by Liz Durano
“I’ll have to figure that out after we eat. I’m too hungry to think straight.”
Rachel’s text messages, probably sent around the time she’d taken her sleeping pills and chased them with vodka, are scary, especially the one where she says she’ll ruin me. How exactly does she plan to do that?
“Do you think she’ll really try to ruin me?” I ask as we sit on the floor watching Piper do her tummy time.
“I wouldn’t put it past her, Addy. I’m really sorry I brought this on you. You don’t deserve it.”
“You didn’t send the threats, Jordan. She did. So you don’t have to be sorry,” I say. “Sorry would mean you’re regretting what happened between us.”
He looks at me, surprised. “I don’t regret anything. Do you?”
I shake my head. “No, but I regret that I lied about us by telling everyone that I had Piper via a sperm donor when I’d had a one-night stand. That’s what I regret. Everything else, I don’t.”
He leans toward me and kisses me lightly on the mouth. Who knew things were just too perfect between us? Of course, something had to give. An ex-girlfriend for him, and a lie that’s about to backfire on me.
“Is there any way she’ll find out about that?” Jordan asks.
I chew on my lower lip for a few moments. “It’s not something I disclosed on any professional bios, if that’s what you mean. It was just to friends and colleagues.”
“By colleagues, you mean people you work with?” he asks. “Doctors, clinic and hospital staff?”
I nod. “Yes.”
“That’s a big list, Addy.”
I feel my chest tighten. He’s right. It is a big list. It includes the doctors and nurses I met in the hospitals where my patients had been admitted. Staff, too. I’d worked up till two weeks before I delivered and they all believed I used a sperm donor. It was my story.
Suddenly I don’t want to talk about Rachel. I don’t want to talk about anything. I just want to crawl into a cave and pretend we’re still in bed and none of this is happening.
Jordan stays for another half hour before he has to head to his workshop in Astoria to pick up a few things that he’ll need for his meeting with the architect. We hardly talk about Rachel, not when whatever he had to say had already been said before breakfast.
He’s not sure if he can come by tonight but he would if I needed him to. And that right there is the tricky part. I don’t need him to come over, but I want him to. At the same time, I also want him to come over not because has to but because he wants to. But I’m being petty. I’ve only known Jordan for a short time and already I’ve slept with him—twice. Surely I can’t be that needy.
And after learning about what happened to Rachel, the poor guy already looks overwhelmed, especially when she’s now accusing him of cheating on her. Anyone can see she’s not over him and I don’t think Jordan is ready to talk about it. But what can he say? If she’s not over him, what’s he supposed to do? Go back to her?
My mind is going a mile a minute until I get a hold of myself and put on a brave face. “I’ll call you if I need you,” I tell him at the door. Besides, I’ve got work to do from home and I’m already distracted as it is.
And I remain distracted for the rest of the morning, catching myself staring at the computer screen that’s filled with words I’m not seeing, my mind going through everything we did last night and the repercussions to my professional life if the truth came out about my one-night stand. Did I break any ethical guidelines by lying about my pregnancy? But even when I pull up copies of my contracts, I can’t focus on the details. I can’t focus on anything but Jordan and the mess we’re in.
But I’m also worried about Rachel. When I first met her, there was no mistaking the shock on her face when she put two and two together about Piper and me standing in front of her. I also wonder if she’s done something like this before, mixing sleeping pills with alcohol, a deadly combination. I don’t like it one bit. If she wanted to catch Jordan’s attention, she certainly has it now. He could barely focus on breakfast as it was.
While Piper naps during our walk, I decide to check on Rachel’s social media accounts, maybe see if there’s any mention of her trip to the hospital. It’s a hunch, considering she posted about everything else when she and Jordan were dating. Maybe she posted something about being okay.
But if I thought I’d find anything that has to do with her trip to the hospital, I’m wrong. Instead I see my professional face staring back at me on her timeline and I freeze in my tracks, right in the middle of the sidewalk.
This is the bitch Jordan fucked and they have a baby!!! How dare you CHEAT on me with this HOE. We had 5 years together and you CHEAT on me with this BITCH.
Bitch’s name is Addison Rowe. She works at Nephrology Associates-NYC…
I don’t read any further. I can’t. The words blur in front of my eyes but I caught a glimpse of what she’d written. She named Piper, my office, and even every hospital I’m affiliated with, including Miller General. My face drains of all color and tears spring from my eyes. I force myself to look at the time stamps and discover that she posted them eighteen hours earlier, around midnight. Was that when she took those pills and chased them with vodka?
Come on, Addison, does it matter when she posted it?
I check the responses to her posts. Some of her friends emphasize with her, some of them call me names while others tell her to calm down and talk it out in private. Someone even says they know me.
OMG I know her! She went to the same school as my aunt. And she’s way older. Gross! Didn’t know Jordan was into old ugly bitches.
I see another comment sent thirty minutes earlier, this one from a man named Campbell Murphy who tells Rachel to take her post down and that he’s reporting her.
You just disclosed private medical information. Take it down NOW.
It doesn’t take long before my bravado fails and it hits me—the humiliation followed by the shame.
Everyone knows.
