My eyes widened at the tidbit of information. Nobody had ever worried about my welfare before. Not my parents. Not Yancy. No one. They’d always assumed I could take care of myself. Because I had. Always. The only people who’d ever really cared that I showed up or not were the people that were paying me to be somewhere. Since I’d asked to use some vacation time at the commissary, I knew they hadn’t been looking for me. Hearing that Pax had been alarmed by my absence was both startling and heartwarming. I hadn’t meant to scare him. I simply wasn’t accustomed to anybody giving much of a shit what I chose to do. “I never meant to concern Paxton. He’s had enough on his plate,” I murmured, bitter recriminations flooding me as I realized how selfish my actions had been. At the time I left town, I’d been thinking about only one thing. Escape. Escaping the pain. Escaping my rapidly changing world. Escaping everything.
“Concerned?” Em scoffed. “Honey, that man wasn’t concerned, he was near crazy. You can’t just go off the radar like that. It’ll drive a guy like Pax right over the edge. I don’t know if you realize this or not, but Sgt. Graham is head over heels for you, Tru. That guy has been all kinds of messed up not being able to find you.”
Nodding, I felt those butterflies in my belly kick into overdrive again. “He told me how he felt about me the night before I left,” I confided softly. “I just….I needed some time, you know? Learning about Liberty’s existence and Paxton’s feelings for me all in one night… it was a lot. A whole lot, Em,” I stressed, hoping she could understand where I was coming from.
Emily’s eyes softened as she reached out a hand to warmly clasp mine. “I do get it, Tru. It had to be shocking, getting the news about Liberty’s existence and what was being asked of you. When Pax told Fletch and me what happened, I told Pax myself that he could have done a better job at easing you into things, but even without Liberty, you have to know that he was developing these feelings for you. He’s been trying for months to get you to let him in there,” she commented as she lightly tapped my chest over my heart. “Sweetie, why do you think he kept coming around?” she asked gently, pointing at my heart.
Shaking my head, I grimaced. “I thought he just felt sorry for me. You know… taking care of his buddy’s widow.”
Emily snorted. “Hon, I love ya. You’re a military wife so you know we’re both in the sisterhood, and as long as you wanted to stand by your man, I would have supported you. But I think it’s now safe for me to say that your late husband was an asshole. Yancy did you wrong on so many different levels it wasn’t funny. Paxton, Fletch, and a bunch of the other guys were flat out pissed about the way Yancy was jerking you around, and none of them were very close to Yancy there at the end. The things that have been done since Yancy died were done for you, honey. Because you are a great woman that life shit all over. None of them, most of all Pax, did anything for Yancy. It was all about you. And if you ask me, Paxton was hung up on you long before Yancy passed away. He was just too honorable a man to act on the attraction he felt.”
Jarred, I could only stare at Em. “You think so?”
“Know so,” Emily returned evenly, staring me in the eye. “Boys talk, Tru. Then, husbands come home and talk to their wives. Fletch told me a year ago that Pax was hung up on you. He and Yancy even got in a fist fight when Pax told him that you deserved better than a cheating prick for a husband. He told Yancy you deserved better, and that when you finally had enough of his bullshit, he’d be the first guy in line to try and prove to you not all men were fucking dicks. Fletch ended up having to pull Paxton off Yancy that night. True story.”
“No,” I whispered, unable to believe that Pax would stand up for me like that. He hadn’t even really known me then.
“Yes,” Emily insisted. “Look, maybe I shouldn’t have told you any of this, but I think you need to hear the kind of man Paxton really is before you make up your mind about the kind of future you want with him and Liberty. Truly, he took your back long before Yancy died. He’s taken your back for a long damn time. And I’m pretty sure he always will. To my knowledge, Pax has never been a player. He’s only ever been a stand-up kind of man. He’s the type of guy that will always take care of his family first. Now, I can already tell you he’s claimed Liberty as his. He thinks the sun rises and sets on that baby. But you’re in his heart. He’s the right kind of risk to take. And as for Liberty, I know you aren’t the type of woman that’s going to hold a grudge against an innocent kid. Liberty’s existence is a surprise for you. But instead of seeing her as a reminder of Yancy’s wandering dick maybe you should think of her as a reward you received for enduring a life with that lying, cheating jerk.”
