by Grace Rawson
“You can’t stay? So you’re using me? You just wanted to sleep with me then leave?” I’m furious now. How can I be so stupid?! And, to think I thought he was the one for me.
“Lexi, you don’t understand. I shouldn’t have stayed this long. Every second with me will put the both of you in jeopardy. I can’t risk that. My job, my job is dangerous.” He’s right. I don’t understand. I don’t know what he means. All I can think about is Gunner, and, about how devastated he will be once Norman leaves.
“Just leave,” I say. “Leave right now. It’ll be better that way. The longer you stay the harder it will be on Gunner.”
“Gunner? Awesome name for a kid!”
“Don’t change the subject!” I snap, forgetting that his name was supposed to be Casper.
“What’s wrong?” Gunner runs back when he hears his name.
“Well Buddy, your Mom let slipped that your real name is Gunner. See, she can’t keep a secret.” Norman squats down making sure he’s at eye level with Gunner.
“Uh, well, I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you Norman.” Gunner apologizes.
“It’s ok, seems we’re all keeping some kind of secret.” It seems as though Norman is speaking to me instead.
“Call me Ryan for now on,” he says. Gunner nods. “Now, I want you to listen closely. I know I promised to take you around the island today—and—I will. I won’t break that promise. Being a man is all about keeping promises.” Gunner listens intensely.
“But later tonight, some of my friends are coming to get me and I probably won’t see you anymore after this. You’re probably wondering why I have to go, but it’s because I have a job I promised to finish. Remember, I said being a man is all about keeping promises.”
“Ok, Ryan. I wished you would stay with us a little while longer, but I understand.” Surprisingly, Gunner seems to have soaked it all in, and takes it better than I did.
“Ok, Buddy. Let’s enjoy the day shall we?” And with that, Ryan runs off with Gunner. I stand here, just watching. I’m filled with mixed emotions.
I want him to stay, yet I want him to leave. I’m sad, yet I’m mad. My emotions change in seconds as I try to come to grips with what just transpired. He managed, in a day or so, to be such an influence on Gunner. Something that Michael has lacked for years! And, he managed to….to…make me fall in love?
Is this it? Am I falling for him? What is this job he has to finish?
Back in the room, Gunner gives Ryan a hug.
“Thanks for showing me the flamingos, and the salt mines, and the donkeys, and…” Gunner keeps talking, as though he were trying to prolong the moment.
Ryan just laughs. We haven’t spoken since this morning. He spent most of the day talking and showing Gunner the island as I followed silently behind. He has so much knowledge of Greater Inagua. It got me wondering about his job.
Ryan finally pulled away from Gunner.
“Hey Buddy, I want to talk to your Mom for a bit, ok?” Gunner nods. “We’ll just be right outside the door.” Ryan motions for me to step outside the room.
Once the door closes behind us, Ryan turns around and grabs me. He presses his lips against mine. He wraps his arms around me and holds me tight. I don’t return his affection as much as I want to. I say nothing.
“I wish I didn’t have to go Lexi. Please understand.” From inside the room, we both hear thumps.
Then a muffled cry, “Mom! Mom! Mom!” It’s Gunner.
Instantly Ryan goes for the door knob but then realizes it’s locked. He instinctively kicks the door down and barges in. It is then that I see him pull a hand gun from the back of his waist, aiming it towards the patio door.
Frantic, I follow after Ryan. The curtain has been pulled off the wall and the lamp next to the bed knocked over. I run towards the patio door in time to see Adon, the local we met the day before, dragging Gunner towards a parked car.
“Gunner!” I cry.
Where is he taking my son!??!
*****
Ryan lowers his gun and runs after Adon. I turn around to see four men dressed in casual civilian clothing standing by the doorway. I pause, unsure if I should fight or flee.
I hear a gunshot go off, but before my mind can register, two men run past me and after Ryan while the other two turn around and run the other direction.
This relaxing vacation is starting to turn into a big nightmare. I run outside, taking the same trail I believe Ryan took. Outside, locals are standing about and investigating the commotion.
