by Lauren Wood
“Well I don’t know how I feel about all of this now.”
“All of what Ash?”
“I know that you are looking for a job Meri, since the other one fell through and Sam was telling me that he had some openings. But if this is too weird for you Meri, I understand.”
“No, it’s not too weird. I really need a job. I haven’t been able to find anything since I got back because I don’t have any experience. I don’t know how they expect a person to get experience if no one will hire them first.”
She was getting worked up and I assured her that I had something for her. I would have done anything to get Meri back around me and this seemed like the perfect way. It was a win-win situation if I ever saw one.
Meri smiled at me and there was a moment that I wished that Ashlyn wasn’t there. She could already see that there was something between us, but that didn’t mean that I wanted her to know. I had fallen for Meri and I hadn’t even really admitted it to myself yet, let alone to anyone else. All I could think about was having Meri around me. I knew it wouldn’t be long until I had her in my bed again. We were destined to be together, I just knew it.
The rest of the meal was spent telling Ashlyn about Thailand and then we talked about stocks a little bit. Meri wasn’t as interested in the conversation and she went to the restroom. As soon as she was gone, Ashlyn’s whole demeanor changed and I could tell that the woman wanted answers.
“What happened between the two of you Sam?”
“What do you mean?” I was really trying to look like I was innocent, but I had a feeling that I was failing miserably with it. I wanted to be truthful and tell her that I don’t know what the hell happened. I shouldn’t feel what I felt for Meri, but I did. I still didn’t know what it meant for the future or if Meri felt the same, but I was grateful for the opportunity to find out. I would have tracked her down eventually, but this way I got to keep my pride a little longer.
“Don’t play coy with me Sam. I know exactly how you are. Meri is pretty and young.”
“Yeah.”
“And she isn’t used to our world and men like you.”
I knew where she was going with it, but I wasn’t going to make it any easier for her. While she figured out how to ask me such a thing delicately, I was already trying to formulate an answer in my head.
“Look Sam, I don’t want Meri getting hurt. I know how you are with women, but this one is different.”
She was different. I couldn’t agree with her more, but that didn’t mean that I wanted to have this conversation either. I didn’t want to discuss what was still so unknown.
“Look, Meri is great and yes, she is very different, but that is a good thing.”
“Is it a mistake that I arranged this?”
“Not at all. You are helping me out. You know that I always need people for the accounting team and I am glad to give her the foot in the door that she needs. Meri has been through enough recently.”
“Well I can’t argue with you there. She is very important to me. Meri is a special person and I don’t want her to end up with a man like you that is going to destroy that part of her.”
She was getting a bit dramatic as far as I was concerned, but then again I had to wonder if she knew that Meri was a virgin. The two women seemed close enough that it was a possibility. But it was clear that she didn’t know if anything had happened or not, which was good. Ashlyn was a great person to be around, funny and entertaining, beautiful as all get out, but I didn’t want to be on her bad side. She knew a lot of very powerful people that owed her in some way or another. It was not an enemy that I wanted to gain.
I put my hands up like she had a gun. I really didn’t know what to say that was truthful. I was just going to have to avoid and deny it all. I knew that I was going to regret lying to Ashlyn, but giving up on whatever was going on with me and Meri was worth it. I think.
“I wouldn’t do anything to destroy anyone.”
“You know what I mean Sam. You are a likeable guy, maybe even lovable under the right circumstances. You are ridiculously charming and I think you know that. There was a time that me and you almost…”
“Yes I know. You were the one that stopped it.”
“Because even when I had just met you, I knew what kind of a man you were and I knew I had to protect my heart.”
“What kind of a man is that Ashlyn?”
She smiled and straightened up when she saw Meri coming our way. “You Sam, are the dangerous kind of man that women should stay far away from.”
I wasn’t going to argue with her because I knew what she meant. I was feeling a little dangerous and I had only one thing on my mind. I wanted to be alone with Meri and get back to where we had left off. It had been a couple of weeks without any woman in my bed and I knew it was because of this one right here.
“What are you guys talking about? You look so intense right now that I am not sure if I should give you more time.”
I smiled at her and told her that we were just catching up on some stocks.
Meri rolled her eyes and said that she was glad she was gone for that. “I don’t know how people can talk about money so much. There has to be more to life than that. Don’t you guys have enough?”
I told her that it wasn’t possible. I don’t think I would ever have enough. I already had more than I would ever be able to spend in several life times, let alone for just one. But that was what got me up in the morning and had for a very long time. It wasn’t the money per say, it was more the idea that I would someday not have any that kept me going.
“Well I have no problem accounting for other people’s money, but I am certainly not going to worry about it that much. Isn’t the stock market just like gambling anyways?”
“I guess you could see it that way.”
“I have never been much of a gambler. I don’t like to take risks.”
