Holding on to Us

by A. E. Neal

  "No se permite, pero los médicos y enfermeras," she said.

  "Do you speak English?" I asked. Since I had no idea what the nurse had said.

  "Esperar aquí," she held her hand up again and I stepped back.

  I watched as she wheeled the girl, who held my heart, into another room, and I wasn't sure I'd ever see her face again. I leaned back against the wall and crumpled to the floor. I closed my eyes and for the first time in my entire life, I prayed.

  As the hours passed, I found the floor uncomfortable, so I pulled myself onto one of the metal chairs and waited. Waited for anything, anyone, something to let me know she was going to be alright. No one ever came and each time a nurse passed me in the hallway, I stood up, but they never said anything, only to just keep walking.

  Four hours quickly turned into six and before I knew it, the sun had set. The only window in the lonely yellow painted hallway was about two feet by two feet, near the low ceiling. There wasn't a clock in sight, no vending machines, no WiFi and I stared at the same stain on the floor for so long, I swore it grew legs and walked away.

  I hadn't even realized I had fallen asleep until someone shook my shoulder lightly. I rubbed my eyes and looked up to find a nurse holding a cup of coffee. She offered it to me and I took a sip of the hot liquid, hoping it would ease the pain in my gut.

  "Thank you," I said groggily.

  "She ask for you," she said softly in broken English.

  I shot up out of the chair. She was awake. Oh Halleluiah.

  I followed the nurse through the doors and down yet another pale yellow hallway until we reached a room on the end. The door was opened slightly and she motioned for me to go inside.

  "Thank you," I whispered and she smiled.

  I opened the door slowly and crept inside, careful not to wake her if she was sleeping. She was laying propped up against several pillows, the color in her cheeks had returned and an IV drip supplied her with the liquids needed to rehydrate her. I'd seen it all before with my mother, but this was different, there was still life in Kennedy's tiny body and she smiled when she saw me.

  I rushed to her side and placed a soft kiss to her forehead. "I'm so glad you're okay," I breathed into her hair.

  "I'm okay," she said in a hoarse voice.

  I pulled a chair beside the bed and took her hand in mine. A heart monitor was clasped to the end of her index finger and a tube ran from her wrist to the IV drip hanging above the bed.

  "Zac," she whispered.

  "Shh. Don't talk. You need your rest," I said.

  She shook her head as tears filled her eyes. "I didn't know. I swear," she cried.

  "It's okay. Shh. It's okay." I held her hand to my lips and kissed her knuckles softly.

  It tore me apart to see her cry. I wanted to do everything in my power to comfort her, tell her she was going to be alright, but I just held her hand to my cheek as she cried.

  A knock at the door startled me and a man, wearing a white doctor's coat entered. He looked as if he were in his late seventies by the salt and pepper color of his hair and wrinkles around his eyes. He carried a clipboard and motioned for me to join him in the hallway. I knew it had to be bad news, if he didn't want to talk to me in front of Kennedy.

  "Doctor Jameson," he said in perfect English.

  "Zac," I offered.

  "Well, Zac, Miss Allen has been through quite the ordeal, but thanks to you, she's going to be alright. I took some blood just to be sure before we moved forward with our treatment. She's pregnant."

  "Pregnant?" I asked as my hands began to tremble.

  "Yes," he said nodding as he jotted something down on his clipboard.

  "My Skittles...is pregnant," I muttered under my breath.

  "I'm afraid I do have a bit of bad news, though."

  My heart sunk and I swallowed hard.

  "Kennedy's body is fighting the fetus."

  "I don't understand."

  "Kennedy's body has created antigens that are attacking the fetus. And unfortunately, it will be weeks before I can get my hands on the medication she needs."

  "There has to be something you can do? I mean, this isn't an uncommon thing, right?"

  "It's not uncommon, you're correct, but this is a fairly rural hospital and they just don't have that kind of medicine around here. If her vitals improve by tomorrow, I suggest you do everything you can to get her back to the states so she can get the medicine she needs before it's too late."

  Doctor Jameson shook my hand and turned to walk down the hallway. "Doc, wait," I called after him. He turned to face me. "Do you know how far along she is?" I asked.

