“Well, I know who my real mother is. Her name is Helen Brown. She’s a junkie, she lives in crack houses, and she’s really never been a stable person. Her mother kicked her out for being pregnant with me. My parents met her through an adoption service and paid her medical fees and gave her money to keep her comfortable throughout her pregnancy . . . she basically did it for the money.
“That’s deep,” Tiara said, staring at Stephanie in amazement. She couldn’t imagine Stephanie coming from anything that wasn’t filthy rich. She initially felt a moment of satisfaction, then she realized that she and Stephanie shared the pain of abandonment.
“I don’t know what parts of her I am like,” Stephanie continued. “I don’t know if I will one day get the urge to go out and start doing drugs. I don’t know if I will be a good mother to my children. I don’t know anything about myself. I don’t know her, and only God knows who my real father is, or where he is. I don’t know my real roots. My real grandmother died when I was about three, and I never knew her.”
Like the others, Tiara looked at her as if she saw a ghost. She couldn’t believe Stephanie wasn’t Patricia’s real daughter. From the stories Stephanie shared it seemed like they were so much alike, and were extremely close. No one would have ever known if she hadn’t told them. But more than that, Tiara couldn’t believe Stephanie’s birth mother was a drug addict. But as unfortunate as her situation with her real mother was, it didn’t change who she was as a person.
“Stephanie, at least Patricia and Howard adopted you and provided for you in ways that most people can only dream about. Plus, they love you. I understand your pain about your real mother and father, but Stephanie, you are a miracle. Your mother didn’t abort you, you turned out okay, better than okay, and you have a family with enough roots to take care of any that you lost with your real mother.” Tiara went on, “Sometimes I get jealous when you talk about your mother, and your grandmother and your aunts. Stephanie, they are your real family. They are who God put you with. There’s nothing wrong with how you were brought on this earth. As far as I’m concerned, you are a miracle.”
Tiara got on a roll and couldn’t stop. “What if your mother had kept you? What kind of life would you be living right now? I doubt if you’d be in college. You are blessed. And that’s a good thing. There’s no other way to look at it,” Tiara said, then walked over to Stephanie, who stood in front of her coffee table sobbing, and hugged her.
Malena began, “Steph, why would you think we would look at you any differently? I still see a rich, spoiled brat when I look at you.” They laughed.
“But seriously, your personality doesn’t change now that I know about your real mother, and your wealth sure hasn’t changed. Everything about your childhood is the same. I don’t understand what you’re worried about. You are blessed. You should be happy. You should not be ashamed to share your story, because it is a blessing that God gave to you,” Malena said.
“She’s right. Patricia and Howard are that blessing, and they have shared everything they have with you as if you were their own child. To them, you are their child. You are their only child,” Chancey added. “Don’t you get it?”
“I think I do. But for some reason, I always thought that if I told anybody, they would see me as the child of a drug addict, and maybe not accept me. I know it sounds stupid, but I’ve been feeling like this all my life,” said Stephanie.
“I see you as the president of this line. I see you as a strong black woman. I’ve admired you from the first day I met you. Nothing can change the impression I have of you,” Chancey said. “I know it’s been hard for you to deal with this, but when I see you tomorrow, I’m not going to say, ‘Hi, Stephanie, daughter of a drug addict.’ I’m gonna see my friend and line sister. And in a few weeks I will say, ‘What’s up, Soror Stephanie?” Chancey said, and joined in on the group hug.
“I know that’s right!” Tiara said, and sat back down. “Squash that pity party attitude, Steph. You got it going on. And all that other stuff . . . that’s in the past. I say leave it there.”
“I love you girls so much. Sometimes I feel like I’ve known all of you for years. Like y’all are the sisters I never had,” Stephanie said. “Now, come back over, Miss Tiara, and join this group hug.”
Stephanie felt such a relief. She felt lighter than she’d felt in years. A burden had been lifted off her shoulders. She was still crying, but they were tears of joy. “I just wish we had our missing link over here with us.”
