It was a photograph of Sophie Jackson. I took it when she was out on the streets in London. We kept her on our radar until she was fourteen, then I recruited her. In the picture, she was around twelve-years-old. I found it in between my paperwork when I moved to the States. I decided to keep the photo because it might become useful at some point. And so it had.
Josie leaned over to look at it more carefully. Purposely, I paused before getting in. I felt overjoyed inside, thinking my whole gimmick was working.
“Is this your daughter?” she asked.
I took a deep breath, then got into the truck. While rubbing the picture with my thumb, I forced tears into my eyes and pushed out a response, “Yes.”
“Is she…?”
I interrupted her, “Look, let’s make a deal. You don’t ask me about my family, and I won’t ask you about yours.”
Josie agreed to the terms. I hoped it would stop her from asking too many questions. It was obvious she felt bad for even acknowledging the picture. I pulled it off the dash and put it in the center console. It wasn’t spoken about again.
Heading back to the front of the development, she peeked over at me and I could feel the questions coming. I really wasn’t keen on answering too many and hoped I could nip it in the bud before it got out of hand.
“So you aren’t from around here?”
“How did you guess?” I winked at her. Her icy exterior melted a little as I earned some trust from her. She smiled. Job well done, mate.
“Oh, I don’t know. It could be your accent.” She worked hard not to giggle.
“Bloody hell, you figured me out. I’m from Germany. Born there, actually. Then I moved to England shortly after birth. And now I’m here in the great U.S. of A.” At least that information was true.
I had to be careful not to say too much, though. What do they say? Loose lips sink ships. I was not about to let my ship go down in flames.
“What brought you to the States?”
“Work.” True, but I left out quite an array of details.
“Okay.” The conversation was going nowhere, which was precisely how I wanted it. “What kind of work do you do?”
Time to shut it down. “Isn’t it obvious?” Josie cocked her head to the right and looked at me, confused. “I’m some sort of fucking British Rambo scientist.” She rolled her eyes and sat back in the seat. I chuckled.
“Right.” She was slightly miffed that I poked fun at her.
“The youth—so cynical nowadays. And, seemingly, they have no sense of humor,” I mumbled to myself, but loud enough for Josie to hear. I made a left turn out of the development and headed back to the house.
When we rolled into the driveway, Gage was keeping himself quite busy with the utmost of important tasks…throwing rocks. If I could have willed one to hit him in the fat melon, I would have.
“He looks obnoxious,” Josie quipped.
“You have no idea, love.” I jumped out of the truck and she followed behind me. “Gage, this is Josie. I found her battling an undead. Quite well, actually.” A grunt came from Gage. I turned and looked at Josie. “You will have to excuse Gage. He only knows two languages: Grunt and Tough Guy.”
“Fuck you, asshole.”
“See. Now you’ve heard both.” Josie sidestepped behind me. “Don’t worry about him. Come on in and meet Quinn. I think you’ll like her. I’m rather sure she will take to you kindly.”
I opened the door and Quinn was sitting on the couch, reading one of the books I picked up. She looked up, standing slowly. A gentle smile spread across her face.
Oh god, she was stunning. Every time I saw her, my breath caught in my throat and my heart did some weird pitter-patter thing. I cleared my throat. “Quinn, this is Josie.”
“Hello, sweetheart.” Josie waved at Quinn. “Are you all right? Do you need food or water?”
“I gave her two bags of crisps and a bottle of water. But I’m most certain she would love to eat more.”
“Yeah, I’m still hungry.” She away from Quinn like she was embarrassed.
“Well, come on.” Quinn grabbed Josie’s hand and escorted her into the kitchen. I followed behind.
“Thank you so much.”
“You are very welcome, sweetheart. Were you alone when Gunther found you?” Quinn pulled out a chair for Josie.
“Yeah, sort of. I was trying to fend off one of those…undeads?” she questioned and looked at me while I sat down.
