“Until what?” Devin asked gingerly.
“…Until the night my father announced Gwendolyn’s betrothal…”
~~~~~
We were asked to come into the library. My father was at the head of his desk, my mother beside him. I was the last one to arrive when I noticed my parents embracing…but that was a normal occurrence in my household, my parents were devoted to one another. I remembered gazing into my mother’s eyes when she saw me coming in, her smile so warm, melted my toes. She was a beauty, with her raven tresses surrounding olive green eyes…my eyes, I realized, Jordan and I were the only siblings to have them. We looked like mother, while Philip and Andrew both took after father with dark brown hair and eyes of the same hue.
Puffing on his cigar, my father blew smoke out of his nose first before saying, “The Earl of Suffolkshire has given his daughter’s hand to the Hollinger’s’ in exchange for trade.”
My mouth flew open wide; my heart began to pound with a strange irregular ache. Gwendolyn? My Gwendolyn…was to be married?
“Father has asked me if I would do the honors,” Jordan said next, “And I am pleased to announce that I will abide by his wishes,” he stated convincingly. “After all, Gwendolyn is a fine-looking girl; she will keep my eyes fascinated for quite some time.”
I turned to look at Jordan; he was leaning against my father’s desk, his boots crossed in unison with his arms across his chest. “What does that mean?” I asked in a trembling voice.
Jordan grinned, “What it means brother is that you will have to refrain from spending so much time with her.”
“Jordan,” my mother voiced coming to my defense. “They could still be acquaintances; Tommy will still be part of the family.”
“But my wife,” Jordan pronounced in his usual pretentious tone. “Gwendolyn won’t be allowed to spend so much free time with Tommy. She will be under my strict charge and I will have her with child without delay.”
Did he just say child? That meant…him…and her…Oh, Good, God; I could not stand it…my breath escalated and my pulse beseeched serenity. Gwendolyn…and Jordan? I felt ill, my stomach began to churn and bile crept up my gorge. I wanted to slaughter him, rip him to pieces first—and then slowly kill him. I hated him. I detested that arrogant, self-righteous look on his face! He appeared confident and puffed-up pleased with himself having made such a noble sacrifice of his disreputable bachelorhood.
My father cleared his throat, his voice low and slicing through the tension. “There is still one obstacle to overcome first son, the Earl insists that his daughter have a choice in the matter,” he announced in all certainty. “But we all know who she will chose, will we not?” He smiled, walking over to Jordan and patting him on his shoulder.
Her choice? Yes, why not her decision. All the girls faint at the sight of Jordan gazing their way, why not Gwendolyn as well? Jordan was the titled heir, he graduated from Pembroke and he was about to inherit a fortune!
“By the way Andrew, how is it you came upon that black eye of yours?” My father determined, walking over to his third son and raising up his chin.
“Gwendolyn’s brother, Nathaniel,” Andrew spat out, touching his sore eyebrow. “Cuffs-a-fist and our struggle got out of hand.”
“A fist fight?” Jordan marked expertly. “You should have sent for me. I could have shown that boy a thing or two.”
“Are we finished here?” Philip asked, rolling his eyes, “There is a book I’d like to close.”
“Yes, but do not go very far Philip, we have to leave to Gisleham in a couple of hours,” my father stated, pulling around his desk to have a seat.
“To do what?” I asked, standing to my feet.
My mother looked at me with round cautious eyes, “Why, to hear Gwendolyn’s decision, Tommy.”
I remember closing my eyes, but I do not remember stomping out of there. The next thing I know is running towards the door and vomiting in the nearest washbasin I could find. I fell to the floor and forced my head through my knees. I did not realize how deeply I cared for her until that very moment. The next thing I heard was the door opening and my mother coming to my aid. She knelt down beside me and I flew instantly into her arms. Her warmth and love consoled my insecurity. She caressed the side of my head and ran her fingers through my hair.
“Shush now, don’t cry,” she whispered against my ear.
I started babbling in between my anguish and she tried to calm me down. “Oh mother—wha—oh God—”
“What is that? I could not hear you.”
“I love Gwendolyn.”
My mother enclosed the space between us and continued to caress my head. “Of course you do Tommy; I can see it in your eyes when you look at her.”
“You can tell? Do you think she knows?”
“That, I don’t know, but I am praying she does.”
“I’m gonna lose her.”
“No son, do not say that.”
“Gwendolyn will pick Jordan, I know she will.”
“You know I love Jordan, he is my first son, but he is just a little too over-confident sometimes. Gwendolyn is yours, Tommy…she always was and no one will ever convince me otherwise.”