Everybody looked at Cajen, who had her head buried between her knees. She was weighing adoption versus herpes. There is no comparison, Cajen thought. Stephanie is a miracle, and I will be viewed as a whore.
The group made its way over to where Cajen was sitting on the floor. She looked up, and they had made a circle around her.
Tiara said, “We’re not gonna let you out of this circle until you let us know what the hell is going on with you.”
Cajen closed her eyes and said, “I can’t,” under her breath.
Finally Malena said, “Look, Cajen, we love your little stubborn butt. You’re our little sister. But if you don’t talk to us, I’m gonna be forced to . . . well, I don’t know what I’m gonna do. But if somebody is messing over you, we want to make sure it stops.”
Tiara added, “I’m sure this has to do with a man, and I feel personally responsible for seeing to it that no man dogs you and gets away with it.”
“You won’t understand, and there is nothing y’all can do to help me. It’s too late,” Cajen said. Her head was still buried between her knees because she couldn’t face them.
“What can’t we help you with?” Chancey asked. “Cajen, you have to tell us.”
Cajen realized there was no way of getting out of telling them. If they think I’m gross, then who cares anyway, she thought.
She lifted her head, took a deep breath, and said, “I’ll tell y’all, since you want to know so badly. But go back to where you were sitting, because I need to have some breathing room before I can talk. Plus, I don’t think that I can talk with everyone staring a hole through me like I’m some kind of weirdo or something.”
Relieved she was finally going to talk, they eagerly cooperated and went back to the living room, wondering what could possibly be going on with someone as young and innocent as Cajen.
She took a deep breath and started talking. “I had one boyfriend in high school. He was really good to me, and we had sex maybe four times. The first time was on our prom night. Then three times after that. I distinctly remember every time, just like it was yesterday. We broke up two weeks before college because we were going to different schools and decided that if we stayed together we would hold each other back from the full college experience. I should have never let us break up. Then my life would not be like it is now.” She stopped talking and put her head on her knees again.
“So you talked to him today. What did he say to you? And why were you yelling at him?” Chancey asked, trying to figure out what was so bad about that story and why Cajen was so distraught.
“It really has nothing to do with him,” Cajen responded, “but if I hadn’t broken up with him, I wouldn’t have met the bastard that I’m gonna kill at the auction.”
“Wait a minute. Who are you talking about? ’Cause whoever it is, I got yo’ back. He’s outta the auction just like that,” Tiara said, and snapped her fingers.
“Calm down, Tiara,” Malena said. “What did the bastard do?”
“I didn’t even like him at first. I wasn’t even trying to like him, but he kept persisting and insisting that I give him a chance. Why didn’t I trust my instincts?”
“Did he hit you, Cajen?” Stephanie asked.
“Well, no. After I got to know him pretty well, but I guess not well enough, I had sex with him and he, he . . .”
“What?” Tiara asked. She could barely sit in her seat, so she stood up to get a closer look at Cajen.
“What?” Chancey asked. “What did h
e do?”
“I haven’t talked to him in three weeks, so I haven’t even been able to confront him. I hate him. I have never hated anybody in my life. But I hate him!” Cajen said.
“Hate is so strong, Cajen,” Chancey said. “What did he do to you?”
“You know what?” Cajen changed her mind. “It’s not even worth talking about. Forget it. Who cares anyway?” She was literally drained and exhausted from thinking about this situation.
“Cajen!” they all yelled.
“Dang!” she sighed, and continued. “Well, after we had sex, I went to the doctor a few days later and she told me that he gave me a disease.”
“So y’all didn’t use a condom?” Malena asked.
“I guess not, Malena. If they did she wouldn’t have a disease,” Tiara said, kind of annoyed with Malena’s stupid question.
