I had spent all of my forties and half of my fifties in litigation. I just sat there, very calm, internally quiet, motionless. Trying to process it all. Thinking back upon all that had happened. Suddenly, I realized, fourteen years of litigation had come to an end.
Even when your odyssey has ended, there is a process of healing that takes as long as it takes. Home is where the heart is, and if yours has been broken or injured in some way, you may feel alone and displaced. I felt as though an important part of me had been torn away. My song had been taken from me along with years of my life that were stolen by the emotional burden and my sense of betrayal. Songs are like your creative offspring: You get to be a part of that birthing process and watch your songs live on throughout the world, affecting and touching people. You hope your songs will outlive you.
Even once you accept that you’ve lost a part of yourself, you may struggle to fix it or to make yourself whole again. What helped me was to step outside myself, connect with the courage of others, and to feel empathy for those facing their own challenges. I was reminded again and again that we are all connected through our humanity, and from that I gained strength.
I was also reminded that the ultimate and most effective use of power is to practice kindness at every opportunity. I see the soul of it all in many remarkable people who have touched my life and the lives of others. They are often anonymous, unsung heroes, such as social workers or volunteers, who commit their lives to helping people and families, one by one. They are like an army of compassion and we can help give them the instruments and resources they need to succeed. Then there are people like Frances Preston and Bill Clinton, both of whom won admiration and achieved greatness by wielding power with abundant doses of kindness.
I often look at a photograph of Bill and myself on a putting green, captured in a reflective moment. I see in that photograph the result of a friendship some twenty years in the making, encompassing great jovial times, as well as our individual triumphs and tribulations. President Clinton, the most powerful person on the planet for (at least) two terms in the White House, always remained a kind and empathetic man, one who always supported and encouraged me in good times and in bad.
Many considered former BMI president Frances Preston the most powerful woman in the music business, yet she wielded her power with rare compassion and humanity. As Vince Gill put it, “Frances was kind.” His description resonated with everyone gathered at her funeral service.
And how poignant was the use of that simple word: kind. It comes back to this recurring theme of compassion, the best of human traits. How poignant our lives can be when we wield kindness in the face of adversity. Without all the challenges, developing such powerful a trait is simply not possible. One allows for the other.
A DAY IN THE LIFE
As you may have noted while reading this book, I don’t give up easily on my dreams or on love, so I’ll keep pursuing both, and will keep on singing and writing about them, too. My schedule is often dense, especially when I’m making records in a studio in L.A. or in New York City. I’ll leave the studio at two or three in the morning after working all night and return to my hotel too wound up to sleep. I’m physically exhausted, but my mind is still going over the songs we’re working on. I’ll take my laptop and my headphones into bed and make notes while I listen to each of them over and over.
The next thing I know, the sun will be shining through the curtains in my hotel room. I’ll look at the laptop, the notebooks, and the CDs scattered next to me on the bed.
Like many artists, I’ve come to terms with the fact that a creative life can often be a solitary one. But it’s the career and life that I’ve chosen, or that’s chosen me.
Since the end of my long on-again, off-again relationship with Nicollette, I’ve met some great women, but maybe I am more guarded now. Many people have told me that when the right person comes along, you just know it. I want to know that feeling. I am ultimately a romantic, with the emphasis on ultimately.
I am the descendant of Russian immigrants, a Jewish rebel who found Jesus and Buddha and studied ancient Eastern scriptures so I could learn to be in the world but not of the world. I like nice things, but I am not attached to them, because they are replaceable and human beings are not. I believe we are all passing through this world as transient beings, except for our souls. Singing is my joy and my method for expressing all that lies within. My purest happiness comes in the flow of connecting internally and then performing and feeling connected to the musicians and the audience, hitting notes that travel out into the universe and resonate there as part of the whole.
More simply, I’ve learned to enjoy life moment to moment—laughing with friends; having a cup of coffee at Oscar’s Deli with Tommy Febbraio, the unofficial mayor of Fairfield County; sparring with Bree Belford until either our ribs crack or we collapse in laughter; playing golf with Mickey Sherman; playing tennis with Scott Marona; or playing both golf and tennis with my buddy Brad Salter (preferably twenty-seven holes of golf and then two or three sets of tennis, until we’re painfully aware of what we’ve done to our no-longer-twenty-one-year-old selves). Then there’s holding my granddaughters and making them smile, meeting them with love whenever they look at me, watching my daughters grow and thrive, even just hearing their voices in quiet conversation, and knowing that in a given moment—right now, for example—everyone I love is okay.
My daughters have basically owned me, each from the day she was born, and I think they’ve always known it. Although I can’t control the trajectories of their lives and their individual journeys, as long as they know how much I love, respect, and treasure them, at the end of the day that is one of the only things in this world that truly matters to me.
