She lifted her chin and looked him square in the eye, face tense as if expecting rebuke. “Because I love you.”
He stopped dancing and stood stock still in the middle of the dance floor. Other couples glided by, though none near enough to overhear Macy’s shocking declaration.
Heart hammering, he cleared his throat. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” she said on a sad laugh.
His chest swelled as it filled to bursting with a powerful happiness. A gorgeous, intelligent woman of integrity like Macy loved him. Loved him. He had to be the luckiest man ever born. He grinned.
He started dancing again, bringing her with him across the floor, their bodies moving as one. “So why would that stop you from marrying me? I’d have thought that was a good sign.”
She paused, almost missed a step. “It’s only a good sign if both people are in love. If it’s only one person, then it becomes a minefield. The marriage fills with bitterness and resentment. I don’t want that to happen to us, Ryder,” she ended on a whisper.
Suddenly he saw his parents’ marriage through new eyes. He’d thought it was loveless on both sides, but he’d been wrong. His mother had loved his father, and his father hadn’t loved her back. She hadn’t just been embarrassed by his father’s semi-public antics, she’d been heartbroken.
He closed his eyes for a moment, wishing he could have done something for his mother, even as he acknowledged it’d been far beyond his control.
Then he opened his eyes and focused them on the incredible woman in his arms. He wasn’t his father. He’d no more leave Macy and start another family with a mistress than hack off his left arm.
Heart thumping, he pulled her close again and rested his cheek on her the top of her head. He’d find a way out of this emotional maze. He’d never failed on things he’d put his mind to in the past, and wasn’t about to start now. Not when it was this important.
Since Ryder had a plane to catch, it was still early when they arrived back at her apartment. Despite her spur-of-the moment—and probably unwise—declaration, Macy had spent the night appreciating the time she had left with him, just as she’d promised herself—reveling in the feel of his arms around her as they danced, delighting in the shivers he caused as he whispered in her ear.
But they’d both grown quiet during the ride home. She’d been unable to tear her thoughts away from the prospect of losing him. She’d see him again for the wedding and perhaps occasionally after that, but this was the last time he’d really be with her.
Ryder’s driver pulled up at her apartment building and she felt her lips tremble as it came into view. He didn’t have time to come up—would they say goodbye in the car like mere acquaintances?
Ryder stepped out of the car and circled around to open Macy’s door before pulling her into a tight embrace.
“I’ll just tell the driver he can go,” he said against her hair.
Stunned, Macy pulled away to leave a foot of space between them. “You’ll miss your flight.”
“I’ll catch another one. Tomorrow or the next day.” His tone was offhand, but his body was rigid, his eyes intense on hers.
Yesterday he’d told Bernice it was imperative he get home as soon as possible. And now he was happy to miss the flight she’d booked? “You need to speak to your brother.”
His shoulders rolled back. “I’m not leaving with things left undecided between us. We need to fix this before I go. Get back to where we were forty-eight hours ago.”
A shiver passed along her body. She’d do pretty much anything to go back to where they’d been forty-eight hours ago. To the bliss they’d shared in Sydney, to the excitement of the trip home when they were planning their wedding and married life. But no one could turn back time, not even Ryder Bramson.
“That’s not going to happen, whether you stay another day or not,” she whispered.
His eyes were closed for a long moment and his hands thrust deep in his pockets. “Macy, we can make this work.”
She swallowed hard before she was able to speak. “Ryder, I can’t. I’ll give you a paper marriage so you can buy my father’s company, but I just can’t do more than that. I’m staying here in Australia. Permanently.”
He looked up and down the street and she knew he was checking for paparazzi. There were none around but he gripped her elbow and guided her into the more private foyer anyway. If people saw them having a falling out, or—God forbid—overheard the nature of this conversation, it would be all over the world within the hour. This was the worst possible place to have the conversation but she couldn’t invite him up; he didn’t have the time.
Ryder steered them into the same alcove where he’d first kissed her.
“You love me,” he said, voice low and urgent. “Come home with me. I’ll wait—we’ll catch a plane together.”
A little piece of her heart ripped away. She touched a hand to his chest, needing to say this but not wanting it to be an accusation. Just the naked truth. “Ryder, you’ll never love me.”
He flinched as if he’d been hit but he recouped and met her eyes again. “Not in the way you mean. The falling in love kind. But I care for you. That will grow to a solid relationship.”
“It would be a one-sided love. How can you ask that of me?” Suddenly cold to the bone, she stepped back, wrapping her arms tightly around herself. “If you care for me, why are you setting me up to have my heart broken?”
The words slammed into him and Ryder took an unsteady step back. Was that was he was doing? Setting a woman he cared for up for pain?
No. He was not his father. He’d vowed to protect Macy and he’d do everything humanly possible—more—to protect her.
He gripped her shoulders. “I’d never hurt you.”
“I’m not saying your eye will drift and you’ll find a mistress the way your father did. You’re too…honorable for that.”