By the time I arrive, there is a small gathering. I’m afraid of what I might find as I cautiously push my way through the crowd.
“Mom!” Gunner cries, running towards me as I approach. Oh thank heaven my son is still alive—and still here! I realize that I was so close to losing Gunner.
Ryan comes up behind Gunner and we both hug. Behind him, two of the men I saw by the doorway have Adon by each arm, dragging him towards the shore. Adon is limping. He has what looks like a gunshot wound to the leg.
“Lieutenant, I told you this was a bad idea. You should’ve left these two alone! Now the whole mission is compromised,” one of the three remaining men says angrily after Ryan.
“That’s enough, Sergeant. You’re out of line,” says Ryan.
The sergeant realizes his mistake. “Sorry, sir.”
“Forget it. Take Alpha team and secure the area. Tell the civilians whatever you need to tell them.” The remaining men, including the Sergeant, run off.
Ryan immediately gets on his phone. His demeanor and tone changes. He’s barking orders left and right. He reports that a civilian was in jeopardy but everything was under control. The locals need to be maintained. And, a bunch of military lingo I’m not too familiar with.
This isn’t the same man I spent the last two days with, is it? He’s so different. No longer laughing and gentle. His facial expression is stern and hard.
“Lexi,” he says. His tone of voice has changed as well. It’s no longer kind and soft, but loud and demanding. “We have to get you and Gunner to a safe zone. Follow me and I’ll brief you on everything.” I can’t detect an ounce of familiarity or care in his voice. It’s like he went military.
“No,” I say. Those last few times of standing up to Michael have given me the bravery I need to stand up to this military man.
“Gunner and I are staying here.” I state. “We’ll be safe here.”
Truth be told, I’m sure if we would be safer there. But there is no way in hell I am following Ryan until he gives me some answers.
“Sure Lexi.” Ryan doesn’t argue. “I’ll walk you two back to the room.”
In the guesthouse, Ryan plops down across from me on the bed. He sighs. “I’m so sorry about this Lexi.” Ryan apologizes. “I told you it wasn’t safe with me.”
I look past him. I don’t care about what excuses he is going to make. I just don’t want to take my eyes of Gunner for fear of losing him again. That was close. Too close. My vacation is turning into a disaster.
Ryan goes on explaining despite my silence.
“I’m sorry I got you into this mess Lexi. I was on a mission when you bumped into me. I was trailing the man you were with the first day. Information we got stated that he was working for the Cuban government. My job was to provide recon. We weren’t going to make a move until we had hard evidence, you know, terrorist plot, communication with Cuba, etc. With Greater Inagua being about 50 miles from Cuba, it would be easy for them to try and hire someone here. It’s logical.”
I remain silent.
“I pretty much compromised the entire mission because—” Ryan’s voice is now delicate, human-like now. He leans over to hold my hands. “I fell in love with you.”
He continues. “In the beginning, I was just going to use you to get closer to Adon because I thought you knew him when I saw you all in the boat. But after spending the first day with you and Gunner, everything changed.”
I want to say something. I want t
o reach out to him, to hold him. I want to tell him how I feel, but I know if I stay silent he will tell me everything I want to know.
“One part of me was telling me to go, the other was telling me to stay. Lexi, I was so sure of who I was before I met you. But, when you bumped into me in those waters, I became confused,” Ryan continues.
Can this really be true? Can this man really be telling me his true feelings?
I immediately think of Michael. He will try to drive Ryan away. I shouldn’t keep my hopes up. Still, Ryan is everything I’ve always wanted—he is a true man—one I need in my life at this moment.
I reach up and cup his face. I lean in to give him a kiss, as Gunner lay asleep on his bed.
“Let’s just sleep this off.” With that, Ryan hugs me. That night we both lie in bed, enjoying the warmth and comfort of each other’s arms.
The next morning I awaken to see a note left on Ryan’s side of the bed. I muffle a small laugh as I think how clichéd this is.