I couldn’t help smiling at that. “Don’t hold back, Em. Tell me how you really feel,” I teased the outspoken women. Usually rather quiet, being happily married and getting pregnant with another child had given Emily a confidence she’d never had before. I envied that kind of bravery. One day I hoped I could be that forthright.
Resting a hand on her swollen belly, she shrugged. “I’m blaming hormones.”
“Noted,” I laughed. “Don’t worry, Em. I don’t blame Liberty for anything her father did to me. In the last few days I’ve done a lot of soul searching and I’m wondering if maybe God didn’t put her in my life as a kind of second chance at motherhood. After I miscarried my last baby, my doctor mentioned that maybe I should look at other routes to having a child if I wanted one… maybe Liberty was put in my life to give me my shot at being a mother.”
Emily smiled. “The one thing I know for sure is that you don’t need to share blood with a child to be an amazing parent. Just look at Fletch and Annie.”
“He’s an awesome dad,” I agreed with a nod. It was true, too. Cormac Fletcher might not have contributed his DNA to Annie’s conception, but there was no doubt when you watched the two of them together that she was very much his little girl.
“And you and Pax will make wonderful parents, too, Tru. The family you’ve always wanted to have but were never able to find with Yancy is within your grasp. All you have to do is claim them as your own, hon.”
“You don’t think this is all happening too fast?” I questioned anxiously, fear of failing at yet another relationship sitting in my stomach like a lead weight. “I mean, Pax asked me to move in with him, Em,” I shared, jerking my head toward the brick ranch house behind me. “We’ve not even tried life as a couple yet and he wants to move me in with him and Liberty! It’s all just happening too quickly, right?”
Em smirked. “Hon, you’ve been dating Pax for the last few months; you just didn’t realize it.”
“No, I haven’t,” I retorted, frowning. I think I would have known if I’d been dating a man as sexy as Paxton Graham.
“Uh huh,” Em chuckled. “Have or have you not accompanied Pax out to dinner a number of times over the last few months?”
“Well, yeah. We’ve grabbed pizza and Chinese together a few times.” Well, actually, it had probably been a few dozen times if I really stopped to think about it.
“Hmm, interesting. And have you two been to the movies or out shopping together? Anything like that?”
Shifting uncomfortably, I chewed my lower lip as I nodded. “Yes. Three or four times. He said I needed to get out of the house. But I’m pretty sure we were just going as friends, Em. Friends go out to eat and attend movies and go shopping together all the time.”
“Sure they do. That’s true,” Em drawled. “Just curious, though. Who picked up the tab on all these occasions? Him? You? Dutch treat? How’d that go down?”
“Pax paid. Always. He wouldn’t let me buy so much as a coke on my own,” I replied as I began to rethink the last few months.
Emily grinned widely. “That’s because Pax is an old-fashioned guy that way. He believes the man should always pay his lady’s way when out on a date.”
“Em,” I began softly, trying to interrupt the expectant momma, but unfortunately for me, she was on a roll and had no intention of slowing down until
she’d proven her point.
“And just call me Nosy Nellie, but when you two went out of these non-dates, did you guys ever go out with anybody else or was it just the two of you?” Em continued to snoop.
I could feel my face paling as I rapidly lost ground. “It was always just the two of us,” I whispered.
“Hmmmm, curiouser and curiouser,” Em remarked drolly. “Call me crazy, but this almost sounds like a – wait for it….relationship to me.”
“Oh, my God,” I choked, stricken, as I met Em’s amused gaze with my own surprised eyes. “I’ve been dating, Em!”
“Yes, sweetie, you very much have,” Em confirmed with a tinkling laugh. “So, to answer your earlier question, no, I don’t think this is all happening too fast. If being with Paxton and Liberty feels good…feels right, I say you grab onto that kind of happy with both hands and hold on for all your worth. From what I’ve heard, Paxton has made it clear the kind of relationship he wants to have with you, Tru. The big question is, do you want the same kind of relationship with him?”
