by Tara Kelly
Megan had easy access to his comb, his clothes, his shoes, his computer—anything they needed. It would’ve been a lot less risky to plant a little evidence at each scene. Let him take the fall that way.
Maybe Alex saw something he shouldn’t have that night.
Megan opened a closet and came out with her grandpa’s gun case, carrying it to the table. Gabi joined her, her focus straying from us for a few seconds.
Jenika’s arms moved up and down behind her back and she shifted slightly. She gave me a small nod, her gaze shifting between me and Gabi and Megan.
Even with a knife, it would take her some time to cut through the plastic of the zip ties without being obvious. Too much time.
Jenika’s forehead was creased and her eyes narrowed. It was an expression I’d never seen on her face before. Fear. Desperation. She was probably putting together the same thing I was.
They were going to shoot us, right here and now. With Alex’s shotgun.
Megan pressed the stock against her shoulder, aiming the long black barrel toward the ceiling. Then she adjusted her grip and pointed it at Jenika.
“Nova first,” Gabi said, quietly.
My throat felt like it was closing up, and my heart pounded so fast I was sure it would explode soon.
Alex tried to speak again. He was pleading with them, banging his fist against the chair.
Megan tensed, her eyes darting between Gabi and me. Her face crumpled, and she looked like the Megan I knew again—unsure of herself, scared of life.
“Aim at her head,” Gabi told her. “She’ll lose consciousness immediately—she won’t feel it.”
Who knew if that was actually true? I didn’t want to find out. God, I didn’t want to find out.
“You don’t have to shoot anyone, Megan,” Matt said. His cheeks were flushed and sweat was dripping down his neck. “You could run.”
She kept her focus on Gabi, tears welling up in her eyes. “I don’t think I can do this.”
“You have to.” Gabi kept her voice gentle, kind even. “It’s the only way.”
“Not the only way.” Megan inhaled, wiping under her eye. “We could go. Right now. We’ll do it just like we talked about.”
I could see Gabi filling Megan’s head with Bonnie-and-Clyde fantasies—them on the run. Them against the world.
“We can still fix this,” Gabi said.
“But—”
“This whole situation”—she motioned to all of us, including Alex—“is on you.”
“I know!” Megan’s voice pierced my ears. “I’m sorry.” Her body shuddered, but her finger stayed on the trigger. One wrong twitch and it could go off.
“You promised,” Gabi said.
Megan adjusted the shotgun against her shoulder again, walking toward me. Aiming at me.
“She’s manipulating you, Megan,” I said. “Can’t you see it?”
She took another step closer.
“Your fingerprints are all over these zip ties,” I said, my words coming out fast. “All over that gun. Your family’s gun.”
Her arms stiffened, and her finger rose the slightest bit off the trigger.
“Don’t worry about that,” Gabi said. “We’ll wipe it all down—after.”
“She’s got an answer for everything, doesn’t she?” I continued. “Ask her this. Why does it have to be you? Why do you have to shoot us?’
Megan’s eyes went to Gabi and back to me. “Because it’s my fault.”
“Megan,” Gabi said. “It’s you and me, okay? I’ll take care of you. I’ll always take care of you. All she cares about is Alex.”
“That’s not an answer.” The words came from between my teeth.
Megan put her finger back on the trigger and tilted the barrel, pointing it at my forehead. Her chest heaved up and down.
I wanted to squeeze my eyes shut. Duck. Cover. But I froze.
The voices of Jenika, Matt, and Alex blurred together, like conversations in a crowded restaurant. The thoughts in my head went silent. There was no life flashing before my eyes. No last words I wanted to say. There was just staring into the tiny hole of that barrel. Waiting for everything to go black.
“Turn around,” Megan said, cutting through the noise. Her cheeks were red and damp with tears.
“No.” My wrists strained against the plastic that bound them. “You’re going to look me in the eye.”
She went still. I was pretty sure she’d stopped breathing. I couldn’t feel my hands or my feet.
“Don’t think about it,” Gabi said. “Just do it. Like before.”
An icy sensation rippled through me. Picturing Megan strangling Amber until her body went still. Slitting Christian’s throat. It tore me up inside.
Megan’s nose scrunched up and air exploded from her lips. I held her gaze, refusing to look away—it was the only move I had.
My eyes started to burn. Her entire body stiffened, the muscles in her forearms flexing.
A second went by. Two more seconds went by.
Then her shoulders relaxed, and she lowered the gun. “I can’t. I can’t,” she repeated it over and over, her voice high and childlike.
I let out an audible breath, nausea swelling inside me.
Megan faced Gabi, her eyes vacant and staring. “It’s time to go. We have to go.”
Her only response was silence. An entire minute of nothing but the occasional drop of water in the bathroom sink.
“Come with me…” Megan said.
Gabi’s expression was like steel—there was no seeing through it. “Finish this. And I will.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
Megan lifted the barrel of the gun again and repositioned it against her shoulder. Only this time she pivoted, aiming it at Gabi.
There was an explosion in my ears. It seemed to reverberate forever, making my head vibrate like a bell. I was pretty sure I screamed, but all I could hear was ringing.
Megan fell straight back, her head smacking into the wooden planks with a dull thud. She lay there, stiff as a mannequin, the shotgun across her chest.
It took me seconds to process what happened. To see the hole in Megan’s forehead. The dark liquid seeping into her blond hair. Pale red bits and chunks scattered around. The parts that used to be Megan. The parts that were alive and thinking seconds ago.
“Don’t look at her,” