Awakened Desires

by Rissa Blakeley

  I groaned, listening to her coming apart in my arms. My moment was at my tip. I pounded harder and faster. She was still overwhelmed and losing ground as I pushed her beyond her limits.

  “Oh, love…,” I groaned. I looked down and watched myself pound in and out of her body. It was so erotic and turned it up a notch or two for me. I exploded into her. My body shuddered with such violence, my vision blurred.

  I was completely out of breath. I laid over her back for a moment, our bodies slick with sweat, to catch my breath and gain back what vision I could. Slowly, I pulled out and collapsed on the bed next to her, resting my arm over my forehead. Quinn curled up next to me, her fingertips dancing around my cut abdomen. I was still reeling.

  “How was your reward?” she murmured.

  I lifted my arm and looked at her beautiful, smug face. “Fucking brill, love. I couldn’t ask for a better reward.” She smiled and nestled into my body, sighing with contentment, intertwining her legs with mine. I played with her hair, twisting it around my fingers as we quietly rested.

  After a power nap, Quinn shifted her weight and straddled me. I groaned, looking at my love perched on top of me like she was claiming her very own prize. “You ready for round two?” Her sultry brown eyes glimmered in the darkness.

  I wrapped my hand around the back of her neck, pulled her face down to my lips, and whispered, “More like are you ready for round two?” I was already hard and raring to go.

  We rocked each other’s world late into the night. It may have been the morning before we were too exhausted to go another round.

  Chapter 45

  Josie’s eyes wandered around the room while she sat recovering from the donation she gave to Gunther. She cringed, knowing that he and Quinn were probably having sex right then.

  Small sniffling noises coming from Nick drew her eyes in his direction. The sight of him made her feel his devastation, and made her tear up. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about what happened to your family,” she murmured.

  “Thank you,” Nick croaked into his hands.

  Josie stood up and began nosing around the room, taking in everything that was Henry’s and Elaina’s. She noted a neatly arranged stack of what could’ve been journals next to a few photo albums. If she were alone, she might have grabbed one and taken a peek. Or even just messed them up a little.

  Her slender fingers flitted over the perfectly lined up spines of a few spent text books, with subjects ranging from history to biology. She noticed a few sheets of paper slipped in between the pages as if someone was taking notes. Seemed out of place with of all of the precise, matched items.

  On another shelf, various articles of clothing were arranged by type, color, pattern, and sex, folded neat. There were also personal hygiene supplies lined up in exact true rows—smallest to largest. She figured one or both of them had to be neat freaks or edging toward OCD. There was a spare handgun on the same shelf, the extra clips touching edge to edge. She picked up the gun and after a quick examination, she knew it was the same type of Sig that Gunther gave her to use.

  Without a sound, Henry slipped into the room. He stood in the doorway, arms folded across his chest, and watched Josie wander around the room. She was curious, but wasn’t taking anything. A wave of anxiety rushed through him, worried that she would mess up his regulated sense of normalcy. He knew he would have to go back through the stacks and piles later to make sure they were set just as he needed them to be. When she picked up the gun, he felt her nosey behavior should come to an end.

  The sound of a gruff throat clearing by the door startled Josie. With care, she set the gun back down on the shelf, and was happy it was getting dark in the room so Henry couldn’t see the flush of embarrassment on her face.

  “I’ve set up a room for you and Cora’s family together. Is that’s fine?”

  She fidgeted with her hands, not knowing where to place them. “Yeah. That’s fine.” She quickly walked to him. Her eyes gazed down at Nick, who had finished his donation. He had his head in his hands, resting his arms on his knees.

  Henry knelt down to him and placed his hand on Nick’s shoulder. “How are you doing, mate?” He looked up and his face brought a new meaning to infinite sadness. Nick’s eyes were swollen and red, and his cheeks were tear-stained. Josie felt such despair for him. “Is there anything I can get for you?”

  “Claire and my little Willow would be a start.” Nick’s words were so soft, but powerful.