“Cajen, I’m pissed for you,” Stephanie said. “I’ve been burned myself. It’s not a good situation. I cussed his ass out, and after I got treated and broke up with him, he had the nerve to try to call me to get me back. That jerk. I know how you feel. It took me a while before I could even trust being with another man. You just have to make sure that the next time you have sex the brother uses a condom,” Stephanie said. “Once you give him a piece of your mind, you’ll be all right.”
“No, I won’t be all right, because I read the literature, and there is no medicine that I can take to make herpes magically disappear! I am stuck with this disgusting shit for life,” said Cajen.
They were all speechless.
Cajen wasn’t expecting silence. She thought that maybe somebody would tell her she was gross, but not silence.
“Wow!” Stephanie said. This was more of a blow than she was expecting. “Who did this to you?”
She debated answering the question, then decided that since her secret was out, there was no use in holding back. “Jason Gray.”
“What?” Malena screamed. “That low-down, dirty, no-good bastard!”
“Oh, he’s X’d from the show!” Tiara added. She didn’t know what else to say. None of them knew what to say to comfort her. They couldn’t imagine themselves in her shoes, and didn’t want to.
“What am I supposed to do?” Cajen began to cry. “What the fuck am I supposed to do?”
Stephanie put her arms around Cajen and said, “You’re gonna be okay. You’re gonna be just fine.” She shook her head in disbelief. Just a few weeks ago she had made a list of all of the men that she had been with, but none of them had ever given her herpes. Cajen got herpes from her second sexual partner, she thought. She doesn’t deserve that.
Chancey, as well as the other girls, was dumbfounded. “Nobody thinks badly of you, Cajen. I only hate that this happened to you.”
Chancey walked over to Cajen, knelt down, and gently put her arms around her. Cajen trembled, and Chancey hugged her tighter. Cajen took a deep breath. She felt relieved to finally be able to share this with her sisters. “Tiara, don’t kick Jason out of the show. I can handle it.” The rest of her sisters moved closer and assured Cajen that they shared her heartache, and they too were upset at the disrespectful way in which Jason was treating her.
FIFTEEN
The five line sisters planned to meet at the auditorium an hour before the scheduled practice time, to make sure they had everything prepared so the rehearsal would run smoothly. It was important to impress Dean Big Sister Nina and the rest of their big sisters, who were skeptical about their idea of having an auction as a fund-raiser.
Stephanie and Tiara arrived early, and sat and talked in the front row. When Chancey came in, she felt like she had walked in on something, because as soon as they noticed her, they abruptly stopped talking. She didn’t ask what they were talking about, because she figured if they wanted her to know, they would share it with her.
“Hey girls!” Chancey said, as she plopped down next to Tiara.
“What’s up, Chancey?” Tiara responded.
“Hey girl,” Stephanie said.
After a brief silence, Tiara couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Chancey, I’m gonna have to fill you in later because I don’t have time to start from the beginning, but we have to finish this before everybody else gets here.” She looked at Stephanie and continued. “So, my friend Gina is set and ready. She knows exactly what to do.”
“You didn’t tell her why, did you?” Stephanie asked.
“No, of course not. Give me some credit.”
“Oh good, Tiara. Cajen is going to be so grateful.”
“Well, I figure it’s the least I can do,” Tiara said.
“But how is she gonna get out of practice?” Stephanie asked.
“Well, I’ll ask her if she’ll pick up the microphones for me a few minutes into practice. But I’m not gonna let her know she’ll run into Jason because she may not go through with it.”
“I can’t take it anymore, somebody’s gotta let me know what’s going on!” Chancey said.
“Well, I guess we can fill you in, but you’ll have to settle for the abbreviated version,” Stephanie said, while looking behind her to make sure no one was coming. Then she filled Chancey in on Tiara’s plan to make sure Cajen ran into Jason on his way to the rehearsal.
“What?” Chancey yelled. Just then Cajen and Malena walked in.
“Hey girls!” Malena said. While everyone else said their hellos, Cajen didn’t say a word. She just waved. She was not in the mood to be away from her dorm room. It was hard enough for her to be there in the auditorium, knowing that in about an hour she was going to be in the same room with Jason. Her mind was on making it through the next hour and a half while watching him not care about how he ruined her life.
