by Rashaad Bell
Oh God, I have to get out of here.
“I’m…I’m going to…I’ve got to get out of these clothes.” I stammered. “Take a shower.”
I hustled off immediately, not wanting to witness any accusatory glares at my apparent lack of emotion. I flew up the steps, taking them three at a time, much more then I typically do, but I didn’t care, I just needed to get the hell out of the living room. I reached my room and slammed the door a little too hard, a piece of the wood frame splintering off.
I sat on the bed, my hands quivering. Their scents were so robust, even in here; it was hard for me to think of anything else. Arduous for me to even concentrate, let alone muster up emotions to parade in front of an audience, emotions that I don’t even think I have anymore.
Connor was right. I wouldn’t listen to him, but he was right. He told me not to come home, regardless of my parents death because I just wasn’t ready to be around all the people I love, that I was already blood drunk of off Dakota and that…was…oh…Dakota…I’d…forgotten about her, forgotten how soft she felt in my arms, forgotten what her skin tasted like on my…
Fuck!
I need to concentrate. I’m losing it. I’m losing control. He told me not to come here and that was before I got my back broken by a goddamn government issued Super Soldier. Who I’ve apparently made an enemy of. I need…I need…what Madison? What do you need? I need to get the hell out these clothes first off; they’re covered in blood, mine and the Defense Initiative Agents I was fighting. That can’t be good. No, blood-spattered clothes to a Vampire can’t be very good at all.
I started to strip out of them, peeling my shirt off my body. I opened the window and threw them out. I needed to get them the hell away from me. I closed the window immediately and felt better; the fragrance of blood was not underneath my nose anymore. What I needed to do was sneak off, just for a little while and grant someone a special little death, something swift and painless, their blood bequeathing me the strength to get through this night.
That sounds like the perfect plan.
I opened the closet and grabbed the first shirt I could find, something with a picture of Gollum from The Lord of the Rings on it, then I took off my chinos, grabbing a clean pair of jeans and slid them on. Even though I was still grimy from earlier, I could shower later. I grabbed a pair of Timberlands, something I’d hadn’t worn since we moved from Baltimore. It was just too hot for them here in Palm Coast, but the heat didn’t affect me like it did before. Plus, after the night I’m having, wearing a pair of boots over sneakers just seemed logical.
All I have to do is sneak out. I can go right out my window over there. Ten, fifteen minutes tops, nobody would know. Well, maybe Connor would, stupid Vampire hearing, but I can bolt my bedroom door and none of my actual family would be the wiser. I just need to grant someone that special little death is all.
That special little death is all I need right now.
The bedroom door opened. I was adrift in thought, concentrating so hard on not losing control that I wasn’t paying attention. Wasn’t listening. If I were only listening, I would have departed by now. I would have locked the door and been out the window by the time they hit the third step, but I wasn’t listening.
However, I’m listening now.
All I can hear is Aiden’s heartbeat thundering in my ears. I turned around and saw him standing there, astray in emotion, distraught to the point that he couldn’t speak. He came towards me, wrapped his arms around my neck and just began to cry. I held him as much as I dared but…
“They’re gone Madison.” He was speaking through sobs, but even if he was mumbling incoherently I would still comprehend him, he's my brother.
“I know, Aiden, I know.” I held him tighter. “Everything is going to be okay. I’m going to take care of us, I’m going make sure that nothing…that...that nothing…”
I trailed off. I couldn’t vocalize, I couldn’t think. My body hurt so much. Sure, most of the injuries had healed, but there was so much pain, I just needed something to take the pain away, if only for a second. Then I could go, then I could grant that special death.
I pulled back somewhat, just enough so that we were still embraced, but I could see his face, see his eyes. “I want you to be very still.”
His eyes glazed over. “Yeah, sure, whatever you say Madison.”
I just need…
…that…
special little death…
…to make the pain go away.
I sank my teeth into Aiden’s neck, gradually, gently, so that it was virtually painless. He drew back somewhat, but my arms were wrapped about him and held him firm. I could taste it now, it was filling up my mouth, sliding down my throat, coating my organs…I just wanted a taste, just enough to stop the pain, then I can…
Aiden was collapsing to the ground, his eyes fluttering, but I didn’t relinquish my hold upon him. No not yet, I just required a little bit more then everything would be okay. Everything would be fine. His eyes were closed now, but a little relaxation would do him good. Help him get through the night. He’s already been through so much that he didn’t need to go through anymore, not tonight anyway. I’ll take a little bit more, that’s all I need, he’ll just wake up tomorrow really tired is all.
Just a little bit…
Something grabbed the back of my neck, pulling me free from Aiden, the last remnants of blood trickling down the side of my mouth. I was crashing through the closet door and slamming into the back wall, bits of plaster shattering apart when I struck it. Connor was there, in between myself and Aiden, glaring at me with anger.
“What in the hell are you doing?” He snarled. I came at him in a fit of blind, uncontrollable rage, vengeful at him for separating me from my prey, but he struck me hard across the face and I collapsed to the ground as pain arched through my head.
