Holding on to Us

by A. E. Neal

  "Fine. You ready?"

  "Sure." It was the coldest remark I'd heard come out of his mouth, but I knew if my mother had just acted the way his did, I'd be pissed off too.

  Our ride home was pretty quiet until I finally decided to break the silence. "We need to talk, Deacon."

  He glanced at me briefly and returned his focus on the road. "If this is about Isabelle, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about her. I don't know what possessed my mom to bring her up. Things between us were brief and she ended things after she met some hot-shot lawyer from New York," he said.

  "I don't care about Isabelle," I began and he smiled.

  "You don't?"

  "No. That's not what I wanted to talk to you about."

  He nodded as I sucked in a breath. It was now, or never.

  "We can't have sex, anymore, unless you take your ring out," I blurted.

  He fidgeted with the leather cover on the steering wheel. "I don't understand. You...uh...seemed to enjoy yourself. You did, didn't you?"

  "At first, I did. I thought it was amazing. And after a while, it...um...well, it kinda hurt."

  He glanced at me again, this time he looked shocked. He squeezed the wheel and groaned in frustration. "Why didn't you say anything?" he snapped.

  "Wait, what? Why are you getting pissed at me? I didn't ask to have my lady parts bruised by your peenie ring, it just happened. And I think if we're going to continue to...uh...do whatever the hell it is we're doing, then you need to take it out," I retorted.

  "Or you won't have sex with me, anymore?"

  "Yeah. It's not something I'd like to relive, if at all possible."

  "So, that's it? Either I take it out, or we're over? Doesn't seem fair, Kennedy."

  "What the hell? I never said it was over. I tried asking you nicely if you wouldn't mind taking it out 'cause it hurt me. I don't know why we're fighting all of a sudden."

  This was not how I imagined our conversation going at all. It had taken a turn for the worst and I immediately regretted saying anything in the first place.

  "We're not fighting," he shot back.

  "Oh really? Then why's your face red and you look like you're about to punch the steering wheel?"

  And he did just that. He balled his fist and punched the dashboard. "You've got to be fucking kidding me, right?"

  "Are you serious? You just punched your car because I asked you to take out your fucking piercing?"

  He pulled the car to the side of the road. We were still a few miles from my townhouse and in a neighborhood I wasn't familiar with at all. Deacon was starting to freak me out. I planned my exit strategy, just in case he suddenly flipped out and shot him a wavering glance. "What're you doing?" I asked.

  "Jesus Christ, Kennedy. Is it not enough for me to take you out, stay with you when your friend is in the hospital, spend the night with you when I never expected anything in return and tonight...I wanted you to meet my mom, because I thought things were getting serious between us. But you go and pull this bullshit stunt!" he shouted and threw his hands up. "If you didn't want to be with me, you could've just said so. But I get it, this is the easy way out for you, so you have no guilt; no regrets."

  "This is rich. Really, it is. Are you listening to yourself, right now?" I was livid. "How dare you! I just had to sit through one of the worst dinners of my life, but I did it for you. You think any girl would've just sat quietly while their boyfriend's mother sank her claws into her, if she didn't care about you? I don't know what the hell your problem is and why you feel the need to blow the fuck up, but if this is one of your many personalities, you can just take me home right now, because I don't want to have any part of it." I turned and faced the window as I crossed my arms over my chest.

  He huffed, then reached over and pulled my chin to meet his face. I tried to pull away from him, but he kept his dark gaze on me. "Look at me," he commanded and dropped his hand.

  "Fine. What?" I snapped as I uncrossed my arms and waited impatiently.

  He slid forward in his seat, reached down and unbuttoned his pants. He slipped a hand inside as I watched.

  "What're you doing?"

  "If this is what you want," he said as his hand moved under the black fabric for a few moments, before coming up with the silver ring between his fingers. "Then I'll give you what you want, but don't you dare ask me to have it put back in because of a sudden change of heart." He rolled the window down and dropped it onto the roadway. "Happy, now?"

  He was still being a jerk. But it was that moment when I realized, he did care about me and I wasn't ready to lose him over some stupid dick piercing. As he rolled the window back up, I couldn't help myself...I began laughing. Uncontrollably.

