“Good night, sweetheart. If I need to get the shovel out of the shed, let me know.”
I smiled. Always my protector. “Not yet.”
My steps were heavy up the stairs. I was tired. Mentally and physically. And before I reached my bedroom, I found myself staring at the room Preston slept in. I thought about the night I spent with him in there even though it felt like a lifetime ago.
Replaying the night in my mind, I knew something had happened in that time together. We were connected like never before. At least, I thought we were. Maybe I was wrong.
My body shivered at the thought.
Everything will look better in the morning. Except it didn’t. It was a thousand times worse because my streak of reality wasn’t over. I woke up sick in the middle of the night. So sick Mom took me to the doctor’s when she saw me still in bed at noon, sweating and shivering at the same time.
The flu.
26
Preston
Send them meaningful texts throughout the day.
WHERE ARE YOU?
Talk to me. Please, Tenley.
It was nothing. I promise.
You are everything.
Just let me know you are okay. I just need something.
Those were some of the last texts I sent to Tenley since her phone was going straight to voicemail. I also sent a dozen I love yous between. All unread.
I was losing my mind. Literally. I drove around for hours looking for her. Her work. Kaitlin’s apartment but she wasn’t home either. I looked at all her favorite restaurants, parks, grocery stores, and beaches. Every-fucking-where.
I sunk as low as to wait in front of her apartment door, hoping she would eventually come home. I propped myself against the hardwood door, and with each passing second, I slid lower and lower until I was sitting on the ground.
Why now?
Why did Chanel have to show up at my door?
Why did it have to be the night I was going to open up to Tenley?
Everything was finally falling into place.
I sat there for hours contemplating those questions with my heart lodged in my throat. This wasn’t how my night was supposed to end. It was supposed to be another beginning.
I rested my elbows on my knees with my head slumped down. I didn’t pray so much as beg the universe. Let her come back. Please, bring her back and give me a chance.
I stayed even after my ass went numb because it was what I deserved. If Tenley was in pain, I should be too. And when she came home, I would still stay if she refused to talk to me. Without Tenley, I couldn’t breathe. Even if I tried to stand, I wouldn't be able to for the simple fact that she wasn’t standing by my side.
I raked my hands through my hair in frustration, then leaned my head against the door. There was a sinking feeling in my chest, and with each second and then a minute that turned to an hour, it sank deeper until there was nothing but a hole. It ached. It screamed. It wanted to pound on the walls, doors, and floor with my fist.
I was so lost that maybe, at one point, I did all of the above.
I checked my phone to the point of obsession even though I knew she didn’t answer me back. I looked to see if the messages were at least read, but they weren’t. Then I kept checking some more until reading was impossible. Water filled behind my eyes, clouding my vision and threatening to spill.
I dug the heels of my palms in the corners to wipe them away. I couldn’t remember the last time I shed a tear, but it was never over a girl. Not even after four years with one who told me I was the worst. Yet Tenley could. My heart thumped viciously in my chest at the thought of her name. Each beat both raced and hurt more with each memory of her.
I recalled it all. Us as kids and teens slowed my erratic heart down. Thinking about college made my heart speed up slightly. It knew my mind was edging to the good part. The day I propositioned her. Then the thought of Keaton’s party had it beating double time. Our first date and every day after had it pounding until I was back at tonight. The knife was back in my chest, and this time, I didn’t stop the leaking from my eyes.
I looked up at the popcorn ceiling as my cheeks grew wet.
We had a perfect history together. Tenley was my best friend. Then she was my lover who quickly became the love of my life, but I never dreamed she would wear the title she did tonight… the one who got away.
I stayed in the same spot the entire night. At some point, I fell asleep only to be woken by the sound of keys jingling and a foot kicking mine.
“13C,” the voice said as I wiped the sleep from my eyes.
The building’s super was standing over me. “What are you doing sleeping out here? Your apartment is next door.”
I stood, stiff and every muscle aching. “What are you doing?”
“I got a call 15C’s door needs the lock changed.”
Jerry never took the time to learn our names, but he knew everyone in the building by apartment number.
“Who called?” If it was Tenley, which it had to be, at least it was something. It meant she was safe.
“Some guy.”
Rage built inside. “What guy?”
“Don’t know. Don’t care. Now, if you’ll step aside, I need to change out this lock.”
I took a step back, then went to my own apartment and slammed the door behind me. The scent of Chanel’s perfume filling my entryway only angered me more.
Some guy. I ran through all the men Tenley knew and came up with one who had enough room to house her for the night, then speed texted him.
Is she there?
I paced my living room floor until Keaton answered. If he didn’t answer me soon, I was going to drive to his house and find out for myself. Lucky for him, he did. Who someone? There’s a lot of someones.
Tenley. I could picture the smirk on his face when he texted next.
Oh, that someone.
I waited, staring at the three ellipses for a clearer answer. They were appearing, then disappearing. The asshole was trying me, and if he kept it up, he wouldn’t like my fist messing up his pretty face. Haven’t seen her since my party. Did you fuck up already?
