Love Lost (Love's Improbable Possibility)

by Belvin, Love

  Michelle and I went shopping for bikinis and cute beach clothing. I had Adrian sow in a wet and wavy weave to accentuate the beach experience. I didn’t want to have to do my hair while away. I just wanted to be sexy on the beach. I also bought books and puzzles to do while lying on my back catching the sun.

  Finally, the day arrived for us to depart.

  Azmir had a car pick me up at six thirty in the morning. It was early, too early to be traveling but our flight left at eight forty-five a.m. I wore a fitted sweat suit with a decorative scarf around my neck and my wavy hair was draped in a ponytail. I said a quick prayer as I closed my apartment door and made my way to the car. I packed only one suitcase and a shoulder bag but the driver, who wasn’t Azmir’s typical chauffer, insisted on carrying everything. He got the door and offered me a bottle of orange juice and a bagel. I took the O.J. but declined the bagel. My mother told me to never eat anything you didn’t open. The ride to the airport was swift because there was no traffic.

  When I arrived, the driver handed my luggage to the handlers and told me where to check in. I tried tipping him by handing him a twenty-dollar bill when he waived both of his hands in a ‘don’t touch me’ manner.

  “Mr. Jacobs has already taking care of that, ma’am. Enjoy your flight.”

  “Okay.” I mustered a smile and withdrew my hand ending the awkward moment.

  I entered the airport, went through checkin and traveled to my assigned terminal where my plane would depart from. As I sat down I heard, “Yo, Divine. That’s ya girl, yo?”

  I looked up and saw a group of men, dressed in urban attire, all looking my way. Azmir sauntered from behind one of them to look and once he saw me, a smile so warm and familiar crested upon his lips. I don’t know how I am going to survive this trip.

  “Ms. Brimm…” Azmir walked over to me.

  We greeted each other with a brief hug where he placed his warm hands on the small of my back firmly, affording me the opportunity at the waft of his mesmerizing scent that sent me on a trip. I didn’t want to withdraw but knew we had an audience. He said it was good to see me and he asked about my ride to the airport. I told him all was fine and asked were we traveling with others.

  “Oh, yeah. Let me introduce you to my goons.” He led me over to the small group that gaped so hard it made me hugely self-conscious. At first sight, I saw a group of men and panicked at how odd it would be for me to travel with all men, but as we got closer I gained a better vantage point. This time the group of men became a group of men and women.

  “Rayna, this is my main man, Petey,” Azmir began the introductions as he held my hand protectively. I extended my other hand to Petey and he did the same. Petey didn’t smile but he did give a firm nod when he spoke.

  “This is my dun, Wop.” After he spoke I shook hands with Wop who smiled salaciously like I was a piece of steak he was prepared to devour. I kept my eye contact brief and moved on.

  Azmir continued, “…and my man, Kid.” After that, all the men introduced their women.

  I noticed the guys and girls eyeing me from head to toe. I tried to play it cool, though. Azmir and I retreated away from the group. He bought me a light breakfast and we sat and talked while waiting for our plane to board and then depart.

  The over three-hour flight went fairly quickly and smoothly. It was my first time in first class, though I could tell it wasn’t his. He seemed too acclimated to it, extremely comfortable and well poised in his seat.

  Azmir worked most of the flight on his laptop. I guess a man of his caliber worked around the clock. With a quick surreptitious glance, I saw he was working on a spreadsheet at one point during the flight. I didn’t talk to him much, not wanting to disturb him, but he did reward me with the occasional nudge and knowing smile.

  I eventually decided to muster the nerve for my offering.

  “I have something for you,” I murmured to Azmir as I gazed at him through my lashes.

  He raised his eyebrows. “Oh, yeah? As in gift or news? He then wrinkled his forehead and pushed his tongue into his molars in the most adorable manner.

  I chuckled. “As in gift to say thanks for the trip.” I bent over and dug into my bag to pull out a small gift box and handed it over to him with trembling fingers.

  Azmir maintained an impassive expression as he took the box and then looked over to me inclining his head as to ask if he could open it.