  "Without an ultrasound, I can't be sure, but I'd estimate she's around four or five weeks."

  "Thanks, doc."

  Four or five weeks? I tried to think back that long ago. Had she been seeing Deacon back then? No, I didn't think so, but I also wasn't sure.

  I returned to her room and sat next to the bed, picked up her hand again and smiled.

  "Do you need anything?"

  "I'm good," she said.

  "I'll be right here if you need anything. Anything at all, just ask."

  "Thanks, Zac," she smiled and it was the kind of smile that warmed your soul inside and out.

  I pressed my lips to her forehead and tucked a stray hair behind her ear.

  "Doc says you'll get to leave tomorrow if you're feeling better," I said as I stroked her cheek with the pad of my thumb. "We need to get you home."

  She laid her hand over her flat belly and rubbed circles over it. "I still can't believe there's a baby inside here," she said softly.

  "Yeah, I really didn't see that one coming," I laughed.

  "Zac..." she breathed. "The baby is yours, you know?"

  I smiled. If she was sure, then so was I. And I was going to be a father...shit, I was going to be a father.

  "I'll be a better dad than mine ever was, don't ever forget that."

  "I know you will."

  A tear formed in the corner of my eye. So much had happened over the last few weeks, but all in all, I was right where I needed to be. It felt like home, sitting next to the love of my life, with her hand in mine and I wouldn't change it for the world.

  "You need to call your sister," she said. "She's probably worried, since I haven't checked in."

  "I dunno, Ken. She's gonna fly off the handle and hop on a plane as soon as I tell her your in the hospital. You know how she is."

  "You don't need to tell her why I'm here. You can just say I got a horrible case of Montezuma's revenge or something."

  "Okay, I'll think of something," I said and pulled my phone from my pocket.

  I gave her another kiss and walked into the hallway to make the only phone call I dreaded more than anything in the world.

  "Zac?" Ally answered.

  "Hey, sis. How's everything going?"

  "Fine. Well, no...not fine. Have you talked to Kennedy lately? I've tried calling, but her phone keeps sending me straight to voicemail."

  "Are you sitting down?" I asked cautiously.

  "No. Why? Oh God, Zac! What happened? Is she okay?"

  "Calm down. And yes, she's fine," I said and took a deep breath. "I'm in Mexico. It's a long story, but I ran into her here and she had a bad case of food poisoning and I had to bring her to the hospital."

  "WHAT?!" she shouted and the speaker vibrated against my ear.

  "Al, calm down. She's fine. They're letting her out tomorrow and we're flying straight home." I tried to keep my composure for my sister's sake. "I guess it's true what they say about the water down here."

  "That's not funny, asshat. Where is she? Can I talk to her? Please?"

  "Uh...she's sleeping, now. It was a rough night, but they're taking good care of her here. I promise."

  "Good," she said a little less frantic. "Don't you leave her side, you hear me?"

  "I wouldn't dream of it," I said.

  "I love you, bro. Please get her home safe, I don't think I can handle any
more bad news for the rest of my life."

  "Deal. No more bad news. We'll see you when we get home, okay?"

  "Call me as soon as the plane lands," she ordered.

  "Yes, ma'am," I said. "I love you, sis."

  "As soon as you land," she repeated.

  "Yeah, I got it. I've gotta go, okay?"

  "Fine. Be careful. Bye."

  "Bye, sis," I said and ended the call.

  I returned to Kennedy's side and ran a hand through my hair as I gripped the phone tightly in the other.

  "She freaked out, huh?"

  "Just a little, but I told her you were okay."

  "Hey," she said softly. "Look at me." And I did. My gaze met hers and she smiled. "This is all gonna work out."

  "I know. I love you," I said. The words just rolled out of my mouth and I couldn't take them back, even if I wanted to.

  Instead of protesting, she wriggled her finger, motioning me to come closer. I leaned over her and she pressed her lips to my ear. "I'm pretty sure I love you too, or it could be the drugs talking. I don't know."

  "I'll take whatever I can get."

  She smiled and closed her eyes.

