by Nana Malone
She understood what they were saying, but it still fucking hurt. "You didn't mention it would feel like this."
Micha nodded. "Love can suck. But luckily you have Cara, who will feed you wine and ice cream."
"On it." Cara handed Serena the wine bottle. "Drink this. I'm gonna go get the spoons."
"What if I've lost him, My?"
Micha leveled her silvery eyes on her. "Then it's his fucking loss."
One week and still no word from Ty. Wednesday had come and gone, and so had Thursday. Serena just couldn't believe that was it. She'd ignored her list, gone for what she wanted, and this was where it had gotten her.
Luckily she had more than enough work to do. The onboarding procedure for the prince and of course the nonsense with the ordinance. Redd had hired outside council, but they still needed her input.
She resented having to jump through hoops, and deep down she wondered if it was because this club was owned by a bunch of women that these nutjobs were coming after them. There were private men's clubs all over the city, but no one was trying to shut them down.
She'd spent half the morning contacting members on the client list who would be able to assist. They had senators, actors and cabinet members. Their membership was confidential, but their clientele appreciated what Club Prestige offered here. Some appreciated the men and the women. No one judged here, and their clients paid well for that privilege. So she was calling in a few favors.
At the knock on her door, she called out, "Come in."
Antonio strolled in with his easy smile. Good Lord that man was pretty. She'd always liked a man in a suit. She just wished she could muster some feeling for him other than fondness. It would certainly be easier if she wasn't already in love with someone else.
"Hi, Serena, how are you today?"
She forced a smile. "I'm great. Thanks for asking. I have the rest of the paperwork you asked for."
"Perfect." His gaze narrowed on hers. "Sorry, maybe I'm overstepping, but you don't seem okay."
He really was sweet, and he ticked every single one of her boxes. Tick, tick, tick, tick. Except the one invisible tick she'd forgotten to write down. Make me melt on the inside.
She pulled the final paperwork from the safe and handed it to him. "No. I’m fine. Just—" He's a client envoy, not your friend. Don't unload. "It's fine. I'm fine." She tilted her chin up. Like everything else, she could fake it till she made it. How hard could that be?
He nodded. "That many fines could only mean it's a man problem."
She laughed and ducked her head. "Astute, aren't you? But you don't need to hear about the shambles of my love life."
He took the file and slipped it into his carrier. "Maybe not. But I'm pretty good at making people feel better. Dinner? A little wine, some conversation, guaranteed to take your mind off whoever doesn't see how perfect you are. I’m sure we can find some way of making you relax."
Her skin flushed. Oh...ohhhh... And by conversation, he meant... Yeah, okay. She cleared her throat. "That's...uh...flattering. But some...uh, conversation isn't going to fix what's wrong."
He grinned. "Are you sure? I'm a very good conversationalist."
Serena laughed. "I don't doubt that for a minute. But I need more than conversation right now."
He nodded. "So it's a love thing then."
"Yeah, I guess it is." And the one she loved didn't love her.
"Well, if you ask me, he's a fool."
A fool she loved. And needed to get over if she ever wanted a good night's sleep again.
19
Two weeks, three days and eight hours since he'd last seen Serena. Tyson had buried himself in work and school and his father. Between those three things, he was so busy he barely missed her. Liar. He’d managed to corral thinking about her to about once every thirty minutes.
Shit, that was real progress considering. At first it had been once every goddamned minute. The only time it was still unbearable was at night.
As he navigated his father's street, he tried to shake the thought of her. It was like she was haunting him. Making her presence known. Hell. She had stuff all over his apartment. Not even from when they'd been dating, but from before. A book here, a pair of flats there, an earring, a hoodie. One of his T-shirts still smelled like her, and he'd kept it unwashed and tucked it under his pillow.
No wonder his dreams were plagued with the times they'd been together. In particular that night here in his apartment, when he'd taken her against the window. Christ. He ground his teeth. Get your shit together. You can ride this out. It was fine.
He took the ramp up to his father's place. He'd built the thing himself. He’d come out last week, but thanks to his class workload, he and the old man hadn’t had a chance for a proper chat. He’d also hired a proper nurse after his conversation with the doctor. He couldn’t leave anything up to chance with the old man.
Nah, fuck that. He'd buried himself in everything else to try and forget about Serena, and he'd refused to come up for air. His dad's blood work had come back and everything looked okay, but everyone was on high alert for a relapse. Hence the nurse. Ty had the money now. He could get some help. He didn't have to do it all.
"Dad, you here?"
"In the back," his father called out.
He found his father in the garden they'd built on the patio. He'd managed to make some roses grow, and the things were his pride and joy, the colors contrasting the white of the deck. "Hey, old man."
His father wheeled the chair around. "Who you calling old? Pretty sure I can still outshoot you in basketball."
"Yeah, but then you'd complain about your shoulder for a week."
His dad grinned. When he had officially handed over the reins of the business to Ty so he could recover, he had been terrified. He hadn't wanted to disappoint. He hoped he'd made the old man proud.
But how much had he been disappointing the old man by only focusing on that?
His father studied him closely. "I've got some coffee on, you want some?"
