by Tina Bass
Chapter Eighteen
Krista sat in the waiting room of the hospital with Kade at her side, his arm around her shoulder, her head resting on him. Still waiting…waiting for Lance and Marissa to finish going over everything with the doctors so far. Waiting for more doctors to come back with more test results. Waiting to see how Mrs. Worley was doing from Mrs. Worley herself. But most of all, Krista was waiting to see what Kade would do, or not do. Could what he said be true? ‘Could my dad have been so broken that he just couldn’t be my dad again? Did he really not blame me, but blame himself for not being there to protect us?’ she silently questioned.
“Kris.” She heard her name and looked up to see Lance heading her way. She stood about the same time Lance made it to her, and he walked right up to her, grabbed her up, hugging her tightly to him. “Thank you,” Lance whispered into her hair, his voice full of emotion.
“What?” She heard what he said, but didn’t think she heard him right. Did he thank her? For what? Lance stepped back and ran his hands down her arms to her hands, and held one in each of his.
“Thank you. You saved her life. The doctors said it was her sugar. Her blood sugar got too low and caused her to pass out. If not for you finding her when you did…” Lance shook his head. “They don’t know if we would have her with us now.” He finished on a sad but relieved smile.
“How is she doing? Have you seen her? What did the doctors say? Can I see her?” Krista fired off question after question without giving anyone the chance to answer. She felt Kade at her back and he whispered to her softly.
“Baby.” That one word was all Kade said as he wrapped his arms around her. She leaned back into him, took a breath and started over, more calmly.
“Sorry. Have you seen her yet?” Krista sounded calm but anxious at the same time.
“No, but she should be back in her room anytime now. Marissa is there now and she said she would text me as soon as Mom was brought back into her room.” Lance explained what was going on and with a small smile at her, he assured her further. “Yes, of course, you can see her anytime you want. You’re part of the family,” he told Krista and she felt that acceptance down to her soul. Family.
“Thank you,” she whispered, choking up.
“The doctors said that barring any other complications, she should be just fine, but they’re going to keep her for a few days to make sure her sugar is regulated, just to be on the safe side. After that, she should be able to come home.” Krista was so relieved. She stepped out of Kade’s hold, and hugged Lance again.
“I’m so glad she’s going to be okay,” Krista said while giving Lance one last squeeze, then stepped back, only to feel Kade’s arms immediately wrap back around her.
“What are you doing tomorrow?” Lance asked her, and she felt Kade’s arms tighten just a little.
“Uh…I’d like to see Mrs. Worley. I mean, if that’s okay?” Krista answered back, still a little unsure of herself and where she stood.
“Yes, of course, it will be okay for you to see her. I think Mom would be disappointed if you didn’t. But, what I meant was, Marissa and I would like to take you out to lunch. We’ve been talking, and there are a few things we would like to run by you, get your opinion on.” Lance explained his plans to her.
“Oh. Okay. Um, sure, yeah, that will be okay.” Krista was still unsure of what they wanted her opinion about and it showed in her voice.
“Great.” Lance smiled big at her. “Marissa hasn’t eaten anything since early this morning, and she’s been too upset to eat ever since you called us, so I’m going to walk over to the café.” He nodded his head in the general direction and then looked back at her. “Can I get anything for either of you?” Lance looked from Kade to Krista.
“No,” Kade replied with the one word, rather curtly, before Krista jumped in.
“No, but, thank you.” After Lance left for the café, Krista turned her attention back to Kade. “Aren’t you supposed to be working today?” she questioned. He pulled her close into his chest, laying his cheek on the top of her head.
“Fuck, baby, I’m sorry,” he whispered back to her.
“Sorry for having to work?” she asked, and he could hear the confusion in her voice. He stepped back so he could look down at her face, when she looked up at him.
“I’m sorry for being a dick to you. You didn’t deserve it, and baby, you gotta know how fuckin’ sorry I am about that.”
“I know, you said that earlier, but you also left my house to go to work, and you said it was some stuff going on, so…” She let her voice drift off on the last word. Kade stood there, slightly confused. She wasn’t mad at him? Did she forgive him and really just wanted to know if he needed to get back to work?
“Baby?” He used the one word to ask every question. But, what was the question? Did she hate him? Could they move past this? Fuck, he didn’t know what he would do if she said no.
“Kade.” She still didn’t call him ‘Irish’ and he felt it like a punch in the gut. “Yes, you were a jerk. No, I didn’t deserve to be spoken to, or dismissed, like you did. But, I also get that you’re a cop, and that’s important to you, so if you need to go back to work, I get that too.” She didn’t sound pissed, but she didn’t smile at him either, and fuck, he missed that smile. But, her calling him ‘Kade.’ Yeah, he fuckin’ did not like that at all.
“Krista, I’m not leaving you here.” He was going to get his Krista back. He was going to make up for all he had messed up. He wasn’t sure how yet, but, right at this moment, he would give his left nut just to hear her call him ‘Irish’ again.