Dear Lexi,
I can’t stay. You see, I’ve been a Navy SEAL for so long, I’ve forgotten what it was like to be human again. But, my job is my mission and my mission is my job. Being around you will only put you and Gunner in danger. My mission isn’t complete. It is something I have to finish. But, I don’t want to go without telling you the truth about me, no more lies.
The last few days were the best time of my life. It was short, but you and Gunner are two of the most wonderful people I’ve ever met. While I hope that we’ll meet again, that’s not a promise I can make.
Stay true to yourself and remember that I love you.
Ryan
What an idiot. No, I’m an idiot. A Navy SEAL? Of all the men I had to fall for, I fall for a man who spends his whole life putting himself in danger.
I don’t know how I’m going to break the news to Gunner after his heartfelt reaction yesterday to Ryan disappearing.
I get up and get ready, making sure to listen to any slight movement or sound for fear of my son disappearing again.
“Mom?” Gunner says, standing by the bathroom doorway.
“Yes, honey?”
“I love you,” he simply states, and hugs me.
I gather all my courage and tell Gunner that Ryan is never coming back. Instead of being sad, Gunner doesn’t seem the least bit bothered.
“I know. He told me before he left,” Gunner tells me.
“He told me to be a big boy and to take care of you Mom.” I step back in amazement. “Let’s enjoy this vacation Mom, but can we go to another island?”
I can’t help but chuckle.
After breakfast, we return to the front desk. The concierge gets on the phone and helps make some arrangements for us to tour one of the touristy islands. My spontaneous idea contributed to meeting Ryan and it almost caused Gunner’s disappearance. Perhaps a low-key island with hardly any tourists was a bad idea.
Gunner and I pack and soon depart the Greater Inagua. We enjoy the rest of our vacation in peace. My mind keeps going back to Ryan. I keep thinking that he will pop up at any moment and surprise me. But, he never does.
It seems bittersweet to have to leave the Bahamas as we get on our flight back to the States. Unlike the first few days, the rest of our vacation was fun but uneventful. Nothing memorable. No more Ryan.
I think about our one night together. I try to remember his face, his smell, his touch. I think about the way he felt inside me. As much as I want to deny it, I miss him.
Feeling relaxed and ready for work, we both hop onto our plane. I wonder if I will every see Ryan again.
*****
As Gunner and I drive up to our home, I notice a very familiar car outside. I know exactly who is waiting for us. Refreshed after our vacation, I’m ready to take on Michael, or so I think.
I quickly call my secretary.
“Hello Nancy, its Ms. Concordia.”
“Hello Ma’am. Welcome back. How was your vacation?”
“Fine. How’s everything at the office? Nothing burned down while I was gone did it?” I joke.
“No Ma’am.”
“Good. I just wanted to check in.” I pause. “Nancy, listen, if I don’t show up to work tomorrow, please call the police.”
“Ma’am?”
“Just do as I say, no time for questions.” I immediately hang up.
While I’m sure I won’t disappear, I know Michael can get violent. He’s laid his hands on me in the past. He might do almost anything to show that he still ruled over me and Gunner. So I had to make sure that someone would find me or find Gunner if anything happened.
“Gunner, immediately go into your room and lock the door honey,” I say. Gunner’s afraid. Michael has never hit Gunner, even though there were times when he was close to doing so. I don’t want this to be the first time, so I’ll have to take the full force of Michael’s rage for Gunner’s sake. I have to protect my son first and foremost.
Oh, how I wish Ryan were here! I felt safe with him. He could protect Gunner, and protect me.
I pull into the garage. Gunner gets out quickly and does as he was instructed. I get out, and instantly I feel a cold hard slap to the face. I have been expecting this.
“LEXI! YOU DIDN’T ANSWER MY TEXTS OR MY CALLS!” Michael screams.
This man is nuts. But I know better than to argue. That will only fuel his rage. Instead, I do what I’ve always done: keep quiet hoping that his anger will subside.
“DON’T YOU DARE TAKE GUNNER ANYWHERE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AGAIN!”
A few more slaps. I get up and support my weight on the car, preparing myself for a few more.
