Holding on to Us

by A. E. Neal

  "I didn't fuck him. Not that it matters, because I don't owe you an explanation."

  His face was red and he was seething. "The hell you don't," he snapped.

  "Grow up, Zac," I said and I slammed the door in his face.

  Chapter 5

  Zac

  And she called me immature? I watched as her car sped out of the parking lot. It was two thirty in the morning, the band had already gone home and here I was, standing in a deserted parking lot, beating myself up over a girl I never had in the first place.

  She had made herself clear. There was no room for both of us in her life. After weighing my options, which, let's be honest weren't much of anything, I decided I needed to pack up my shit and move out. There was no way I could stand living with Kennedy after what I'd witnessed between her and Deacon. She'd broken my heart and didn't even know it. Someone once told me, women aren't that complicated, but they'd obviously never met Kennedy Allen. I pulled out my phone and dialed Alex's number.

  "Dude, it's two thirty in the morning. What the fuck do you want?" he snapped in a groggy voice.

  "I need a place to crash tonight, bro. Is it cool if I crash on your couch?" I asked.

  "Sure. Whatever, man. The door's unlocked," he said, then the line went dead.

  A few months ago, Chris and Alex had gotten an apartment just outside of town since they'd both had enough of living in a crappy motel. I got in my car and headed down the freeway, spending the entire time thinking about what Kennedy had said to me earlier. It wasn't like I was ready to grovel at her feet, because truthfully, she would just kick me in the junk and laugh. If I couldn't have her to myself, it would be better off for us to not live together in such close quarters. Call me selfish, greedy or whatever, but if I had to see her with another guy, especially that guy, I'd probably lose it and kick his ass.

  I arrived at Alex and Chris' apartment and as quietly as possible, I made myself a makeshift bed on the couch. It had been such a long night, that as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out.

  * * *

  The next morning, I woke to Alex's bare ass in my face. "Come on, dude! Get the fuck up!"

  I rubbed my eyes and sat up. "Jesus, get your ass outta my face. What time is it, anyway?" I asked.

  "Nine thirty," he said and pulled his pants back up.

  I ran a hand through my knotted hair and yawned. Alex wandered into the kitchen to make himself a bowl of cereal.

  "You gonna tell me what the fuck is up, or you gonna make me guess?" he asked as he shoved a spoonful of Cheerios into his mouth.

  I couldn't tell him, even if I wanted to. The guy had a reputation for embellishing everything and telling your secrets to anyone who had ears.

  "Nah, it's cool. Kennedy had some frat boy over last night and his Aqua Di Gio was making me nauseous," I said, because there was some truth to that statement. But only I knew that she'd gone home alone.

  "Dude, I should get some of that shit. The bitches go crazy over it," he laughed.

  "Yeah. Go for it, maybe you can find some classier chicks that way, man."

  "What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I bang classy chicks all the time."

  "You're right. That blonde chick with the fake boobs was so classy," I mused.

  "Which one was that?" he asked.

  One thing about Alex was that he never slept with the same girl twice, if he could help it. He never bothered with names, phone numbers or anything that could tie him down to one girl. I began to think I should start taking advice from him. Maybe then, I'd stop growing a vagina and get my man-card back.

  I thanked Alex for letting me sleep on his couch and headed home. If I really was going to go through with moving out, I needed to do it while Kennedy was at work. I sat in my car, pulled my phone out and sent her a text.

  Me: You working today?

  A moment later, my phone buzzed.

  Kennedy: Day off. Ally and I are going shopping.

  And it was simple as that. If I could have my stuff packed up and moved out by the time they got home, I'd be golden. I pulled up to the leasing office at the apartment complex and parked.

  "You have any one bedrooms left?" I asked the tiny blonde behind the desk.

  She glanced up at me for a moment and began typing something into her computer. "We only have a studio or a two bedroom left," she said.

  "How much is the studio?"

  She glanced up at me again and smiled. "Hey, aren't you in that band HashTag?"

  She knew who I was, bonus!

  I leaned down, rested my elbows on the counter and smiled. "Yeah. I play bass," I said and she blushed.

