
Kate’s eyes opened wider. ‘You think so?’
‘Yes! It’s exactly what Google said would happen.’
Kate took a
deep breath, smoothing down her skirt. ‘Okay,’ she said, ‘I understand,’ and then squealed as the doorbell rang.
Leaving Kate in the kitchen taking deep breaths, Fiona went to answer the door and glare at Alex.
Millie was admired and kissed, Fiona reassured everyone that she and Millie would be just fine and then minutes later Kate was in Alex’s car as the two smiled shyly at each other before heading in the direction of Alfredo’s
Small talk ensued until they were sat by the window, strangely, mused Kate, exactly where the young couple had been sat a week earlier when Kate had watched them longingly, remembering happier times between herself and Alex.
‘You look amazing,’ offered Alex as he poured a glass of wine for them both.
Kate inclined her head and smiled. ‘Thankyou.’
‘Is that a new dress?’
Kate was about to laugh and remind Alex that she’d had the dress for years but instead she took a sip of wine.
‘Yes,’ she said with a smile. ‘I bought it last week.’
‘Oh. For a special occasion?’
‘Yes.’
‘Right. So what was the occasion …’
The waiter appeared by their side asking if they were ready to order and the next few minutes were taken up with talk of pasta and pesto and arrabiata sauce versus gnocchi until they were alone again and Alex was staring at Kate across the table.
‘Where did you go?’
Kate stared at him in confusion.
‘In the dress. You said it was a special occasion. Where did you go?’
A fog suddenly entered Kate’s brain. ‘Oh er,’ she began casting her thoughts around wildly for some amazing event that would leave Alex seething with jealousy, ‘just er – just out.’
‘So not a special occasion?’
Kate pulled a face, ‘Well when I say out I meant out for a special – er occasion.’
Alex’s eyes were glued to her face. ‘Where?’
She took a deep breath. ‘Well,’ she said fluttering her eyelashes downwards so Alex couldn’t see the desperation. ‘I went out for a meal, a lovely place that Jo – my friend took me to. I just wanted to look – special.’
‘Josh? You went with Josh.’
‘I went with my friend.’
‘You said Josh. Did you go with Josh?’
‘Er, yes. I went with Josh.’
‘Josh who you go to salsa with?’
‘That’s the one!’
‘Right. It’s just I thought you had only been for Sunday lunch with him. You said you went to salsa together and he’d invited you for Sunday lunch.’
Kate bit her lip and tried to recall the conversation she’d had in the hallway of the restaurant on Sunday.
‘Did I?’ she asked lightly.
‘Yes, you said that you weren’t together, you were just having lunch.’
‘Well we were.’
‘No, you said that’s all you had done together. You never mentioned another meal.’
Kate took a glug of wine. ‘Does it matter Alex? You have left me after all! Surely where I go and who I go with isn’t important to you anymore?’
It was a little more direct than she would have liked but Kate was desperate for the conversation to end.
Alex blinked. He looked startled.
‘Oh, yes, sorry! I didn’t mean to sound as though I was questioning you. I just didn’t realise that – of course you can go out with who you like!’
Silence fell and Kate hoped it wasn’t a prelude to more questioning about Josh.
‘I meant what I said you know.’
Kate lifted her eyebrows. ‘Which part?’ she asked warily.
‘Seeing you in the restaurant with someone else. It was an awful feeling.’
Kate wondered if he was expecting her to apologise. Or worse, sympathise. At least he hadn’t sat outside someone else’s house watching her kiss the new man in her life.
She decided to say nothing and Alex sighed, reaching out his hand towards hers as it lay on the table. He stopped just short of her fingers, obviously not sure if he still had the right to cover her hand with his own.
Kate sat still, her calm exterior belying the leaping butterflies in her stomach. She watched Alex’s hand creeping towards her own, his eyes fixed on her face and her heart did a little flip as she paid a silent homage to Google.
‘It must have been hard for you,’ Alex said, ‘seeing me there with Sandra I mean, it must have been just as hard for you?’
Just as hard? Kate had been having Sunday lunch with a friend. Alex had left her for another woman. But he was taking responsibility and she made a mental note to tell Fiona that a new milestone had been reached.
‘It was,’ she said without adding anything further.
‘I probably hurt you a great deal?’
Kate frowned. This was beginning to sound more like a who hurt who most competition.
‘Of course you did Alex,’ she answered politely. ‘You walked out without any notice, straight into the bed of another woman.’
His hand withdrew quickly across the table. Well that makes me the winner, thought Kate.
‘Yes, of course. I understand what it must have been like Kate, I do understand and I’m so sorry.’