My phone rings again and this time someone actually says something. Bitch, the woman on the other line says. Get a life and find your own man.
Everything around me suddenly feels so far away, as if someone yanked me out of my body and lifted me high up in the air and I’m hovering above Piper’s stroller. Surely this can’t be happening. How can someone destroy everything I worked so hard for in a blink of an eye, or with just a single keystroke? In my mind, I can hear my mother’s voice… or is it mine?
What will they say, Dee, when they find out the truth? How can anyone trust you now?
Chapter Sixteen
For the next three days, I don’t step out of my apartment. Even Marcia is worried but she doesn’t say anything. She just tidies up the apartment like she always does and lets me mope in front of my laptop for hours.
I don’t answer calls, not even Jordan’s. He’s left me a few messages and texted me a few times apologizing for what Rachel had written all over social media as if it was his fault. I should really talk to him but I can’t. Not yet. I’m too upset to be rational and too paranoid to let anyone see me like this. Addison Rowe does not crumble that easily even when, in private, she does.
At least, his friend Campbell got the post taken down and Rachel’s account got suspended. I was beyond ecstatic almost friended him by accident.
Unfortunately, Rachel didn’t stop there. Maybe she did it around the same time she wrote those posts on her wall, but she went to every doctor grading website she could find and copied and pasted the same message.
Dr. Addison Rowe is a HOE. She stole my boyfriend to have her baby because no one wants to fuck that bitch.
… Or something to that effect. She could at least not call me a gardening implement. The correct spelling does not include an E as far as I know. But then it could be worse. She could have spelled it correctly.
You’d think those sites moderated their content but not everyone does and so some of the ‘reviews’ went up. While
some sites were quick to take the post down, others took a day or two. Colleagues called the office to find out if everything was okay. Some told Kathy they thought I went through a sperm donor; she told them it was no one’s business but mine.
If any of Ma’s friends saw the posts, no one has told her because she hasn’t called me yet. I probably wouldn’t hear the end of it. And that’s a good thing because it allows me to stay home and wallow in my misery. I wouldn’t know what to do if she knew. She’d fly off the handle and hunt Rachel down. And the last thing I need right now is bailing my mother out of jail.
By the third day, Piper has had it with being cooped up in the apartment. She’s been cranky all afternoon and so I finally get both of us dressed and take a walk to the High Line where we people-watch for an hour before we head back to the apartment. After all, I can’t allow Rachel get the best of me.
When Ma calls me while I’m at the High Line, I don’t even protest when she reminds me to take Piper over to the house for the weekend. She hopes I take along Jordan, too, so they can be properly introduced. I simply say yes, and tell her we’ll be there although I can’t guarantee Jordan’s presence. I’m still too upset even if it isn’t his fault.
My phone buzzes the moment I enter my apartment and for a moment, I decide to ignore it thinking it could be just another nasty text message from one of Rachel’s loser friends—or Rachel herself—but I decide to look anyway. And I’m glad I do for when I see the message on the screen, I can’t help but smile.
We just got in. Where are you? We need to talk.
Harlow once showed me a box that Dax made for her and in it, he'd wood-burned a quote that said she was the moon and the stars that made up his night sky. I can see it to be true the moment she and Dax enter the apartment holding hands, just as I can see that he is the sun to her moon as well. As she approaches to wrap Piper and me in one long hug, I see that familiar inner glow again. It simply radiates from her and I can't help but feel jealous.
At forty, she finally found true love in Dax, and at thirty-four, it felt like I found it, too, although it's honestly too soon to say, not when I'm not talking to Jordan and we’ve only known each other a short amount of time.
But didn't Harlow only know Dax for a week or two before she came back from New Mexico pregnant with their twins? Almost two years later and they're doing just fine which means there's hope for me and Jordan—as soon as we survive Rachel first.
"I found out what happened from Conrad. That's just so terrible," she says as Dax gives me a quick hug. He's wearing jeans and a henley shirt that stretches across broad shoulders. Though his perfectly trimmed beard makes him look a little bit older, his eyes are youthful and remind me of the color of the New Mexico sky when I attended their wedding. I'd been in my third month of pregnancy then and already showing, the sperm donor story already established among colleagues. As they do whenever they visit, they leave their boots by the door.
"We brought you some Hatch green chile and a few dishes Nana made for you to try," Dax says, carrying a box in his arms. "Maybe you and your new guy can sample it."
I give him the side-eye though Dax pretends not to notice my reaction. He's smooth, that's for sure. "She still trying to convert me?"
"It worked with Dad," Dax says, grinning. "I'll need to put them in the fridge. You got any room?"
"Of course. If not, we'll make room." I direct him to the kitchen counter and he sets the box on the table and then gives me a quick hug before looking at Piper. Together, they gush over her for a few minutes until Harlow holds out her arms. "May I hold her?"
"Of course," I say, handing Piper to her.
"Oh, that baby smell is just so addicting," she says, laughing as she buries her nose in Piper's blanket. "I can't get enough of it. She's just so precious, Addy."
"Better be careful, mi vida. You just might go back to Taos pregnant from doing that," Dax says as he shoos me away to put the plastic containers in my refrigerator.
