by Quinn, Cari
“Venswayla?” Axl asked, mangling the country name so badly that even Chloe laughed. Those worry wrinkles hadn’t left her forehead yet, but at least her eyes weren’t so heavy anymore.
“Venezuela, pal. We’ll go there someday.”
“Chopter,” Axl said quite seriously, lifting his head from his gummy work on Michael’s sleeve.
“Chopper.” Michael laughed and handed him off to Chloe. “Go on and get dressed with your mama. Daddy’s gotta get to rehearsal.”
He hadn’t meant to say it. He definitely hadn’t intended to by design. That name was reserved for someone who had earned the title, and he hadn’t, not yet. He hoped he was on his way, that one day Axl would want to call him that, but man, he hadn’t wanted to force Chloe’s hand.
“Sorry,” he mumbled at her astonished look. “It was an accident.”
“It’s okay.” Swiftly, she brushed back Axl’s wayward hair. “C’mon, buddy. Let’s go get you ready so we can go to the store. Gotta get groceries for the Ax-man.”
“Chopter?”
She had to laugh. “Go fish. We’re going in the car like usual.” She shot Michael another glance and scurried out of the room.
Actually scurried, like a mouse fleeing a certain trap.
Well, fuck.
He went back to the other side of the table to pick up his oatmeal and resume his viewing at the window. Even though it had been only a few minutes, the mood had been broken. From jubilance to a regular family morning to the feeling that he was going to have what he wanted pulled out from underneath him, just because he wanted it a little too much.
Ry had tried to tell him a couple of times that this family thing wasn’t real. You couldn’t meet someone who was practically a stranger and build a life with them. Sure, that worked in movies and books, but in real life? No. He was setting himself up for a fall. Setting up Chloe too, and she had a child to think about, so really, he should know better.
But dammit, he didn’t know better. He didn’t want to either. What he wanted was this. Just this. A wife and a kid who he could love and be loved back. A real foundation for the rest of his life. His career was insane enough. The idea of screwing his way through a bevy of groupies had lost its appeal for him that night at the House of Blues.
Maybe most people didn’t fall in love at first sight—or re-sight, in his case—but too bad for them. Because he had, and he was sick and tired of apologizing for it. Especially to himself.
Better yet, he’d fallen in love with Axl too. That had taken longer, probably due to the heap of fear that accompanied many of his interactions with Chloe’s baby. Still, he was getting there. He could figure it out. Other guys had, and he would too. All he needed was time.
“Michael.”
He pushed another spoonful of his now soggy oatmeal between his lips, chewed, and swallowed. Anything to give himself another second so everything he felt wouldn’t be written in chalk paint on his face.
Hey, I love you. I love your son. Please give me a chance to get this right. Just don’t go.
Forcing down the last of his oatmeal, he turned to face her. She’d changed out of her pajamas and now wore jeans and a thermal top. Her hair was in a bouncy ponytail and she wore the scantest amount of makeup.
He’d never seen anyone more beautiful.
“Hey,” he said, putting his bowl on the table. The spoon clattered against the stoneware. Chloe had bought the bowls, a whole matching set of them. She thought he should have sets of things. Dishes, towels, socks. He was starting to agree.
Sets weren’t half fucking bad.
“Hey.” She gripped the back of one of the chairs. “Axl’s playing in his room. I can’t be long.”
“We should get another one of those baby monitors. Sucks the other one broke.”
“Yes. They’re very handy. Not a good idea to turn your back on an almost two-year-old for a second. Did you mean it?”
Her rush of words nearly pushed him off-guard. She’d lulled him into a sense of complacency with the banal talk, then asked him the biggest question of his life.
“Yes.” There was no hesitation. “I think of myself as his father. I know I’m not. I know you don’t think of me that way either, but in my head, in here,” he rubbed his fist over his chest then dropped his hand, feeling like a chump, “I do. And I can’t stop it or slow it down. I don’t want to.”
She released a shuddery breath. “You know we’re asking for trouble here.”