Licking my dry lips, I struggled to answer her. I knew what I had felt after I left the lake and headed to Pax’s, but my emotions were suddenly all over the place again. “I’m scared, Emily. Really scared. I spent years with a man that was supposed to love me above all others, but only ever really loved himself. Yancy made a fool of me and a mockery of the institute of marriage. And don’t even get me started about my belief in love. How do I know Pax won’t eventually pull the same game on me?”
“Bottom line? You don’t. Nobody can predict what might happen in the future. But you can’t hold Pax responsible for Yancy’s sins. It’s not fair to try and paint him with the same brush as Yancy. Hasn’t he proven with every action that he’s pretty much the complete opposite of Yancy?”
Closing my eyes, I thought for a minute about Em’s question. The truth was Paxton had never for one instant reminded me of Yancy. In fact, he was pretty much the antithesis of my late husband. Whenever we went out, his eyes never wandered to other women the way Yancy’s had. Whenever I was with Pax, I’d always owned a hundred percent of his attention unlike with Yancy where I’d always felt like either an afterthought or a bother every time I opened my mouth. Whenever Pax was around, I’d felt safe… like I was the focus of his world. He’d never once made me feel like he’d rather be anyplace else other than with me. It had always been so different with Yancy. I’d always felt like he only ever listened to me with half an ear, like he saw me without really seeing me. It was crazy, but I felt noticed with Pax, validated in a way I never had been with my husband.
“You’re right, Em. Paxton isn’t anything like Yancy. Whether he was a friend to my husband or not, I can’t deny that he’s a completely different kind of man than Yancy was. He’s shown me more care in the last few months than I saw from Yancy the entire length of our marriage. When the chips are down, I trust him.”
“Then I think you should give him a chance… give them a chance. Because that baby needs you, too, Truly. Pax and Liberty both need you. Let him prove that he’s exactly what you need, too.”
I might be afraid of the future, but I couldn’t deny to myself that I needed them in my life, too. I wanted what Pax had offered me, that chance of creating a lasting, thriving family together. Turning to Em, I offered her a shaky smile. “Thank you, Em. I gotta go. I think I need to see them. Like right now.”
“Go get your happy, honey,” Em advised with a wink.
Nodding, I turned to hurry up the paved driveway to the covered porch. Reaching the door, I heard the low rumble of voices just before a loud high pitched cry of what could only be a child’s pain erupted. My stomach clenched as my heart leapt into my throat, and I jammed the bell repeatedly.
What the hell was wrong in there and why in the world was Liberty crying like that? Was she hurt? Had somebody somehow hurt her? I couldn’t just stand here, I thought to myself as I reached for the door knob, relieved when it turned easily in my hand. I caught my breath as my nose met a broad chest. Tilting my head back, I met the dark eyes of Em’s husband, Cormac Fletcher. “Hey,” I whispered lamely as Fletch took a step back. “I got scared when I heard the baby crying and sort of let myself in,” I admitted sheepishly, wincing as another ear piercing wail nearly shattered our eardrums. “Is Liberty okay?” I asked worriedly.
“Thank God you’re here, Truly,” Fletch greeted me. “Pax has been scared shitless since you disappeared.”
“Never mind that,” I dismissed him as I heard Liberty crying harder from somewhere behind Fletch. “What’s wrong with the baby?” I asked again as I tried to move around him.
“She’s running a bit of a fever, I think,” he replied, moving aside as he waved me toward the living room. “They’re in there.”
Hurrying forward, I walked down the short hallway and down two steps into Pax’s large sunken living room. Furnished with a nice, long brown leather sofa that was bookended by a pair of gleaming mahogany end tables and a matching pair of leather recliners in a slightly darker shade of brown, the room was comfortable, but clinical. There was not a picture or knick knack to be found beyond Pax’s service picture hanging on one white wall. The picture was a keeper, but those walls would be changing for sure if Pax still was serious about me living here. The place needed some personality. A family should have pictures hanging on these walls. Especially when that family had a baby as adorable as Liberty living with them, I ruminated distractedly. Finding Pax sitting with a sobbing Liberty unhappily perched in his lap, I crossed the room in three steps. “Hey,” I greeted them softly, lightly touching Pax’s muscular arm. I jumped slightly when the handsome man jerked his startled eyes to mine.