Harlow rolls her eyes. "Don't believe him. He's the one who wants another one," she whispers.
"How long are you staying in town?"
"Three weeks" she replies. "We flew in with the twins and Nana who didn't want to be away from them that long. They're with Daniel right now." Daniel Drexel is Dax's father who owns an investment firm in the Financial District. Another reason why Harlow is going to be in town this long is because we're exploring the possibility of incorporating dialysis machines into the practice. It will mean expansion which also means lots of funding required.
"I hope you don't mind if I have to take a few calls," Dax says as he holds up his phone. Already, it's buzzing with notifications. "It's my week at the showroom."
"It means I have to share him with everyone,” Harlow says, pouting.
"It's only a week, mi amor," he says. "You have me the rest of the year."
"Feel at home, Dax. I've got some beers in the fridge if you want one," I say, before asking Harlow if she'd like anything to drink but she shakes her head.
"So who's the new man?" Harlow asks as Dax's phone buzzes and he slips his earbuds on and starts talking quietly. "The girls at the office couldn't stop talking about him."
"Jordan."
"Yes, Jordan. Is he the one this woman is accusing you of sleeping with? That he's Piper's father? I thought you went through a sperm donor."
As I look at Harlow, I know I can't keep hiding the truth from everyone. She'd been the faculty attending physician when I was doing my nephrology Fellowship at Miller General. It's where we met years ago and we'd kept in touch. When she and Conrad were looking for another doctor to round out the medical practice, she remembered me and asked me to submit my resume. She trusted me enough to hire me fresh out of my Fellowship months later.
"I lied about that," I reply sheepishly. "I've never stepped into a sperm bank before. I met him in Queens and we hooked up for one night, two days before he left the country to build schools in Southeast Asia. Only, I had no idea so when I couldn't get a hold of him, I freaked out and lied about going through a sperm donor. When he stopped by that day, that was the first time I saw him again since that night."
"And how does his ex-girlfriend know all these details about you? Did he tell her?"
"No, he didn't. Long story short, she works at the clinic where Jordan and I got a paternity test done with Piper, and she had access to our files."
"Oh, no," Harlow groans.
"Now she's convinced that given Piper's age, he must have cheated on her."
"Oh, great. So that's where the whole cheater and ho references in the fake reviews come in. They're down now but doesn't change anything."
"Yes, and she plastered the same thing all over her social media. Accused him of cheating, called me a ho, and even named the clinic and every hospital I'm with, past and present."
"Now that wasn't smart. Anonymous reviews on doctor grade sites are one thing, disclosing one's medical information on their social media accounts is another. I hope you have screenshots," Harlow says, shaking her head before making funny faces at Piper who's not quite sure what to make of the woman holding her but keeps sucking on her pacifier just the same.
"I took screenshots before they were taken down," I say, sighing. "Harlow, I'm really sorry I brought this on the clinic."
"You didn't bring anything on the clinic. And you don't have to worry about it. It's weathered worse things than this," she says. "And if it's any consolation, all the fake reviews are down and we've got the webmaster keeping an eye for any more. I also recommend suing her for violating patient privacy. Have you contacted a lawyer?"
"I have a few names." But I've been too busy feeling sorry for myself, I almost add.
"I'd like to recommend my lawyer then. Or rather, the law firm that handled my case last year. Chambers, Maynard & Lipman. His firm handled my lawsuit and it was a huge weight off my shoulders," she says, before pausing to study me. "Next time, Addy, tell me these things so you don't have to carry the bu
rden alone, okay? I mean, not that you're planning on having another one-night stand or anything."
"I don't. Once was enough," I say, smiling before I turn serious again. “But there is one thing I’m worried about.”
“What is it?”
“The morning after she posted those things about me, she ended up in the Emergency Room. Her roommate found her unresponsive. I guess she almost overdosed on sleeping pills and alcohol that night.”
Harlow is thoughtful for a few moments. “Sometimes people don’t remember what they’ve done during that time. They sleepwalk, do stupid things, get into accidents. Or worse, they don’t wake up.” She pauses. “Don’t get me wrong, Addy. I’m not excusing her actions but it does offer a different perspective. I know I’ve been there and I don’t ever want to go back.”
I sigh, nodding. “I just don’t want to sue someone who actually needs intervention more than anything. I know she violated my rights but as a doctor, I’d want her to get medical help first.” I chuckle dryly. “Doesn’t that sound lame?”
“No, you’re acting like a doctor would. First, do no harm. It’s the oath we took.” She pauses. “But, of course, not at the expense of the law.”
"What about the hospitals? Do you think I'll get in trouble if they find out the truth about Piper? You know how Miller Gen is very sensitive about that stuff."
Harlow scoffs. "It's not an ethical violation on your part. It's your personal life. What are they going to do? Drum up some bogus performance reports so they can fire you? And for what? For living your life like a normal human being? We don't walk on water, Addy. They need to understand that."
"Thanks, Harlow," I say softy. "I've been going crazy the last two days. I've never had anything like this happen before."
"That's the way it always works," she says. "How's he doing?"
"I don't know. I haven't talked to him."
She frowns. "How come?"