  "Wait? What drugs?"

  "Relax, Zac. I was kidding."

  Jesus, this woman was going to be the death of me.

  Chapter 23

  Kennedy

  I still felt miserable, but the doctor gave me the green light to check out of the hospital early. Zac stayed by my side the entire night, only leaving once to use the bathroom. Our lives had changed overnight and yet, he was still calm, and tended to me as if I were a fragile porcelain doll who would break at any moment. I couldn't say it wasn't sweet, but I just knew if he was going to fuss over me for the next nine months, we'd have some serious issues.

  "Our flight leaves at eight twenty," he said. He'd been on the phone with the airline for over an hour, trying to get us a flight home and I was truly grateful he'd been there for me. I wasn't even sure what could've happened if he hadn't been.

  "Thanks," I said as he packed my suitcase as I laid on the bed in my hotel room.

  "I've gotta go get my things out of Kirsten's room, but I'll be right back. And if anything happens, call me." He set my phone on my chest, kissed my forehead and hurried out of the room.

  Zac

  I had ten minutes. I made a mental list of everything I needed out of the room and figured it would only take me about ten minutes to pack, explain everything to Kirsten and get back to Kennedy.

  I slid the key in the card reader. It blinked green and I opened the door slowly.

  Alex was asleep on the pull-out with an arm wrapped around Zoe, while Sam was curled up at the foot of the bed, horizontally. The bedroom door was open and Kirsten and Katelyn were sound asleep, snuggled under the white comforter. I went to the edge of the bed, knelt down and brushed Kirsten's cheek with the back of my hand.

  Her eyes fluttered open and she threw her arms around my neck once she realized who I was. "Oh, Zac, where've you been?"

  I gripped her wrists and pulled them from my neck. She dropped them to her sides and huffed.

  "You're still mad at me because of the other night, aren't you?"

  "Stop talking and listen to me, very carefully."

  She crossed her arms over her chest and jutted her chin out in defiance like a small child.

  "I'm leaving tonight. I'm going home and I'm taking Kennedy with me. Things have been over between us for a long time Kirsten. You know it. I know it, so lets stop the bullshit charade. I don't care what you do from here on out, but please, don't call me or text me...it's over."

  Her crystal blue eyes met mine and her cheeks flushed crimson. "I told you I loved you, doesn't that mean anything? I gave you my virginity and you're just leaving me?" she seethed.

  "Look, Kirsten," I said as I sat on the edge of the bed and reached for her hand.

  "Don't touch me," she snapped and pulled her hand back. "Get out."

  It wasn't a question and I knew it. "I'm sorry, I hurt you," I said, knowing it probably didn't mean much to her.

  "GET OUT!" she screamed and threw her pillow as hard as she could at me. "GET OUT!"

  I grabbed my suitcase slowly, raised my hand and backed out of the room. She hopped off the bed and slammed the door behind me. Moments later, I heard muffled sobs coming from inside the room and Katelyn reassuring her. I was an asshole. Which was mostly true. I'd hurt her and she'd never forgive me, but none of that mattered, anymore. I was done. I didn't need any other women, I had the one I'd always loved and she loved me too.

  Alex and the girls hadn't budged, even with Kirsten's yelling, he pulled Zoe into his chest and she flopped an arm over his bare stomach.

  I pulled the door open, dragging my bag behind me and listened to the familiar click as the door shut. It was the sound of freedom, as if the shackles from my ankles had finally been unlocked.

  Chapter 24

  Kennedy

  Our plane landed in Phoenix, right on schedule, and Zac kept his promise to Ally. He shot her a quick text letting her know we were home. She was insistent that Zac brought me straight to the townhouse, so I could rest, but the last thing I wanted to do was face my best friend. I didn't have the energy to explain everything that had happened over the last twenty-four hours, let alone the last six months. I still needed time myself to wrap my head around it all.

  "She's gonna keep blowing up my phone if I don't respond," he said and I pulled the phone from his hands, turned it off and tossed it onto the backseat of my car.