I began to rise, but Connor put his boot on the back of my skull, slamming my face into the bedroom floor. “Stay down.” He demanded.
He turned his attention towards Aiden’s still body. “He’s not breathing.”
Connor began to administer CPR compressions, giving him mouth to mouth when it was called for. All I could do was sit and watch the horror that I penned against my own family, my own flesh and blood. I don’t know what happened, what came over me, but this was the fruit of my labor.
I am death to all around me.
Connor continued the CPR, when suddenly Aiden began coughing. Connor eased back, collapsing on the floor, wiping the sweat from his brow. “Fucking A.”
“Is…” I could scarcely think straight. What I almost did. What I did do. “Is he going to be okay?”
Connor was on his feet, hoisting Aiden up and situating him on my bed. “Yeah, he’ll be fine I think. He’s gonna feel like shit tomorrow, but he’ll be alive.”
By the time Connor turned around I was already out my bedroom window and in the back yard, running as fast as my legs could take me. I had to get away from them, away from the people that I love, away from the people that I would hurt, away from people that I would kill.
I murdered him; I drank him to the point of death and beyond. How am I supposed to protect him when I’m the one he needs protection from? What am I going to do now? I can’t live there, not like the way I am now. Maybe if I had a better handle on my bloodlust, but that could take months, years even. I should leave, let him live out his life without me, but how could I just abandon him only days after our parents died? Would he even recover from that? Losing everyone you ever loved in the span of a couple of days, isn’t that something that drives people insane?
He’d still be alive though.
I began to meander without purpose, not even bothering to open my eyes for most of it, letting my prenatural senses take charge of steering my physical vessel. I couldn’t stop crying, tears for my father, tears for my mother and tears for my brother and yet, most of all, tears for me. The only thing I kept reiterating over and over in my mind was that I just wante
d to be happy. That’s what I desired most in this hell blazer life of mine.
I’m not certain how long I wondered like this, at minimum an hour, of that I’m sure. Just walking, doing my best to avoid people altogether, just wanting to be alone with the world and my thoughts when something jarred my mind alive.
I could smell her, smell her scent. I could distinguish it anywhere. It was indistinct, only suggestions of it lingering in the air, she had passed through maybe three hours earlier, yet there were sufficient trace amounts left for me to follow. Soon I would see her and I knew that everything would be all right once I was in her arms.
Dakota.
I shadowed her scent, moving as fast as I could. Twice I had to double back and start over, causing me to realize that tracking was not one of my strong suits, but I didn’t give up. I couldn’t. I didn’t have anywhere else to go.
The trail eventually led me to a white and blue, two-story house. I bounded over the fence, landing in the backyard as unobtrusively as I could. It didn’t take long for me to pinpoint her room; I could pick her heartbeat out of a crowd in my sleep. It was on the second floor towards the corner. It looked like there used to be a sapling here recently, but it had been cut down, nothing but a smooth stump remaining.
I picked up a small piece of bark and flicked it towards the window. It smacked into it just a little bit louder than I anticipated. I was still getting use to the Vampire strength to normal strength ratio. Auspiciously, the window didn’t shatter, but it did ensnare her attention. Her shadow fell across the draperies moments before she pulled them apart. She was so striking, even from this distance. I could make out the perfection of her features, the smoothness of her skin, the sparkle of her eyes. It took her a moment, but then she gave the window a tug and slid it open.
“Madison?” She was astonished, ecstatic, confused and scared all at once. It was amazing how her face could convey so many emotions simultaneously and yet she did it with an ease that only made it that more enrapturing. As soon as the window opened, her scent hit me full blast, like an alcoholic taking that first drink on an empty stomach. It was almost that overwhelming in its potency.
“Yeah.” I called back. “It’s me.”
“You…” Fear was overpowering her. “…you disappeared. You just vanished.”
It was unusual being on the other end of this exact conversation.
“People just don’t do that.” She continued.
An insidious little smirk played across my lips. “I know.”
“How did you…” Confusion was taking the lead now. “How did you find me?”
“Can I come in Dakota?” I could have compelled her, placed her in my thrall, but I didn’t want to do that. I wanted her to want me to come in.
She didn’t say anything at first and I could appreciate her quandary. It’s not like I haven’t lived through it as well, but if she’s anything like me…
“Yeah sure, but my mom is downstairs and its late, I don’t think she is gonna let me have company. I’ve got to sneak you in, but I don’t know how you’re going to…”
I took a step forward then jumped, landing on the second story window seal with my right foot and just continued my stride into her room, my left foot stepping onto her bedroom floor.
“Oh...” Dakota backed away from me immediately, jolting into the dresser behind her, knocking over the mirror that was resting on top of it. Just before it struck the ground and shattered I reached for it, faster than a human could, catching it in my hand.
“Everything okay up there?” Yelled a woman from downstairs.
I moved close to Dakota, placing the mirror back on the dresser. She scrutinized every move I made, her eyes full of disbelief.
“Dakota?” The women called out.
