by Autumn Gunn
“Totally understand. I’ll check in with you next week.”
“Ok. Talk to you then.”
“Until then.”
I hung up the phone and continued staring out the window. Carissa. She was still downstairs waiting to begin the cookie battle. I smiled. A cookie battle. How simple and different could that be from the news I just received? To say completely the opposite would still be an understatement.
I walked downstairs and into the kitchen.
“You look like you just saw a ghost.”
“I think I did.”
“Are you OK? Do you want me to leave?”
“Strangely, I’m perfect. I don’t want you to leave. In fact it’s perfect that you’re here.”
“Are you sure? You don’t look like everything is perfect.”
“I’m not in shock, but it’s probably looks like that.”
“That sounds about right.”
I sat down at the table.
“Something just happened. Something that’s really life changing. Literally.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“I do.”
Carissa leaned in and intertwined her hands with mine. She looked at me in such a supportive way. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t need to. Her look simply said to me I could begin whenever I was ready.
“I’ve been battling PTSD for awhile now. I’m getting better, but not fast enough. It’s why I had to leave town. I went to Coronado to get news regarding my future as a SEAL. The news wasn’t what I wanted, but I can’t say it was a surprise. The Navy decided to discharge me. I understand. Although I’m making progress there is no way they can put me back in the field anytime soon. They were great about it. They’re here to help me get better, but just not as a SEAL. I have to recover as a civilian and transition back to civilian life. I don’t like the decision, obviously, but I understand it. They can’t take risks with potential lose cannons in the field. Right now I’m viewed as a loose cannon. I’m not exactly, but I’m not 100% either. To be a SEAL I have to be at 100%. Mentally and physically. And I’m not going to be at 100% for awhile. The Navy probably wonders if that will ever happen.
I can take a lot. Process a lot. But something happened in Kandahar that was a lot for me to process. Too much really.”
I stopped for a moment. Carissa was still silent. She was going to let me speak when I was ready. I could feel her grip tighten just a little more in mine. Her support was amazing. She deserved to know. She was 100% invested in this relationship. I knew that. If she’s all in, I’m all in. And for me to be all in she gets to know the good with the bad. She’s my future and she deserves to know about my past. I’m sure of this.
“I was on lookout one afternoon. We had a transport van meant to look like it was just transporting some local goods to the village, but in fact it was transporting SEALs into the area. We were restocking so to speak. They would transition in and our current group would transition out and back a few days. To unwind. It was supposed to be a simple maneuver. Until it wasn’t.
We had three seals in bird’s nests scattered about the village. That just means we were perched in areas to watch the van. Provide any cover if needed. Keep an eye out for anything suspicious. That kind of thing. It was midafternoon on a hot day. A time when a lot of the local people take naps, have a coffee, and just generally have some downtime. It was a good time to execute the plan. Everything was sound.
I saw the van coming in my binoculars. I scoped the nearby area and everything was calm. The radio said everything was clear. All three of us that were providing look out radioed in that we were good-to-go.
Through my scope I noticed one kid on a side street. He looked a bit nervous. Kind of fidgety. He was obviously hiding from someone or something, but I couldn’t put the pieces together. What was he doing? Was he in trouble with mom and dad or was it something bigger.
I watched him. He seemed really nervous. He kept looking around to make sure no one was watching from the rooftops. He was looking for something underneath his clothes. He found it and pulled it out. It was one of those old Nokia brick phones. The kind you haven’t seen in the States in over 15 years, but that are still very popular in other parts of the world. They’re also very popular with bombers, and although this kid was on a secluded side street he had a perfect view of the incoming van.”
I paused again. Just telling the story took me back to that day. To that moment where everything changed forever.
“I radioed him in. We didn’t have much time to make a decision. If we u-turned the van it would be obvious something was up. If we continued we weren’t sure if we were walking right into a trap. Less than 30 seconds before everything was perfect. Now we had a life and death decision to make…in less than 20 seconds.
They asked me if I had a clear shot and if I could confirm the kid was a hostile. I did have a clear shot, but I had no idea about the kid. He looked suspicious as heck, but suspicious of what? If I’m wrong it’s not just me who’s hung out to dry. It’s the whole SEAL team. The whole operative. And it’s not even just the military side of it. It’s the human element. I’ve got what appears to be a nine or ten year old kid in the cross hairs of my scope. He’s younger than Jasmine. And there’s a decision to be made. A decision that’s going to come from above me, but one that’s going to be made based on what I tell them I’m seeing. And I’m not 100% sure what I’m seeing.”
I stared at the ceiling. I could feel the hair stand up on my entire body. Goosebumps everywhere. I exhaled hard.