“What does that mean ‘she is mine’?”
“What it means is that you have to be brave in the next couple of hours. You have to have confidence in her choice.”
“She won’t choose me, I know she won’t. I am her best friend, that’s all I have ever been, she barely tolerates me.”
I remember my mother laughing, a cute little chuckle, “Sometimes girls like to hide their true feelings. Gwendolyn likes you more than she is willing to expose.”
“Do you really think so?”
“Oh, I know so.”
I remembered looking into her green eyes and not being very convinced. Three hours later, we were at Gisleham and I had never been more nervous. The family greeted us, but I did not see Gwendolyn anywhere. We were then escorted to the Earl of Suffolkshire’s great library and stood in line from eldest to youngest. I could not look up from fear of falling over. My eyes remained on the ground until I saw her enter through the large double doors. She appeared miserable and I wanted to soothe her despair. She acknowledged my presence for just a second but when she passed me completely my heart fell to the ground. When she headed towards Jordan first, water swarmed my eyes and my throat closed up. All sense of time stopped, I could only hear my heart breaking….
I was just about to run back to Wilderbrand when her voice came ringing loud and clear through the thick gel of silence inside my head. “…Tommy,” was the only word I seem to hear.
Then I pick Tommy…
After a long bit of stillness, my father cleared his throat before saying, “Are you sure, Gwendolyn?”
“Yes.”
“This is for certain?” My mother asked quickly eyeing Gwendolyn’s mother who already had her hand over her mouth with surprise.
“Yes,” Gwendolyn said yet again.
I watched Jordan stand up straight from his leisurely position. “You pick Tommy?”
Rolling her eyes, she looked away and softly voiced, “Yes.”
I blinked back my shock and my heart could calm down now; Gwendolyn picked me…Gwendolyn picked me?
I then watched Jordan amble over to Gwendolyn’s side and reached for her shoulders intending on embracing her.
“May I be the first one to welcome our new sister into the family?” Jordan relinquished, locking eyes with Gwendolyn.
She appeared mesmerized by his veneer; he could always do that to a girl. He reached for her hand, but I intercepted it, purposely intertwining her fingers through mine. I stepped in front of her, obligated to protect her always, even from my own brother, who I knew deep down had nothing but the best intentions of receiving her into the family. He must have been insulted, I later realized, groomed to be the chosen one, only to find out unexpectedly, he was never in the race.
Jordan leaned back and then looked down
at me, but just barely. I was amazed that I was catching up to him in height; I thought I’d never be as tall as my overshadowing brother. I watched him cock his head to one side, surrendering, “…Allow me to welcome her from afar then,” he grinned devilishly, patting me on the back and bringing me in for a congratulatory hug. “The best man won now, didn’t he Tommy?” He whispered at my ear, “Treat her well and know that I will always envy you.”
Allowing the reality to sink in, I nodded my head in agreement then eyed in the foreground my mother hugging Gwendolyn’s mother long and hard. They seemed happy, jubilant, and about to burst at the seams with organization.
I smiled down at Gwendolyn, but she did not smile back at me. She had this blank look on her face when her mother came over and yanked her daughter fast into her bosom.
“I know just the dress for you!” I heard her say then felt the immediate grunts of best wishes and thereafter was besieged by further congratulatory thumps on my back.
~~~~~
“I envy you too Thomas,” Devin stated shaking his head at his friend’s recollection.
“Why?”
“When we get back to Britain, you will have everything you have ever dreamed of.”
“Yes Devin, having a family is all I ever dreamt of.”
“You belong with her Thomas and I will not stand in your way of your happiness.”
Thomas gazed over at the ship hands about to throw anchor. “That means a lot to me friend.”
Devin gazed down at the waves crashing against the hull. “I wanted what was best for my sister; I wanted to call you brother-in-law.”
“I know that Devin and for that I truly apologize.”
“I realize now that you would have made Katrina miserable, knowing your rightful place was with Gwendolyn,” he stated, whisking around and leaning against the brim, his arms across his chest. “Anyhow, I like her.”
Alarm bells went off in his head. “How much do you like her?” Thomas inquired, turning around himself and staring straight into his friend’s eyes.
“I know you asked me to freeze my attempt at seducing her, but I did try, and before you take a swing at me Thomas, just to let you know, she flat out refused my advances. The chit was not even fazed by my charm, quite intimidating if you must know.”
Thomas started laughing, “That’s my Gwendolyn for you, unfazed by charisma.”
“Well, I am still wounded from that failed effort, having never been turned down before, Gwendolyn is quite rare. I would like to remain friends with her, with your permission, of course.”
