by Penny Wylder
An hour later, I’m exhausted from running but I don’t stop. I hit all my favorite weight machines. It’s been a few days since I did them, and now seems like the perfect time. By the time I’ve finished I’m sweating and shaky in that way that tells me I’ll be the good kind of sore tomorrow. I may actually be able to take a nap with the kind of workout I just put myself through, though I can’t say that the workout has lessened my sexual energy. I can feel it simmering beneath the surface, ready to rise up. But at least it’s a little less desperate.
I can’t go back to that class—can’t see him again. If I do, I’ll give in. I know I will. I’ll let him take me home, and if he’s anything like what I imagined, I will let him do whatever he wants, for as long as he wants. And then he’ll disappear, and even though I know it will happen, and even though I tell myself it’s only one time, I’ll still be sad. He won’t feel a thing, because I’ll be just a notch in his very long belt. I’ve been there, done that. I’m not going to do it again. So I’m not going to think about him, and I’m not going back to that class.
I make the shower as hot as I can stand it, and it feels amazing. I stand under the water longer than I probably should, letting it soothe my muscles and relax my mind. From my purse in the little changing area, I hear the ding of a text message. Turning off the water, I wrap a towel around myself and dig through my purse, looking for my phone where I threw it before I left the house. Before I can find it, I come face to face with the neon dildo.
In my hurry to leave the store yesterday, I forgot to put it back. But I can’t even think about that, because everything I’ve spent the last couple hours pushing down comes roaring back. I see Philip’s smirk, hear his voice as he says Well…not quite my size. I avoided looking at it much yesterday, but I do now. It’s a detailed replica, subtle veins running along the surface and the texture soft and supple like skin. The swirl of neon colors removes it from reality in a pleasant way. I like it—flesh colored dildos always freak me out a little. I pick it up, and I remember its name. The Mustang. I like the feel of it in my hands—soft enough to be pliable, firm enough to feel real. A ferocious curiosity grips me, and before I even realize I’m washing off the dildo and making sure that the door to my changing room is locked. I peek outside to make sure I’m alone, but luckily it’s still early and I don’t hear anyone else in the locker room.
If this toy is actually close to his size, then I want to know how he fits in me, and how much I can take. I raise the toy—the Mustang—to my lips, and I feel a quiver of anxiety. This dildo isn’t small, and if he’s bigger than this…
His voice echoes in my head again, and I remember the way his breath felt against my ear. Trust yourself to be in the moment. You’re a beautiful woman.
I suck the head of the dildo into my mouth, and can’t help but imagine that it’s him. That I’m kneeling in front of him, taking him as deep as I can. I fail completely to stifle my moan, and I hope that there is actually no one in here. I do exactly what Philip described, swirling my tongue around the head and teasing the bottom. I suck on it, picturing the way his eyes might close as I do. Gripping the base, I push it deeper into my mouth. I take it as deep as I can, letting the tip touch the back of my throat, enjoying the smoothness of the dildos surface and the feeling of fullness it gives me.
I didn’t like going down on Bryan. Now I know he never liked it either. But by comparison, just the thought of taking Philip into my mouth is far more exciting. I release the dildo, taking a breath. I can’t go back to the class, but I can take this. I’ve been trying to push away this arousal, but looking at this toy I know the only way I’m going to find the release my body is seeking is by embracing it. I let my towel fall away, relaxing on the bench and spreading my legs wide.
I take the toy and fit it against myself, imagining it’s not a toy. The sensation takes my breath away as the head of the Mustang slips inside my pussy. It’s big enough to fill me up, stretching me out pleasantly as it curves upwards. This toy feels good—more real than anything else I’ve ever tried—and it’s that much easier to imagine that it’s the real thing. I can see Philip easing himself into me, that ridiculously smirk on his face. The dildo is fully inside me now, the base flush against me, and for the first time in what feels like forever my mind is clear. This is exactly what my body wanted, even if it’s not quite the real thing, it’s as close as I’m going to get.