  "She'll get over it," I huffed as Zac started the engine. He'd insisted on having a wheelchair for me at the gate when we arrived. I wasn't in the mood to argue, so I went along with it and grumbled the entire way through the terminal. He wanted to carry me to my car, but I finally snapped. I could walk on my own, thank you very much. I wasn't as fragile as he was making me out to be, but in the back of my mind, I also wondered if Doctor Jameson had told him something that he hadn't bothered sharing with me.

  "Are you okay? Comfortable?" he asked.

  "Zac, stop fussing. You're driving me crazy. I'm fine, I swear."

  He shrugged and backed out of the parking spot.

  "Doc said you should stay off your feet," he said. "I'm only trying help."

  I reached over and rested my hand on his thigh. "I know, I'm sorry. I think it's my hormones. They're totally messing with me." Which was partially true. I felt like an airhead half the time and had drank enough ginger ale on the plane to fill a bathtub.

  He tilted his head toward me and smiled. "Should I stop somewhere on the way and pick up food? You hungry?"

  And again, he was right back in his protective mode. I rolled my eyes and simply said, "Yeah, sure."

  "You need to eat something other than crackers and ginger ale."

  "I know." But the waves of nausea came and went without any warning. Whoever decided to call it 'morning sickness' could suck a bag of dicks. It should have been called 'all-day-all-night sickness', 'cause I felt horrible. I rested my head against the seat and before I knew what hit me, Zac was shaking my shoulder lightly.

  "Wake up, sweetheart. We're home," he said.

  I yawned and raised my arms over my head to stretch. "I didn't even know I fell asleep."

  The new Zac was all about opening doors for me and being a true gentleman. I found it strange and totally out of character for him.

  "Stop. You're totally freaking me out with all this sudden chivalry," I said, holding my hand up as he reached into the car to help me out.

  He dropped his hand, went around to the trunk and pulled our bags out.

  "I'm on the third floor. And before you snap at me again, I just want to make sure you're gonna be okay before we start climbing stairs."

  I held my hand up. "Easy peasy. I've got this."

  Seriously, you'd think I was nine months pregnant with the way he was treating me. I was barely five weeks and already over it.

  He did insist o
n walking behind me, just in case, but I didn't fall, break my neck or even trip on my way up. He unlocked the door and held it open, so I could pass.

  It was small, but in the usual Zac fashion, he'd made the best use out of the space with old band posters, beer signs and pictures of half-naked girls. He set our things down and handed me a brown paper bag filled with delicious fried treats. My mouth watered and my stomach suddenly jumped to life, growling like a hungry grizzly bear.

  "I guess I'm hungrier than I thought." I took a handful of French fries and stuffed them in my mouth. They were salty heaven on my tongue and I couldn't stop eating.

  "Glad I ordered two," he scoffed and pulled the bag from my greedy hands.

  With my mouth full, I laughed. "Gross, close your mouth," he said. And just like that, we were back to the old Zac and Kennedy.

  Zac

  Kennedy had fallen asleep in my arms as we lay snuggled on my couch, watching reruns of Friends. It was like she'd never left and I smiled as I watched her sleep. Her lips parted slightly and the tension she carried over her brow seemed to fade away with every breath she took.

  Careful not to wake her, I lifted her into my arms and carried her to bed. She stirred a bit as I set her down and covered her with a blanket.

  "Zac," she said sleepily. "Thank you for not freaking out."

  I brushed her dark hair away from her face and leaned down to kiss her. Her lips were soft and inviting as she parted them, allowing me to delve further, massaging her tongue with mine as I did.

  She let a low moan escape and my dick sprung to life. I lowered myself over her and her knees fell open, inviting me to rest between her legs. Her hands were in my hair, gently tugging on the loose ends as her hips bucked against me.

  I wanted her, all of her, but panic washed over me as I remembered the baby and I quickly pulled back. "We can't."

  "It's okay, Zac," she whispered, wrapping her arms around my waist, pulling me back over her.

  She looked so beautiful, but yet so fragile. She'd lost some weight and her hip bones were more pronounced than I'd ever seen before. I traced them with my fingertips and tucked my thumbs under the lace waistband of her thong.

  "You're sure you wanna do this?" I asked.