"Sure, I'll get it."
"No. No you won't. I can do it myself."
Ty's shoulders slumped. "Shit, you too?"
His father only laughed as he rolled into the kitchen. "That pretty young thing finally put you in your place? Noticed your grumpy mood last week. But you ran out of here so quick I didn’t get to poke you about it."
Ty frowned. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
His father rolled his eyes. "I'm talking about Serena. She finally tell you to stop taking care of her?"
Ty rubbed at the back of his neck. Am I that much of a pain in the ass? "Something like that."
"And let me guess, you think she's wrong and clearly needs you?"
"Yes! Why can't she see that? She’s making bad choices. And changing right in front of me."
The old man chuckled softly as he poured their mugs of coffee. They both took it black. He pushed a cup toward Tyson. "Maybe because she's entitled to be her own person?"
"I never said she wasn't. But she's made some mistakes before. I'm only trying to look out for her." He cracked his neck. "I mean, I have her best interests in mind. She's fucking up her life, and she's changing on me—"
His father put up a hand. "And you can't stand change. And you feel like you have to take care of things. Fix them, control them."
"I—" He didn't need to fix everyone. Besides, what was wrong with a little control?
"Tyson. Look, when I got sick, I know I leaned on you. I needed to. You're my only kid. But I also knew it wasn't fair. And I'm grateful. You dragged my business out of the gutter and made it your own. You've taken it places I never thought of. And I know you sacrificed a lot to do that. But I never wanted you to give up your whole life. I know you're capably controlling things. I'm good now. You don't have to worry about me. I know I messed up by not going back to the doc, but I was scared of what I'd hear. That maybe you'd give it all up for me again. I didn't want to put you through that."
"Are you kidding? You're my father. Of course I worry. I mean, after what Vanessa did and all that bullshit. You were sick and she abandoned you."
His father sighed. "Tyson, stop. Look, I know that's what you think. But she didn't abandon me."
"Oh really, Dad? That's funny, because I don't see her here now. I didn't see her in the hospital when you were getting treatments. She wasn't in this house when you were so sick you couldn't move. She didn't get you weed just so you could eat something."
His father pinned him with a stare identical to his own. "And that's my fault." He scrubbed a hand over his face. "I sent her away. I was horrible to her. I pushed her. Made being with me so unbearable she had no other choice but to go. I couldn't control what was happening to my body, so I controlled the one thing I could. I made her go before she could leave me."
Tyson frowned. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, I screwed up. I didn't want her feeling sorry for me. Didn't want her seeing me like that, so I got her packing. And even then, I know she called to check on me. Sometimes she still calls, after all this time."
"Dad, why didn't you ever tell me that?"
His father stared into his coffee mug. "I don't know, I'm an old fool. Now she's remarried. Lives in Vegas. I fucked that shit up, and now that I'm better, I'm just an old man living with my roses. You really want to be like your old man?"
All this time, Tyson thought she'd abandoned his father. That she'd left a sick man to die. That because she was a stripper she was flighty and selfish and not good enough. He'd assumed she'd broken up his family
That woman hadn’t been the reason his father left. She wasn’t responsible. It was up to his father to make the ultimate choice. And he’d chosen to leave his family. That was on him.
And after the cancer, he’d blamed her for not being strong enough to stick it out. For not loving the old man enough. He’d been blaming the wrong person. "Fuck."
"My mistakes should not be your own, Ty. I'm controlling and demanding and push people away. Even the ones who love me. You really want to be a chip off the old block?"
"It's not that simple. I don't do so well with change, and everything about her is different."
"Let me ask you this. If she stayed the same, would you ever have pulled the trigger? Or would you have kept taking care of her, neither one of you moving on with your lives? I mean, you two kids have been in love with each other forever. I'm glad one of you finally had the balls to change the status quo."
How had his father known when he hadn't? "How long have you known?"
His father rolled his eyes. "Since your voice cracked and your balls dropped. It's in the way you look at her. How long have you known?"
"From the moment I walked away from her."
"Then maybe you should do something about it."
After leaving his father, it had taken him the rest of the day to find the Shock and Awe studio. Serena had never told him where she took lessons. All she'd said was some studio on her way home by the train. Turned out there were more than a few studios on that train route.
But according to the receptionist, she wasn’t there. He would have just left the studio, but this might be his only chance to talk to her. She wasn’t answering her phone and her doorman said she wasn’t home, though Ty suspected that was a lie. And Serena certainly wouldn't be meeting him for ice cream as usual. Because you fucked that shit up.
The studio was his last hope. This was the day of her usual class. “Look, I just want to see if she’s in there. I don't want to disturb the class or anything.”
“No dice. The clients will be uncomfortable. But I will tell you she’s in there.”
Thank god. At least he was on the right track. “Okay, I’ll wait. Will you just tell her that I’m out here?”
“Sure thing.” She shook her head as she went back to answering the phones. As he stepped outside into the drizzle, he hunched into his hoodie. It was okay. He could wait. He'd already gone too long without her. He missed her. And he was an idiot. He didn't want to be his old man. No way, no how. He wanted Serena.
