It wasn’t until we reached the foyer that we paused at a dark silhouette by the entrance.
“Have I not been hospitable?” Harald turned and my resolve wavered. There was such a deep sadness in his eyes that I questioned everything. Maybe he didn’t know about the attack; maybe it was someone else who executed the attempt on my life. “Why are you leaving so abruptly?”
Waves of emotion barreled around my body, and before I knew it, I’d stepped in front of Kol and was yelling.
“You tried to kill me! Why bother toying with my emotions if you were just going to kill me, anyway?”
Kol reached for my elbow, but I wrenched out of his grasp. “You could have just offed me. You didn’t have to lie to me first.” Hot tears ran down my face. I didn’t bother wiping them. My heart was breaking. Between the emotional roller coaster of this past week and everything that had happened in between, this betrayal somehow hurt the most.
Maybe it was because I wanted to trust him so much. I wanted to belong so badly.
“I never lied to you.” Harald’s brows furrowed, and his eyes flitted to my neck. “Who tried to kill you?”
“You did,” I paused, my breathing ragged. “Didn’t you?”
“Of course, he did,” Kol snarled, moving to stand between us. “We can’t trust him.”
“I did not.” Harald crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at the vampire beside me. “Are you sure it wasn’t Kol? It seems like something he would do.”
Kol bristled from behind me. “What kind of question is that?”
A small voice in the back of my head wondered if Harald was right. It seemed like I didn’t know anyone anymore. Kol had lied to get what he wanted. He’d harmed people—I’d seen it with my own eyes.
But he’d also saved me. Protected me.
“What is it I’m to have done?”
“You sent someone to my room to kill me in my sleep,” I’d wanted to sound confident, but my voice was more of a weak whisper.
Harald’s shock seemed genuine. “I would never,” he said. “If I wanted to kill someone, I’d do it to their face. Not while they’re asleep, like a coward.”
“We don’t trust you and we’re leaving,” Kol glared, reaching for me. I let him wrap his hand around mine, but I stayed rooted in place. He let go.
“I think that’s not your decision to make,” Harald glared back. “Elle,” he pleaded with me. “It wasn’t me, though I apologize for the intrusion, especially under my own roof.”
Harald opened his arms. “You have to understand that we have a lot of people in our employ, and many of them have bones to pick with him. While I will not sacrifice you for revenge, there are others who don’t harbor the same softness for you.”
“I will do a purge of all those who live here tomorrow. This will not happen to you again, especially in my—in our—home.” He opened his palms to me, a promise I didn’t know how to receive.
“I—”
“And I will have someone clean your room immediately. We will change rooms for you, and you won’t have to stay anywhere near that awfulness again.”
He was smooth and quick; his words swirled in my head and my world was falling apart. I didn’t know what was real. I didn’t know whom to trust. I barely even knew who I was anymore.
“I need to talk to Kol.” I wanted to grab Kol’s hand, but his look of disbelief held me back.
“Talk away,” Harald nodded. “I can go outside. Or you can go outside if you’d feel more comfortable.”
“We’ll talk outside.”
Kol turned on his heels and walked stiffly out the front door.
The moon was high in the sky without a single cloud blocking its light. In the dark, Harald’s property was eerie.
“Kol,” I started. He shook his head, but I continued. “Kol, did you facilitate the attack?”
“How can you even ask me that?” Kol’s voice was gruff, and he turned away from me.
“Answer me.” Knots wound and unwound in my stomach. I sort of wanted to throw up.
“You were never in danger. I wouldn’t have let him do anything to you.”
“But you lied to me!”
“To get you away from here. From him.” He worked his jaw.
“He’s my father.” I knew I sounded naïve, but I was shocked that Kol would do this—after all that we’d been through together, he would still lie to me?
But a little voice whispered that this was what he did, wasn’t it? He killed, he encanted, and he lied. I had always known this was who he was.
“Are you sure you want to trust him?” He asked instead.
“I think I trust him more than I trust you right now,” I looked away.
He deflated, but didn’t respond. I had hurt him.
“I’m sorry I lied to you. It’s my nature to be dastardly to get things done the way I want. I’ve never been one for patience.”
I blinked back tears. Hearing him admit what he had done trumped the surprise at how easily he apologized.
“I think I have to at least try to trust him. He deserves a chance.” The words tumbled out. “He says he doesn’t want to hurt me, and that he wants to know me better. He wants to be in my life, and I want to believe him. I know I’m probably blind and naïve and just looking for a connection because I feel so lost and I don’t even know which way is up or down anymore.”
“I’ve been there.” He leaned back on his heels. “I’ve been lost. But that doesn’t mean you should blindly trust someone you just met.”
Heat rose, but the tears in my eyes stayed. “Kol, I walked in on you attacking my grandmother, and then I found out from someone else that you murdered my mother!”
“I told you that was an accident! It was a mistake. I’ve been helping you look for her ever since to atone for what I did.”
“Fine—even if you didn’t plan on killing her or making her disappear or whatever—how can you not know whether you killed my mother?” I pleaded. Not just with him, but maybe with some higher power, too. I wanted things to be okay. I wanted to feel safe. I wanted things to make sense again.