I don’t know. I texted him back, then threw my phone with every ounce of force I could. It hit the sofa with a thud and landed between the two fluffy pillows Tenley picked out.
I couldn’t even break my phone right.
I sat down next to them and picked one up, holding it to my nose. Apples and vanilla. Her shampoo still lingered on them from two nights ago. She had taken a shower before we fell into our regular movie night. She laid in front of me, our legs and arms twisted together. I remembered thinking if every one of my nights was just like that one, I’d be content forever.
I thought about asking her to move in with me so we could curl up together all the time. We were staying at each other’s apartments anyway, so what would be the difference? It was the second time I ever thought about living with another female. The first time was with Tenley too. When her parents moved and she wanted to stay, we were going to look for a place together. Chanel put a stop to that too. Even though I wasn’t going to move in with her, she didn’t want me living with another female who was a friend, so I respected her wishes.
When Tenley found her apartment and declined the two-bedroom next door, I took it. I promised Mr. Ray I would keep an eye on his daughter when they were gone, and what better way to keep my word than to move next door.
My phone buzzed beside me, dragging me out of my hundredth daydream. I frantically grabbed for it. Hoping. Wishing. Praying it was Tenely.
It wasn’t, though. It was her mom letting me know the answer I was waiting for all day. She’s here.
I was up off the couch and grabbing my keys, ready to drive the hour plus to make my plea to both women when she texted me again.
I didn’t want you to worry, but I wanted you to know she’s going to be staying with us for a few days. She has the flu.
I didn’t know what she had told her mom, but I was desperate,
so I called. Thankfully, her mom answered. “Mrs. Ray.”
“Preston. Don’t be so formal.” It was something. She didn’t hate me.
“Mom,” I choked out.
“Oh, sweetie.” She could hear it in my voice. I was about to lose it because I was afraid I was losing the girl. “It’s going to be fine. It’s just the flu.”
I coughed to clear my tight throat. “Is she okay?”
“She will be. She’s sleeping right now. Do you want to talk about it?”
How could I, though? She was my girlfriend’s mother, but I wanted to. “What did she tell you because it’s not what she thinks.”
“All I know something happened that upset her. You know Tenley; whenever you two would have an argument, she wouldn’t ever tell me what it was about. Last night was no different.”
My keys were digging into my skin. “Can I come up?”
I wanted her to say yes. I would have been in my car if she had, but she didn’t. “I don’t think that’s wise right now. And not because of whatever is going on between the two of you. She’s running a high fever and needs rest.”
I didn’t care. I went searching for my overnight bag in my office. “I want to take care of her.”
I could hear the compassion in her voice. “I know, sweetie.”
I added, “Forever.”
Her response was genuine, and everything I needed to hear. “I know that too. I have no doubt you will.”
“Can you tell her I called and that…” I stopped, sinking into the closest chair at my desk because her mom didn’t need to hear the words before I said them to Tenley. “I miss her. And if she needs me, I’ll come.”
“I will.”
“Thanks for taking my call.”
Before I hung up, she called out, “Oh, Preston? Her phone broke.”
“What?”
“Tenley’s phone. We were supposed to get one today, but with her sick, her father is going to pick one up for her. Oh, and he talked to the super this morning because her door lock was stuck again, so could you make sure he takes care of it, and do you think you could grab the key for her? I know it would mean a lot to her.”
“He’s there right now.”
“Thank you. I’ll call to let them know to give you the key, and I’ll tell Tenley you called as soon as she wakes up.”
I’d like to say she called me right away, but she didn’t. I tried to fill my day with mundane tasks. After my shower, I worked even though my boss gave me the weekend off. Any minute of not doing something led to too much thinking. And hurting.
Not hearing from her hurt more than anything.
I didn’t know what move to make next. I should have taken a poll of what was the best thing to do when you fucked up or when your ex fucked up your relationship for you because that was what really happened. I was living the perfect life, and she had to be herself and mess it up for me.
What I should have done was slam the door in her face or at least not let her in my apartment. Jesus, why didn’t I do that? Because I cared about too many people’s feelings when the only person who should have mattered was Tenley’s. It didn’t matter that I texted her to let her know what was going on. I should have locked the door and went crawling to Tenley for help.
I looked down at my restless legs under my desk. Bouncing up and down. My work was done. I walked to my spare closet to get my surfboard. I would let the ocean beat me up.
And I did because I came home exhausted. After a quick shower to wash the salt and sand from my skin, I fell on the bed, but it was torture trying to sleep. All I smelled was Tenley in my sheets, on her pillow. I felt her thrumming through my veins.
And even though I knew she didn’t have a phone, I checked mine again. I sent her one last text before tossing my phone on the nightstand, wanting her to know I was still thinking about her.
I miss you. Good night, baby.
27
Preston
Learn to say I’m sorry.
THREE TORTUROUS DAYS had passed with no word from Tenley, and there wasn’t a thing I could do about it. It was excruciating. The not knowing if she was angry with me, if what we had was over, or if she was just not calling because she was too sick.
