by S. M. Smith
Yes.
Should I really do this? Even as I ask myself that, Psalm chapter twenty-eight, verse seven comes to mind…
“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy, and I will give thanks to him in song.”
“Stephen, wait.” He stops the step toward the gate that he was about to take and looks at me exasperated.
“Jessie, this isn’t the right time or place. We’ll talk when we get home.”
He takes a step forward and I remember something that breaks my heart.
“I didn’t get to tell her goodbye.”
He stops and his whole body stiffens. I see his upper body rise and fall as he tries his hardest to calm down enough not to make a scene. I stand quickly and touch his shoulder, feeling him wince at my touch. He doesn’t step away though and I take the opportunity to face him.
“I can do it.” My voice is just a breath as I admit it out loud. When I finally find his eyes, he looks like I’ve stabbed him.
“This isn’t the time or the place, Jessie. I can’t do this right now.”
“But Stephen, I want to do this right now. She needs us. Let’s do this. Let’s bring her home.”
His eyes close in pain and I don’t know how to comfort him. Adam reverently approaches us, but I wave him on.
“Go on. We’ll catch up with you in a bit,” I tell him, trying to buy Stephen some time. Adam nods but watches us wearily as he and Amelia make their way to the gate.
“This isn’t a joke to me, Jessie.” He doesn’t look at me when he opens his eyes, so I reach up, place each of my hands on his cheeks and tilt his head down to make him look at me. His world is shattering behind those beautiful emerald green orbs, or maybe it’s been shattered for a while and I’m just now seeing it. Either way, I’m ready, and need to help him put things back together.
“It’s not a joke to me either. I’m not sure I can explain it correctly to you, but I’ve seen it. We are going to be awesome parents. The best parents she could have. We’re going to have our family and she is going to be in it. And we’re going to be okay. All of us.”
Tears rim his eyes while he struggles to hold his emotions in. He bites down on his bottom lip, fighting to hold onto his strength. When I reach up and carefully kiss his lips, the dam breaks. His arms find my waist and his head falls to my shoulder. I just hold him as he lets go of all the frustration he’s held in for a sweet baby in Haiti.
Somewhere along the way, I feel tears fall down my own face and we miss our flight. I’m not sure how long we stand there, holding onto each other letting our walls crumble until they’re nothing but a powdery dust. At some point, we both drop our bags and just hold each other in the middle of the waiting area. Guests for the next flight out of this gate start to arrive but we just stand there until the last of the tears have fallen and we both feel like we can breathe again.
Stephen straightens up and kisses the top of my head. “I guess we need to figure out what’s next.”
“How about some coffee? And we better call our parents and let them know we missed our flight.”
He smiles at me and picks up both our bags, allowing me to lead the way to the Starbucks stand I noticed when we arrived. A latte for me and a black coffee for him later, we’re both pacing the walkway walls, each hastily making phone calls.
“I’m sorry, Dad. We’re not sure what’s going to happen just yet. But once we do, I’ll call you right back,” I explain, feeling awful that he’s driven into town to meet a plane that we won’t be on. “Why don’t you head back to our place and make yourself at home. I’m sure there’s a good game on you can watch. The coffee is in the cabinet above the machine.”
“Okay, honey. I think I will. And no need to apologize. I’m just happy the two of you are happy. She sounds perfect for you kids and I can’t wait to meet her.”
The idea that my father is excited about his potential granddaughter makes my heart sing with confirmation that this is the right thing to do.
“Thanks, Daddy. I’ll call you just as soon as I know what’s going to happen next. I love you.”
“I love you too, kid. Just be safe. I’ll talk to you soon.”
I hang up with my dad at the same time Stephen hangs up with one of the guys from his firm, looking hopeful, but not pleased.
“Dad’s going back to our place until we figure out what we’re doing next.”