“I told you. Things were... different.”
“Different how, Kol?”
Kol rocked back onto his heels and ran a hand through his hair. In the inky darkness, he looked more like the devil than an angel. His hair, normally white-blond, was silvery against the moonlight. His steely grey eyes stared at me as if he could will me into understanding.
“You met Scarlette. She was part of the coven that Made me, but she was kind to me. You could call her my first friend. She helped me break away from the coven and get my revenge—but I was blinded by what I thought was love.” He shook his head and looked into space, remembering things I would never be able to know. Never truly know.
“I was blinded by love, and she betrayed me over and over again for years. I was her plaything, and she would use me as she saw fit, but I was happy to let her do it. She was wicked, and we spent hundreds of years on benders together, a witch and an unkillable vampire. We became the stuff of legends.”
“I was different. I changed when I finally left her—maybe not so much that others could tell, not that I let anyone close enough to notice anyway, but I felt it within me. And then when I met you, it was like I became a whole different person. I can’t even imagine being the person I used to be, all those centuries ago. I’m not the same; I’m different around you and while I don’t know if I like it yet, there’s no choice. I don’t have a choice when I’m around you.”
I didn’t realize I was crying until tears splashed against my hand. “You’re trying to protect yourself.” My protest sounded weak even to me.
“No.” His eyes reflected silver in the moonlight. “No, Elizabeth. I can keep you alive without being kind. I can keep you alive without banter. I can keep you alive without following you around the country, helping you find your grandmother. Anna’s not the only witch with powerful magic, and if you hadn’t noticed, I haven’t exactly been s
couring the earth looking for a way to break this bond,” he smiled bitterly.
“You didn’t know me back then—and thank the heavens you didn’t. But I don’t let people in—I don’t travel with people for long, not after Scarlette. I don’t really like being around people at all, really. But the past week we’d spent together wasn’t hellish for me, which is saying a lot. You know, aside from all the times people tried to kill us,” he chuckled quietly, looking at me like I would break if he spoke too loudly.
“You’re also not afraid of me.” His hand raised but stopped before it could touch my face. He thought better of it and stuffed it back into his pocket. I didn’t know whether I was relieved or disappointed that he didn’t follow through.
“I am,” I retorted.
“Weary, maybe. Cautious. Nervous. But not ever afraid—not truly afraid. I’ve been looked at with hatred, with fascination, with infatuation. I’ve been spat on. People have begged me for their lives. People have looked at me with contempt. But I’d never seen the eyes of kindness turned toward me until I saw you.”
“I didn’t know who or what you were,” I sniffled.
“And that makes it so much more brave of you.”
“You’re kind to me and you protect me because you want to protect yourself,” I barely managed to say.
“No, I’m kind to you because there’s no other choice for me. Every fiber of my being demands that I not only protect you but be kind to you. For me, it isn’t a choice. It’s become part of who I am.”
I let out a breath I hadn’t known I’d held. But could I forgive him for the things he had done to me? To my family?
“I think I need to give him a chance,” I said through tears.
“That sounds like something you would do,” he smiled weakly.
“But I think you need to go,” I started crying harder as I felt the world crashing in on me. As I felt the rug yanked from under me again. Except this time, I was the one doing the pulling.
His brows furrowed, and his smile disappeared. “I’m not about to leave you in an enemy’s home.”
“I’ll be okay. I promise. I just—I don’t know who I am anymore. I used to see my future so clearly, and now I can’t even understand the present. You changed, but I changed too. For me, it isn’t for the better. I think... I think I need some time. To discover myself and who I am without you.”
“So I lied to you one time,” he protested. “I won’t do it again.”
“You probably will,” I shook my head sadly. “But it’s not just the lie. It’s everything you’ve done to my family. It’s everything you’ve done for me. I don’t know who I am, and I won’t be able to figure that out if we’re together right now. I just... I just need some time and space.” The words tumbled out, the sounds muffled together before I lost the courage to say them.
I looked up at his sad grey eyes through tears. His messy blond hair. His signature black long sleeve. He was crestfallen—his face so sad that I felt my heart crack. He looked like he had a lot to say, but I knew that I needed time. If he spoke, I would lose my resolve.
I stepped in and closed the distance between us, wrapping my arms around him, pulling him in for a tight hug. I felt his heart beating in his chest. I savored the warmth that emanated from his body. How solid he felt in my arms. I even allowed myself to breathe in his scent of citrus and spice. I knew that leaving him was a mistake I had to make.
I needed to find out who I was on my own.
“You have my number. I’m sorry,” I whispered, knowing he heard me with his vampire hearing. Before he could wrap his arms around me, I let go and tore through the grass back into Harald’s home, letting the door close behind me.
I leaned against the door, ground my teeth, and forced my breathing to even, dragging my sleeve over my eyes to dry them. I wanted to wrap my arms around myself, but I needed to be strong. This was the path I chose, and I needed to walk it with confidence.
Even though I felt the complete opposite of confident, facing Harald alone.
Dread pooled in my stomach as I realized what I’d done.