I begin to thrust the dildo into myself, letting my eyes close, floating in this feeling of fullness and friction. I conjure up the dream from last night, Philip hovering over me, his lips brushing my collarbone as he thrusts his hips into me. In my dream I wrapped my legs around his waist as he fucked me, and I try to mimic those movements with my hand. My breath is coming in short gasps, delicious pressure building inside me. Pressing the Mustang in to the hilt, I flick my thumb across my clit. I fuck myself with short, deep, strokes, sending bursts of pleasure through me. My muscles start to shake uncontrollably as I combine the thrusts with my fingers on my clit.
In my mind I can hear Philip groaning as he pounds into me, close to coming. I’m close too, biting my lip to keep myself from moaning in the middle of my locker room. I can’t stop, moving faster with both my hands, and everything happens at once. With a final slide of my fingers, my orgasm explodes through me. My pussy squeezes down on the dildo as I continue to thrust, my body jerking with the power of my response. My feet come off the floor, and I’m lost—drowning in sensation. There’s nothing I can do but hold on as I’m wracked by waves of pleasure.
I come back to myself, slumped against the wall of the changing room, breaths heaving. I haven’t had an orgasm like that in a long time. I certainly never had an orgasm like that with Bryan. I hear the door to a locker slam shut, and I shoot upright, realizing now that I actually wasn’t alone. I have no idea what sounds I might have just made while in the throes of that orgasm, and a flush runs up my body. I think that’s my cue to leave.
I quickly wash the dildo and shove it back in my purse, and then put on the spare set of clothes I had in my gym bag. I walk out of the locker room quickly and with my head down, making sure not to make eye contact with the couple people I see who are in the room. The air outside is a breath of relief, and I relax. My body and my mind feel at ease, and I’m enjoying the pleasant warmth between my legs. I definitely can’t just give that dildo back now. I’ll have to pay for it when I can—after tomorrow when the danger of running into Philip has passed.
The day is shaping up to be a beautiful one despite the heat that’s always present this time of year. The sky is clear and the walk back to my house is a nice one. I stop at one of the coffee shops that I enjoy and grab a hot tea. I don’t go for coffee—I’m still hoping that I might be able to take a nap later today now that my body seems to be in a better state of relaxation. As I turn the corner down my street, I realize I threw my keys into my purse when I left the house and now they’re floating somewhere in the bottom of my bag.
I dig through the bottom of my bag with one hand, pushing aside the dildo and my phone and my wallet and a bunch of other things that have ended up as the detritus of my everyday life. I can hear my keys jingling, but they keep slipping just out of reach of my fingers. Suddenly there’s another person, and I’m falling flat onto my butt on the sidewalk. My tea splatters, my purse goes flying, and I’m looking up into the face of the human wall that just knocked me over.
No fucking way.
Philip Crew is standing over me, and that damned neon dildo just rolled out of my purse and landed at his feet.
7
Mayra
Of course. Of course in a city the size of L.A. I would run into the guy I’m trying to avoid on the actual street I live on.
Philip bends down, picking up the dildo. He looks at me, a knowing smile sliding across his face. “You’ve been having fun, I see,” he says.
I flush, embarrassed that he might think I would use that while thinking about him. Even more embarrasse
d that he’d be right. I grab my purse off the ground, scrambling to my feet. The tea is a lost cause. It’s all over the ground, but it’s more on me. I ask him, “What are you doing here?”
“The gym I own,” he says, pointing in the direction I came from. “It’s just a couple blocks from here. I was just heading into to the office to do some housekeeping.”
“Oh.” I vaguely recall a rock climbing gym in that area, and I never really payed attention because I never wanted to do it.
“What are you doing here?” he returns the question.
“Well, I was at the gym. Then I was drinking tea,” I gesture to the ground, “and now, I’m going home.”
