by Trumbo, Kari
“I would’ve stayed behind with you if they’d have asked. I didn’t know you weren’t going until we left. You didn’t tell me.” His voice held a twinge of hurt and regret.
“I’m sorry. I couldn’t even talk about it at the time. Seventh grade hormones…” And now her late-twenties’ hormones kicked in just as fiercely. Having Duncan so close intoxicated her.
They reached the top and Duncan jumped off the tube and pulled her over between one of the designated lines. It was close to the lift, but far from the other tubers. Duncan arranged the tube so they would go down facing the bottom, but by the looks of others going down, there was no guarantee she’d still be facing the right way when they reached the end. The excitement of a new adventure warmed her blood and kicked her heart into racing tempo.
Duncan lowered himself over her, this time more on top of her. Her body couldn’t hold his weight without the use of her legs to help and he lifted himself off right away.
“Well, I can’t let you go down alone, and I can’t do what they told us, so we’ll go down full speed, but I’ll kneel over you, holding you on the tube. We’ll both hold onto the handles.”
It was a reasonable plan, and seemed the most likely to work. She nodded as he climbed in and straddled her waist, leaning over her. He held the outside of the handles and she held the inside; they were only just big enough for two pairs of hands.
“Are you sure about this?” She’d never had such a quiver to her voice, but if they crashed, she might not be able to right herself.
“I’ll take care of you, Isla. I always have and I always will.” The resolution in his voice gave her the courage she needed. The courage that had been stolen when so many had told her no.
“Let’s go.”
He inched the tube forward until gravity took over and suddenly the cold air whipped through her hair and blasted her face. Though she was used to riding in her chair, and speed was her friend, nothing prepared her for the whoosh of air as they raced down the hill. All thanks to Duncan. She couldn’t help her gleeful squeal as they picked up speed. Duncan lowered close to her, holding her tightly to keep her from flopping around. It was as if he could tell just what she was worried about and took care of it, before she could even voice it. They slid to a stop at the bottom and Duncan immediately lifted off her, lying on the side of the tube. Isla rolled the top half of her body the opposite way, so they faced each other and laughed. She couldn’t stop herself; she’d never felt quite so free.
“That was so much fun! I don’t know if it was faster than my chair, but it sure felt like it. The wind. The smell. The speed. It was wonderful!”
He grinned, and his red cheeks made his eyes seem even more blue than usual. “Didn’t think you could have that much fun off the track, huh?”
“I still want to race,” she said instinctively. There was no choice in that. She owed it to herself and her parents after so many years of trying.
“I know, but did you forget about racing for just a minute? Did you enjoy the ride?”
She enjoyed it most because her best friend in the whole world had been there with her. “Yes. I did. And I wouldn’t have wanted, or trusted, anyone else to take me.”
“Want to go again?” He gave her another mischievous grin and she wondered for a moment if he liked being close to her as much as she did to him.
“I would love to.”
9
If he didn’t soak in a hot tub, he’d be sore in the morning, but Duncan wouldn’t have changed a thing about the evening. He and Isla had raced down the hill four times before the attendants called lights out. If he hadn’t been completely exhausted, he’d have tugged her around again. The glow in her cheeks and the shine of her smile made it all worth it.
Isla.
Even her name was beautiful. During the short time he’d lived with Isla and her parents as a foster kid, he’d learned that Mateo and Sofia Flores had wanted many children. When Sofia was pregnant, she had preeclampsia and Isla was born severely premature. The doctor advised them not to have any more children, so they named her Isla, their beautiful, solitary, child. While she struggled for survival in the NICU, Isla had a stroke and it caused permanent paralysis of her legs. They had been devastated, but God had a way in all of it, and Isla thrived.
His phone buzzed and, even though he was exhausted, he picked it up without even checking to see who it was from.
“How did it go tonight?” Mateo Flores’s voice carried loudly.
“It went well. Thank you for helping me get her out to Burnsville. I appreciate your help.”
“We are praying for Isla and we know this is good for her. She avoids family, has closed herself off from most of her friends… We’re glad she has a friend like you in her life. We trust you, always have.”
That meant a lot. Mateo had always made his priorities known: God first, his wife second, and family a very close third. Duncan had always wanted to be a part of the close-knit Flores family.
“Thank you,” Duncan said, his voice thick with emotion. “That means a lot to me.”
“When will you be asking her?” Mateo had been pressing for weeks, ever since Duncan had told him the plan, and asked if he could have permission to ask Isla to marry him.
“Christmas, unless I know before then that she will say no. If she doesn’t enjoy spending time with me…then it makes no sense to ask.”
Mateo laughed a hearty low rumble in his chest. “Doesn’t like to spend time with you? Who else does she spend time with? No one. You are already her family. You just need to make the commitment in front of the Lord. You are already committed to her heart.”
Duncan couldn’t deny it. Even if Isla said no, he would still love her. He’d still be her closest friend, but he wanted more. He wanted the closeness that only a marriage could provide. He wanted Isla by his side, to share in both the joys and the sorrows.