  "You guys are really good, I was there last night. Did you see me?" she asked.

  The answer to that question was always, 'yes', whether or not I'd actually seen her.

  "That's why you looked familiar," I said, throwing in a side of my famous Zachary Monroe charm.

  Her cheeks were crimson and she giggled. She was cute and young. Not the kinda girl I'd usually hook up with, but she had an innocence about her that I found adorable.

  She cleared her throat and dropped her gaze back to the computer screen. "The studio is seven sixty-five per month, plus first and last month's rent and a three hundred dollar deposit. But..." she said as she began typing again. "We have a special going right now and I can waive those, so it'd only be seven sixty-five up front."

  This was easier than I thought.

  "You'd do that for me?" I asked innocently.

  "Well, it's not exactly me doing it. It's our system...but yeah, I can do that for you," she said and I caught her blushing again.

  "What's your name, sweetheart?" I asked.

  She held her delicate hand out to me. "Kirsten," she said. I took her hand a placed a kiss on her knuckles and she giggled.

  "Zac," I offered.

  "Well, Zac, it looks like we're gonna be neighbors. You'll be in three eighteen. I live in three twenty-two," she said as she pointed to building number three on the map of the complex.

  After filling out the various packets of paperwork and all the other garbage, I wrote Kirsten a check and she handed me her phone number in return. All in all, I had to say it was a good start to my day, one that ended up with me having a hot girl for a neighbor. Things were definitely looking up for me.

  I thanked Kirsten and promised I would call her once I was settled. I felt better as I pulled onto Main Street and headed back to the townhouse.

  There was no sign of Kennedy's car when I pulled into my usual parking space out front, so I knew the coast was clear.

  Chapter 6

  Kennedy

  "So what happened to the other guy you were seeing," Ally asked and I knew I had to come up with something, since I'd spent the last twenty minutes telling her about my night with Deacon.

  "It wasn't working out." There was some truth to that, but I wasn't about to go into detail about what happened between Zac and I.

  "Awe, Ken. I really thought you two were doing well, but I'm not surprised. You do sorta have a relationship phobia."

  "What? No, I don't," I countered, but I knew she was right. Not that Zac and I had what anyone would classify as a 'normal' relationship.

  She laughed. "You totally do. That was the longest relationship I'd ever seen you in and I hadn't even met the guy," she pouted.

  "I know," I shrugged. "But maybe Deacon will forgive me for being such a spaz last night. He's just so perfect, Al. Not like anyone I've ever gone out with. He held doors open for me and shit. Those kinda guys don't exist, anymore." She giggled and twirled her engagement ring around her finger. "Well, besides Brody. But who knew he'd turn out to be such a nice guy. I mean he was Arizona's number one man-whore until you came along," I added.

  After the fourth bridal shop, I could see Ally was beginning to get discouraged and worn out.

  "Don't worry, friend. You'll know when it's the right one," I said and she smiled.

  "We haven't even set a date yet, so it's not
like I even need to worry about it," she said.

  "Do you have anything in mind?" I asked as I pulled my car onto the freeway.

  "Well, I was thinking sometime in June or July, but not here, because it's too damn hot."

  "Where, then?" I asked excitedly.

  "Do you think its too much to ask to have a destination wedding?"

  "Considering you don't have much family, I think it'd be nice to get away and get married somewhere tropical or something," I suggested.

  "Like Hawaii or Mexico?" she asked.

  "Oh! Hawaii would be so much fun," I squealed.

  "Really? It's not too cliché? You know, 'wedding in Hawaii, real original'," she said in her best Jason Segel voice.

  "Maybe Kunu can teach us how to surf and give us cool Hawaiian names, too."

  Ally laughed and we started quoting Forgetting Sarah Marshall like we'd both seen it yesterday.

  I pulled my car behind Epic, where Ally and Brody's apartment sat above the bar.

  "I had fun today, Ken. I miss you," she said and gave me a big hug.

  "I miss you, too," I replied.