“Can I help you?” Harald approached cautiously, taking slow steps over the checkered foyer floor.
“I sent him away.” I couldn’t quite believe the words myself.
“So you’ve chosen to stay here,” he beamed.
“No,” I chose my words carefully. “I sent him away, but I’m not going to stay here, either. In this past week, I learned about a whole world that exists parallel to mine. I learned about races I thought existed only in books and movies. I gained a parent when I long thought it was my fate to be an orphan.”
“It’s a lot.” He stopped several feet from me.
“It is a lot,” I nodded, wiping the tears from my face. “I thought I knew who I was, but apparently I know nothing.”
“That’s okay,” he whispered. “We’ll figure it out together.”
I shook my head. “Like I told Kol, I need to figure this out on my own. If you really want to be in my life, you’ll need to earn my trust, which means you’ll have to do it my way.” Confidence rose within me with every word as the tears dried up.
“You need protection,” he frowned.
“You need to trust me.”
“I wasn’t there for you while you were growing up. I didn’t get to protect you from bullies or strangers. Let me do this for you.” He clasped his hands together, and I could see the sincerity in his eyes.
“Fine,” I crossed my arms.
HALF AN HOUR OF NEGOTIATING later, I was escorted to a new bedroom to sleep for the night with newfound confidence while trying to squash rising anxiety.
I’d talked Harald from two guards down to one with the promise that I would come and visit him once a week from wherever I was. I hadn’t told him where I was planning to go, but I was sure that the guard he assigned would report back to him, anyway.
But it didn’t matter.
In the morning, I would leave for the Revolving Library. I was going to find out what happened to Nana and find myself along the way.
A PREVIEW OF BOOK 2...
WE RARELY ATE IN RESTAURANTS. We usually opted for take-out because Jake almost never spoke a word to me, and it was a weird dynamic for public spaces.
It was only because I was in such a good mood that I’d decided I wanted to sit down today. It was a good thing everyone was so glued to their phones these days, so it didn’t look too odd when we both pulled out ours to aimlessly scroll while waiting for our food.
My heart fell when I noticed there were no new messages from Bella and Rose, but it was for the best. Being in constant contact meant that I had to make up lies on the spot sometimes, and I just wasn’t good at lying—even over text.
Suddenly, a feminine voice struck ice into my heart. “Table for two, please,” she said.
The waitress had taken our menus, so I had no where to hide, but I did my best to duck and look inconspicuous anyway. Jake raised an eyebrow at me but didn’t understand what I was doing.
It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t recognize them even though his seat faced the entranceway. He didn’t know what Bella and Rose looked like. It was a stupid idea to let him sit that way; I should have been watching the entrance.
I stayed very still and hoped that nothing would draw their attention to our table. I was seated in such a way that they would be able to see my face if they simply looked over.
I wasn’t prepared. I didn’t know what to say or how to act. I needed more time.
As I shrank back in my seat, the waitress showed up with our food.
Why did she have to come at the worst time?
“Elle?”
I opened my eyes. Rose caught me.
“Elle?” Bella echoed from behind Rose.
“Um,” I whispered. My heart hurt at the sight of my two beautiful friends. Bella wore her brown hair in a neat ponytail, while Rose’s long, blonde hair cascaded in waves. Of course, my friends looked perfect even in the
middle of semester.
“Did you want to join this table?” The waitress peeked from behind Bella and Rose. It was an innocent gesture; she was trying to be nice, but Bella’s eyes narrowed.
“Yes, we’ll join them for lunch.”
Jake stiffened when Bella took a seat next to him, and Rose slid onto the bench next to me.
“So, Elizabeth,” Bella trained her amber eyes on me. “When did you get back in town, and who’s this hunk?” She pointed at Jake, whose eyes only narrowed further. He must have figured out who they were, because his posture had changed from a defensive one to an annoyed one. I couldn’t blame him.
“I can explain,” I said weakly over my plate of Alaska rolls.
“Please do,” Bella flipped her menu open, but kept her eyes on me. Rose only hummed while browsing her own menu.
“Um,” I looked at Jake, desperate for help, but he only shrugged. Harald never said I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone about Shadows, or Jake, or what I was doing these days. I was the one who was afraid to say anything for fear of being judged.
“Can we just enjoy lunch first, and then we can come back to my place and talk about it?”
“Oh, the little lady has a place here now,” Bella pursed her lips.
“Give her some time, Bella.” Rose flipped the page. “I’m sure she has a good reason for having lied to us for months.”
“On second thought, let’s just get all of this to go, shall we?” Bella ordered her food and asked for everything to be packed up.
Within minutes, the four of us were piled into Jake’s car, headed back to our apartment.
“So, you live with this guy?”
“Is he your boyfriend?”
“Did you secretly get married without us?”
“No, there’s no ring.”
“Bella, you don’t need a ring to be married these days.”
The drive home, usually short, was excruciatingly long as a maelstrom of thoughts thundered in my head. By the time Jake parked, I had decided I was going to tell them the truth.
Jake unlocked the door to our apartment, and I wiped my clammy palms against my jeans.
Life Bound: The Shadow World Book 1 Page 14