  "What's so funny?"

  "I just can't believe our first fight...was over a fucking piercing," I said as I wiped a stray tear from my cheek. He settled his forehead against the steering wheel and his body began to shake with laughter.

  I was relieved that the whole thing was now something we could laugh about. I took a deep breath and smiled at him.

  He unbuckled his seat belt, leaned over and kissed me. "I'm sorry for snapping at you, it's just been a really long week," he whispered against my lips. I could feel the heat build between us as our kiss deepened. "Forgive me?"

  I nodded, because what could I say? You remind me of a certain bat-shit crazy fictional character from a book recently read? No, I couldn't. If I was going to try to work things out, I needed to forgive him.

  Chapter 18

  Zac

  Justin Timberlake's song, Sexy Back, blared through the speaker of my phone and I rolled my eyes. Kirsten had changed my ringtone and I had yet to figure out how to change it back to my plain old-fashioned telephone ringer. It was driving my nuts.

  "Hey," I answered.

  "Oh my God, guess what?! My parents bought us tickets to Cancun for spring break, isn't that exciting?" Kirsten squealed into the phone. I was pretty sure the speaker vibrated against my ear.

  "You're kidding, right?"

  "Oh my God, babe. This is gonna be so much fun! Zoe, Katelyn and Sam are all coming too!"

  "Who?"

  "My besties, silly," she cooed.

  "Oh, right. Uh...when is this?" My stomach was producing extra bile and it was slowly making its way up my throat.

  "We leave March fifteenth."

  "That's less than a week away."

  "Yup! And the best part about it, my parents paid for everything. I even talked them into getting us a suite. It's all expenses paid, all you can drink and we'll have our own room!"

  I didn't have a lot of options, but the voice in the back of my head was chanting, "Do it! Do it! Do it, you pussy!" Stupid voice!

  "I've gotta think about it and run it by the band before I say okay."

  "Aww, but babe...I already have everything ready to go. You, me and a bucket of Coronas on the beach in Mexico," she whined.

  "I can't just drop everything and go with you, Kirsten. I've gotta talk to the band first, okay?"

  "Fine. Call me later," she said and the line went dead. Psycho.

  Things with Kirsten were moving way too fast, she didn't give me any room to breathe and I was suffocating. But who in their right mind would pass up a free trip to Cancun? Alex sure as hell wouldn't. And that's when I had an idea. I dialed Alex's number and hit 'send'.

  "Dude, how's your chick? You ready to hand her over, yet?"

  "Shut up, Alex, and listen to me."

  "Fine, man. What's up?"

  "She wants me to go with her to Cancun. She has three hot friends and it's all inclusive. You have to do me a solid, man, come with me." I was practically begging.

  "Three? How hot?"

  I had no idea, but I assumed all of Kirsten's friends were just as beautiful as she was.

  "Nines."

  "Aww, fuck! Hell yeah, count me in! The bar's gonna be quiet, anyway, so Finn shouldn't mind. That reminds me, have you seen B lately? I heard he's living back at your old place wi
th your sister and her hot friend. I bet that's a sweet orgy...oh yeah."

  "Huh? Weird, she didn't tell me."

  "I gotta run, bro. Keep me posted on the trip," he said.

  "I will. Later."

  "Later," he said and hung up.

  Not that having Alex there was going to make it any easier, but at least I wouldn't be stuck with four screaming girls by myself.

  I unpacked the last box in my apartment and headed into the kitchen to grab a beer. Thankfully Kirsten was working, so I had some time alone, for the time being. I popped the cap on the beer bottle and let the cool liquid flow down my throat.

  I finally had all of my stuff where I wanted it and felt comfortable with my new digs. I flipped on the TV and surfed through the channels. Nothing on, as usual, so I settled with ESPN and texted my sister.

  Me: Yo sis. I hear B's back.

  A few moments later, my phone chimed.

  Sis: We're staying with Ken until he starts rehab, but he's good. How are you?

  Me: Good. Might be going to Cancun next week with Kirsten.