“Matt said he was reaching out to the agency office here in Atlanta. Said it could probably be tomorrow before we could get in to see him, but we could get all the basic paperwork filled out and back in his hands tomorrow, however it will still take some time to get her stateside. He’s going to do whatever he can to help us, though, to help speed up the process as much as he can.”
He exhales roughly and I feel like he looks.
“I’m exhausted. We need to find someplace to stay the night? I would kill for a warm shower and soft bed.” Reality of missing our flight sinks in. “Ugh. We have no clean clothes.”
“I think we can rectify that.” He smiles, and pulls me into his arms again, inhaling deeply as if to draw strength from my closeness. “Are you sure about this?”
“I am,” I respond without hesitation, snuggling in the security of his chest. “I don’t know, I just woke up with this peace over everything. Not just if I can be the mother she needs, but with this family that we’ve fought so hard for. It’s going to be beautiful and full of love and some pain, but mostly love. It isn’t going to be perfect, but I know that whatever God throws our way, we’re going to handle it because we have Him to guide us. We’re going to have a family, Stephen.”
My voice cracks as I look up and give him my best reassuring face. He leans down and kisses me tenderly on the lips, making me feel safe and at home with his arms around me. I find that I’ve missed this.
Adopting is a huge commitment, but if there’s anything I’ve learned from this experience is that no matter how big the decision we face, I’ve chosen a man who I can count on to lead me and my family into the light of Jesus.
“Come on, Mrs. Cahill. I believe you requested clean clothes, a warm shower and a comfy bed, all of which I plan on fulfilling.” He hands me my backpack and swings his over his shoulder and offers me his hand.
“Well since you’re taking requests,” I try to flirt as I take it. He catches my drift and winks at me, making me giggle for the first time in days. He sighs, a huge grin on his face.
“Oh, Mrs. Cahill. Whatever am I going to do with you?” We step out into the thick evening Atlanta air and he hails down a cab.
“Oh, I have a few ideas.” I smirk as the car stops and he opens the door for me.
Chapter Twenty-One
~Stephen~
Installing a car seat seems to take nothing short of something requiring a doctorate in civil engineering. And it would be while I’m trying to earn this prestigious degree that Jess decides to go through her to-do list.
“And you called Dr. Livingston?” Jessie asks.
“Yes, dear.” I nearly slice a finger off while trying to anchor the dumb contraption to the backseat of my new Audi SQ5. I finally get the base anchored and tighten the straps so tight that the Jaws of Life will be needed to get this bad boy out of here.
“And her records and our paperwork were all faxed to his office?” she asks, her skepticism starting to grind on what is left of my nerves. I hit my head on the door frame as I climb out and turn to her. Just the mere sight of Jessie bouncing a very sleepy looking seven month old in her arms, defuses my temper immediately.
It’s exceptionally cold for this early in the fall, which means we risk her catching a cold, but we have the faith she’ll be fine, and her doctor on speed dial just in case. That and it appears Jessie has wrapped her up so much that Elsie looks like we picked her up from an Eskimo’s igloo.
I remember when Jessie found her name. She was so excited that she called my office six times while I was in
a meeting.
“You know we need to come up with an easier way to get ahold of you when you’re in meetings or court. What will you do if Dauphine has an emergency and I can’t call you six times to get you on the phone? You’ll feel horrible that you were so hard to get ahold of.” She sounds irritated, but only mildly.
“All you have to do is tell Tessa that it’s an emergency. She and I established a protocol for emergencies before you and I got married.”
“You did? Wow. I didn’t know you did—“
“What do you need, Jess?” Aside from being in a three hour meeting, the paper work on my desk has been piling up and I really needed to get at least part of it sorted out before I could go home.
“What do you think about the name Elsie? It means—“
“You called six times because you found a name?” Clearly she needs more work to do.
“Yes, but only because I really think this is the name for her. I googled it and Elsie means, well it translates into many variations, but they’re all forms of ‘oath to God’. Kind of fitting, don’t you think?”
Considering half the other names she’s come up with, this one seems least likely to be made into some horrible chant for the kids to sing on the playground. “I like it. Are you serious about it being the one though?”