I met Michael while I was younger, trying to build my life and my career. I’d just gotten the deaths of my parents. Both died of drug overdose—not together of course, but each happening within a short time, one after one another. My parents were good for nothing meth heads.
There were hints of his rage when we first met. Michael was quick-tempered and not afraid to use brute force to get what he wanted. I only stayed with him as long as I did, and did everything he wanted, because I was afraid. Afraid to be alone, and afraid of him. I had trapped myself.
Michael’s rage was like an inferno.
While I did very well in my career, my home life with Michael did not reflect that. It would take years before I was able to muster the courage to serve him with divorce papers. Even then, Michael wouldn’t leave.
In the garage, Michael’s slapping turned into punches, and he knocks me down; all this while still screaming his gibberish. This nightmare is worse than the night in Greater Inagua when I almost lost Gunner. There I had Ryan.
Here? Here I have Michael. The night’s only begun and I’m afraid I won’t be able to handle what else Michael has in store for me. My only hope lies in knowing that if Michael is focused on me, he won’t direct his anger at Gunner.
Suddenly, the screaming and punching stopped.
“WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?” Michael screams as he sprawls backwards towards the ground. Ryan places himself between me and Michael.
I look up to see Ryan—my knight in shining armor. My savior. My hero. I forget all the pain as tears stream down my cheeks. I was so glad to see him.
“I’m the man you’ll never be!” Ryan says forcefully. Everything becomes a blur after that. I black out.
I open my eyes to see Gunner leaning over me. The look in his eyes almost kills me. I can tell he has been crying. I can hear the police sirens all around. I’m strapped to a gurney. And, over all the noise and commotion, I hear a familiar voice detailing the events that happened earlier that night.
“What’s happening?” I ask Gunner.
“Easy Lexi, lay down,” say Ryan, running over to me.
“What happened?” I ask Ryan this time.
“I’ll tell you all about it later,” Ryan answers. “Just know that you’re safe.”
“Call Nancy and tell her I won’t be at work tomorrow,” I manage to tell Ryan.
; As the ambulance heads towards the hospital, I drift back to sleep knowing that I still had Ryan and Gunner.
*****
Aside from the bumps and bruises, the doctor reports no major injuries. The concussion I sustained was a cause for concern, so I have to stay longer than I would have liked. But after a few days in the hospital, I am good as new.
I return home to be greeted by the two boys that mattered most in my life. Ryan had been taking care of Gunner and taking him to school while I was recovering.
We enjoy the day together as I try to take everything easy. My body is still trying to recover.
That night, with Gunner soundly safe asleep upstairs, Ryan and I take out two bottles of beer. We step out to the back patio, where the moon shone over us once more.
“Well, you don’t have to worry about Michael anymore,” Ryan informs me, and winks. “I took care of him.”
“I don’t want to know,” I say taking a sip of the refreshing beer. “Why did you come back?”
“I never left,” Ryan snorted. “I had to complete my mission, Lexi. I couldn’t leave my boys out there alone.”
Remembering how staying silent would cause Ryan to talk, I don’t say a word.
“The mission changed after we caught Adon. He told us everything he knew. After that we spent the majority of the time gathering more information about Cuba’s plans.”
“I didn’t forget about you two,” he says. “I had eyes on both of you ensuring that you would remain safe. Our recon mission was over once we were able to obtain as much information as we could. They’re sending another team out there. I’ve asked for leave in order to return to you.” He stops to look at me.
Relief fills me. “I’m glad you came back.”
“I was never serious about leaving you, baby,” Ryan says. He pulls me closer to him and kisses me. “I’ve missed you so much Lexi.”
I drop my beer bottle as my arms wrap around his neck, holding him tight. I don’t want to let go for fear of not seeing him again.
I take in his scent, his breath, his touch. My hands come around to feel his hard chest pressed against mine. I nudge my groin into his, feeling his hard-on.
Ryan picks me up over his shoulders and carries me into the house. He sits me on the couch, then stands back up to take off his clothes.