  With a nervous giggle I whispered, “Please.”

  With his long fingers Azmir removed the lid from the box and pulled the small silk cloth out and sat them on the keyboard of his laptop. His eyes danced over the box and seconds later, he was pulling it out.

  I watched as Azmir’s eyes assessed the small crystal ball figurine that was the Earth with its various continents frosted over the globe. Attached to the top of it was a gold hook. He didn’t say anything, just spun it around observing the continents masterfully drawn.

  “This is impressive artistry,” Azmir murmured. For a second I believed he actually liked it. It excited me. But I also knew he must have wondered about the concept behind me giving it to him.

  “This is going to sound corny.” That first sentence sounded corny. My stomach was in knots. I wasn’t used to this sentimental thing with men. But since our first date Azmir made me think—a lot—and outside the box—a lot. I congregated the courage to continue. “When I saw this I thought about you…about our…developing friendship.” Shit! This was getting cornier by the second. Get to the point, Rayna! “First off, I think it’s apt for your travel. I know you do a lot of it in your line of work. Secondly, I find it uncanny that we’ve come from relatively the same metropolitan area on the East Coast and although we’ve traveled to other states, we ended up meeting across the country. I don’t believe in kismet or fate per se, but something has to be something about that bizarre occurrence.”

  I shrugged my shoulders noncommittally to offset the thought of this being some deep romantic attempt to jump off our trip. It wasn’t. I didn’t do romance or sappy affairs. It was just an observation of a strange fact about us.

  Azmir’s gazed found mine with his irises flickering as if he agreed to that odd fact as well. He gave an inspired grin. And I melted in my seat. Like a damn tween, I melted inside at the mere sight of his approval of my gesture. You have to get it together, Rayna!

  His eyes went back to the crystal figurine. This time he sat it in his right hand revealing the loop at the top.

  “Oh! That hook is there in case you want to attach it to your pocket watch.” My words were quick and unpremeditated, pouring out without thought.

  Damn! I’d just revealed that I stalked his personal accessories.

  “I mean, I’ve seen you pull it out a time or two is all.” I gave a faint smile before I turned my attention back to the window in pure embarrassment.

  “I like it.” His husky voice could awaken every cell in my body.

  My head shot over to him. “You do?”

  He flashed that panty-snatching smirk. “Yeah. It’s very thoughtful and apropos. Thank you.” Azmir planted his soft and warm lips against my forehead and my body shivered. Like a fucking kid, my body reacted to his mere touch. It took the rest of the flight to calm my overly-sensitized body.

  The resort was absolutely gorgeous! The wind blew serenely pushing cool air against the sun’s heat and the leaves from the trees flapped peacefully. There was calming Caribbean music flowing throughout the resort enhancing the experience of paradise. The plush property was right on the water and I was dying to get in it.

  Azmir invited me into town with him to pick up a few things he couldn’t fly in. I wasn’t all that tired so I did. In the downtown district there was music playing, children running in the streets, the motors of cars roaring and horns beeping, and shop owners calling out to Azmir and me seeing that we were obviously tourists. While shopping I bought a pocketknife, a can of mace, and a calling card from, what I figured was, a hunter’s shop. I, too, needed a few thin
gs I couldn’t board the plane with. Not for nothing, I didn’t really know Azmir Jacobs or his friends. He was traveling with thugs and I didn’t know if they were crazy or not.

  We stopped for lunch before heading back to the hotel. I was so exhausted after that I collapsed the minute I hit my room. The room was very spacious. The suite produced two adjoining rooms on either sides of the living room and fully stocked kitchen with separate bathrooms and sitting areas. I was extremely impressed. Both rooms were equally spacious and beautifully decorated with cool ocean prints and hues of blues and tan. It spoke of Azmir’s taste and elegant lifestyle, which was very difficult not to be overawed by.