“Are we still going to have Christmas Eve at your house?” Duncan asked.
“Si, si, that is the plan. Sofia, she has so many wonderful things planned.”
He prayed he didn’t ruin their Christmas if Isla said no. “Good. Tomorrow I’m just going to go over and see her. I don’t have anything from our list to do that day. One of the things she wanted was to have people look up to her, so I signed her up to sing in the children’s Christmas pageant. That’s the best I could come up with.”
“She will be wonderful. We’ll be sure to come. Thank you, Duncan. In case I didn’t tell you before―I couldn’t have asked for better for my girl.”
His words lodged in his throat. He’d never been given such high praise. “Thank you. Good night, sir.”
Mateo signed off and Duncan set the phone down. He’d gone from sore and tired to invigorated. He’d waited a long time, but now nothing would stop him unless Isla didn’t want him. But the way she looked at him—how she’d kissed his cheek—spoke volumes about her feelings. He hoped.
Duncan took a shower and got ready for bed, but didn’t feel like sleeping. The night had been too fun, too much of a success, to let it just slip away. He laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling, wanting to call her. It was far too late though, she had to get up in the morning and work. Her job wasn’t like his, where he might get an early call, but usually his schedule was somewhat flexible.
His phone buzzed from its spot on his bedside table. He grabbed it and glanced at the screen to see who it was. At the sight of Isla’s picture, he swiped the accept button.
“Hello?”
“I hope I didn’t wake you.” Her voice was tentative over the line.
“No, I’m having trouble falling asleep tonight.” He smiled, unable to stop himself.
He could hear her grin with a slight intake of breath. “Tonight was so much fun. I just keep reliving it. Thank you.”
That was exactly what he’d hoped for. She needed to enjoy life, to spend time away from the track. To see him as more than just a coach and friend from school. “It wasn’t me. You chose
the place.”
“But it was you. It wouldn’t have been half as fun with anyone else.”
“I had a great time too. I’ve been there a few times and tonight was the best.”
“I keep wanting to talk about it,” she said. “But I realized I have no one to tell but you, and you were there. I guess you were right. I don’t have much of a life.”
He hadn’t intended for her to feel unloved, only to desire more. “How could you? You don’t often see other people. You work from home, you rarely leave to go grocery shopping, and even at the track you’re too focused to talk to others. I see you at church, but you head right to the Spanish service, which is fine, but everyone there is your parents’ age or young children.”
“I didn’t really choose things in my list that would force me to find friends…well, most of them.”
He knew just which spot on her list she meant and he wasn’t going to bring it up. Not yet. That one would come naturally if he just kept treating her like the diamond she was. “Once you’ve gotten out a bit, you’ll want more so you’ll start putting yourself in situations to meet people. It isn’t easy these days. Church is about the only place I’m really social, and since that’s technically work for me, I have to always be on my best behavior.” He’d never admitted that to anyone. While he was fun-loving and gave top priority to making sure the kids had the best, Christ-centered experience they could have, he wasn’t usually as happy or quirky as he would have been outside of work.
“Everyone has a face at work, at home, it all depends on where you feel the safest.” Isla tried to stifle a yawn, but he heard it.
“What about you? Since you don’t go anywhere, do you act differently?” He wasn’t even sure how she’d gotten her job.
“I do. The Isla my boss knows on the phone and on email is not the Isla you know. I’ve always felt like I can be the most myself with you. It’s one of the things I worry about. That maybe you won’t like who I am if I let all the skeletons out of my closet.”
He prayed she meant romantic feelings, it felt so deeply to him like she did. “I think you’ll find that we share some of the same dust.” Her yawn forced one from him that he couldn’t hide. “I should probably get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow Isla.”
Her voice was quiet, contemplative, “See you. Good night.”
He closed his eyes and prayed in his head. Lord, please keep Isla healthy and safe. Lead her to a bolder, deeper relationship with you, Father. I ask You to connect us, but if it isn’t Your will, please make that clear. It will hurt, but I will listen. Amen.
10
The clock blinked red as the alarm buzzed. Isla rolled over and slapped it silent. She was sure she wouldn’t be able to rest, but after talking to Duncan, everything felt fine. The excitement of the day was still there, but it felt more complete somehow. After talking to him, she’d been able to close her eyes and go to sleep, albeit still later than usual.
Today would be work, then practice, then she needed to convince Duncan to take her out to Ridgedale to go Christmas shopping. It hadn’t even occurred to her to do it until that moment. Christmas seemed far away, but after spending time with Duncan on the slopes with the snow machine blanketing the hill, it had suddenly seemed almost too late.
She didn’t usually put up a tree, nor did she buy gifts for anyone but her parents and Duncan, so it never took very long, but now she felt an urgency. And what to get for Duncan? She’d always gotten him a sweater, or something he couldn’t read anything into. But this year she felt like she should give him something special, something to thank him for all he did for her. And she almost hoped he would read into her gift, and save her from having to say anything.
What’s wrong with you, chica? You’ve gone loco. A few days ago, you didn’t even want him to think of you as a close friend.
