Holding on to Us

by A. E. Neal

  Her eyes were glossy and filled with desire. "Yes," she breathed and I tugged at the edge of her panties, drawing them down her legs. She worked the fly on my jeans as I shimmed out of them.

  "So beautiful." I traced her navel and soft stomach with my tongue as I pulled the edge of her tank top over her breasts. Her pierced nipples were taut and her breasts were swollen. She moaned loudly as I drew one into my mouth and teased the barbell with the tip of my tongue.

  "Oh God," she breathed and that was all it took. I kicked off my boxers and lowered myself against her slickened sex. The heat radiating from her was nothing like I'd ever experienced before. It engulfed my entire body, warming me from head to toe. My skin pricked at the slightest brush of her hand as she dug her fingers into my back, begging me to enter her. Her hips raised, inviting me, beckoning me to release the fire burning deep inside her.

  Her eyes closed and she brought her hand to her lips, sucking on the tip of her index finger, taking long draws as she moaned. It was the hottest thing I'd ever seen and yet, I couldn't bring myself to take her. My cock throbbed as she moved against it slowly.

  She dropped her hand from her mouth and traced her full breasts with her fingertips before lightly pinching one of her nipples. She moaned again. I was sure if I'd let her, she'd bring herself to an orgasm without even needing me inside her. But it was as if she'd read my mind, "Lay on your back," she demanded. I rolled onto my back and she positioned herself over me, straddling me backwards, so that her beautiful ass was facing me. She leaned forward, rocking her hips slightly and guided me into her deliciously hot, slickened sex.

  Her muscles clenched around me as she lowered herself further, taking me deeper inside of her. Her moans became louder, breath ragged. I knew she was close, but I couldn't let her go over the edge, just yet. I gripped her hips and leaned her forward, so she rested on her elbows, all without disconnecting from her.

  My fingertips explored the soft skin of her belly and I stroked her clit as I thrust into her from behind. She matched my rhythm, moving her hips against me, drawing me in as far as she could go. Her muscles contracted and throbbed as she screamed out in pleasure.

  With each deep thrust, she moaned and clawed at the bed sheets, begging for more. "Harder!" she demanded.

  Her animalistic growls and moans were the sexiest thing I'd ever heard. And I did just as she asked. I picked up my pace and the only sound that filled the room was our sweat-laden skin slapping against one another.

  And with another thrust and pull of her muscles against me, I was transported into pure unadulterated ecstasy as I came, releasing my seed inside her for what felt like the first time and wouldn't soon be the last.

  Beads of sweat covered my brow and I pulled out of her gently and flopped back against the cool sheets. She slid under the sheet next to me, tossing a leg over mine and rested her clammy cheek against my chest.

  "That," she inhaled deeply, "was the best sex I've ever had."

  Her words brought a smile to my face and I pressed my lips to her damp hair. "Intense," was the only word I could manage, since I was still seeing stars after my orgasm.

  We laid quietly, naked in my bed, and it was if the entire world around us had been shut out completely. No sounds of honking car horns from the parking lot below, no emergency sirens from the busy highway. Nothing. Just our heartbeats, thumping in unison as if we were one, and it was the most perfect moment of my life.

  "I love you, Skittles," I whispered softly, before closing my eyes.

  Chapter 25

  Kennedy

  Zac took my hand a pulled me through the busy airport. Couples with babies and small children all stopped what they were doing and watched us with beady eyes as we hurried. I felt my legs go weak underneath me, but he held his grip tightly on my hand almost dragging me behind him.

  I opened my mouth to speak, to tall him to slow down, but the words wouldn't come out. Suddenly, we were in a taxi, rushing through the streets of downtown Phoenix. As if I were watching from above, Zac buried his face in the palm of his bloodied hands and began to cry. I tried to reach out to comfort him, but my arms were frozen at my side. Rain pelted the roof of the cab and the air became thick and foggy.

  I struggled to breathe as I watched him rock back and forth against the seat, crying out for help. The sky darkened around us as I gasped for air. Then everything went black.

  "Kennedy! Wake up!" Zac shouted and I felt his hands on my shoulders, shaking me. I opened my eyes and sucked in a breath of air.