  Before I fell asleep, Azmir came into my room dressed in off white linen pants that fell so seductively down his mile high legs. His shirt matched them and his tan leather loafers announced a man of class and sophistication. Taking him in was all too heady for my exhausted mind and body. He came to tell me he’d probably be gone by the time I woke up and to feel free to order anything I wished from room service, he had business to tend to and wouldn’t be back until very late. I thanked him and fell asleep.

  When I awoke, sure enough, Azmir was gone. I washed up and unpacked my clothes. It was still early and I was dying to get into the water. I threw on a bikini, grabbed a book, and headed for the beach. I swam and lapped in the water for hours before getting out taking a breather and reading my book. I eventually ordered something light to eat right there on the beach. The staff was polite and very accommodating, I could get used to this type of living. I wondered if this was something Azmir Jacobs did often with other woman.

  It grew dark and I decided to go for a walk on the beach. I did a lot of thinking, reflecting, and breathing. I took in everything—aquatic sounds, the feel of the salted breeze, the music that blended with the push and pull of the ocean and the tourists. Before I knew it—it was well after ten p.m. and I was feeling extremely spent so I went back to my room to shower and hit the sack.

  I was awakened by noise. I looked to see what it was and realized Azmir had just gotten in. I glanced at the clock and it read twelve forty-two a.m. I sauntered into his room to chat but didn’t see him. I heard the shower going.

  I knew it was wrong but I grew curious and crept over to the bathroom making sure I wasn’t heard. The door was slightly ajar and my heart pounded ferociously. All day at the beach, I thought of this man, every inch of him. Now I have the opportunity to see every inch of him and I’m fucking scared shitless.

  I poked my head in the door in search for a vantage point, and found it wasn’t difficult to locate. I saw him tall and strong, washing his ripped chest and well-defined arms, his sinewy back was broad and flexing, and his waist was deliciously tapered. I wrapped my arms around my throbbing breasts, taut at the nipples and rested my head against the doorframe. He had no idea I was watching. I couldn’t see right through the shower glass because it was partially fogged from the heat of the water but I could damn sure see the contour of his shape. I hadn’t realized Azmir was so cut. I guess it’s because he wasn’t bulky, his lean frame was solid—appearing well over six feet tall and over two hundred pounds. I was getting turned on by the second. My conscience began to get the best of me, somewhere in the recesses of my mind I knew this was in clear violation so I tiptoed in lunges back to my room.

  On my way, I passed the nightstand in Azmir’s room and stopped at the sight of his pocket contents spread on it. The gold pocket watch was there. This time it was attached to the crystal globe I’d given him on the plan. My heart leaped. Over something as small as that, my heart swelled! It lay there with cash, chap stick and a pack of chewing gum. Once again, it brought my curiosity back to why he carried an antiquated style watch. I began my stride to my room as my mind churned over it.

  When he was done, he dressed and appeared at my door, I could hear his footsteps approaching. I sat up in bed as he glided into my room, still feeling hot and flustered from my earlier discoveries.

  “What are you doing in here?” Disappointment surged at the realization that he wasn’t naked. A girl could dream. “How would you feel if I were to wake you in the middle of the night?” I hissed my sexual frustrations out at him.

  “And how are you, Ms. Brimm?” His head was cocked to the side with his tongue pushing into his rear molars. He paused and I took in his panty-snatching smirk. This is painful. “I knew you were up.”

  “How?” I narrowed my eyes at him enjoying his presence but partially annoyed that he wasn’t touching me.

  “Because when I came in to check on you after getting in I cracked the door behind me. When I got out of the shower the door was wide open.” He said grinning; he had caught me.

  “Oh!” was all I could say. I was busted.

  He asked about my day and I told him, though there wasn’t much to tell. He wanted to know if I had minded being alone for so long and I told him I didn’t at all and reminded him that he forewarned me that I’d be alone for half of the day. Ending our conversation for the night going to bed, we planned to go swimming the next morning before breakfast to see who really had skills.