  "Hey, that reminds me. Brody got extra tickets to his first play-off game tomorrow night. Can you come?"

  "Of course, that sounds fun, but I thought you weren't allowed at his games."

  "Now, he swears I'm the reason they're in the play-offs and he wants me at every game," she giggled.

  "Well, count me in."

  "Good," she said, rummaging in her purse before handing me two tickets. "You can bring Deacon, if you want."

  I held the tickets in my hand and nodded.

  "Cool, I'll ask him tonight." I leaned over and gave her another hug, "Thanks, friend."

  She opened the door and got out. "I'll see you tomorrow night," she said, and I waved her goodbye as she retreated up the stairs and into her apartment.

  I parked my car beside Zac's Toyota 4-Runner and noticed it was full of boxes. I hurried up the walk and opened the front door.

  "Shit!" he said, dropping a large box on the floor. He ran a hand through his messy hair and his gaze fell once he saw the look on my face.

  "What the hell are you doing?"

  "I'm sorry, Kennedy. I should've told you, but I was trying to get everything out before you got home."

  "You're moving out?" I asked. I was completely dumbfounded. "Because of me?"

  "Yeah," he said nervously. "I realized yesterday, I was outta line. I'm sorry for that. I know you aren't ready for anything serious and I shouldn't have pushed you. We spend a lot of time around each other, and I think we're better off taking a break from whatever it is we have going on between us, before one of us gets hurt."

  "I understand where you're coming from, really, I do. But you don't have to move out. We just had a fight, Zac. We fight all the time, and then we make up. That's just how we are. Don't go, please."

  "You just don't get it, do you? If I stay here, I'll end up going to jail for kicking the shit out of some dude you bring home," he said and I immediately knew who he was referring to.

  Why the sudden jealousy? It hadn't been there before I'd met Deacon. Zac had always been okay with our situation, why the sudden change of heart?

  I wasn't sure what to say to him. I felt as if my world was crashing down around me. He was leaving. For good this time. Sure we'd both threatened to move out before, but neither of us ever went through with it. It was really over this time and I felt my knees weaken. Done. We were done.

  I walked over to him, wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry," I whispered. I went into my room and locked the door behind me.

  If I didn't have feelings for him, then why did I feel like my heart had just been ripped out, drug through a thousand shards of glass and stomped on, repeatedly?

  I heard the front door close for the last time. Sure, I'd see him at Epic, but I knew it was the last chance I had to tell him how I felt. Instead of running out to catch him before he drove off into the night, I just lay curled up in my bed, completely frozen. I didn't have the energy to go after him and I didn't want to fight with him, anymore. He deserved someone who wasn't terrified of being in a serious relationship. That someone would never be me.

  Zac

  I loaded the final box into my car, looked back at the townhouse one last time and secretly hoped Kennedy would come racing out, begging me not to go, but she didn't. The house was dark and she hadn't come out of her room since I told her I was leaving. I knew it was the best decision I could've made, for both of us, but I knew I'd miss her face, her warm body next to mine and her snarky comments.

  "Bye, Skittles," I whispered and pulled out of the complex without looking back.

  Chapter 7

  Kennedy

  I finally pulled myself out of bed and glanced at the clock. It was already eight o'clock and I'd slept for close to twelve hours. I went into the kitchen to make coffee and not realizing I was on auto-pilot, I, of course, made an entire pot, forgetting Zac wouldn't be there to share it with me.

  After a long shower in my very empty house, I called the shop to see if I had any appointments.

  "I penciled in a two o'clock for you, but I know you don't normally work on Sundays," Wren said.

  "It's cool. I'll be there in a little while, so if you have any others, just fill my schedule," I said.

  She agreed and we hung up. I had to get myself out of the funk I was currently drowning in, so I pulled myself together and made my way to the shop.

  It was a little after ten o'clock when I arrived. As I walked through the front door, I spotted Deacon talking with Wren at the front desk.

  "Hey, Ken. Didn't expect you for a little while," she said and I could tell I'd interrupted her flirting session with Deacon. I smiled and decided to let them be. I set my purse down at my station and began cleaning my chair, quite vigorously, I might add.