Albert Einstein had quite a few good theories, but one that I find very compelling is about choice. He says, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” He chose the latter. And so do I.
I encourage you to choose the inspired life. Whether you create art or you marvel at the works of others, we all share a greater purpose, the desire to come together in our shared humanity, expressed through kindness, compassion, and awe: the soul of it all. I still believe that love is the most powerful force and ultimately the only choice to make. It is the only intention, the only direction meant for the soul to take. Love is the lesson, the destination, and the exercise. The hardest challenge is to allow the journey to be the destination. Live and love fully, and you will never miss the soul of it all.
Acknowledgments
So many people have enriched my life and helped, guided, and befriended me in many ways. As I’ve already told you, it’s been a soulful journey, full of family, love, companions, and collaborators. I feel blessed to have such a long list of people to acknowledge and thank.
My beloved family… I carry you in my heart wherever I go:
Isa
Holly
Taryn
Robbie
Amelia Rose and Olivia (“Gwenny”)
Helen “Lila” Bolotin
Orrin Bolotin
Oliver Bolotin
Micah Bolotin
Sandra Christoferson
Adam Christoferson
Paul Christoferson
Amelia and Olivia Guimond
Cousin Kaye Innamorato
Maureen McGuire
Olivia Sklar
Paul Sklar
Rita Sklar
Ken and Elizabeth Cleary
Rose Mary DeGrand
My A team… my greatest appreciation for all you do at all hours to support me always and in all ways:
Gail Atkinson
Helen Burnett
Ronnie Falana
Virginia Fernando
Jackie Gill
Eric Greenspan
Michael Karlin
Christina Kline
Steve Milo
Sonia Muckle
Victor Trevino
Creative cohorts… the magic that’s captured in a great musical collaboration can only really be described by the work that outlives that moment of creation. Thanks to all those who’ve created the timeless magic with me:
Walter Afanasieff
Gary Burr
Jonathan Cain
Bobby Campbell
Desmond Child
Dave Delhomme
Lamont Dozier
Bob Dylan
Nathan East
David Foster
Andrew Goldmark
Randy Goodrum
Berry Gordy
Mick Guzauski
Patrick Henderson
Brian and Edward Holland
Dann Huff
Randy Jackson
Doug James
Ted Jensen
Eric Kaz
Robert John “Mutt” Lange
Johnny Mandel
Barry Mann
Billy Mann
Steven Mercurio
Paul Mirkovich
Rudy and Betsy Pérez
Greg Phillinganes
Phil Ramone
Dave Reitzas
Paul Riser
Al Schmitt and Steve
Neal Schon
Valerie Simpson
Michael Thompson
Jorge Velasco
Chris Walden
Diane Warren
Cynthia Weil
Allies across time… who have championed my creative endeavors and whose expertise has supported me in what I love to do:
Jenna Adler
Martin Bandier
Mark Burnett
Clive Calder
Barbara Cane
Ryan Cavanaugh
David Cole
Cousin Brucie
Clive Davis
Fran DeFeo
Jody Gerson
Dan Gilbert
Mike Green
Stephen Holden
Bob Holmes
Bill Hopkins
Donnie Ienner
Quincy Jones
Yue-Sai Kan
Jimmy Kimmel
Jimmy Koplik
Dr. Gwen Korovin
Kelly Kulchak
Honey Labrador
Michael Landau
Jay Landers
Jerry Lembo
Jay Leno
Louis Levin
Rob Light
Chuck Lorre
Pat Lucas
Kevin McCollum
Allison Miller
Doug Morris
Peter Morse
Dr. Moy
Dan Mullen
Mason Muñoz
Keith Naisbitt
Deirdre O’Hara
Danielle Orlando
Nicoletta Pavarotti
Dr. Perrault
Regis Philbin
Neil Portnow
Rosi Pritz
Allen Rawls
Marty Richards
Seth Riggs
Rory Rosegarten
Dr. Ronald Rudin
Tami Sagher
Bill Schuman
Bruce Schwartz
Harvey Shapiro
Andy Sheldon
Marty Singer
Leslie Sloan
Dr. Joseph Sugerman
Al Teller
Robin Terry
Charlie Walk
Joel Weinstein
Ron West
Oprah Winfrey
Donna Young
Artist collaborators… the inspiration of working or singing with artists of such genius and talent has been an honor, and fuels my desire to reach higher goals:
Paula Abdul
Chris Botti
José Carreras
Cher
Alice Cooper
Celine Dion
Placido Domingo