“Unless you like Neveah better?” she asks smugly, knowing full-well I didn’t like it the first ten times she brought it up.
“No, I think Elsie is perfect. Are you still sure about her middle name?”
“Yeah. She will one day want answers as to her heritage and I want her to have something she can hold onto.”
“Okay, so Elsie Dauphine Cahill. I like it. Are you absolutely sure?”
“Do you think I would have called you six times if I wasn’t?”
I laugh. I will give my tenacious wife the credit she’s due; when she sets her sight on something, she goes for it. Just one of the many things I love about her.
“Okay. Email me the official spelling so I can forward it on to Matt to get to the judge.”
“Yay! She’ll never again be known as just Dauphine.”
“Or Baby Dauphine.” I smile. “Excellent choice, Mom.”
“I like it when you call me that.” I hear the admiration in her voice, and her vulnerability sends all sorts of feelings through my body.
“I thought you like it when I call you Mrs. Cahill?” I can’t help the devilish tone.
“Hmm… that too. I gotta go. I’ve got a hot date to get ready for.” Her voice turns girly and flirty.
“I’m a very lucky boy. I’ll see you in an hour?”
“That you are. Don’t be late.”
I reach for the sleeping baby now and pull her into the back seat of the SUV. Jess runs around and climbs in the other side and closes the door behind her, helping me strap Elsie into her seat. After both of us triple check the straps, Jessie and I buckle in on either side of her.
“Okay, Jack. We’re all ready.” I tell my ever-so-patient father-in-law.
He nods and I can’t tell if he’s more nervous about driving my brand new car or driving his new granddaughter in the Kansas City traffic. Fortunately, the traffic is light and we’re able to make great time back to our apartment. The parking lot is packed when we pull in, and I know that our welcome home committee is all here. Before I pull the car seat out of its base, I make sure that my daughter has the three layers of blankets packed around her and the cover fully in place.
This wasn’t the home I necessarily wanted to bring Elsie in to, but the extra fees to expedite her adoption took a significant chunk out of our house fund. Every single cent has been worth it though so I won’t complain.
The apartment is all abuzz when Jack opens the door for us, a round of cheers exploding when we walk in. I barely get her through the door before the vultures descend. I let Jessie pull Elsie out of her seat while I find the bottle of hand sanitizer from her diaper bag and pass it around. I’m not really the type of Dad who is concerned about the germs, but I am the type of dad who is concerned about his daughter’s natural susceptibility to infections, so any and all precautions will be taken.
I hand the bottle to my mom who can’t take her eyes off of the two most important girls in my life. The look on her face is indescribable, but it’s somewhere between pride and admiration. It nearly brings me to my knees. Jessie hands Elsie to my mother and I know that the two girls have fallen head over heels for one another. Elsie smiles her luminous smile, instantly drawing tears to my mother’s eyes and I grab Jessie to hold myself up.
We lean against each other as we watch our friends and family ogle over our daughter. Everyone’s here; our parents, Isaiah and an extremely pregnant Shelby, Jason and Stacia, who apparently have become an item, Grady, Daphne, Beau, Matt and his wife, Tessa and her husband and everyone who originally went to Haiti with us. Our home is full of the people who have supported and encouraged us through this entire process. It’s full of warmth and love, and most importantly, a family that we’ve fought hard for.
Feeling the tears threatening, I lean down and kiss the top of Jessie’s head. She turns in my arms and lays her head upon my chest.
“She’s finally home.” The euphoria in her voice is perfectly discernable. She too sounds like she’s about to cry, so I squeeze her tight.
“Are you a happy momma, Mrs. Cahill?” I whisper in her ear.
“Very.” She grins and leans up, kissing me.
Not really expecting anyone to be watching us, I lace my fingers into her hair and deepen the kiss. Her hands snake up my back, pressing in and holding me tighter.
I hear someone clear their throat just before I hear Grady’s dumb voice, “Man, get a room.”