  I hit 'send' and I expected a reply right away, but nothing came through. Instead, my phone rang.

  "Sup," I answered.

  "Oh my God, Zac! You didn't tell me things were getting so serious between you guys. I'm so happy for you! It's a freaking miracle she's stuck around as long as she has. I mean, she does know you're kind of a man-whore, right? Sorry, that's not what I meant, but you know what I mean," she rambled on, like a teenager hopped up on caffeine.

  "Whoa, slow down. One, it's not that serious, she offered and I'm still thinking about it. Two, she's crazy, Ally. I'm not gonna get into the details, but I'm pretty sure she obsessed with me."

  "Aww, that's so cute, bro. I'm happy for you. Really, I am."

  "Cute?" I chuckled. "'Cute' is not how I would describe it."

  "Oh shut up. You love the attention, you always have. I think you'll have fun in Cancun. Bring me back a cheesy sombrero, okay?"

  The fact that my own flesh and blood wasn't taking me seriously, really had me thinking. I needed to step up my game, let Kirsten know we needed to have an open relationship. She'd probably freak, but I knew if I kept our little charade going on any longer, I was going to regret it in the long run.

  "I'll talk to you later...and hey, tell Brody I'm glad he's doing better."

  "Okay, I will. Bye, lover boy," she teased.

  "Very funny. Love you, sis."

  "Love you, too. Bye," she said and I tapped the 'end' button.

  Kennedy

  I loved my best friend more than anything in the whole world and it was nice getting to know Brody better, who at the present moment, was my biggest problem. You know when they say, guys turn into the biggest babies when they get sick? It was not only true, but Brody had actually taken it one step further.

  When Ally wasn't waiting on him hand and foot, she'd spent the last couple of nights sleeping on the couch because, "he can't get comfortable with me in the bed too." I'd about had enough when I heard him summoning her at six in the morning. He was thirsty and I was sure the entire neighborhood knew it too.

  This had to be the longest week ever recorded and I needed to desperately get away or I was going to lose my mind.

  I pulled an overnight bag from my closet and packed the essentials, underwear, toothbrush, make-up, and tossed a box of tampons on top, since I was due for my monthly friend any day.

  I grabbed my phone from my bedside table and dialed Deacon's number.

  After four rings, his voicemail picked up.

  "Deacon, it's me. I need to get out of here for a few days and I was hoping I could stay with you. Call me as soon as you get this," I said and hung up.

  "Goddamn it!" I cursed out loud and slammed my phone on the bed.

  I shoved some clothes in my bag, grabbed my keys and silently made my way through the house, careful not to wake Brody or Ally.

  I parked in my usual spot outside of the shop and since it was still so early, I was the first to arrive. I unlocked the door, flipped the lights and music on and headed to my station.

  I began cleaning everything, from floor to ceiling. I didn't have any appointments scheduled, but I figured I might have a few walk-ins at some point. I was jamming out to my favorite satellite radio station and I didn't hear the door chime.

  "Whatcha doin'?" Gage asked in his deep, scruffy voice.

  "Jesus! You scared me," I said as I almost dropped the tray of ink I was carrying.

  "You're here early, what's going on?" he asked and I shrugged.

  "Just needed to get out of the house."

  "You sure that's all? You look exhausted."

  I set the tray down and leaned against the back of my chair. "I just don't get why guys have to be such pussies when they're hurt, sick or whatever. I mean, I know he can't walk, so I shouldn't be such a bitch about it, but the two of them are driving me nuts." I rested my forehead against the edge of the chair.

  "Who is?"

  I'd forgotten I hadn't let Gage in on my new housing arrangements.

  "Uh...Ally and Brody are staying with me until he can use crutches. I told you about his accident, right? I know I've been all over the place the last couple of weeks. I don't even know what day it is, anymore," I babbled.

  "I heard, pretty bad too, huh?"

  "Awful. And I'm a total bitch for acting like this, aren't I?"

  Gage smiled and wrapped his arm around me. "You're like a daughter to me, Ken. I haven't seen you this scattered in a long time. If it has to do with your current living situation, you can always stay with me. But honestly, I think you need to take a few days off and go somewhere nice, where you can think things over."