  "Jesus Christ," he said as he pulled me into his arms. I was shaking, drenched in sweat and hot tears ran down my cheeks. The warmth of his embrace and his familiar scent calmed me, almost instantly.

  "You scared the shit out of me," he whispered into my neck as he rocked me slowly. "You were screaming my name and all of a sudden you stopped breathing."

  Tears streamed down my cheeks. "It was just a nightmare. I'm okay, now," I said, but my voice sounded foreign to me.

  Morning sunlight peeked through the drawn curtains and the sun's warmth crept across the bed, heating my cool, sweaty naked skin.

  He pulled back to look at me. His normal icy blue gaze was gone, and had been replaced with a dark, almost indigo blue. He looked terrified.

  "I'm okay," I said and brushed his cheek with my fingertips.

  His eyes softened a little and he pressed his lips to my brow. "You scared me."

  I had no idea what the nightmare meant, I rarely dreamed, let alone had nightmares. It was so real. Like everything that was happening was taking place right before my eyes, and there was nothing I could do to stop any of it.

  I'd called my regular gynecologist and set up an appointment for later in the afternoon. Technically, Zac and I were still on vacation, so there wasn't a need to call into the shop to let them know I wouldn't be in for a few days. Although, we still had to face Ally sometime, but it was the last thing on my mind, especially after my early-morning-panic-attack-slash-nightmare.

  Zac stood shirtless, wearing only a pair of loose gray sweatpants as he cooked scrambled eggs, bacon and toast. The entire time I'd lived with Zac, I'd never seen him cook anything more than a box of mac and cheese. I was impressed that he actually knew how to cook. The scent was intoxicating, but also made me nauseous. I hoped the doctor could give me something to help with my morning sickness, since I hadn't been able to keep down solid food in almost a week.

  I slapped a hand over my mouth and rushed to the bathroom, making it just in time. The remainder of last night's fried feast came up and as I heaved over the toilet, Zac placed a damp cloth against the back of my neck.

  He rubbed my back as I took deep breaths and finally sat back against the cool tile. "Thanks," I said in a gravely voice. "I thought I was hungry, but apparently my stomach had other plans," I joked, but Zac didn't seem all that amused.

  "I hope the doctor has something for you. I hate to see you like this."

  He was right, since the day I left for Cancun, I'd already lost seven pounds. I thought being pregnant would turn me into a fat, bloated beached whale or at least that was what I'd heard. Instead, I was skinny, sickly looking and I could barely keep my eyes open long enough to watch an entire episode of Friends.

  "This sucks," I finally said as I held my arm out to Zac. He helped me off the floor and turned the shower on.

  "Maybe a shower will help," he offered.

  "Maybe."

  After my shower, I pulled on a pair of capri pants and tank top, ran a brush through my hair before meeting Zac in the kitchen. I was sure I was hungry, since my stomach hadn't stopped growling the entire time I was in the shower. But the kitchen was void of any of the food he'd made and the smell of disinfectant stung my nostrils.

  He wiped the counter top down and tossed the rag into the sink, which was also void of any dishes, pans or utensils.

  "Where'd the food go?" I asked, sounding whinier than usual.

  "Threw it out. I didn't want you to get sick
again."

  My bottom lip jutted out and I frowned. I really was starving and bacon and eggs actually sounded delicious.

  "But I can make you something...if you want," he offered.

  "My knight-in-shining-armor to the rescue," I teased as I punched him lightly in the chest.

  "I have cereal, Pop-Tarts, and Spaghetti-Oh's," he laughed as he rummaged through the cupboard.

  "Pop-Tarts sound good." He pulled the familiar box from the cabinet, unwrapped the pastries and plopped them into the toaster.

  "Strawberry with frosting, your favorite," he said. His sweet gesture made me smile. He actually did pay attention to what I liked and wondered why it had taken him so damn long to show it.

  "You remembered."