At the top of the hour, several women clustered together poured out of the studio under an umbrella and scurried toward the metro station.
He watched for her, but she didn’t come out. Only after another ten minutes, as he shivered in the wind, did she and Cara leave, both carrying their own umbrella. He waited until they hugged goodbye before making his approach. "Serena."
Her eyes widened in surprise, but she didn't smile. He'd do just about anything to see her smile right now. "Do you have a minute? Maybe we could go talk somewhere?"
Cara lingered and glowered at him. Girl code. He got it. He'd glower at him too. He'd been a dumbass.
"I'll see you later, Cara," Serena muttered.
Her friend didn't take her eyes off him. "You sure?"
Serena nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."
Cara hurried to the metro, and Serena inclined her head toward the studio. "Wanna take it inside?"
"Yeah, good idea." His teeth chattered as he spoke.
Serena had been outside all of a minute, and her face and her hair were already streaked with rain even with her umbrella.
Inside, she spoke to the receptionist. "Hey, is it okay if I practice for a bit? Is the studio clear for the next hour?"
"Sure is. You don't even have to rent it."
"Thanks, I appreciate it."
Ty followed Serena in and, unlike Cara, the receptionist winked at him. Serena led him into the now empty studio and took a seat on one of the folded chairs. "So what's up? What do you need?"
"You."
"Excuse me? Weren't you the one who stopped calling me because I'd changed? Because I was a stripper?"
"God. I fucked up. I know I fucked up. I was letting my shit interfere in the best thing that's ever happened to me."
"Ty, you walked away from me. You hurt me."
"And for that I want to kick my own ass. I was a fool. I thought all the changes were a bad thing. I thought if you changed, that would mean you didn't need me anymore. I thought I'd lose you. I thought I needed to keep control of everything. But I was wrong, so fucking wrong. And I know you're not a stripper. I need to let that shit go. I hate the idea of other men looking at you, but I can deal."
"You hurt me, do you understand that?"
"I know, baby. I’m so sorry. I'm so damn sorry. I would take it back if I could. Every word."
"You made me feel like some kind of whore."
"No. Never. Serena you're fucking gorgeous, and men will want to stare at you, but that's not your shit. All of that is my shit. I was jealous as fuck and freaked out that I was finally getting everything I wanted, but it wasn’t how I imagined. "
She sighed. "What do you really want, Ty? I'm exhausted."
"I want another chance. If you want to dance, dance. I'm so goddamn proud of you and what you've built with that club. I mean, I used to look at you and the way you fought to get your life back after Aidan and I wanted to fight for you, but you insisted on doing it on your own. You have the hottest spot in DC. And it's yours. You and your friends, you own it. I'm honored to know you."
"What happened? Why were you so furious?"
He licked his lips. "The truth?"
"Always."
“All the bad shit that has happened in my life is shit I can’t control. With these shifts that, good or bad shake my world, you have been my one constant. And I needed that. But then you started to change and it rocked me to my core. Because I couldn’t lose the essence of you. I need that to feel whole. I have loved you since we were nine. I knew I wasn't good enough for you, but that didn’t stop me from doing it.”
“Ty—”
He inhaled deep. “You were changing in front of my face and it scared me. And then one night, one kiss and I no longer had terra firma under me. But you were with me and you wanted me too. But the sweet girl I loved kept morphing and evolving and the more you change, the less you look like that girl I love and
I worry you won’t need me or want me the same way. Watching you dance was like watching a whole different person. One that I want just as much, but one who does not need me at all. Who could eventually walk away and never look back. And that would break me. Just like Vanessa broke my dad."
"I wouldn't hurt you like that."
"I know. Because even if you're this new person, at the core, you're still Serena. And I needed to see you like this, or I never would have done anything about my feelings. You don't need me to take care of you."
"I don’t."
He shifted on his feet. "I do need something from you though," he whispered.
She bit her bottom lip. "What?"
"I need you to love me. I'm praying that you still do." He stepped into her space, letting the electricity that crackled around them tickle his nerve endings. "Please say you still love me. That you forgive me. I will beg you for a thousand lifetimes if that's what it takes. I'm not giving up on us, not again. Please don't give up on me."
"Tyson, I've loved you since I was old enough to understand what that was. I'm not giving up on you, not now. Not ever. Even if you make me crazy."
"Thank fuck." He pulled her close, sliding his lips over hers, and knew he was home.
Epilogue
Serena shifted in her stilettos and twirled a little as she waited for Tyson, smiling down at the flare of her skirt. The red salsa style dresses Micha had selected complimented her dark hair and her cousin had let her borrow her red and gold Louboutins. Seriously, these were the most expensive things Serena had ever had on her feet.
A sudden shiver made the hairs on the back of her neck stand at attention.
“Hello, beautiful, that dress is giving me ideas.”
“You always seem to have ideas,” she laughed.
Ty’s laugh was a low rumble that warmed her from the inside out. “Again, that’s your fault. I can’t be held responsible for my actions when you’re around.”
His hands skimmed up her waist and he turned her around to face him. He swayed them to the music and she relished being in his firm hold. “Mr. Leigh, you should probably behave yourself. Anyone could see us.”