  Henry rubbed his shoulder, then he placed his palm on Nick’s cheek. “I would if I could, you know that.” He nodded at Henry’s sincere statement. “I’m going to get the rest of the kids set up for the night. Then I’m going to try to get Elaina to come in. Will you be okay in here for now?”

  “Yeah,” Nick choked out.

  “Alright. If you need help to your room, just hang here. I’ll help you when I get back.” Henry stood up and Nick locked eyes with Josie. She glanced away, noting his beautiful facial structure. “Let’s go,” Henry quipped.

  Josie followed Henry back outside and to the playground where Cora and the three kids were playing. He smiled at the sight of the kids running around, giggling and looking carefree. Josie admired his amusement. “Do you have kids?” she asked.

  “No,” he sighed. “I hoped to someday, but after what happened with Claire, I’m sure Elaina will nix the whole idea.”

  “I can understand why she would feel that way.” Henry nodded and reached up to pull off his ball cap. He rubbed his matted hair and looked up, noting the sun’s position in the sky.

  “Cora?!” he called out. She turned to his direction and he waved her over. She was hesitant to leave the kids a distance away. “They’ll be fine,” he said. She looked back at them once more before she walked over to where Henry and Josie were standing. “Firstly, I’m not sure if you have been properly thanked for what you did for Claire and Willow.”

  Cora looked down and fiddled with her sweater tied around her waist. “I don’t think I helped much,” she whispered. When she looked back to the grave, her eyes became wet.

  Henry reached out and touched her shoulder. “Please don’t think that way.” Josie noted the loving manner in his touch, much like she had seen him do with Nick. “What happened was not anyone’s fault, but was a tragic event. There wasn’t anything anyone could have done to change the outcome. With the amount of blood that was present, there had to be something wrong.” Cora wiped her face and looked back at her children, who were still playing together. “I have set up a room for Josie and your family. It’s going to be dark soon and I would like to get everyone inside. Tomorrow, we will head back to your bunker so Gunther and his crew can gather their supplies. If you would like to stay with us, you’re more than welcome, or we can drop you off back there. It’s your choice.”

  “Thank you. I’ll think about it overnight and let you know come morning.”

  “Alright then.”

  Cora called out to her kids and they came running. She explained to them that they would be having a sleepover at the school and they all seemed rather excited.

  Henry led Josie and the family to their room, the teacher’s lounge. He felt the kids needed to have a little more comfort, so the room with the couches and the large tables seemed like a better fit.

  “Henry, this…”

  “Is the teacher’s lounge. I figured you needed a little bigger space and more comfort with all the little ones.”

  “This is really generous of you,” Cora said. “You and Elaina should be in this room since you’re the ones taking care of things.”

  “We are plenty comfy where we are.” He waved her into the room. “Remember to lock your door. I’m just down the hall if you need anything.”

  Cora thanked him. Henry made sure everyone was settled before he left to head out and get Elaina.

  He opened the front door and took a deep breath. He knew getting Elaina inside was going to be a larger than life task. He scrubbed his face and sighed
as he walked up to Thomas.

  “Thomas.” Henry nodded. “Why don’t you head on in? I’m going to get Elaina. Thank you for watching over her.”

  “No problem,” Thomas murmured with a worried gaze, heading into the school.

  Henry looked over to where they buried Claire and the baby. Elaina was sitting, staring at the grave. He made his way over to her and sat down. “Hey, love,” he said tenderly, a boozy taint to his breath.

  Elaina felt the sadness in his voice and cringed at the liquor that radiated from his mouth. “Hey,” she responded. She couldn’t understand why he had to drink so much, especially when she needed a rock right then. It was yet another thing with which she had to deal.

  “How are you doing?”

  She thought that was a stupid question, but she responded anyway. “Pretty fucking dandy. And you?”

  “About the same.” He took her hand, circling his icy fingertips around her palm. “You know, love, you don’t have to go through this alone or in silence. I’m here for you.” His voice was low, but it reverberated off her insides.