  "Of course, I remember, Kennedy. I remember everything. You like Skittles, but not the orange or yellow ones. When you sleep, you tuck your hands under your chin like you're contemplating the world while you sleep. You'll only wear silver jewelry because you think gold looks trashy. When you laugh, you cover your mouth, which you shouldn't do by the way because your mouth is beautiful. When you're nervous, you bounce your knee in place. And I know you secretly wish you were more like Monica from Friends, but you're more like Phoebe and that you were madly in love with Pacey on Dawson's Creek. I know all of this, because I've watched you ever since you were thirteen. People change, but you, you haven't changed a bit."

  Tears formed in the corner of my eyes. Damn hormones. I walked over to him, placed both hands on either side of his face and pulled him down to kiss me.

  "God, I fucking love you and for the record, I save the orange and yellow ones, because I know they're your favorite," I said against his lips and he let out a chuckle.

  "Love you, too, Skittles."

  As we waited in the doctor's office for my name to be called, Zac nervously flipped through a Home and Gardens magazine.

  "Planning on a DIY planter for your apartment balcony?" I asked and he tossed the magazine aside.

  "Why is this taking so long?"

  I placed a hand on his knee and he instinctively covered it with his own. "We've only been here for twenty minutes. Relax."

  A mother sat on the floor with her toddler as the little girl tossed blocks into a colorful box and each time a block hit another, she would giggle. It was the most infectious laugh I'd ever heard. The mother glanced up at me and smiled. I smiled back.

  "Allen," the nurse called from the doorway next to the reception desk.

  I grabbed Zac's hand and waved to the nurse. "That's us," I said.

  "Wonderful, follow me."

  She led us into a room at the end of the hallway. She closed the door behind us and just like ever other visit I'd had to the gyno, she instructed me to change into the ugly hospital gown, sit on the table and said a nurse would be in shortly to take my vitals.

  Zac took a seat next to me as I undressed and pulled the gown over my head.

  "Seriously?"

  "What?"

  "The doc gets to see you naked?"

  "Well duh, Zac. She is a gynecologist."

  "She?"

  "Yeah, my doctor's a woman."

  "Is she hot?"

  I smacked his arm as hard as I could.

  "What? Female doctors are usually pretty hot."

  "She's like forty, married and has three kids," I scoffed as I sat on the paper liner, covering the table.

  "So you're saying she's a MILF. Sweet."

  "God, you're such an ass, sometimes," I said, shooting him my best death glare. He just laughed and put on an innocent face.

  Having Zac in the room wasn't a big deal to me. He'd seen all I had to offer plenty of times before, just this time, it was a little different. We weren't naked and 'fucking like rabbits', as he would say.

  There was a knock at the door and I let the person know I was ready.

  "I thought I was hallucinating when I saw your chart, but I can now see, that I'm definitely not," a familiar male voice said.

  Zac shot up from his chair and closed the space between him and Deacon.

  "Sit down, Zac," I ordered.

  "I don't want him anywhere near you," he snapped.

  Well this day was getting gradually worse by the minute. My boyfriend-slash-baby-daddy and my other boyfriend— who I hadn't actually broken up with yet— in the same room as I sat on a cold paper-covered table with nothing but a shitty gown covering me.

  Calmly, I asked, "Deacon, what're you doing here?"

  "Picked up a few shifts as a PA for Doctor Keller, who is apparently seeing you today for," he paused and skimmed over my chart, "a first trimester check-up and blood screening."

  He didn't look shocked, but actually looked quite calm as he repeated the reason for my visit.

  "Zac," I said softly. "Can you please give us a few minutes?"

  He stood guarded, with his hands balled into fists at his sides. "Please," I pleaded.

  "You touch her, and I'll fucking break your neck," Zac threatened as he passed Deacon and slammed the door behind him.

  "He's really charming, Kennedy. I thought you had better taste than that."

  I didn't even know where to start with him, but he deserved an explanation.

  "So you run off to Mexico with your 'friend', who I assume wasn't just your friend after all, only to find out you're pregnant, all while lying to your boyfriend about needing time away to clear your head. Does that about cover it?"

  "Look, Deacon, I didn't know I was pregnant until a few days ago. I had no idea Zac was in Mexico until I ran into him and his girlfriend at the hotel. As far as him being my friend, you're right, we weren't just friends, we were always something more, but I was too stupid to see it until now. I'm sorry you have to find out about this here. I wanted to tell you in person, because truth is, I really did care about you...a lot actually, and I never wanted to hurt you."