“I know I was in trouble before you came into my world. But this? This is the sanest I’ve ever been. All I’m asking for is something I never got, and never realized how much I craved it. A real home and family. Something that wasn’t created out of money or convenience or social standing.”
“Not created out of convenience?” She laughed, almost hysterically. “We wouldn’t even be standing here if we hadn’t gotten loaded and made out at a club.”
“You’re right. We wouldn’t be, and I would’ve missed out the best thing in my life. So you know, go alcohol.” He skirted the table and walked over to her, taking her cold hands in his. “The way we started was crazy. But the rest of us isn’t. Not at the core.”
“You’re just trying to make up for something in your childhood,” she whispered, her eyes far too bright for his liking.
“So? So what if I am? Aren’t we all trying to make up for something or to create a new memory to erase the old? That doesn’t mean I won’t be good to you and good to him. I swear to you that I will. I’ll do whatever it takes.”
“I already know you’ll be good for us. No one’s been to us what you have been. It’s like you swept into our lives and turned them into a fairytale. But what happens when the story’s over? Then what?”
She pulled one of her hands free to rub at her cheek. He couldn’t see any tears. Didn’t want to. If she was crying and he was the cause, he’d kick his own ass.
“I don’t think we can go back to where we came from,” she continued brokenly. “Not after all…this.”
“You’ve struggled so much. Emotionally, financially. Of course you wouldn’t want to go back to what you knew before. I’ll make sure you never do. You don’t understand how much money I have, and it doesn’t even matter to me. If something happens and this goes south, you and Axl will be protected. I promise you.”
“No. God, no. You think I’m talking about money?” She rubbed her thumb under her eye again and he knew she had to be crying, even if the tears seemed to vanish the second they hit her skin.
More Chloe tricks. She had a million of them. That was how he’d fallen in love with her and her son so fast.
“So tell me what you mean.”
“Of course the money makes life easier. I’ve always worked two and three jobs. I didn’t love it, but working is what I’m good at. I do what is required of me and I provide for my child. He won’t ever have to face what I have. Even though he doesn’t have his father, he’s not going to want for anything,” she said fiercely.
“No. He won’t.” He caressed the knuckles of the hand he still held. “You’ve made sure of that.”
“I was. I’d started to, and then there was you. You’ve already given him experiences he never would have had. He never had anyone who was like a father to him.”
Something akin to hope surged in Michael’s chest. “He had Nick.”
“Nick is a friend to me, and to my son. But he was never like a father. He didn’t tuck him in at night and hold him while he cried.” She let out a watery laugh. “He didn’t tell Axl he was going to use a flamethrower to kill the two-headed monster in his closet.”
“You heard that, huh?” He had to chuckle. “That was a bit of a pop fly, but hey, it seemed to work—hey, hey,” he said as she plastered herself to his chest. “What?” He stroked her hair. “What is it?”
“I could withstand you. It wouldn’t be easy, and I’d probably wish I could punch myself in the face later on. But I could do it. What I can’t withstand is y
ou loving my baby. You wanting to love him, when I was never sure anyone would but me and my Daddy.” She made a muffled sound against his throat. “Snake did. He would have, but God, he died and left us. He made another choice and picked something that was more important to him than me and his kid. I know it wasn’t entirely his fault, but he still did it. And ever since, I’ve been trying not to blame myself for not being enough to save him.”
Michael gripped her shoulders and eased her back though he wanted nothing more but to enfold her in his arms and never let go. But she needed to see his eyes. To know he was being honest. “You can’t save someone else. It’s not possible. You can love someone, and you can stand with them, and you can try to help. At the end of the day, it’s their decision. Yours was to take care of the baby you’d made. You hadn’t planned Axl.”
She shook her head. “No.”
“You never expected him, and he turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to you. Just like that night in Vegas for me. Except I got a two-for-one deal.” He tipped up her chin as it quivered. Her eyes were swimming yet her tears never fell.