“I’m fine. Mrs. Worley is going to be okay, and I’m going to go see her, and stay until they kick me out. Then, I’ll probably just go home.”
“How did you get here?” he asked.
“I, um…rode in the ambulance with Mrs. Worley. Why?” she asked him back.
“How are you goin’ to get home?” He already knew the answer to that question, so before she could even answer, he did it for her. “You go, visit, then I’ll be back to pick you up,” he stated, kissed her forehead and turned to leave, not wanting to give her a chance to tell him not to come back again. Hearing that once from her was one time too fuckin’ many. He turned back toward her. “Krista!” he called out to her and when she turned to look at him, he informed her how it had to be. “Don’t leave this fuckin’ area.” He turned back and walked out the door. Yea, he had some making up to do, and he was starting on that shit right fuckin’ now.
Chapter Nineteen
Kade was back at the hospital a few hours later to pick up Krista. He walked into the waiting room, expecting to find her sitting and waiting for him. He’d called the hospital’s information line, to find out what time visiting hours were over. Now he was back, fifteen minutes after visiting hours had ended, looking around for her. When he didn’t see her anywhere inside, he went back outside and around the corner where he’d found her earlier in the day. She wasn’t there either. He returned inside, searching for her as he went to the information desk to find out if they’d extended their visiting hours, or if some patients were allowed extra time. When he got a firm, ‘no,’ he again went back outside to look for her. “Where the fuck could she have gone?” He looked across the street toward the café, started that way, but before he even crossed the parking lot, he saw her sitting at a window seat. She seemed to be staring out the window, lost in her thoughts. He hated seeing her like that. He hoped like hell tonight would change that.
He walked into the café, made a bee-line straight to her, and slid in the booth across from her. “Baby, you okay?” he whispered to her as he leaned across the table.
“Why do you always ask me that?” she answered his question with a question, still staring forlornly out of the window.
“Ask you what?” He wasn’t sure he knew what
she was talking about.
“If I’m okay.” Before Kade could open his mouth to reply, she continued speaking. “I’m fine. I have been fine. I will be fine.” She recited the words, flatly, and he remembered her saying the same thing to him before. Those exact fuckin’ words! What was that about?
“Baby,” he said. There was no reaction from her. She just sat there, unmoving, staring out the window. He went to her side of the table, and turned her to face him. “Baby, you are not fine. You have not been fine. But, I promise you, I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure you’re better than fine.” He knew the first step was to get her to talk about her past, everything that had happened to her, to someone who could actually help her. That’s why, the second thing he did—the first being replacing his phone he’d busted throwing it against the wall—after leaving the hospital earlier, was to contact the Station’s shrink. He’d talked with her plenty of times and she did help him, and she also had her own practice outside of the station. So, his second step and step one for Krista, getting the help she needed, to get past her blaming herself for her mom’s death. “Will you come with me?” he asked her cautiously. She glanced up at him and nodded her head. They got up and walked together to his truck. They rode in silence, with her just staring out the windshield, until he spoke again, “Krista, I set you up with someone I want you to talk to. She can help you. Will you do that for me?” He kept his voice quiet and calm.
“Wait. What? Who? Why?” She didn’t look at him, but he could tell she was confused as to what he was talking about.
“A psychiatrist, baby.”
“What! You think I’m crazy?” she screeched, but before he could say anything, she looked him in the eyes. “Is that what you think of me?” Tears started to spill down her cheeks. Kade switched lanes and pulled into an empty parking lot. Once parked, he turned his body toward hers, and cupped her face in both of his hands. His thumbs wiped away the tears as they fell.
“My beautiful Krista.” He couldn’t speak another word. The hurt that reflected back from her eyes squeezed his chest so tight, he couldn’t breathe.
“You do!” she whispered softly, her voice filled with equal parts of shock and rejection, and she lowered her gaze.
“No!” he barked his answer, louder than he intended. He cleared his throat and tried again. “No, baby,” he spoke softly. “No, I don’t think you’re crazy. I think you’re holding on to so much pain and guilt from the past that it’s eating your soul. I think Dr. Davison can help you. She sure as fuck helped me on more than one occasion.”
“You?” Her head jerked back up, searching. Searching for what, he wasn’t sure. The truth maybe?
“Yeah, me.” He smiled at Krista. “You think I’m crazy?” he asked her teasingly. She shook her head, but her eyes were still roaming his face, still searching for what she needed. “What?” he finally asked, needing her to explain what she was looking for.
“I—” She started talking and then she stopped, and just shook her head. “Nothing.” She gave up.
“Baby, talk to me. What?” he asked her softly again, while using his thumb to raise her head back up so he could see her face.
“I never talked to anyone…about…uh…what happened…until…uh…you.” She managed to stammer out the words, force them out softly.
“What?” he growled and felt her jump, but this was too important. She had to have talked about it after it happened to the police, to at least a fuckin’ counselor, or social worker, or something! “Baby, how have you not talked to anyone? Ever?” Getting ahold of his temper, he lowered his voice. She stared at him for a minute, and then settled her gaze on something over his shoulder.