Quinn opened a couple jars of fruit and pulled out a bag of jerky. She handed a spoon to each of us. “Let me go out and see if Gage wants anything. He hasn’t been inside since you left.” She raised the same brow at me that I had seen a few times already. I shrugged. She walked past me and my eyes followed her amazing arse.
“Oh fucking well, serves him right, the ungrateful arseface,” I mumbled under my breath after she went outside.
Minutes later, the arseface made his grand appearance in the kitchen doorway. Quinn practically shoved him toward the table as she waltzed into the room. “Here. Come and sit.” Quinn pulled out the chair diagonal from me. Smart move, woman. If he sat directly across from me and I had to stare at his melon for more than a second, I couldn’t be held responsible for what might have occurred.
Without looking at anybody, Gage sat in the chair. Quinn put a jar of fruit in front of him and pulled out another bag of jerky. She sat down to the same meal herself. “There,” she said, quite pleased with herself that we were sitting at the table like a proper Norman Rockwell family.
I almost laughed, but held it in. I couldn’t fight the smirk, though. Josie looked around at all of us. I would imagine she thought that she had moved into an asylum. Slight awkwardness.
It was quiet—too quiet. My eyes flickered to Gage. He felt the burn of my gaze and looked up at me. I smirked again.
“Fuck you!” he yelled, jumping up and throwing his chair backwards. Tsk, tsk, Tough Guy.
I started laughing. “Oh, for the love of…” Quinn tossed her spoon in the jar, splashing some of the juice out onto the table.
“I didn’t say anything!” I protested.
“He looked at me,” Gage growled.
I continued to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. “Really?” I laughed through my words. “Are you really going to go there?” Bloody hell, this was hilarious.
“Prick,” grumbled Gage.
That’s when I became pissed. “Bite your tongue around the women,” I chided, pointing my finger at him.
“Fuck off.” He slammed the chair into the table, rattling every item Quinn had placed on it, and stormed off to his bedroom.
“What did I talk to you about earlier?” Quinn snarled at me.
Again, she was treating me like a child. I really fucking hated that. I narrowed my eyes at her. “I don’t know, Quinn. Why don’t you give me a fucking refresher?” I will readily admit that my tone was harsh.
“You are an asshole!” She pointed at me, shoved herself away from the table, and stormed outside.
“Well, that was…interesting,” Josie remarked to herself as she dug in the jar of fruit for another piece of pineapple. I had almost forgotten that she was there.
“We’re a tight-knit, loving group. Aren’t you glad you decided to come with me?”
I got up and went outside. Quinn was sitting on the old wooden steps. She wiped her eyes. Jesus Christ, I made her cry again. “Quinn…” I felt guilty. Not a normal emotion for me, but I didn’t like to see her cry.
“Don’t. I don’t need this right now.”
I plopped down next to her. “Look, if it matters at all, I’m sorry. Really, I am.” Tears ran from her eyes. “Christ, woman, don’t cry.”
“You are just so crass sometimes. I need some sort of semblance of peace in my life. I thought we could try to be a family since we are living together. I’ve gone through way too much and lost so much more than I care to discuss. I just thought it would be nice…” She put her face in her hands.
“Quinn…”
Taking the chance, I pulled her to my chest, unsure if it was the right thing to do. I wished there was book on the shit. She wrapped her arms around my neck and sobbed into my shoulder. I rested my chin on the top of her head. I saw that in a movie once. She was right. I was an arsehole. Somehow, I needed to right the situation. And I needed to kiss her.
I put my fingers under her chin and raised her head up. After wiping her tears away with my thumbs, I placed my hands on either side of her face then kissed her on the forehead.
She gazed into my chemical-laden eyes as I headed toward her mouth. Her breath caught in her throat when she locked eyes with me. Her lips parted in invitation. I tucked her hair behind her ear.
Just as our lips nearly brushed together, she whispered, “This is not right. I’m sorry.” She pushed me back, stood up, and headed back inside.