She had the biggest balls of anyone he’d ever known. Way bigger than his own.
“He chose drugs. I don’t know all of the particulars of the story, but I know that much. I know he used for a long time, and he gave up the two best people he could have ever had in his life. I won’t. There’s nothing I would ever choose over you or Axl.”
She shook her head. “You could change your mind.”
“Not gonna happen. When I know, I know. You don’t have to know yet, and that’s fine. We have forever to—”
“Haven’t you been listening at all?” Her exasperation made him grin, especially when she followed it up with a swift whack to the gut. “I know, and it scares the hell out of me. Taking a risk that could hurt him is selfish.”
“He’s not going to get hurt. You’re not going to get hurt. Me, on the other hand…” He shook his head. “You just bruised my stomach, Red.”
“You can take it.”
“Probably.” He gripped her hand and kissed her knuckles. “I most likely won’t sue. I wouldn’t mind a couple sexual favors though.”
“I just bet you wouldn’t.” She grinned up at him and slipped her hand behind his neck. His favorite fucking thing in the world was the way she pulled him down to her for a kiss. No matter how many times she did it, every time he got as hard as a damn baton. “I suppose that could be arranged—”
The shrill cry had them breaking apart and dashing out of the kitchen toward Axl’s room. They struggled to get out of the kitchen doorway at the same time, then grasped at each’s other clothes to push and shove their way down the hall. Michael stepped into Axl’s room first by a hair and found Axl pointing at his dresser. He wasn’t even crying. “Lego.”
Chloe inched past Michael and scooped up Axl. “The Lego hurt you?”
“No. Lego.” He pointed at the dresser again and Michael kneeled down to look underneath the dresser.
Sure enough, a red Lego sat beneath it.
He grabbed the play piece and stood to give it to Axl, who beamed the second his chubby fingers closed around it.
“You screamed because you couldn’t get your toy?” Chloe asked with a heavy sigh. “Though we shouldn’t have left you alone so long anyway.”
“No, we shouldn’t have.” Michael whipped out his phone and swiped through screens. “Ordering that baby monitor. Maybe we should spring for a camera too?”
“I think we’re good for now.” Still holding Axl, Chloe came closer and gave Michael an uncertain look. Then she reached up and grasped his neck, bringing him down to her mouth again. The kiss she gave him was decidedly more chaste than it would’ve been if they’d still been in the kitchen, but Michael had no complaints.
Axl screwed up his mouth as if he was deciding how he felt about what he’d seen. Then he stretched out his arms toward Michael. “Kiss.”
Michael’s stomach twisted as if he’d been pummeled by two tiny fists. He had been, for all intents and purposes.
Michael tucked his phone into his pocket, then lifted the baby out of Chloe’s arms and gave him a loud smacking kiss. Axl giggled and flung his arm at his mouth to wipe it away, but he was all smiles.
So was Chloe.
Switching Axl to his hip, Michael slung his arm around Chloe’s shoulders. “So you guys off to the store?” He buried his face in Axl’s red hair. The smells of baby powder and Michael’s minty soap clung to the kid and made him ridiculously happy.
Everything did.
“Yeah, we’re low on supplies. I wanted to get a pork loin for dinner, and someone needs diapers.” She poked a finger into Axl’s Mickey Mouse-covered belly.
Axl scrunched up his nose. “No.”
“Yes. You’ve got a ways to go until you’re potty-trained, bucko.”
Axl glanced up at Michael. “No.”
Michael had to laugh. “At least his mind is made up.”
At the front door, he passed the baby to Chloe and decided to test his luck by drawing her in for another kiss, equally as chaste. Axl showed his approval by pushing his face in between for a kiss of his own.
Chloe grinned and picked up the baby bag she’d left beside the door. “So rehearsal today?”
“Yeah, all day probably. Show Friday night at Vista.”
“Cool. Maybe we’ll stop by for a little while.”