“I told them I didn’t remember anything.”
“But you did?” He watched her nod her head to what she was looking at over his shoulder. He was ready to get her to Dr. Davison. He started to turn back in his seat, when she spoke up.
“After it happened, I don’t know how long, my dad came in and found me on the floor, lying beside my mom, holding her hand. When he went to reach for me, I screamed, ‘don’t touch me, don’t ever touch me,’ over and over. I don’t remember much after that until the cops and EMT’s started coming at me, talking to me, asking me questions, trying to touch me. I screamed at them to leave me alone, not to touch me, then one came up behind me, and before I could move, he stuck a needle in me. I found out later it was a sedative, and then I was out. When I woke up, I was in the hospital and I overheard a nurse or doctor, or somebody talking with my dad, saying they had performed the rape kit and collected everything they needed. I guess I had gotten cut or hurt sometime during, because they told my dad they had x-rayed and nothing was broken and the cut had been stitched up and should heal without leaving a scar. Then, I heard someone say they couldn’t do anything else for me until I woke up and told them what had happened.” Krista looked at Kade. “No one ever knew I was awake.” Her whisper was filled with guilt and she moved her gaze to back over Kade’s shoulder. “They left my room thinking I was still out of it. I guess I did fall asleep, because the next thing I remember was waking up screaming. But, when they asked, I just said I was being ‘held tightly.’ She again glanced up at Kade.
“Nightmares,” she whispered the word, filled with fear. “When they started coming in and asking me all these questions about what happened, I told them I didn’t remember, that the last thing I remembered was being at school.” She looked right into his eyes, waiting for him to judge her. “I wish that were true,” she said so softly, he almost couldn’t hear her. She held his eyes, trying to look as deep into them as possible. Searching his face again. “I love your eyes. They remind me of spring, after the rain, when everything is washed clean and sparkling.” Then he knew what she was searching for.
“Baby, you are clean and sparkling. You don’t need to search for it, you already have it, and you always have.” He laid his forehead against hers. “My beautiful Krista. You sparkle every time you smile.” He touched his lips to hers. “Every time you speak.” He kissed her lips lightly. “Every time you flash those gorgeous blue eyes.” He brought her tight to his chest. “Every time you fuckin’ breathe. Baby, you sparkle.”
Chapter Twenty
“You don’t need that.” Kade announced as he pulled her nightgown from her bag. “And, you sure as fuck are not wearing these.” He pulled short-shorts from her bag and tossed them aside.
“Would you like to pack for me?” Krista asked, standing in front of her closet as Kade pulled clothes out of her bag she had just packed.
They had spent two hours talking to Dr. Davison. The first hour, Krista talked to her by herself, told her everything she’d told Kade, and some things she hadn’t. Not because she was keeping anything from him. Just, in talking to Dr. Davison, things simply came out, things she had forgotten herself, things that at the time hadn’t seemed so important. She didn’t realize her dad not hugging or holding her was more likely because she’d stated over and over that she didn’t want anyone to touch her ever again. He didn’t, but maybe it wasn’t because he didn’t want to, but because he was afraid it would bring back bad memories. She also remembered that every time she’d had another nightmare, her dad would sit in a chair beside her bed and hold her hand, after she’d reached for his. He would lay his hand on the bed beside of her, but not touching her, and she was always the one who reached out and grabbed his hand. He might have been giving her a choice, because she would always feel his hand squeeze hers. He would sit like that all night long. Every single time she had a nightmare, no matter how often, or how many nights in a row. Her dad was there for her.
Krista had also remembered that she’d told her dad she never wanted to go home again. At that time, she was still in the hospital and just the thought of walking back into their kitchen was too much for her to bear. So when one of the doctors, who still believed she co
uldn’t remember what had happened, suggested that maybe once she was back home it would all start to come back, she’d yelled at her dad and told him she never wanted to go home. Begged him to never take her back there again. She never wanted to remember, because she remembered too much already, and if going back there would make her remember even more, she never wanted to go back. And, she never did. By the time she was released from the hospital, her dad had moved them both to the apartment in Richmond that wasn’t too far from the hospital she’d been sent to.
The second hour was spent with Kade and her together, and they talked some about what happened to her, but mostly with Kade, they talked about the two of them together. And, even though they really hadn’t known each other that long, Dr. Davison seemed to not only be okay about it, but happy for her and Kade. Apparently, the Doc had been seeing Kade for some time now, and had grown fond of him. Krista discovered that not only did she like Dr. Davison, but she also felt this had helped her. Krista set up her next few appointments, starting with her very next one beginning on Tuesday.
After their time with the doctor, they went to a little diner just down the street from Dr. Davison’s office. While they were eating, Kade had asked—in his way, which was more like making a statement than asking a question—if she would stay the weekend with him at his ranch. She’d said ‘yes,’ but that was before she found out he had a problem with her clothes.