A dark pain sliced through his chest. She thought honor was all that would stop him doing something so despicable? “It’s not a matter of honor,” he rasped. “I couldn’t do that.”
“There are worse ways.” Her lashes lowered to rest on her delicate cheeks. “If you came to resent me, I couldn’t stand it.”
Resent her? He couldn’t think of anything that could make him resent someone he respected as much as Macy. The dangers and obstacles she was throwing up were irrelevant. He needed to turn the conversation around. Make her see sense.
He took her hands and folded his around them. “We’re getting married anyway, why don’t we just give this a shot? No children until we’re sure. You come live with me and if you’re unhappy you leave, no questions asked.”
“No,” she said almost too softly to hear.
His heart pounded. He couldn’t fail. “What’s wrong with that plan?”
“Ryder, I’m in so deep now that I can feel my heart bleeding in my chest because you’re about to get on that plane. Imagine how I’ll be if I get in any deeper with you? I won’t subject myself to that.”
“Are you sure?” His voice grated against the sides of his throat as he spoke the words.
“If there was a chance you’d love me back, then I’d take the risk. But you won’t and you know it.”
A thick band of steel encircled his lungs, making it hard to draw breath. He couldn’t refute it. It’d be a lie to say different. But he’d give anything in this moment to be able to say the words she needed to hear. To feel those special emotions she wanted him to return.
But he’d never love her the way she loved him. It wasn’t in his nature. He didn’t have her beautiful heart. Even after all she’d been through, losing her mother, suffering the emotional neglect of her father and sister, she was still able to offer him the precious gift of her heart and soul.
Suddenly, he saw himself with agonizing clarity. What the hell was he doing here, asking her to give him even more? He swore under his breath. She was right to demand he walk away, she deserved more than he was capable of giving. She de
served the sun and the moon, and every star in the night sky. She deserved a man who would love her with an open and giving heart.
Grief ripped through him, as if he was being physically wrenched in two. He had to leave. To walk away. He owed her that.
He stepped back, hating the distance already. “I’ll honor your wishes,” he rasped.
“You will?” She blinked up at him.
Another tear crept down her cheek and he itched to carefully brush it away. “I’ll leave you to live your life and find the love you deserve.”
She squeezed her eyes shut tight and pushed herself back into the wall behind her. He couldn’t stand it. He’d caused this pain with his blasted plan to get control of the stock in his company. But he’d make it worse if she didn’t leave.
He needed to say something. Anything. “Macy—”
She cut him off. “How do you want to do this? Get married?”
Ryder heaved out a breath. No doubt about it, she was one hell of a woman. Still willing to go through with the wedding for his sake. Once he took the shares he needed, he’d sign her father’s company over to her. If she still didn’t want it, she could sell it. It was the least he could do.
And in the meantime, he’d make the process as easy for her as he could. “We’ll get married somewhere private and no fuss. I’ll come back here and we can do it in a registry office if you want. If you want to leave Chocolate Diva now, then do it. A clean break. I’ll pay out your contract and bring someone in from another subsidiary to finish up.”
She shook her head, frowning. “I’ve never broken a contract or left a project unfinished. I’ll see it out.”
“These are extraordinary circumstances,” he said gently.
“I’ll complete the contract.” Her chin went up and he realized she needed this for her pride.
It was all he could offer her in this moment—allowing her to keep her dignity. “I appreciate that. Bernice isn’t leaving yet—she’ll organize the paperwork for the wedding and let you know when she needs you for a signature.”
She looked up at the ceiling for a long moment and when she spoke, her voice sounded as if it was coming from a long distance away. “Then I guess this is goodbye.”
Not able to stand the expanse of space between them anymore, he pulled her to him and rested his forehead against hers. “I’ll see you at the wedding.”
She slipped her arms under his coat, around his waist, gripping his sides. “But it won’t be like this again, will it?”
She was right. It would never be like this again between them. He leaned down and kissed her and she kissed him back with a touch of desperation.
Holding her face in his hands, mouths so close their breaths were mingling, he spoke against her lips. “Goodbye, Macy.”
“Goodbye, Ryder.”
Then he released her, stepped back and strode out of the foyer before he changed his mind and promised her things he’d never be able to deliver.
Eleven
Ryder had been gone eight days—one hundred and ninety-one hours—which Macy had filled by working dawn till after dusk and then spending more time at the gym to ensure she fell into an exhausted slumber. But her dreams betrayed her and she spent her nights in an imaginary existence where she was still with Ryder.
Or where he left her all over again.
It was late Tuesday night when she turned the key in her apartment door and forced herself inside. She needed to move to an apartment not haunted by memories of Ryder’s presence—a place he didn’t own—but it wasn’t practical yet. There were just under two weeks left on her employment contract and after that she’d change jobs and apartments at the same time. Maybe change cities, too. Or countries.
At least the media interest had died down after a few days. They’d taken some shots of her walking alone on the streets, run them under various headings which included words like “lonely,” “sad,” and “abandoned.” She’d barely worked up the energy to care.