I feel Jessie’s lips spread into a grin as she pulls back. Looking up I see that most of the room is blushing for us. A second passes by and the crowd splits up, giving us some much needed space.
“You know,” Beau says, offering me his hand. “Studies show that women find their men sexier when playing the fatherly role. Congratulations, man.”
Over the last three months, Beau has become a familiar face around our house and I’ve really come to like the man. Especially when he riles Grady up, and lately that seems to be a fairly easy thing to do. Whatever those two have found in Daphne, I may never understand, but I’m grateful that she’s finally getting the attention she merits from someone other than my wife.
“Thanks, man. And thank you for all your help. I know case studies like ours isn’t your forte, but I appreciate all you did to help us speed up the process.” He, along with Matt, worked hard to help us move a project, that we were told would take almost a year, into just over three months. Without all their help, we aren’t even sure we’d have gotten her out of Haiti.
“It was my pleasure. And I liked being able to branch out. I kind of wanted a change when I came up here, and I think you guys have helped me to figure out what direction I’d like to go in.”
“That’s excellent. And everything with.” I point over at Daphne who is gushing over my daughter with Shelby and Jessie. “How’s that going?”
He takes a deep breath and kind of shrugs.
“I’m not sure, yet. It’s all a little,” he looks over at Grady, expressionless, “unclear at this time.”
“Well, I wish you both the best of luck. Daphne’s like family to Jessie and me. She’s worked hard to get where she is now and she deserves to be happy. She’s a special girl.”
“That she is.” Beau takes a sip out of a plastic champagne flute and I feel my throat go dry. Leaving him to pine for this high school sweetheart, I excuse myself to find my own glass.
I find my mother pulling a tray of food out of the fridge when I finally squeeze past the throng of people in my home. She places the tray on the counter and picks up a cracker and slice of cheese and hands them to me.
“Hungry?” She asks as she turns back to the tray and finishes taking the covering off.
“Not
really,” I say, although I pop the snack in my mouth anyway. “I’m a little too jazzed right now. Something to drink would be great though.”
She turns and pours a couple of glasses of sparkling juice for me and Jess. I give her a knowing smile, and lean down so she can kiss my cheek.
“Thanks for doing all this, Mom. It’s pretty great.” I don’t mention that I could go for something a little stronger than sparkling juice though.
“You’re welcome, honey. I’m so proud of you kids. Your father and I both are.”
“Thanks, Mom. Really.”
She nods at me and shoos me off to deliver a glass to my beautiful bride. I find Jessie staring at Elsie, who seems to think that Grady is the funniest man alive. If only she knew how big of a pain in the butt he can be.
“She fits right in here,” Jessie says only taking her eyes off Elsie long enough to take the drink I offer her.
“Of course she does. She’s a Cahill. Why wouldn’t she?”
Jessie finally beams at me, elated with the idea that Elsie is now a part of our family. She slips an arm around my waist and I melt with her touch. We watch our beautiful baby girl from across the room while Daphne and Tessa take turns hogging her from the rest of our guests. I feel Jessie’s chest rise against mine, drawing my attention to her.
“Sleepy?” I ask.
“No. Just fighting the overwhelming urge to burst into tears.”
I reach down and tip her chin up.
“What’s wrong?” I search her eyes, looking for a variety of things; fear, doubt, pain. But all I see is joy.
“I’m just really, really happy.” Her voice breaks and I nearly swoon, falling head first for this girl once again.
“Me too.” I kiss her forehead, avoiding the lips I know I won’t be able to pull away from. We both turn back to watching Elsie interact with her newest fans.
After about an hour of getting passed around, Elsie starts to get a little fussy, so Jessie swoops in and saves the day. The minute Jessie appears at her side, Elsie instantly calms down. She snuggles into Jessie’s arms as she walks back toward me. The noise dies down as all eyes watch the girl of my dreams join my side, and I suddenly feel like I need to make some fancy speech or something.