“We couldn’t make the kid out as militant with 100% certainty so I was ordered to just keep him in my sights and continue providing updates and act immediately upon any orders coming through my radio.
The kid is watching the van. He’s holding the phone in his right hand. The van’s coming closer. I can see him look at the keypad. Look back at the van. Then he looks back at the keypad. His thumb moves over the keypad. It hovers above the call button.”
My head dropped. I stared at the wall straight ahead.
“Do I terminate the kid? Do I terminate this kid before he presses the button?”
I continue staring at the wall. My foot taps uncontrollably.
“He presses the button.”
I close my eyes. The visual is still there. Strong.
“Boom! The van explodes. The kid takes one big side step that kind of resembles a horizontal jump and he’s gone. Six SEALs dead. I blew it. I was responsible. I didn’t accurately make out the kid. I just killed six of my brothers. Six guys I’ve went to hell and back with for the last three years. They’re gone. Just like that. Because of me.”
I stop. Look down at the table. Look back up again.
“I was just on the phone with a friend of mine. We served together. She’s still serving. She’s the eyes and ears of a lot of our missions. She’s in the background, matching up intel with technology. She’s vital. She’s getting information from all sides so she knows everything. She knows what the big brass wants. She knows what the media wants. She even knows what we want in our MREs and what time we want them. She brings it all together. And just a few minutes ago she brought my story all together. She received some new intel. Boots on the ground intel. The best kind. The kind you don’t have to second guess.
It started when they found photographs of that kid with one of the guys who was in the van. The dug a little deeper and found out one of our guys had befriended him one afternoon while he was herding goats. The kid really liked the SEAL uniform and was interested. Our guy spoke Arabic. It was a hot day. He sat down with the kid under a tree and they just talked about nothing and everything. Our guy offered him some water from his canteen. The kid was amazed by it. That was it. Our guy ran into the kid later a few times and the bond grew. Eventually the kid started giving us little chunks of intel. We weren’t recruiting kids to help us, but the thinking is, hey, if this kid possibly knows something that’s going to save lives we’re going to listen to him.
That day he had overheard some elders in the village outlining a plan. They were suspicious of vehicle activity and wanted to take one down. The kid immediately tried to find a quiet place to alert our guy. He was calling our guy. The cell tower records confirmed it. He had called our guy in the van to warn him. At that same moment the van hit a roadside bomb. An IED. The phone wasn’t a detonating mechanism. That phone, that kid, almost saved six lives. He was just a few moments too late.
Since that day he’s been even more active. He’s very upset over the loss of his friend. He’s been doing everything he can to help us out. If I would have terminated him I would have cost a lot more lives.
That little guy has saved so many lives in fact that just this morning the U.S. has decided to offer him and his immediate family asylum. They’re even approving a medal for him. He’s a hero.
Since that day I’ve thought I was responsible for the death of those six men. It’s been destroying me from the inside out. The military loves acronyms. PTSD is one that gets thrown around a lot. I always thought I knew what it was, until I really knew what it was. I was diagnosed with it. It’s in my file. It’s a battle. Just now I received some back up in my battle with it. Some mental backup. You can’t take away what happened. You can’t bring those guys back. But now I know it wasn’t my fault. I’m still processing it. I mean I just took the call so it’s fresh. I heard the words, but they’re going to need some time to properly register. But just hearing those words, it wasn’t your fault, and actually being given the intel that backs them up, is a huge step in the mental battle with this monster of a disorder.”
I stopped. Looked directly at Carissa.
“So that’s why I’m here. I came here to try to get right. I was ordered to get away from it all. Try to decompress. Jax had this place and it seemed like a perfect refuge. The Navy agreed. And I was here awaiting their decision. First I got their decision, and now I have some very, very small semblance of guilt removed from my shoulders.”
I laughed. I almost couldn’t stop. I thought back to the events of the morning and how serious they had been. In the last few moments they had almost become an afterthought. Now they were fresh again.
“And this is all after losing my gym this morning. I almost forgot about that in the moment.
So that’s my story. I’m just a regular guy now. A regular guy who’s in the process of healing. And as part of that healing I’m finding this place suits me. Everyday it feels more and more like home here. And everyday I realize home is not where you are or where you live. Home is who you’re with. Anybody can live in a house, or an apartment, or whatever. But a home. A home is something you make with others. And that’s exactly what I want to make here with you, Carissa. A home.”
A tear streamed down her eye, past her cheek and fell to the table. She leaned forward and gave me a big kiss on the cheek. She pulled back.
“And that’s exactly what we are making together, Cole. A home.”