“Fuck. That went well.” I rubbed my stubbled jaw. I sat there on the porch for a few minutes, staring at nothing, before heading back inside.
I peeked into the kitchen and Josie was sitting there by herself. “Uh…you want me to show you to your room?” I jerked my thumb over my shoulder and toward the bedrooms.
She looked at me in surprise. “Yeah. I could use a rest.”
“Follow me and I will get you a few supplies.” I took her to my room and loaded her up with everything from personal products to linens. After she thanked me, I told her to go see Quinn for clothes.
Josie was grateful Gunther had given her a bag full of her own supplies. She almost felt like she belonged there, even though the group was obviously fractured. She laid the linens on the small twin bed.
Once everything was to her liking, she went and knocked on the door to Quinn’s room. It took a minute for her to open the door and, once she did, she still looked upset. Her eyes were puffy and her complexion was blotchy.
“Hi. Sorry to bother you, but Gunther said you might have a few articles of clothing that could work for me?”
“I might. You’re much smaller than me, but I’m sure we can figure something out.” She waved Josie in and closed the door behind them.
“So, this is none of my business, but…are you two a couple?”
Quinn looked at Josie in shock. “Who?”
“You and Gunther.”
“What? No!” she scoffed. “What gave you that impression?” Quinn picked up the bags of clothes and pulled out a few items. “You do see that we are in separate rooms, right?”
“Well, I didn’t know if you were a couple at one time or something like that. There just seems to be some weird tension between the two of you, but he looks at you like he has feelings for you.” Quinn swallowed hard. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to imply anything. Just an observation.” Josie shied away.
“That’s okay, and no, we aren’t. Weren’t…ever.” Quinn handed over a couple t-shirts, socks, and a pair of yoga pants. “These are probably too big, but you can sleep in them. Hopefully, we will find more stuff for you soon.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” She smiled at Josie before Josie headed back to her room.
I heard Josie leave Quinn’s room. I needed to talk to Quinn, so I did what every red-blooded male would do. I went knocking on her door to grovel. Unsure if it would work but, for the first time in my life, I was willing to give it a go. Maybe it wasn’t what I was supposed to do, but I needed to do something. I couldn’t bear knowing that she was angry with me.
For the longest time, I thought she wasn’t going to answer while I stood there like a fucking prat waiting for her to open the door. Then the old, paint-chipped wooden door cracked open with a creek, and her red puffy eyes met mine.
I swallowed hard, nervous as ever. “Can I talk to you for a sec?” She looked up at me with a blank stare. “All right. Well… Shit. Never mind.” Feeling very self-conscious, I turned to head back toward my room. Her hand wrapped around my bicep, stopping my flight response.
“Come in.” Her voice was soft and tired.
“Thank you.” I stepped in and closed the door with my hip. “I just want to apologize…again. I don’t have much in the way of people skills. I didn’t exactly grow up that way. I know that’s not an excuse…”
As I was trying to do the whole apology thing, she interrupted me, “I am married.” I nodded. “I would appreciate it if you would put your advances to rest.”
“Right. I understand. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”
“Just stop it, please.” She crossed her arms. She was so angry with me and I hated the feeling.
“Okay. I was just trying to make you feel better. My mistake.”
“Well, it didn’t.”
Kick to the fucking bollocks right there. I wasn’t used to women refusing my advances. Quinn was different than any other woman I had met. I didn’t know what it was about her, but she had my boxers in a knot. I stood there, looking completely stupid.
“Is there anything else you need to discuss?”
“Uh…no,” I replied, pushing my hand into my hair, noting I needed to break out the razor. “I guess that was it.”
As I turned away and opened the door, she grabbed my elbow. I spun back around to face her, a twinge of hope running through me. She was so close to me, I could kiss her. I needed to kiss her. I desperately wanted to rock her world because she was definitely fucking up mine.
“Look, I’m sorry,” she murmured. “I shouldn’t be so rude. I’m just trying to deal with all of my thoughts and worries.”