“Yeah mom.” Dakota finally answered. “Everything’s chill.”
“What’s all that ruckus?” Her mom questioned.
“Just playing the Michael Jackson experience on the Wii.” Dakota answered. “I’m getting my Thriller on.”
I took a seat on her bed, leaning back and crossing my legs while I listened to her talk.
“Well, just try to keep it down okay?”
“Uh sure.” Dakota said. “Night mom.”
“Goodnight baby.”
I couldn’t help but laugh, the banter they possessed reminded me of my mother. I choose to laugh because the only other option left was to cry. Dakota hadn’t moved an inch, her back still pressed up against the dresser. I waited patiently, knowing that what she had seen, what I had decided to show her was a lot to process. I wasn’t exactly sure why I had done that. It was enough that I choose that particular way to take my leave of her when we first met. I was just being full of myself, knowing that I would never see her again and that she would eventually attempt to brainwash herself about the events of that night, convincing her mind that the events didn’t play out the way the way she imagined.
But now, after witnessing the way I entered her home, it was just validation coming home to roost. I wasn’t concerned however. I could always just enrapture her, make her forget everything and implant fabricated memories into her mind if things got out of hand.
Only time would tell.
“Are you going to say anything?” I asked.
She simply stood there, not doing anything, scarcely breathing. This is definitely not going the way I imagined it.
I stood far quicker than humanly possible, causing her to flinch. I started walking about her room, keeping a modest distance between us of course, inspecting her things as they caught my interest. I picked up a snow globe on her desk. It was the Twin Towers in New York. I gave it a quick shake, watching the little flakes inside swirl about before setting it down.
There were posters on her wall, musicians I’d never heard of, teen actors that I didn’t really care about, but it gave the room its own personality, its own identity if you will. Her laptop was opened, but I ignored it, moving on to her bookshelf, my fingers strolling over the spines of the books there. She had all the classics, Dickens, Sawyer, Verne and what not. I paused at one in particular, rereading the name. John Rogers. I smiled. Of course he would be here.
She still hadn’t stirred. Maybe this was a mistake. I seem to making so many this night it would only be par for course.
“Would you like me to leave?” I asked. When she didn’t respond, I made my way to the window, my back to her, one foot on the window seal.
“Wait.” It was faint, hardly above a whisper. “Don’t.”
I turned around to face her.
“Don’t go.” She said, slowly taking a step towards me. I stood my ground as she moved close, reaching out her hand tentatively to touch my face with her fingers. “You are real, right? I’m not just imagining this am I?”
I reached out and held her hand within my own. “I’m as real as you want me to be.”
Just being this close to Dakota was ecstasy. I could sense her aura, feel it comingling with my own. I moved closer, wrapping my arms about her, pulling her into an embrace. She rested her head against my shoulder and I realized that even though she was two years younger than I was, she was still slightly taller than me by an inch or so. I closed my eyes and breathed her scent in, letting it engulf me with its fragrance. The impulse to consume her was there, immeasurably strong, a burning desire to taste her, to have my way and let her blood fill my yearning and yet I fought that feeling, struggling against my nature.
I drew on the knowledge of what I did to Aiden. On how I lost control and killed him because I couldn’t regulate my emotions. I pledged to myself that I would never become a slave to my passion ever again. I am the governor of my actions, not the blood, no, never the blood.
“I’m scared.” She said softly.
I pulled away from her, continuing my tour of her room, observing the numerous photos she had on the wall. They were mostly of her and her friends. A couple of her just by herself and a few of an older woman that appeared to be her mom. I did
n’t see any of her and her dad.
“Tell me what it is you’re scared of?” I asked.
Dakota Theia sat down on the bed. She was wearing a pair of burgundy sweat pants and a white tank top. All of it was form fitting. I wondered if that was what she was planning to sleep in or was that just her attire for the day.
“It’s just you and your mom here?” I asked.
“Yeah.” Dakota said. “I’ve never really met my dad before.”
“Any family other than your mom?”
“Nope, it’s just us.”
I frowned. “How solitary.”
“Sooo…” She began. “You’re like Spiderman, right?”
“No.” I said very serenely.
“I just thought with the jumping and all…” She continued.
“I’m not like Spiderman.” I repeated.
“Then uh…” Dakota paused. “Then what are you?”
“Something worse.” I pulled up a chair and situated it directly in front her. “Do you still want to be my friend?”
I held my hand out. Gradually she reached for it, grasping my fingers, pulling me on top of her. She felt like Christmas morning in my arms and as we caressed she placed tender kisses all over my face. I closed my eyes and she kissed my eyelids, each one gently, then she moved on, kissing the tip of my nose, then my cheeks. Her body was flustered, I could feel the heat emanating off it, inviting against my skin. She kissed my lips, hesitant at first, then with more hunger, her appetite surpassing even my own.
She had her fingers in my hair, pulling my head back, her tongue on my neck, her teeth biting my skin. I wanted her more than I wanted any person in my life. More than Connor, more than Ethan even and to…