Her mom sent me updates, but only after I contacted her first. I knew she wasn’t intentionally ignoring me. She had other people to worry about. Nonetheless, it was frustrating to have to use her to get information on Tenley. But I needed to know something. I was desperate.
At the crack of dawn, I sent Mrs. Ray another message, checking to see how Tenley was feeling and if she was getting any better. Sometime during the night, her fever had broken. Tenley even asked for some toast, which was more than the broth she had been forced to drink. “Progress,” her mom said.
I was itching for her to be home. Hell, I was itching to drive up and see her. I even went as far as thirty minutes north when her mom said Tenley didn’t want to see me yet.
After those words, I sunk even deeper into a semi-depressed state. With her gone, my routine, our routine, was shot to hell.
What was my normal day became an annoyance because I had nothing to look forward to in the morning or night. Tenley had kept me going. Even before we were together, I realized.
Our morning coffee. Breakfast and dinner were always eaten together. At night, if we weren’t watching a movie, she would read in bed while I finished some work on my laptop until we’d get lost in each other.
I missed it all. The cuddling, the sound of her laughter, hearing about her day, and talking about my day to someone who cared. Every second of it. And I was going insane without her. It took every ounce of strength to get out of bed each morning and face the day without her.
I never thought I’d be so reliant on someone in my life, but it was a plain fact I had always relied on her. Maybe even more than she ever relied on me.
Even growing up, she was the first person I ran to when things were going good or if life decided to punch me in the face. Bad grades, when I lost a baseball game, when I broke up with someone, or when someone dumped me. The same day I received my letter from college, she received hers, and we opened them together. On the count of three, I remember praying she was accepted along with me. I didn’t want to be separated from her back then either. She was the one to encourage me to start my business after we graduated. And drank with me in celebration when I published my webpage.
How did I not realize she was meant to be mine all along? Tenley was made for me. Hell, I was made to be hers. And we would make it through anything. We had to.
I was lying in bed with my eyes closed telling myself this was just a dream and the past four days had never happened. When I opened my eyes, Tenley would walk in my room, coffee in hand, then climb back in bed with me.
When the snooze reminder rang and my eyes opened, I was still in my nightmare. She never appeared.
I was only going to give myself five minutes to wallow where I breathed in the barely there scent of apples and vanilla on her pillow I was still hugging. Then I gave myself five minutes more. And five minutes after that.
When I sat up, every muscle in my body ached as if I had the flu too. I didn’t. I was just lost. So fucking lost.
From the nightstand, I grabbed my glasses along with my phone. I’d checked it a thousand times the day before, and each time, I held my breath as I begged for a message from Tenley. There wasn’t.
Taking one final deep breath, I willed my body to snap out of it because I had work to do. Another four hours was what I needed to finish the first round on the app program my boss asked me to take care of. It was all a test to see what I could do. He wasn’t about to put me in charge of his big project just yet. For now, I was creating nothing more than a generic program that would showcase my abilities. And I would give it no less than one hundred and ten percent.
I forced myself out of bed and into the shower. As I reached for my shampoo, I had a flashback of the night with her lipstick. The first time I knew I fe
lt something more for Tenley. The night I heard her. It hit me with a force of a ton of bricks, and I had to hold onto the wall. I might never hear her again. All those beautiful sounds she made. Her laughter, or cry, or the way she breathed my name when she was close to coming.
“No,” I grunted as I pounded on the wall.
I wouldn’t let it happen.
Ever.
So I let the water wash over me, taking the thoughts down the drain with it. I shut off the water and dried off with the towel I had waiting. When I wiped the fog from the mirror, I almost didn’t recognize myself. Dark circles had formed around my eyes from the lack of sleep. My face was sunken in after only three days because eating wasn’t important. Even my normal stubble had grown to a short beard, and I hated it.
If I couldn’t take care of myself, how would I be able to take care of Tenley when she came home? If she let me.
Right then, I vowed to fix it. And first, that meant fixing me. I shaved off the excess hair on my face. Then I finished getting dressed. After, I went to the kitchen and cooked myself some eggs, toast, and coffee, which gave me the fuel I needed to work.
After eating a sandwich for lunch, I went to the gym. I worked out to the memory of Tenley asking me where my six-pack came from. I remembered that glint in her eyes and the lick of her lips, and I used it to work out harder than I ever had.
I returned home feeling stronger. We’d get through this. I’d make sure of it. And as I ate dinner, I took out the papers I brought to Tenley the night I propositioned her. I read through all the qualities I was supposed to tick off. There were still so many I hadn’t completed, and if she gave me a second chance, I would make sure I accomplished them all. For her. For us. Because we had to make it.
Before bed, I sent her another text. I love you. Please, give me another chance. Then I went to sleep, and morning came again. I was alone for the fifth day. And I was right back at square one because I woke up to zero messages back. My chest ached again along with every muscle that screamed from the workout I had given it the day before.
All the Right Moves Page 17