Meri was looking at me when she said it and I had to wonder if that was her way of telling me that I was a risk. I didn’t think I was. I knew what I wanted and I would have her, but that wasn’t risky. It was just the way it was. I had never had a woman that wasn’t glad that she met me. I already knew I could pleasure Meri. Hell, I was the only man that had ever lain with her, so I knew her body better than anyone else that was alive. Damn I really liked to say that.
Fuck, I couldn’t get her off of my mind and the ladies were ready to leave and I wasn’t given a moment of alone time with her.
“Well I will see you in the morning Meri, bright and early.”
She looked back at me and giggled. “I don’t think I have ever seen you get up bright and early.”
I grinned and I liked the moment of familiarity, but I didn’t miss the daggers that were being sent my way from Ashlyn. It was becoming harder to control what had happened between us and I didn’t want to. It was a fine line I was leading.
“This is true, but all of my lemmings have to be there early.”
Meri made a face and then waved to me as she left. Ashlyn thanked me again, but her eyes weren’t as generous as her words. She wasn’t worried about what I had done. She was worried about what I was going to do. I was going to make Meri mine in all ways for good. I had tried a taste and I was hooked. It didn’t matter how many women were in New York, I only had eyes for one.
I watched the two women leave and I was frozen in place for quite some time. The more I thought about everything, the more I was sure that it was all happening for a reason. I had the same feeling when I was in Thailand with Meri. It was no different here. Now I was going to have her working underneath me and I would be able to see her whenever I wanted. It was perfect and I knew that it wouldn’t be long until I had her back under my spell. If Ashlyn would have given me a few moments with Meri alone, I wouldn’t be going home alone tonight.
But I did, ignoring the calls from past lovers. I was a man on a mission and I wasn’t going to let anything derail me from what I wanted and needed most. What I needed was going to be a
t the office in the morning. It was a damn good reason for me to get there a little earlier than noon.
Chapter 13
Meri
It was a lot to take in. I had been so worried about having a job and what I was going to do about rent, that I hadn’t saw that offer coming. I was glad for it, ecstatic even, but it was hard to not see where the complications were going to come from. Sam didn’t know how to just be friends. He was looking at me during lunch like I was what was on his plate. Now I knew what he had in mind and my body responded.
So what did that mean for me? For us? He had been the one that said that there wasn’t going to be a future for us. I didn’t like the sound of that, but at the end of the day, I was okay with it too. I knew that it was going to happen. As soon as I saw him again, I knew it was the inevitable. All I could do was try to hold back my heart, but I feared that it was gone as well. It had been lost on the other side of the world and I still hadn’t gotten it back yet.
I got up early and went to my new job. I was early and it was quiet in there. My eyes were looking for Sam, even though I knew that he wasn’t a morning person. I had always been up early at the hotel and there had been several times that I had marveled at how deeply he could sleep in the late morning hours. It was clear that he hadn’t had to get up for a job in a very long time.
I made myself a cup of coffee and found the accounting wing on the third floor. There were already several people in the office and I was introduced to Sheila and Grant, both were going to be working with me. I was excited to get started and it didn’t take long to figure out what I was doing. The more I thought about it all, the more I was convinced that this was the perfect place for me, sans the devil of a boss.
Grant was extra helpful and we spent most of the morning talking and he showed me around. It was a big place, six floors and the accountants had to pick up reports daily from several people. I was the one that was going to be running around, so I had to get to know the place as well as I could.
“So how did you hear about the job? I didn’t even know that we were hiring when I heard that they were adding another person to the staff.”
“Oh really? I found out about it yesterday. A friend of mine knows the owner and he told me that he would find a place for me.”
“Oh.”
I didn’t like the way he said that. “What?”
“I didn’t know that you knew Sam.”
“Does it matter?”
“No, not really, but it just means you aren’t going to be looking to go out with anyone huh?”
Grant was sweet and even though he was my age, he felt like he was younger. There was a naivety in his eyes that I had seen a few times before. I don’t know if I had ever been that way. He was a sweet guy and though he wasn’t really my type, I certainly didn’t want anyone thinking that there was anything going on with me and Sam. There really wasn’t as far as I was concerned. There had been in Thailand, but that ended when we got back home. Even before we got on the plane, I knew what it was going to be when we got back, no matter how badly I wanted it to be something else.
“Why would you say that Grant?”
He started to get a little red in the face when he realized what he was assuming. “I mean, it’s just that the boss has a bit of a reputation around here. All of the women want him and since he was the one that hired you instead of HR, I guess I just figured that you were one of his.”
I didn’t like the sound of that at all, but I couldn’t ask anymore. It might make him wonder and I didn’t want that. I waved him off. “No, I think he did it more as a favor to my friend than anything else. I am just thankful to have a job. I am definitely not his.”
“Oh, well that is good to hear.”
He was red in the face and his bushy hair seemed to be even bigger as he smiled back at me. I didn’t say that I would go out with him, but I was starting to realize that is what he had heard from our conversation.
We got back to talking about work and it was almost lunch time before I saw Sam come in. Grant said something about him never coming in to the part of the building unless something was wrong. I almost wished that something was wrong, instead of him bee-lining it towards me, right after I had told Grant that there was nothing going on between us. I couldn’t be that lucky though.