He takes a step back, extending his hands in surrender—a gesture that is made far more hilarious with a dildo in his hands. “Listen, Mayra. I’m glad this happened. I wanted to check in with you, and after what happened I wasn’t sure you were planning on coming back tomorrow.”
“You’re right, I wasn’t.”
“I don’t know what happened.” He rakes a hand through his hair. “If I came on too strong, I really apologize. I didn’t mean to scare you or make you uncomfortable. I would never want that.”
I have to admit, that wasn’t what I was expecting. I would have thought he would chase after me to soothe his wounded pride—to prove that he could get whatever girl he chose. I sigh, my resolve to completely avoid him wavering.
I can feel the spilt tea soaking through my shirt, the sugar I used making my skin sticky. At the very least I can invite him in and talk to him. That’s all that has to happen. Maybe if I explain what happened with Bryan he’ll understand why I came to the class, and why I can’t jump in with someone who's bound to treat me the same way. And if I’m going to have this conversation, I’m going to do it in a clean shirt.
I point towards my house. “I live right there. Do you want to come in for a second? I’ll explain, and have the chance to clean up.”
“I’d love that,” he says.
I finally manage to find my keys, which is what had started this whole situation. I wonder what I would have done if I hadn’t been digging in my bag and had just seen him coming towards me. Would I have hidden behind a tree or something? Part of me hopes I’d have enough pride not to do that. The other part of me knows that’s exactly what I would have done. There’s the tiniest part of me that’s thinking that just going and hiding behind a tree until he goes away might still work, but I’m not crazy enough to try.
My house is split into two separate apartments, and I have the top floor. One of the reasons I liked it when I moved in was the proximity to people in an emergency, but also the privacy or a separate entrance.
Philip follows me up the stairs and I’m acutely aware of how close his body is behind me. I cast my eyes around my apartment, making sure there isn’t anything too messy piled up. Once I’m sure I’m not going to be mortified, I let him in and let him follow me into the kitchen. I dump my bags onto a chair and head towards my bedroom. “Make yourself at home. I’ll be back in a second.”
I tear off the shirt covered in tea, quickly replacing it with another t-shirt—I make sure it’s one of my cute ones. I glance in the mirror, lamenting my lack of make-up while simultaneously chiding myself for wanting to put on make-up for him. I run my fingers through my hair a couple times, resigning myself to my post gym look as I hear him say something from the kitchen. It’s muffled and I don’t catch it.
Deciding to call my hair a loss, I grab a hair tie, twisting it up into a ponytail while I go back into the kitchen. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear what you said.”
He grins. “I asked why you kept the dildo.”
The question takes me off guard, and I feel myself freeze up, feel my face go pink with embarrassment. ‘I kept the dildo because I was afraid I’d plaster my body against yours if I got close enough to put it back’ is not an acceptable answer. Subject change…now. “Do you want something to drink?” I go to the fridge, deciding avoidance is the best choice. “I’ve got water, soda, coffee, tea.”
“I’m fine. Thanks,” he says. I grab a water bottle from the fridge, and when I turn around he’s right there. “Why did you keep it?” His voice is a low rumble that I feel in my bones, and I curse my body for responding—for loving it.
He’s very bad at changing the subject. I can’t seem to find my voice, and when I do grasp my words, I stumble over them. “It was an accident. I meant to put it back, and then everything happened and I forgot and—”
He takes a step closer to me and my voice fails. It feels like déjà vu. I’m so aware of the distance between him and me that the sound of his voice feels like a caress on my skin. “You didn’t have to go so far to imagine what I would feel like.”
“I didn’t—that’s not why—” the connection between my brain and my words has short circuited. I can barely breathe, let alone speak.
“That’s not what I wanted,” he says, “when I told you imagine me.”
I lean back against the refrigerator, letting it support my weight. “What did you want?”
“To take you home with me.” He smiles, reaching for my hand, entwining our fingers. “Guess that didn’t work out too well.”
A knot forms in the pit of my stomach. “I know. I’m sorry—I can explain.”