  "See, even you think I am a mess. It's not them, it's me," I buried my face in my palms and started to cry. What the hell? God, I was a walking, emotional train wreck.

  "Go on, get outta here, before I have to escort you out," Gage scolded.

  I took a deep breath, trying to figure out where the hell my sudden emotional outburst came from and I chalked it up to PMS. Thank you, Mother Nature.

  I booted up Wren's computer and quickly searched for cheap getaways. The results were Vegas, Mexico, Los Angeles and Washington, DC. It was a no-brainer, really. I entered all of my information, paid with my credit card and waited for my confirmation before shutting the computer down.

  I needed to pack a real bag for my trip, so I headed home and quickly gathered my things, stuffing them into a small rolling suitcase. I jotted down a quick note to Ally, letting her know where I'd be for the next few days and headed to the airport.

  As I sat in the airport waiting to board my flight, my phone rang. Shit, it was Deacon. I'd forgotten I called him earlier and I didn't exactly want to explain my sudden solo getaway, so I hit 'ignore' and stuffed it back into my bag. I'd call him when I landed, just so he wouldn't worry, I reminded myself.

  Chapter 19

  Zac

  "Make sure you have your passport, babe," Kirsten called from the kitchen as I folded the last t-shirt and zipped my bag closed.

  "Got it," I said as I took another swig from the tequila bottle.

  A four hour flight with Kirsten, her 'besties' and Alex was going to require a nice alcohol-induced buzz in order for me to maintain my sanity.

  Kirsten introduced me to her friends a few days ago, they seemed pretty nice, but out of the four of them, Kirsten was definitely the best looking one of the group.

  Alex had agreed to come along, on one condition, and I knew if I didn't hold up my end of the bargain, he'd hold it over my head for the rest of my life.

  "If those chicks don't put out, then you have to be my wingman and help me find some that do. Deal?" he'd said and we'd shaken on it, which was pretty much guy code for a blood bond. And now, I was in over my head. Again.

  "Babe! We're gonna be late! Hurry up!"

  After another swig of tequila, I pulled my suitcase off the bed and dropped it to the floor.

>   Kirsten was standing in the doorway tapping her foot, looking impatient and I smiled, weakly. "I'm ready," I said...or maybe slurred, I didn't know the difference, anymore.

  "You're drunk," she snapped and took the bottle from my grip.

  "Nah. I'm just getting this party started." Yeah, I was definitely drunk.

  "It's nine-thirty, Zac. I'll grab you a bottle of water, so you aren't hungover before we even get there."

  I waved her off as she stomped into the kitchen. "Asshole," I heard her say, but it may have been that voice in the back of my head again. The same one who called me a pussy. "I'm not a pussy," I mumbled to myself and dragged the suitcase behind me.

  "Here," she said, slamming a cold bottle of water against my chest. "The girls are waiting for us downstairs. Where's Alex?"

  Just then, there was a rapping at the front door. "He has impeccable timing," I muttered.

  "Thank God. Let's go," she scolded and I followed her out of the apartment.

  Alex stood against the door frame, smiling. "What?" I snapped as I passed him.

  "Pre-drinking? Man, I love the way your brain works," he said as he slapped me on the back.

  We loaded our stuff into the van and I climbed into the back with Alex. Still gripping the water bottle, I took a sip and almost choked. "Fuck, I need something other than water. This is disgusting."

  "We'll grab a drink at the airport. But just so you know, you look like shit, dude."

  "Well, that's what the ole ball and chain does to a man, haven't you heard?" I took another drink of water and felt my eyelids grow heavy.

  The airport was only about a thirty minute drive, so I figured a little shut-eye would do me some good. And just like that, I was out cold.

  Kennedy

  As I stepped off the plane, the humidity hit me like a ton of bricks. It was hot, but there was a cool breeze and I could almost taste the salt in the air from the ocean as took a deep breath. "I finally made it," I whispered to myself.

  I lugged my bag through the busy airport and headed outside where I was met by a young, tanned-skinned guy holding a sign that read, 'Mrs. Kennedy'. I laughed and waved him down.