She lifted each of her legs off the bed and their weight helped lift her upright. She leaned over and gripped her chair, pulling it forward, then locking the wheels so she could catapult herself into her seat. Most of the paraplegics she’d met were fiercely independent, wanting to do as much on their own as possible. Isla had some slight feeling in her feet and hips, but most of her legs had no sensation whatsoever. She would need assistance eventually―many did―but for now she would fight it with everything she had.
Normally, she’d take her own van and pray there was a handicapped spot open so she could get out. But with Duncan there, if the only spot available was one closer to the end, he could help her to her chair and push her if it was a long distance from the mall. She would be exhausted after practice and her muscles would be sore. She reached for her phone right away and typed up a quick text.
Hey, have plans tonight? I’m suddenly in the mood to do Christmas shopping after practice. Want to join me?
After turning up the heat in her apartment and waiting for her cup of coffee to perfect itself, she rolled over to her computer where she’d left her phone. Before powering up, she clicked the home screen and saw that Duncan had sent her a message.
Sure. Nothing going on at work on Fridays this close to Christmas. I’ve got shopping to do too.
Who would Duncan have to buy for other than her? He didn’t have parents like she did. In fact, she wasn’t sure where he usually spent his Christmases. Regret hit like a rock to her gut. Why hadn’t she invited him? Her parents wouldn’t have minded a bit. All those years, he’d had no one. Or maybe he did, since he had shopping to do. Was there a whole side of Duncan, with friends and maybe even a girlfriend, that she didn’t know about?
She picked up her phone.
Do you have a lot to buy?
She read the text again, then cringed. What if he took that the wrong way, insinuating that he had no one to buy for? She’d never been careful about what she said to him, but suddenly every word was important, as if she said just the wrong thing it would turn him away and her very life would be over when it had just begun.
No, why?
Alarmed now, she wondered what she could say? Uh…I just wanted to know who you’d spend your Christmas with, because I didn’t invite you up until now.
I don’t have much room in my bag on the back of my chair.
She couldn’t admit what she really thought, her real worry―that he was all alone and just saying he had gifts to buy, too.
I think I can manage to carry my own packages, but thanks.
She should’ve just left well enough alone. Now he sounded defensive, which meant she’d stepped on his toes. She set her phone down and refused to look at it until lunch. Work had to get done or she couldn’t pay rent. Her eyes lingered on the little white device. “I’m sorry, Duncan. I’ll make it up to you.”
* * *
Duncan stared at his phone, waiting for Isla to reply. It wasn’t like her to let him get away with being smart with her. Since she was working, he couldn’t prod her more to get her to open up. Unless he’d said something that hurt her. She was such a tough girl, but maybe his flippant remark had hurt her feelings?
He yanked the phone from his pocket once more and stared at it.
“I’ve walked by your office three times this morning and you’ve been in the same position. I hope you aren’t stuck that way.” Pastor Paul leaned into Duncan’s office, his arms linked casually over his chest.
“I am kind of stuck on something, but not this.” He didn’t have parents to ask, or even to model on. He couldn’t really talk to Isla’s, because they were her parents first and foremost. “See, there’s this girl—”
“Ah, all the good stories—and quite a few of the bad ones—start that way.” Paul sat down on the other side of the desk. “Anyone I know?”
Duncan nodded, because he wasn’t sure what else to say. Paul did know Isla, and that almost made it harder, like he was talking about her behind her back. “Is it normal to look really deeply into the things they say and do…even if you never did before?”
Paul laughed. “Women have a way of getting on our mi
nds, and then before we even realize it, they’ve been on our minds for so long we can’t remember what we thought about before they were there. I’d say you’ve just reached the stage where you’ve come to realize your brain would be pretty empty without her filling it. Don’t worry. You’ll adapt and find ways to think about other things without ever really losing her as a focus. It’s just the way God made us.”
“So, when she doesn’t respond to a text like you expected her to?” Duncan prayed Paul would have some insight after all the premarital counseling he’d done.
“If she’s in a similar stage to you, she’s going to look at every word you say and every action you perform with new eyes, eyes that are trying to confirm or deny what she wants to believe about you, which is that you feel the same way she does.”
Maybe she had looked at his comment as a slap on the wrist. He flinched. “And how do I fix it if I did something that might have made her mad?”
Paul laughed and stood up again. “We’ll touch on that in lesson one after she says yes.” He offered a conspiratorial smile and left Duncan’s office.
Duncan grabbed his phone again.
Want me to pick you up for practice? Then we don’t have to go back to your place after.
He had already assumed he would, but just hearing from her again would put his mind at ease so he could make a few calls that he needed to, then have one meeting before he would rush over and pick her up.
Yeah. Sounds good.
That was it? That was all she was going to say? He wanted to throw the phone across the room. Was it really so hard to converse? Hadn’t they spoken to each other with ease for years? Even when they lived together as awkward preteens when her parents had fostered him, they had talked. He turned his phone facedown and took a deep breath. He’d get more out of her when he went to pick her up for practice. In the meantime, he had work that needed to get done.