In another déjà vu, he lifts my wrist to his lips, and I can tell he’s doing it to remind me exactly where we left off, and where we have the possibility of going. “You don’t have to apologize or explain anything. But I want you to know that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, and you don’t have to imagine anything.”
“Oh?” My voice is shaky, and every reason I wanted this comes rushing back.
“I’m here now, and I’m the real thing.” His smile is wicked, promising to give me everything that a toy can’t. “You don’t have to hold back with me.” He pulls me against his body, and I love the way he feels against me—solid and firm. Seeing him naked is going to be glorious.
My body has already made its decision, but my mind is a heartbeat slower. They’re almost never on the same page, but it would be helpful if they could work together just this once. Philip said one thing that Bryan used to say. That’s it. It’s not fair to paint him with that brush when I don’t know him. And I don’t even have to know him. I want him—I want this. I want to take this chance to feel something good and take a step forward.
“Do you want me to explain why I left?”
His fingers slide up my side, and I fight the urge to lean into his touch as his hand cups the back of my neck. “Is it going to make you leave again?” he asks.
I search inside myself for a second, seeking out any remaining hesitation and find none. I’ve made my choice. “No,” I say. “I want you.”
“Then I’m yours.”
He pulls my lips to his, and the feeling that sweeps through me is like falling and flying or somewhere in-between. That burning desire that I’ve had running through me comes roaring back to life, and I can feel myself melting against him. His hands sweep down my back and press me against him, and just like yesterday, I can feel how hard he is. I wrap my arms around his neck, consumed by the feeling that I’m not close enough. I don’t remember the last time I felt this kind of raw need. But it doesn’t matter, because he’s here and the only thing that will fix it is the touch of his skin.
I break away from him just long enough to pull him through the door and into the living room. I know what I want—I want to own his pleasure—and I’m not going to own it in the kitchen. He doesn’t stop touching me, even while I’m guiding him. His fingers are on my hips keeping me close, his lips leaning down to brush my neck. Every new place he finds sends delicious echoes along my skin, and I find myself smiling. I haven’t been this happy since…since what I’m intentionally not going to think about right now. For longer than I like to remember.
I push Philip down onto the couch, straddling him before he can make a move. The hardness of his cock is pushing
up against me and the pressure on my clit is driving me crazy. My hips are moving on their own, pressing harder onto him while I kiss him. He groans, and I smile against his lips. I love that he’s just as turned on as I am. I love making him feel that way—and I know exactly how to make it even better. After all, he gave me a roadmap.
His hands are already at my hips, and I guide him to the hem of my shirt, lean into him while he strips it off me. This time it’s him who breaks away. He takes his time with my bra, caressing my skin while undoing the clasps and pulling off the straps. He finishes removing the bra, and I watch his eyes as he takes me in. I’ve never been fully comfortable in my skin, and someone like him seeing me naked would normally make me break out into a cold sweat. But the way he’s looking at me, I’ve never felt sexier. Philip slides his hands up my ribs and I enjoy every inch of contact. He keeps going until he’s cupping my breasts, the roughness of his fingers making me shiver as he plays with them. I close my eyes for a moment, enjoying the feeling of stroking, pinching, squeezing. I never knew that my breasts could feel so much. Bryan never liked playing with them unless—
I shut the thought down, opening my eyes just as Philip puts his mouth on me. I gasp at the unexpectedness of it. His tongue flicks over my nipple and it feels like he’s licking me elsewhere, long tendrils of pleasure uncurling under my skin. He moves to my other breast, leaving my nipple hard and aching in his wake. There’s not much I want right now other than to feel his lips on my skin, and I’ll let him have his turn, but first I have a plan.
I pull away from him, sliding down his body, down onto my knees. I see the realization of what I have planned hit him, and he starts to protest. “Mayra, you don’t have to—”
“This is your favorite, right?” I cut him off. I run my hands down his chest, waiting for his response.
I see his throat move as he swallows. “Yes.”