  After that conversation I felt safer with him, so safe that I had to resist going into his room when the lights were off. I swear I tried—I tried with every bit of resistance my heated body could muster not to pleasure myself. But when the attempt was made to squeeze my thighs together to manage the throbbing, it only intensified the need. My fingers explored my valley ferociously until I was pushed to the edge and so close that I buried my face into the pillow to catch my whimpers when my release came. Afterward I felt cheap and cheated. But the edge of aching pain was taken off. For the moment.

  The next morning Azmir woke me up by gently shaking the small of my back. I turned over and he was sitting there wearing swimming trunks and without a shirt. I felt moisture in my panties.

  “Time to get up and show me what you’re made of, kid. We’re meeting Petey, Kid, Wop, and the ladies for breakfast afterwards. The ladies were complaining of boredom from yesterday to the guys. Hopefully you girls can get to know each other so you can do something while we’re out today,” Azmir suggested.

  “What business do you guys have in Mexico anyway?” My question wasn’t all that random.

  “Acquisitions,” he answered while walking out into the suite.

  I didn’t question any further but got up to wash up and throw on a swimsuit. When I got into the bathroom I noticed my period had arrived. I was pissed! It wasn’t because I was planning on getting some—or maybe I was hoping to—but who wants to be away with their period? And not to mention the symptoms that accompanied it. I jumped in the shower, begrudgingly threw in a tampon and put on a bikini.

  Mercifully, I was able to fight through my miserable faint period illness. Perhaps it was because I was delightfully distracted by that of Azmir Jacobs. In the pool, we played like wild teenagers. I laughed with no conscience as Azmir effortlessly tossed me around the pool and splashed water in my face. I got better views of his wonderfully crafted frame and was even afforded opportunities to touch him in new places heating me in inconvenient areas in spite of my condition. The illumination of his smile competed with the bright rays of the sun. I was truly in paradise, all that of A.D.

  We horse-played for what seemed like minutes but was actually almost two hours. I had to ask him about his height and weight. When he was throwing me around I couldn’t help but notice his strength and physique. He told me he was six four and weighed about two twenty pounds. I was close.

  Azmir, too, lost track of time until Petey came out to the pool area and yelled out, “Yo, Divine! Yo, Divine!”

  Azmir looked up and looked over to him, “Aye…what up, Crack?”

  “We been waiting on ya’ll for a minute now. We supposed to be having breakfast, ‘member?”

  “What time is it, Ock?” Azmir asked, apparently caught off guard.

  “It’s almost a quarter to ten,” Petey answered.

  “A’ight,
man. We’ll meet ya’ll in the restaurant in twenty minutes.”

  Azmir and I hurried to our suite to shower and dress. We were back downstairs and in the restaurant twenty-five minutes later. Faces were tight, mainly Syn’s.

  During breakfast, Petey tried to spark a conversation with me that would engage the ladies. “Yo Rayna, what you got planned for the day?”

  “Ummm, I’m not sure. I want to hit the beach again. It was so relaxing yesterday. Do the ladies have anything in mind?” I hated to open myself up because the truth of the matter was, I preferred being alone. If I was to spend time with anyone it would be Azmir since he did pay for me to be there. I, of course, held my peace and assumed what was expected of me.

  “Y’all don’t wanna go shopping or some shit?” Petey said, assuming that would spur interest because we’re women maybe?

  “Yeah, man. The shops out here is a’ight!” Kid immediately followed up with.

  “Oh, I thought you ain’t never been here!” Syn, Kid’s lady-friend, blasted.

  “I was just ‘bout to say, ‘Right, Divine?’ See, you need to chill wit’ ‘dat shit, Ma!” he tried to clean up.

  “Look man, Im’ma leave you wit’ a G. You can make somethin’ happen wit’ ‘dat, right?” Petey said, not really asking but subliminally stating what was going to be fact whether she liked it or not. His wife didn’t say anything and the next thing I saw was the other guys following suit.

  I got the impression that Wop and his friend, Chanell, weren’t exactly a couple. I was wondering if she was like a jumpoff or something. He quietly asked her if she had any money and she shook her head, “no”. We got up from the table and Petey handed his wife keys to what I discovered later was be a rental car.