Privately Kate thought it was highly unlikely that he would ever really understand but she accepted that he had at least reached the conclusion that he had acted badly, another tick on the list.
She took a deep breath. ‘It takes two for a marriage to succeed Alex and I accept that maybe I didn’t give you all that you needed from our marriage.’ She paused for a millisecond, allowing him the chance to reject her statement and admit that it was all his fault.
He said nothing.
‘Maybe I concentrated too much on other things, like the house and Millie.’
She paused again, surely he would not allow that she should have restricted the attention she paid to his daughter? Again silence. Apparently he was okay with the notion that Kate should have put Alex first in the queue for her affections, ahead of their baby.
Perhaps Fiona had been right, thought Kate, perhaps she should just tell Alex to grow up and get his priorities sorted.
‘So I’m sorry too,’ she finished lightly, ‘if I left you feeling – unhappy.’
Alex was smiling at her and the hand was sliding back across the table only this time it didn’t stop when it reached Kate’s fingers. He covered her hand with his own and suddenly Kate found it quite hard to breath. It was the first time he’d touched her since the morning he’d left and the feel of his oh so familiar hand on hers brought tears to her eyes. She gazed down at their hands on the table, together as they should be. Alex leaned forwards.
‘Thank you Kate,’ he said, sincerity etched across his forehead. ‘It means a great deal that you said that.’
Kate nodded. Of course it did. Hadn’t Google told her that was exactly what he needed to hear?
‘Knowing that you understand why I left makes me think that perhaps we can make things work out?’
Oh my God, had he been reading Google?
‘If we both accept that things need to change then it’s possible we could actually make the changes?’
He had definitely been on the ‘accept and move on’ website, thought Kate wildly. He hadn’t even changed the words!
‘Because if I did – well – come back,’ they both looked slightly shocked at the words, as though saying them out loud actually made them quite real and possible.
Kate gave him a small encouraging smile.
‘Well, if I did come back,’ continued Alex a little more bravely, ‘then it wouldn’t work if nothing had changed. If you hadn’t changed.’
Kate’s smile disappeared.
‘If I don’t change? Surely we both need to change Alex?’
‘Oh yes of course,’ he said hastily. ‘Yes, what I mean is that for things to move on change has to be a part of our lives …’
‘I think I understand the poi
nt,’ interrupted Kate testily.
Alex nodded, a satisfied expression on his face and for a moment Kate was very tempted to turn the discussion in the direction of unfaithful husbands and atonement. But she bit her tongue; they were actually moving towards a reconciliation and now was not the time to ignore Google and let Alex know how she actually felt.
‘You see Kate,’ she forced herself to pay attention again as Alex continued. ‘I think that maybe, well maybe I was a little hasty.’
Kate’s breath was catching in her throat. She could hear the sound of her heart beating, sending the blood flowing through her body and the entire room seemed to have fallen silent.
‘Hasty,’ she echoed, her voice scratchy.
Alex nodded. ‘I think that maybe I was unhappy and it made me act - impulsively.’
‘Impulsively?’ she echoed again.
‘Yes. I didn’t really want to leave you Kate. I didn’t want to leave you and Millie.’
Kate thought he had done a very good job of something that he declared he hadn’t really wanted to do. But she kept her face calm and carried on listening.
‘I just seemed to run out of ideas.’
You could have talked to me, thought Kate. You could have tried talking to me before you tried an affair.
‘I was unhappy and confused, I got a little bit lost Kate and things just went on from there.’
By things, Kate presumed he meant an affair with Sandra Maddison. Strangely, although Kate had been unhappy and confused of late she hadn’t immediately thought to have an affair.
‘But I think that – well I think I made a mistake Kate. I think I made a huge mistake and I’m beginning to regret everything that’s happened.’
Kate took a huge shaky breath. He had said the words, he had actually said the words she had been waiting to hear. There should be organ music and angels singing, thought Kate wildly. This was the moment she had prayed for since the day Alex had left and a feeling of relief so huge it threatened to overwhelm her flooded into her body and left her almost dizzy.
‘I want us to think about whether we can get over this Kate. I know there can’t be instant forgiveness, people can’t change the way they feel overnight.’
Kate wondered whether she should tell him he was wrong, that she was prepared to forgive instantly, she was prepared to change overnight. She was prepared to change now, this very minute if Alex came home. But she nodded and smiled because she knew that he had to feel comfortable taking the next step. Google had instructed her not to pressure her husband if he showed signs of wobbling back in her direction. There should be no pressure, just a calm hand held out to guide him back into the fold.
Google Your Husband Back: An wonderful tale of love, loss and how to get your husband back! Page 17