She leaned back in and gave me a big hug.
She was right. We were making a home. I never felt so good as when we were together. I would do anything for her. And right now that meant making good on my promise to those kids at her school. I had to get my gym back.
Chapter 24
“One minute, Mr. Callahan. Let me pull your records.”
The receptionist at Optiforce placed me on hold. A strange, but somewhat logical name for an elite fighting academy. It lets you know who they are, without too much Hollywood or marketing in the name. If you need to know what they do you know. If not, you don’t. Less than one minute later she returned.
“Yes, Mr. Callahan. I can confirm you completed the course, which is the equivalent of the licensing requirement for all 50 states. The training is within the allotted time period so we can issue you a teacher’s instruction license that will be recognized by the appropriate governing bodies wherever you might find yourself within the U.S.”
“That would be great. What do I owe and what do I have to do.”
“I just need your address where I should mail the certificate and license. You took our course while on active duty. There is no way we are going to accept any payment for the certification process. We don’t charge service members for this.”
“Perfect. And how long will it take.”
“It’s still a few hours before 5pm here so we can overnight it and you’ll have it in the morning.”
“You’re a lifesaver.”
“As are you, Mr. Callahan. A very soon to be licensed one.”
We both laughed. I always liked it when someone who is very professional can inject a little humor at the right moment. She did exactly that.
“Thanks again.”
“Thank you. If you ever need any further instruction or continuing education we’re here for you. Free of charge.”
“Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind. And thank you for your generosity.”
“You’re welcome. Risking your life for our country is the ultimate act of generosity so thank you.”
“My pleasure. It’s the best country in the world.”
“That it is. Enjoy your day.”
“And you.”
I put down the phone. Carissa could see my enthusiasm. She jumped into my arms.
“Amazing. She’s going to overnight it?”
“Yep.”
“So you’re only going to miss two classes. Tonight and tomorrow morning. You can be at the courthouse right when they open to take care of all the paperwork and you’ll be back in business tomorrow night.”
“Yep.”
“A huge win.”
“Yep.”
“Do you know any words other than yep?”
“Nope!”
We both laughed.
“Hmmm. So we have tonight free then. Geez, what on earth will we do?”
“You’re right. There’s just nothing I can think of.”
“Strange. Me either!”
She poked me in the ribs and ran up the stairs. Even with a head start I should be able to grab her with my long reach just before she jumps onto the bed. And that I did. I grabbed her and for the rest of the night I didn’t let go. I think I touched every part of her body with either my hands or my mouth…or both. Jax had taken Jasmine to see Ted 2 and ice cream after so I knew we had the house, and plenty of time, to ourselves. I locked the door an hour before they were to get home just to be safe. It would stay locked the entire night.
Carissa snuck out in the morning before Jasmine was awake. No need explaining the birds and the bees and why Ms. Compton was sleeping over at breakfast.
Jax dropped me off early at the courthouse. I found the appropriate office.
The regulators were there. They looked like bad clones out of a Matrix sequel. They were actually friendly. They apologized profusely over their initial visit. I get it. They’re just doing their job. Looking out for the citizens. They even asked to pose for a picture after they happily approved my licenses to operate the gym. They had never met a Navy SEAL before. They even promised to show up for a class or two after I promised them I wouldn’t break their arms for shutting me down. They were good guys after all.
When I arrived at the gym that evening for class there were over a hundred people standing outside. I couldn’t believe it. When I got out of the Jeep they gave me a standing ovation. Jerry Harper ran right up to me.
“Mr. Callahan, promise me you won’t miss anymore classes. I had to do my training by myself last night and this morning. It’s better when we can do it together.”
I looked down at Jerry.
“It is better when we can do it together, Jerry. As long as I’m healthy and you’re willing we’re going to be doing this training together a long time.”
“Deal.”
“Deal.”
“Can we begin now?”
“We sure can.”
“Great! I think I found a new way to escape a rear naked choke.”
“I’ve got to
see this.”
“And I’ve got to show you. I’m always trying to come up with a way to get an advantage on the bad guys. It’s like you said. If you can dream it, you can achieve it.”
“That’s right.”
The energy in the class was amazing. Even the Matrix guys from the courthouse were there. I don’t want to toot my own horn, but it was starting to feel like the gym was on its way to becoming somewhat of a meeting point for the community. After class strangers became friends. Bonds were made. Kids practiced moves in the grass outside. Parents exchange phone numbers and planned sleep-overs.
I never felt so good. This community was already great before I had arrived, but I felt like I was really contributing. Really making a difference. And not only did I feel that way, but they felt that way too. When everyone contributes everyone wins.