“Y’all are gonna love this intro. I went over it a million times in my head while in class today. Tammy took good notes for me so I could work on memorizing the monologue,” said Malena.
“Good, Malena. How is Tammy?” Stephanie asked.
“More in love than ever.”
“Good for her, but I still don’t think she should’ve dropped line. Do you have your costume ready?” asked Stephanie.
“Yes. It’s out in the car.”
“Go get it!” Chancey said.
“You think I should?”
“Yes!” everybody replied in unison.
While Malena was going out the door, Stephanie noticed that Cajen looked worried about the night’s practice. “Don’t you worry about a thing, Cajen. Everything is going to work out just fine. Jason is not going to be in this practice tonight.”
Then Tiara asked, “Cajen, do you know where that empty room is on the third floor of this building?”
“No. Is that where the microphones are?”
“No, but the entire third floor is generally empty during this time of the evening. Most night classes are held on the first and second floors.”
“So, why are you telling me?”
“Because people who are informed generally make better decisions,” Tiara said, hoping Cajen would remember her bit of advice when she ran into Jason.
“Why are you ragging on my decision-making skills? And what does the third floor have to do with anything?”
“Nothing, Cajen. My bad, I was just giving you a fact about this building.”
“Tiara, you are bugging!” Cajen said.
Tiara didn’t respond. She just bent down and looked in her book bag, and got out her folder with all of the contestant information.
Stephanie knew why Tiara had given Cajen information about the third floor being empty. She knew it was the only way to let her know where to go and talk to Jason when she ran into him on her way to pick up the microphones for the practice, without letting her know the plan. Chancey and Cajen, on the other hand, thought Tiara had lost her mind.
Stephanie stepped in, as usual, to change the subject and get to business. “All right now! Let’s get started. We don’t have time to talk about the third floor of this building. Dean Big Sister Nina will be here in less than an
hour, and who knows who she’ll bring with her.” Everybody groaned at the thought of all their big sisters critiquing their rehearsal.
Stephanie continued. “I hinted to her that we would like the practice to be as closed as possible because we really want the big sisters to be surprised by our presentation tomorrow.”
“So what did she say?” Chancey asked.
“Well, she said our big sisters will be able to give us constructive criticism if they come to practice and prevent us from making fools of ourselves tomorrow. But I assured her we were on top of things and she said, ‘We’ll see.’ ”
“We’ll see?” Tiara shouted. “Y’all, we are gonna be bum-rushed by a gang of big sisters in a few minutes, and we’re not gonna get anything accomplished tonight. The auction is gonna be all messed up tomorrow.” She was worried that all their hard work would be purposely ruined by their big sisters.
“No, it won’t be messed up, because no matter who comes in here tonight there is no way they can find fault in our presentation. It’s going to be tasteful, entertaining, and a class act all the way around,” Chancey said. “I’m not worried.”
“She’s right. We’ve got our act together. Did everybody see the backdrop Cajen and I put together?” Stephanie asked. “We have plants coming tomorrow at noon, which will add effect to the stage. Plus Mel, the deejay, is going to be here for practice. He’s gonna set up everything tonight so we’ll be able to practice with the music. We are way prepared.”
Malena walked in with her costume in one hand and a box on her hip. Chancey ran to help her. “Are these the flyers?” she asked, as she grabbed the box from her. “I hoped you’d remember them.”
Chancey walked over to her line sisters and opened the box. “Malena and I came up with a plan that will hopefully get all of us out of session tonight and allow us to do some last-minute advertising for the auction tomorrow.”
“You can tell we’re gonna be crossing soon, because we are all getting hip to the ‘whatever it takes to get out of session’ game,” Tiara said.
“Oh, Malena, they look good!” Chancey said, as she pulled the flyers out of the box. “When did you find time to get our sketches on the computer?”
Sorority Sisters Page 13