“Truly!” he yelped, his big body jerking in the chair where he sat as Liberty’s wet eyes looked up at me, her little mouth opening and closing as she made her displeasure known. “You came back,” he breathed, his blue eyes shining with what could only be defined huge relief.
I met Pax’s hopeful gaze with a weak smile. “I’m here. I’m sorry I didn’t call first, but my car just kind of drove itself here. I think I might have arrived in the nick of time, too. Especially since it sounds like this little girl has an ear infection,” I noted, watching a squalling Liberty reach up to grab her ear in her tiny fist and pull. “What are we gonna do about that, huh, Miss Liberty?” I asked gently as I reached down to stroke the soft flesh of Liberty’s forehead. I frowned as I noticed how hot she was.
“Oh, sh…I mean, crap monkeys,” Pax croaked as he lowered his gaze back to Liberty.
“Monkey’s don’t crap, Uncle Pax. They make poo poo!” I couldn’t help smiling as I heard Annie, her little girl voice strident as she chastised.
“Sorry, sweetheart,” Pax apologized, his eyes never leaving Liberty’s distressed face. “Baby girl, Daddy’s gonna figure out how to make this better just as soon as….Wait a second!” he blurted, jerking his eyes back to me. “Did you say “we”? As in, you and me?” he asked, motioning a finger between us.
Swallowing hard, I nodded. “I did. If you still want us to be a you and me, that is,” I whispered, biting my lip as I waited for him to respond. Unfortunately, Liberty’s irritated yowl diverted both our attention at that moment as her little face scrunched and she let out another glass shattering scream.
“Holy hel…I mean Hannah!” Pax quickly amended, mindful of the little ears listening in spite of the fact that Liberty was probably breaking the sound barrier with her shrieks. “I’ve never heard her like this before,” he worried out loud, his eyes rounding as they looked down at the crying baby.
I reached for the infant without realizing it, quickly pulling her into my arms and cradling her against my chest. “Hey, princess,” I tried to soothe the miserable child. “I know it hurts. We’re gonna fix it.” Looking at Pax, I ordered, “Her fever’s going up higher than I’m comfortable with in a baby this young. I think it’s probably an ear infection with the way she’s pulling at her ear, but I’m not sure
. Go get her car seat, Pax. I think we should take her into the ER and find out what exactly is going on.”
Jumping out of the chair, Pax nodded as he snatched his tee shirt off the back of his chair and pulled it over his head while I tried to ignore the way his muscles rippled as he lifted his arms over his head. Christ, that man was sexy even worried out of his mind, I thought silently as I rocked the baby against me. Luckily, she seemed to like the motion and was calming slightly.
“Her car seat is in her nursery. Give me two seconds to grab it and we’re out of here,” Pax promised as he brushed past me, hurrying down a hallway toward what I assumed were the house’s bedrooms.
Pax was back a moment later carrying a car seat by its white handle. Handing over Liberty, I watched as his large, tanned hands quickly got her settled with an economy of motion. “You’re quick at that,” I murmured, watching as he fashioned the safety latches.
His lips kicked up in a shy half-smile as he shrugged. “Been practicing,” he offered truthfully as he straightened and lifted the baby-filled seat. “You ready?” he asked, reaching for my hand.
“Ready,” I nodded, slipping my hand into his and squeezing gently, letting him know without words that he wasn’t in this alone.
“Annie and I will lock up for you, guys. Just text me and let me know what you find out,” Fletch urged as I let Pax pull me toward the door.
“Thanks, man,” Pax called out as I followed him out the door and toward his truck.
Seconds later, all three of us were belted in and on our way to the hospital. Biting my lip as I looked over my shoulder to check on Liberty, my heart clenched as I noted her closed eyes. She looked peaceful, but her face was still red with fever and I kicked myself for not pulling my head out of my ass sooner. While I’d been holed up in a cabin licking my wounds, this child… my child now… had needed me. My guilty conscience must have shown on my face because I felt Pax’s hand squeeze my leg a second later as his deep voice cut through the silence.
Special Forces: Operation Alpha: Saving Liberty (Kindle Worlds Novella) Page 8