  "It's a little late for that, don't you think?"

  "You're right, I know. I'm really sorry," I said and tried to reach out for his hand, but he pulled away.

  "How far along are you, Kennedy?" he asked.

  "About five weeks."

  "Well, that's good to know, since I don't think I could bear to have a child with a woman who lies, cheats and pretends to care about someone when clearly she doesn't."

  The door swung open and Zac pushed his way past Deacon and sat down beside me. "I think you've said enough for one day," he growled.

  "Yeah, and I've heard enough bullshit to last me a lifetime. But I'm still a professional, so if you don't mind, I need to take Kennedy's vitals so the doctor can see her," he said as he edged between the table and Zac to reach the blood pressure cuff that hung on the wall behind me.

  Zac rolled the stool back against the wall on the opposite side of the room and watched Deacon carefully, making sure he didn't try anything with me. The room was filled with testosterone, so thick that I could hardly breathe.

  As Deacon checked my blood pressure, temperature and heartbeat, he leaned closer to me a whispered, "I hope he was worth it. I was ready to give you everything, Kennedy." And with those words, he turned and walked out of the room without a goodbye or even a last glance my way. I'd broken his heart too, and I couldn't stop myself from crying. Breaking hearts seemed to be an ongoing theme for me over the last several weeks, but the fact that I hadn't even known I'd done it, made me feel a lot worse.

  Zac was at my side instantly. "What'd he say to you? I'll go fuck him up, right now, Ken. Just say the words."

  "Nothing. Just let it go," I said as I wiped my cheeks. "You won't see him again, I promise you that."

  Moments later, Doctor Keller entered the room and broke the silence between Zac and I by congratulating us on our happy news. With everything that had just happened, the news didn't seem as exciting as I'd originally hoped for when making my appointment.

  She did a routine exam, which was uncomfortable, especially because she continued with the small talk. The whole process seemed to take foreve
r.

  "Everything looks good, but I understand you saw a doctor in Mexico. Is that right?"

  "Yes. He mentioned my body was fighting the pregnancy."

  "Well, we'll take some blood, just to be sure. The results should be back by tomorrow at the latest. I'll have a nurse call you as soon as they come in. In the meantime, I suggest you get lots of rest, no heavy lifting, and if the nausea gets worse or you have any spotting, call me right away. Okay?"

  "Thanks, Doctor Keller, I will."

  She drew some blood, sent it off to the lab, then wrote me a prescription to help with my nausea and called in the ultrasound technician.

  "Since it's still very early into your pregnancy, I'm not sure if we'll be able to find the baby's heartbeat, but it doesn't hurt to look," the technician said.

  I laid back, just as I had during the exam with Doctor Keller and the tech inserted a trans-vaginal wand. It was more than uncomfortable and I tried to relax.

  "Aaah, there it is," she said and turned the monitor so Zac and I could see what she'd found.

  She pointed at the black and white screen, which looked like a garbled photograph of a scientific beaker they used in labs. "See that shaded part right there?" She pointed toward the bottom, "That's your baby. And the tiny blip is the heartbeat."

  "It looks like a deformed Skittle," Zac said as he squinted to see better.

  The technician laughed. "That's one I haven't heard before."

  "Shut up, Zac. She's beautiful. Our little Skittle is going to be gorgeous," I said.

  "She? What makes you think it's a girl? I'm pretty sure I can see a dot," he pointed, "that says he's a boy."

  I rolled my eyes at him and laughed. "Whatever."

  The technician printed out a picture of our tiny Skittle and handed it to me.

  "You're a bit farther a long than your chart indicated. It looks like you're about six-and-a-half weeks. At about sixteen weeks, if the baby cooperates, I'll be able to tell you what the sex is."

  "Six-and-a-half?" I asked.

  "Yep," she confirmed. "September fifteenth is your due date," she added.

  "But that's impossible, I mean, I had my period last month and I was taking my birth control regularly. I don't understand."