  No matter his condition, he was presenting himself to be there for her and she appreciated that. Elaina decided to give up a few words through the tight strain of her throat. “I can’t pull myself away from here.” She started to cry again and pushed her face into Henry’s chest. She hated being the crying girl. “She was there for half of my life. I can’t help but think I wasn’t the greatest friend to her.”

  “You were a great friend to her.” He ran his fingers through her soft, black locks. “You show your love differently than others. She knew how much she meant to you.”

  Elaina moved her head on his shoulder, using her sleeve to wipe off the tears that were running down her face. Her sleeve was still damp from the last time she cried. “I don’t even know how to do anything without her by my side.”

  “I understand that, but you have a brother in there that has no one but you now. He’s completely devastated.”

  “As am I,” she snipped.

  “Elaina…you need to be strong for him.”

  “Why? Why can’t I be the weak one once in a while? Why can’t I be the one who dissolves into a puddle of tears? Why can’t I be the one who drinks myself into oblivion?” she questioned aggressively as she cried. His body turned away from her, deciding to ignore her jab at one of his many flaws. “Everyone always tells me I have to be strong for this person or that person. I’m sick of being strong for everyone!”

  “You don’t understand what I’m saying. Let me clarify. You have every right to feel as you do and you have every right to show those feelings, but I’m just saying that Nick needs you. You just need to make sure you make yourself available emotionally to him. You tend to shut people out when you are dealing with your feelings.”

  She sucked in a hard breath and shivered as she exhaled. “I feel so guilty, Henry.”

  “You have nothing for which to feel guilty.” He pulled her close to his body.

  “I just keep thinking…”

  “Shh…don’t listen to that voice right now. Just open yourself up. Let that tough girl wall fall and let it pour out, my love. It’s just me and you out here now. Just let it out, then you will be able to help Nick deal with this.”

  He was right. The only way Elaina could be available emotionally for Nick was to allow herself to freely feel what was bottled up. She could no longer be afraid and suppress her feelings. She had to let it out.

  Once again, anger took over and her body trembled with hate. Henry had taken her gun away, so she couldn’t find Gunther and shoot him in the head, which was exactly what she ached to do.

  “That’s it. Let it out, love. Just let it out,” he whispered in her ear.

  She shoved him off of her and stood up. She heard him get to his feet, as well, so she ran. Oxygen sought purchase within her lungs. Her body shook with more emotion than she had felt in ages.

  When Elaina bolted about fifty yards away from Claire and Willow’s grave, feeling like it was a safe distance, she heard Henry’s footsteps hot and heavy behind her. She wanted to run away from him so she could experience her own raw emotions without feeling self-conscious. Then she decided she didn’t care who heard her.

  Then Elaina screamed—head thrashing back and forth, arms flailing through the air, feet stomping at the dusty ground. It was so harsh and animated that her voice was immediately hoarse and her body collapsed on itself, causing her to fall to the ground. Like a toddler throwing a tantrum, she beat at the ground with her fists. Then she stood up again, sweating, tears streaming and out of breath.

  Anything that was near Elaina was fair game, including Henry. She punched him in the chest, kicked him, and scratched at him. She found debris and rocks and threw them at nothing. She stomped around screaming, throwing, punching, and kicking everything in her path.

  The words that flowed out of Elaina’s mouth were a string of obscenities she didn’t know she knew or could string together without taking a breath. She was having a Henry-sized epic meltdown.

  He followed Elaina the entire time. He tried to stay out of her way, but he wanted to keep an eye on her, even after she had given him a few bruises and scratches he didn’t deserve.

  Henry was her protector, her guardian, her lover. And when she was so exhausted from her meltdown that she couldn’t even walk another step, he picked her up, cradling her in his strong arms, and carried her back into the school, taking her to their room.

  Henry laid her down on the bed and, after he covered them with a quilt, he wrapped himself around her. Holding her in a tight embrace, he traced his cold fingertips on her forearm.