Thomas raised his eyebrow, “Friends? Why?”
“I do not know exactly,” Devin expressed, gazing down at the ground, “Just an unusual feeling I get when conversing with her. I just want to be able to continue our acquaintance.”
Thomas gazed out towards the harbor. He trusted his male instincts and knew from past experience that Devin would never betray him when it came to family. Devin was as honorable as he was. “You will always be welcome in our home Devin.”
“That means a lot to me Thomas and can I ask you one more question?”
“Certainly.”
“Gwendolyn does not have a long lost sister now does she?”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Watching the sunset beyond Le Havre, Thomas walked towards the sheer and tried to fathom how Gwendolyn felt when she thought he was dead. She said that she fell to the ground, weeping in her lap; even Ralph confirmed that she had been crying…did that mean she loved him? God, he wished he were certain of her feelings for him, her physical manner compelling, yet deceptive. After making love to her twice more that night, he had never been more certain of a connection. How could Gwendolyn display so much enthusiasm while being intimate with him and then run away?
Thomas continued to walk the level and found himself at the fo’c’s’le deck. Standing just under the foremast, he looked out at the sunlight illuminating a triangle on the ocean’s depths. Bits and pieces, he thought dejectedly. Gwendolyn had always shown her consideration for him in bits and pieces: Three times noted in the past had he felt her true feelings? Once, when they took her father’s cruiser, secondly, on her fifteenth birthday, and lastly on their wedding night.
It was a 20 ft single-masted vessel, he recalled, the Earl of Suffolkshire’s boat owned two bunk cabin’s, a small galley and saloon for playing cards or meeting captains in and they went below deck towards her father’s saloon. They were twelve that summer and Thomas will always remember it because Gwendolyn was still two inches taller than he. Thomas hated being small. Gwendolyn always encompassed this authoritative presence when he had to be the one to look up to her. She intimidated the heck out of him and Thomas was constantly trying to measure up to her superiority.
Inside, Gwendolyn wanted to show him some objects her father brought back from his recent voyage to China. He remembered being in awe of one specific trophy: a paper fan, when opened revealed a magnificent watercolor seascape of Whampoa Reach, a deep-water anchorage where ships would lie idle as they waited for the new season’s tea crop. Ivory objects such as vases, flower boats, flower holders and decorated elephant tusks. Unique wonders from the other side of the world, they thought, and marveled at their intricacies…
~~~~~
“Can you believe this ivory is from an elephant tusk?” Gwendolyn asked, waiving the tube in front of my face. “Have you ever seen anything more beautiful?”
“No, I haven’t,” I said, continuing to be amazed by the elaborate artwork on the carving; tiny buildings, dwellings, trees, tiny little people, all up and down the remarkable figurine.
“I wonder why father doesn’t bring any of this home to show mother,” Gwendolyn supposed, fingering the flower holder. “I only found out about it myself when hearing Nathaniel comment to my father about the things he brought back from China.”
“I thought you said your mother doesn’t come on this boat.” “She never does, why?”
“Then what is that?” I asked, pointing to what appeared to be a rather obvious corset hanging in a closet.
Gwendolyn marched over to it and yanked it off the coat rack. She wrapped it around her slender body and waist. “I don’t know…maybe she does secretly. Maybe it is a secret rendezvous for my parents.” She wondered again, pulling it away from her waist and leaving it on top of a nearby bed. “Let’s go to the galley. I think there is some sugar cane my father brought back from South America.”
I followed Gwendolyn all over her father’s boat that day; we were carefree, transposed, until we found ourselves up deck to find nothing but green sea all around us. The ropes had come loose and we drifted away from port. Gwendolyn started to panic, which made matters worse. She had never been on a boat before and she didn’t know the first thing about sailing. But I did. Jordan, Philip and Andrew all showed me how to sail. Why, I’ve known how to sail since I was five.
I immediately went into rescue mode. Running around and unraveling the canvas, the sails caught wind and we instantly launched forward. I grabbed onto the rigging and maneuvered the mainsail and foresail to my advantage, gliding us towards shore. I remembered gazing over at Gwendolyn, she was in a huddled position and oh so frightened. But I was not the least bit scared; I knew exactly what to do. I felt both brave and in control, and when we reached the harbor and bumped into the pier, Gwendolyn rushed over to me and hugged me so tight, I could barely breathe. She wrapped her arms around my neck and cried in my shoulder for the longest time. I had never seen her so grateful, she made me feel so valiant that day, almost superhuman…
Dare To Love Page 21