I closed the door again because I felt a major flood ready to pour out of me. The levee was weak and there was no way I could stop it from happening. “Can I confess something?”
“Sure.”
She had better be ready for what I was about to bring to the table. I took a deep breath and, with a quiver in my voice, I said, “I think you’re beautiful. And I’ve never met someone like you before. You’re so kind and loving, and you put me in my place.” I braced myself for a punch to the bollocks in three, two, one…
“Thank you. But, like I said, I’m married.” She flashed me her wedding band that I already knew was there.
I wanted to rip the fucking thing off her finger and throw it in a ditch somewhere…only to be picked up by a band of Gypsies, hocking it for a fucking chicken. I cleared my throat. “Right. I just wanted to tell you how I saw you.” She nodded once with pursed lips.
I left her room before I said anything else that would have gotten me into more trouble. Like the fact that I wanted to run my hands all over her fit body; or that I wanted to kiss her everywhere, especially between her thighs; or that I needed to be buried deep inside of her. Even better…that I wanted to fuck her into an orgasmic paradise until she begged me to stop.
After Josie left Quinn’s room, she sat on her bed and sighed. She picked through the bag of items Gunther had given her, popping open the bottle of shampoo. Coincidentally, it was the same one her mother used to use. She inhaled the fruity scent, bringing tears to her eyes.
“Mom…,” she whispered, “I miss you.”
Josie was the oddball of her family. The unexpressive child. The quiet one who held in her emotions. The child that every parent worried they would find dead when they opened their bedroom door one day.
Her family was quite normal. Everything was cookie cutter and pretty, except for Josie. Her family was proper, but she had a mouth on her like a truck driver.
They loved to attend football games, but Josie would rather shove bamboo under her fingernails than be stuck watching brute men running into one another over a ball. She hated being forced to attend her brother’s high school football games.
Her family enjoyed parties and her house was the regular neighborhood hangout. But Josie? She would rather jam a hot poker in her eye than have to socialize with anyone and everyone.
The only thing that brought her any joy was that guitar her uncle bought her. He seemed like he was the on
ly one who got her. And that was gone now. She truly felt alone.
Josie would take back every single one of her angry words if she could—every last fucking one of them. In some ways, she wished she went scavenging with her family instead of refusing to participate. She tried to shake off her emotions, but she was unsuccessful.
She collapsed on the bed and cried herself to sleep. What seemed like minutes later, screams bellowing through the house startled her awake.
As I lay in bed, I regretted everything that happened with Quinn. I wasn’t used to being rejected and she shut me down at an alarming rate. It happened so quickly, my bollocks hightailed it right up to my liver. I wasn’t sure how to deal with that. I sighed, closed my eyes, and drifted off. Without pause, the images and sounds of my past started plowing through my head.
-September 2002-
My thirty-year-old self was standing in front of Roger in one of the training rooms with my entire set of recruits behind me. One of which included Cock-up. Roger interrupted my class when he saw me chumming it up with Gabriel and Finlay, two of my recruits.
He was glaring at me in his black t-shirt and military-style cargoes. I wanted to gouge his fucking eyes out. He only had ten years on me, but he thought he was a fucking deity. I should have killed him for everything he had done to me, but I was scared as hell. One false move and he would have pulled out his Sig and put a hole between my eyes, painting the wall behind me with my tainted matter.
My life sucked. I was injected, beaten, tased, and ridiculed endlessly. Just once in my life, I wanted to have a pair of brass bollocks and take the motherfucker out. I was so much bigger than him. I could snap his neck in a second—my signature move.
“You didn’t perform like I needed you to today.” Roger began to pace as he spoke with venom. I would have pissed myself…if I wasn’t clenching down so hard. I knew what was coming, and I was tired of the pain. My face still had bruises from the last punches. “I need you strong and tough. I need you angry. I need you ready to fight at all times. You did not show me that today.” He stopped in front of me. “What do you have to say for yourself?”
Awakened Desires Page 18