“Meri, there you are. How do you like your first day so far?”
Sam was looking at me, but I could see that he was eying the man next to me as well. Grant took the hint and mumbled something under his breath about having to go check on some quarterly reports that were supposed to be turned in today. After trying to explain how I wasn’t Sam’s girl, it didn’t help for him to pop up and act like I was. We had a history, but I didn’t want anyone there to know anything about it. It was embarrassing and what had come after he saved me from a dirty jail was even worse. What I had allowed to happen.
As I looked at Sam, I hated to think it, but I was going to allow it to happen again. “It has been good so far Sir. Are you just getting in?”
He smiled at me and I knew that he had just gotten up and managed to finally get to work. He really wasn’t too worried about getting in on time. It was his company after all. Sam could take as much time as he wanted. Everyone that was here was here mainly because of him in one way or another. That was hard to deny and I was certainly here because of Sam. He was a lifesaver in more ways than one.
“I have been here a little while.”
I nodded my head and agreed with him, though I didn’t believe it. I had a feeling that his little while was actually about fifteen minutes. I knew Sam too well. I knew things about him that a woman like me shouldn’t know. It was hard to forget them now as I was looking at him, so close to where he was standing.
“Well it is a beautiful day. I think I am going to go see if it feels as good out there as it looks. Are there any good places to have lunch around here that you could point me in the right direction? I am still trying to get my bearings back.”
“How about I just take you to a nice place? I don’t want you to have lunch alone.”
I should have told him no. It was on the tip of my tongue to say that very thing, but I just couldn’t. I don’t know why, but instead I told him that I would go. I wanted to be around Sam, even if I was going to faller deeper into a hole that I was never going to be able to get myself out of. Men like Sam didn’t fall in love and if they did, it certainly wouldn’t be with someone like me. So maybe I should just enjoy it while it lasts.
Following him to the elevator, I noticed a few looks as we were walking out that I tried to ignore. I didn’t want the reputation that I was making. I had already been asked about it, but at the same time, I wanted to see Sam more than I cared of someone seeing us together. I didn’t want people to look at me like I was ‘his girl’ but I also didn’t want to ignore the way I felt about Sam. I was pulled in too many directions.
When the doors shut, he turned to me and I felt like we were back at the hotel again in Thailand. He had this look of conspiracy on his face and it made me smile.
“I have missed you.”
His words took me off guard and I waved him off. “I am sure there are plenty of women here to keep you busy Sam. I have already heard all about your reputation around here.”
He put his hands up like I had struck a blow. “Those are the rumors of the old me. I am a different man now. You should know that. You are the one that changed me.”
“Last time we talked, you told me that we were going to go back to the city and go one with our own lives? Do you remember telling me that to lower expectations?”
Sam was quiet for a minute and then shook his head. “No, I don’t think I said quite that and if I did, I was wrong. I don’t want to go back to the way that things used to be before I knew you. That is why I miss you so much because I worried I wouldn’t get to see you again.”
I wanted to believe him, I really did, but I was still so sure that he was just telling me what I wanted to hear. It w
as of course, exactly what I wanted to hear from him. It was what I wanted to hear the night before we came back. What had changed his mind now? Why did he think it was possible now?
The elevator stopped and someone got on. They said hello to Sam and even though there were so many employees, he seemed to know their name like everyone else in this place. It gave me time to think about what he was saying and it gave my face time to lose the rose glow that Sam caused me. Everyone in the elevator got off at the ground floor and I was left waiting for Sam to stop talking to one of the other employees. He didn’t mention going out to lunch when he was asked. When I asked about it, he just kind of shrugged. “I don’t want to have to share you with anyone. I just don’t want to right now. Is that selfish of me?”
He made me smile all the way to his car. I had told myself this very morning that I wasn’t going to do that very thing, but I was doing it and I don’t know if I was going to be able to stop myself or not. It looked like I was just as much under his spell here in New York, as I was in Thailand when he was my lifeline. Sam was still my lifeline, no matter how much I knew that he really wasn’t. I wanted to cling to him like he was. He had proven that there was another side to me and I didn’t want to lose that. I didn’t want to lose the feeling I got when I was with him, no matter how long it was for.
***
“You seem different today Meri. Are you sure you are feeling well?”
“Yes, it is just a lot to take on here. I forgot how big the city was and how expensive.”
We were getting out of the car and the valet was taking his keys while Sam handed him a twenty. I wondered for a moment how many people Sam tipped on a regular basis. He tipped everyone from what I could tell and that just made my point even more clear. It was expensive to live here, just to go to a restaurant, Sam would spend more parking his car then I would have spent on a whole meal with tip. It was strange to think about how different our lives were from each other’s. It was hard to keep up with a man like that, even if I tried. I still don’t know how Ashlyn did it. She had come from nothing as well. How did she get through the little changes when wealth was so near at hand everywhere a person went?