  "She said you were working today when I called earlier, so I thought I'd just swing by," he said and I continued scrubbing the spot on the chair as if there were a permanent mark on it. "I think it might be clean," he added.

  I tossed the rag to the side and turned to face him. He looked even hotter than when I'd seen him last. He had a bit of scruff on his jaw and was wearing a vintage Van Halen t-shirt with dark blue jeans. His eyes were much lighter than I remembered, almost amber in color. He flashed a crooked smile at me and I couldn't help but to smile back.

  I sat on the edge of the chair and motioned him to sit on the stool across from me. "I'm sorry about the other night," I began. "I don't know what the hell my problem was."

  "It's alright, Kennedy," he said. There was something about the way he said my name that warmed my heart.

  "It's really not. I was a total psychotic bitch and I owe you an apology," I said.

  He scooted forward on the stool and was now mere inches from my legs. "I wasn't lying when I said I liked you, but I know I kinda freaked you out," he said and took my hands into his. They were warm, and just having him touch me again awakened every nerve in my entire body. "Will you give me another chance to show you I'm not some crazy nut job?"

  I laughed. "I'd like that," I said and I'd meant it this time.

  What kind of guy gives someone another chance after acting like a complete and total bitch? Apparently, that guy was Deacon.

  "Can I pick you up for dinner tonight?" he asked.

  "Actually, my friend gave me two tickets to tonight's Rattlesnake game," I said and his face lit up. "You like hockey?"

  "I can't believe you have tickets, I've been looking online for the last two weeks. Do you know how awesome this is, right now? I'm trying to keep my cool in front of you, but I'm totally freaking out inside," he said. He wore his excitement on his sleeve for the entire world to see and he was practically shaking.

  "My best friend's fiancé is Brody McCabe," I offered and he practically fell off the stool.

  "You're friends with McCabe?" he asked and I couldn't help but laugh. The guy was t
otally having a fan-boy moment and I didn't want to ruin it for him.

  "Yeah, I know him. I wouldn't say we're besties or anything," I giggled.

  It took Deacon a moment to register what I'd said and I could tell he was trying to keep his composure. It really was quite adorable, if you ask me.

  "So, you'll come with me?" I asked.

  "Yes! Hell yeah, I'd be a moron if I said no. And it's not just because of McCabe, I'd be a moron if I said no to such a beautiful girl," he said and yep, there went my heart, melting like chocolate on a hot day, like the traitor it was.

  "Good. Pick me up at six?" I asked and took out a piece of paper to jot my address down.

  He took the note and pressed his lips to the back of my hand. "I can't wait to see you again tonight, Kennedy."

  Damn him, and his perfection.

  As he left the shop, he did some kind of victory dance in the parking lot, not knowing that Wren and I were watching. What a goof ball.

  "So, it's over with you and Zac, I take it?" she asked and just the mention of his name made my stomach sink.

  "Yeah. He moved out last night," I said and I hoped she would just let it go. I didn't have it in me to explain every detail to her.

  "Well, I think you've upgraded with that one," she said, pointing at Deacon's BMW as he pulled out of the parking lot.

  I had to agree with her. It was the first time in a long time, I actually felt something besides sexual attraction for someone. I nodded, "I think so, too."

  The rest of the afternoon went by fairly quick, as I'd only had one appointment and it was a touch-up of an octopus I'd done on a guy who'd just returned from Iraq. He told me how he hadn't seen his wife and baby for nine months and I couldn't even imagine how hard that would be as a mom, being alone to care for a newborn without any help. But he assured me, she was surrounded with friends and family who were there to help her take care of his daughter and her. Once I was finished, I told him the touch-up was on the house and he gave me a bone-crushing hug to thank me. It's the little things in life and not only had he made my day, I apparently made his, too.

  It was a little after four o'clock when I rushed out of the shop to head home. I still needed a shower, and I found myself frantically going through every article of clothing in my closet because I needed the perfect thing to wear. Yeah, I had first date jitters, so sue me.