Unreasonable pride swelled Michael’s chest. A music studio wasn’t the typical workplace for a dad to show off to his kid—and fuck if that wasn’t weird to think, but nice—but it still counted. “Really?”
“Sure. If we won’t be in the way.”
“Are you kidding me? You’ll inspire me to new heights.” He kissed her once more then planted one on Axl’s forehead. “Be good for your mama at the store, all right, Ax-Man?”
Axl smiled sweetly. “No.”
“Sounds about right.” Chloe huffed out a breath and threw the strap of the baby bag over her shoulder. “Good luck at rehearsal. See you later.”
Love you.
He nearly said the words. They were right there, but at the last second, he swallowed them. “Thanks. Have fun shopping.”
She rolled her eyes. “Funny man.”
He shut the door and pried his cell out of his pocket. Instead of completing the order still on his screen once he swiped the phone awake, he just stood there and grinned. Dopily, he was sure.
Being nominated for a Spectrum award hadn’t made him half as frigging happy, and he’d been over the moon for that one.
He loved Chloe and Axl, and he was pretty sure Chloe loved him back. On the way anyway. Axl was harder to peg, but he’d take his chances there too.
They had time. All the time in the world.
Michael completed the baby monitor purchase and started to slip his phone back into his pocket. He needed to get his stuff together for rehearsal, and shit, he was still hungry. Maybe he’d slap together a sandwich and stick it into one of those little plastic containers Chloe left everywhere for Axl. She had enough little boxes and baggies for Axl’s snacks to keep him fed for a month.
The ringtone for his father sounded and Michael sighed. So much for his good mood continuing until practice. Then again, when better to deal with his father than when he was capable of deflecting anything rude he might have to say?
Forget might. Martin Shawcross used rudeness to keep people in line as a rule. In a case like this, he’d be in super attack mode. All he’d be concerned about was Chloe not getting a chance to put a finger on his precious money. Nothing else would make a difference. Especially not his son’s happiness. That was probably at the bottom of the list.
He clicked to accept the call. “Hi, Dad.”
“So you finally deigned to answer me, Michael.”
“Can’t answer a phone call you haven’t made. You’re the one who chose to text.”
“I was between meetings. I’ve been out of the country.”
/> “Yes, so I’ve been told. Thanks for sharing ahead of time. I might’ve called to tell you about Mom if I hadn’t been informed by your secretary that you and your teen bride were gone yet again.”
The teen bride crack was rude and uncalled for. Petaluma or Petunia or whatever his father’s new wife was named wasn’t a teenager. She was at least twenty-one, he was almost sure. But since the best defense was a good offense, he was ready for the attack.
“Petula isn’t a teenager, and I don’t appreciate your tone. The fact that you’d take it with me after what you just did is laughable.”
“What I just did? What is that exactly?”
“You know what you did. You shacked up with a junkie’s ex, one who wouldn’t hesitate to filch every spare nickel she could to provide for her bastard.”
Shock rendered Michael speechless for a full thirty seconds. “How dare you?” he spat. “You don’t even know anything about her. Hell, you don’t know a damn thing about me either if you think what we did is just ‘shacking up.’ That’s what you do. Not me.”
“And how would I know? You’re not exactly forthcoming. You’re no better than Malachi nowadays.”
“Malachi was a lot smarter than I was. He stopped talking to you years ago.”
His father rolled over Michael as if he’d never spoken. “I called your mother, and she had no information to offer me about the situation as you hadn’t bothered to fill her in. So my next step was your former stepmother, as I know you’ve always been cozied up nice and tight to her bosom.”
The jab in his back wasn’t unexpected, nor was the feeling of betrayal. Of course Lila wouldn’t hesitate to badmouth Chloe. She would figure she was protecting Michael too.
Even if she gave ammunition to a complete asshole.
“And?”
“Lila wouldn’t tell me much. She’s spent too much time in recent years with trashy rockstar types, so I suppose she considers herself more part of that crowd now than a responsible parental figure for you. Besides, that wasn’t quite what you saw her as, is it?”