She dropped her gym bag and her briefcase and ignored the flashing light on her answering machine as she prepared for a hot shower. It’d been monumentally reckless to fall in love with her boss. Even more unwise to fall in love with a man who wanted to marry her to claim stocks in a company. But the worst of all—the crime against herself—had been to fall in love with a man who would never love her back.
They hadn’t spoken since he’d left—he was honoring her wishes as he said he would, giving her as clean a break as he could. But they’d have to talk soon to arrange the wedding. Foolish though it was, their wedding was like a star of hope in the future. For one more day, she’d be with him, touch him and he’d be hers.
After toweling off and pulling on some yoga pants and a fitted T-shirt, she walked without enthusiasm through to the kitchen to see what she could scrounge up from her depleted cupboard.
The phone rang and her first impulse was to leave it for the answering machine as she’d been doing lately, but she couldn’t avoid the world forever, so she picked up the cordless receiver.
“Macy,” her father’s voice boomed. “What did you do?”
Her stomach sank that these were the words he chose after years of no contact. She should have left the call to her machine after all.
“Do to what?” she asked coolly.
“To Ryder Bramson.” His frustration practically vibrated down the line. “Last week he said you’d agreed to marry him.”
Memories of that day in Sydney when she’d accepted his proposal tortured her—the naive joy that had filled her heart; the wedding plans they’d made while traveling back to Melbourne; the beautiful love-making—they crashed in on her from all sides, and she squeezed her eyes shut against the ache.
“I did,” she rasped.
“Then what have you done since then to screw it up?”
Thoughts tumbled through her brain, and she tried to get a hold on the conversation’s direction, but came up blank. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“He’s cancelled the deal.” Her father threw the words at her like bullets and she felt her jaw slacken as she processed the information. “He’s—” She stopped, cleared her throat and forced the words out. “He’s not buying Ashley International?”
There was silence on the line. “You didn’t know?” her father asked after a moment.
“No,” she whispered. If the deal between her father and Ryder was off, the deal between her and Ryder was also off. The pain she’d been trying to keep at bay for eight days ripped open and poured through her body.
“I was sure you were behind it,” he said, sounding more confused now than angry.
A cold and clammy sheen coated her skin as her body accepted the news that Ryder had severed their last link. And her father had been the one to deliver the news. She refocused on him. “Sorry to disappoint your expectations, but no.”
“Macy, honey, I need you to do something for me,” he said, voice now sweet and conciliatory. “Smooth things over with him. Make him go through with the sale.”
If her shock had allowed, she would have laughed at the absurdity of the request. “No one makes Ryder do anything. He’s not that kind of man.”
“He’s refusing to take my calls, but he’ll talk to you, I just know. It’s important.”
Despite her own pain, something in his tone alerted her to what he wasn’t saying. “How important?”
He paused then sighed. “I’ve already committed the proceeds of the sale elsewhere.”
The information was coming together to form an appalling scenario. “So if the deal doesn’t go through…”
“I’ll be financially ruined,” he finished for her.
“I’m sorry, Dad.” And even with the ill feeling between them, she truly was sorry to see anyone, especially a family member, ruined. This situation seemed to be a nightmare for everyone. “But as I said, Ryder Bramson isn’t a man to be swayed if he’s decided on something.”
“Macy, I know I haven’t been the
best father to you, but I’m begging. You don’t need to marry him. Tell him he can just buy it.”
She gulped in a breath, stunned into holding it for two heartbeats. This was the news Ryder would have wanted to hear most—he could simply buy Ashley International and own the stock in BFH that he needed. No messy deals to marry her. But it was probably too late, now that he’d called off the deal. “I can’t promise anything, but I’ll try.”
Trembling, she hung up the phone and leaned back on the wall behind her.
Ryder no longer wanted—or needed—to marry her. The one thing she’d had to give him was her father’s company.
Now he needed her for nothing.
She slid down her living room wall, coming to rest on the carpet, knees pulled tight to her chest. The rational part of her mind said Ryder canceling the deal to buy her father’s company was a good thing, that a clean break would allow her to get over him. So why, then, did it feel as if her heart had physically been wrenched from her chest? She wanted to get out of here, to go for a run, to escape. But her legs wouldn’t move. She couldn’t feel them. Her hands and lips had gone numb, too.
He’d called the deal off, didn’t need her, and he hadn’t even bothered to tell her she’d become superfluous to his plans.
His face swam before her eyes, speaking the words he’d said the night they’d parted. I’ll leave you to live your life and find the love you deserve. She pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes, trying to erase the finality of the message. She’d asked him to leave her alone. Had he found another way to get stock in Bramson Holdings and was simply taking her at her word and limiting their contact? Or was it that she was out of sight, out of mind? A fun diversion for his time in Melbourne, but now it was over he hadn’t spared her a thought?
Her heart stuttered, but no, she couldn’t believe him capable of that level of callousness. He was a good man. He was trying to make this easy on her—knew he couldn’t love her and was letting her get on with her own life. Which she would do. One day.
At the Billionaire's Beck and Call? Page 14