  He said nothing, just listened to her ramble on. She cried until her eyes were so swollen, they would barely open.

  Eventually, Elaina fell asleep. She dreamed of Claire, all in white and holding Willow proudly, standing in a white mist in a brightly lit tunnel. She was smiling at her and bouncing little Willow in her arms. Claire radiated beauty. Her bright ginger hair gleamed in the light. Her blue eyes shined brilliantly. She turned Willow toward Elaina and blew her a kiss. Elaina felt total happiness for her.

  Then Claire waved at Elaina and turned around, walking away from her. Elaina screamed at Claire not to leave her. She turned around briefly, smiled, and said she would be waiting. Again, Claire turned and she walked away, disappearing within the tunnel. Elaina screamed her name as the white mist swallowed her and Willow up.

  Elaina woke up in a panic, drenched in sweat. Henry sat up, grabbing her arms. “Love…you okay?” His voice was raspy from sleep. His hair was all over the place and he had pillow creases on his cheek.

  Elaina looked around and realized it was the middle of the night. She rolled over and tucked her head into his naked chest. His smooth, cool skin felt good against her sweaty body.

  “I’ve got you, love. I’m here for you.” He reeked of booze, but she didn’t care. He kissed the top of her head and ran his fingers through her hair over and over again. She calmed down enough to be able to slither her way up to meet his face. “Hey…,” he said like he always did. His eyes were shining brilliantly in the moonlight.

  “Did you get your fix?”

  “Yeah. After you fell asleep, I checked on Nick and made sure he was doing okay. I had an entire bag I drew from Quinn earlier.”

  “How is he?”

  Henry sighed. “Not good. I can say that.”

  Elaina pursed her lips and decided to change the subject before it went to places she didn’t want to go. “You’re letting them stay, aren’t you?” Henry glanced away from her. “Henry…please tell me you aren’t letting them stay.”

  “What do you want me to do?”

  “Kick their asses out of here!”

  “I’m not that cruel. There are children.”

  “They aren’t related!”

  “I get that. Shit,” he grumbled. “Quinn… She had a good idea.”

  “Like what? ‘Woe is me. Save my murderous,
demented lover’?”

  “Elaina…” She glowered at Henry. “She had a good point. I know you hate and want him dead. Trust me. I’m not a fan myself, but she said we are both brilliantly trained and we could team up to defeat Roger if and when he shows up.”

  “I can’t believe what I am hearing come out of your mouth!”

  Henry shifted and sat up against the wall. “Listen…it makes sense. As much as I want to put a bullet between his brows, it makes goddamn sense. I hate that it does, too.”

  “We traveled so far for one reason.”

  “No, not just one reason. We were…are surviving. Elaina, I know you are in a spot right now that seems like an endless spin of nothingness. I get that. I so fucking get that shit. But when Roger shows up, wouldn’t it be a shock for him to see Gunther and me working together?”

  “What if it’s a ploy of some kind? What if he’s doing this, just following along, only to cut your throat one night while you sleep?”

  “I have a good feeling about this. He cut out his tracking device. He seems different. He’s not the same fucker that did what he did to me. I need you with me on this. I need to know you trust my decision and we can make this work.”

  “He killed everyone, Henry.”

  “I understand what he did, and I hate him for it. I just…” He scrubbed his face, then locked eyes with Elaina. “I’m sorry.” He shook his head and let out a loud exhale. The room was dead silent for many minutes. “Even though I made a deal with Quinn, I’ll make them leave tomorrow.”

  “That’s not necessary,” she muttered. “She’s right…as much as I hate to admit it. I’m so fucking angry with him, but I think you’re right.”

  “You have no idea what it means to me that you trust me to make the right decision. Although, I have to admit, I still want to beat the shit out of him. Just the sight of him makes me want to knock his ass out.” He slid back down and cuddled up with Elaina.

  “So…the deal was a bag from her to spare him?”