Paula Fernandes
Melanie Fiona
Helene Fischer
Renée Fleming
Aretha Franklin
Kenny G
Delta Goodrem
Rita Guerra
Sammy Hagar
Ying Huang
Naomi Judd
Wynonna Judd
B. B. King
KISS
Gladys Knight
Dave Koz
Patti LaBelle
Lady Gaga
Coco Lee
Richard Marx
Dave Mason
Agnes Monica
Ne-Yo
Orianthi Panagaris
A. R. Rahman
Rascal Flatts
Martha Reeves
Smokey Robinson
Kenny Rogers
Kelly Rowland
Leon Russell
Andy Samberg
Akiva Schaffer
Judith Sephuma
Percy Sledge
Barbra Streisand
Barrett Strong
Jorma Taccone
Joe Walsh
Stevie Wonder
Friends and acquaintances dear and new… thank you for the laughs, support, and friendship when it really counts:
Dan Adler
Andre Agassi
Bruce “Bree” Belford
Mark Berg
David Black
Barry Bonds
Doug Capuder
Dave Carroll
Joe Carter
Jeffrey Donovan
Kim Downs
Chris Everett
James Falana
Frederica Famea
Marc and Richard “Ribs” Friedland
Carol Genis
Mark Gimple
Toni Hudson
Michael Intoccia
Samuel L. Jackson
Shae Jacobson
Michael Jordan
Ashley Judd
Barry Levinson
Wayne and Joyce Logan
Anita Lomartra
Marla Maples
Laura McKinley
Cory Morrison
Chuck Norris
John and Lisa O’Hurley
Sean Penn
Lydia Powell
Dr. Ed Rabiner
Coach Pat Riley
Brad Salter
Rob Schneider
Nicollette Sheridan
Mickey Sherman
Ken and Gale Sitomer
Donnie Slye
Lisa Swayze
Joe Torre
Kim Turner
Great gratitude… for all your generosity in time and spirit, and for the example you set for the rest of us:
Bill and Tani Austin
Del and Carolyn Bryant
Dave and Clarice Clark
President Bill Clinton
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton
Dick Cook
Barbara Davis
Nancy Davis
Clint and Dina Eastwood
David Gest
Dinesh and Ila Paliwal
Cindy and R. A. Raymond
John and Patty Rowland
Warren and Jale Trepp
Hachette and the literary team… for all your diligence and faith throughout this tremendous birthing process:
Kate Hartson
Rolf Zettersten
Michele McGonigle
Andrea Glickson
Shanon Stowe
Harry Helm
Bob Castillo
Carolyn Kurek
Melissa Mathlin
Hannah Boursnell
Lauren Rohrig
Louise Sommers
Shannon Marven
Jan Miller
MBC and allies… thank you for all the work you do, which often goes uncredited but which makes a real difference to the lives and well-being of others:
Joyce Abousie
Patricia R. Beauregard
Lois Beekman
Joe Biden
Laura A. Cahill
Dr. David G. Carter
Robert P. Doran
Robert J. Epstein
Tommy Febbraio
Andrena Gagliardi
Richard
Gephardt
Tom Gross Jr.
Orrin Hatch
Joan Lunden
William J. McNamee
James P. Sandler
Jackie Smaga
Rita Smith
Meredith Wagner
Very special thanks… to the hardest-working touring team on earth, and to everyone who keeps me on track for sound and lights, camera and action:
Andy Abad
Gemina Aboitiz
Catte Adams
Sandra Allen
Alisha Ard
Christopher Austopchuk
Sammy Balfour
Brian Becvar
Rebecca Blake
Keary Braxton
Mary Bush
Melinda Cabral
Tommy “Mugs” Cain
Chris Camozzi
Kevin Cassidy
Kiku Collins
Errol Cooney
Sal Cracchiolo
“Booby” Daniels
Toby Davis
Schuyler Deale
Jason DeLaire
Elizabeth Dotson-Westphalen
Tom Friga
Earl Gabbidon
Darren Gilcrest
Cameron Handel
Mike Harris
Pat Hawk
Lee Hawkins
Jennifer Ismail
Carol Jarvis
Vann Johnson
Naomi Kaltman
Jesse Leal
April Leslie
Kelly Levesque
Janis Liebhart
Everice Lindesay
Michael Lington
Moyes Lucas
Andrew Macpherson
Herman Matthews
Scott Mayo
Amy McCabe
Drew McKeon
Chris McMillan
Jerry Mele
Joey Melotti
Rebecca Mink
Katherine Mlynar
Tracy Monaco
Monty Montford
Dani Olorenshaw
Ryan Parrino
Mark Pasquale
Daniel Pearl
Geoff Perren
Tiffany Phillips
Mike Revell
Land Richards
Dennis Rodriguez
Carmine Rojas
Steve Scales
Jessica Spinella
Karen Straw
Joe Turano
Jacques Voyemant
Timothy White
Tara Wilson
Gaylin Winkler-Cates
Chad Wright
Sponsors and partners… thanks to all the leaders and amazing employees, in America and worldwide, of these great organizations:
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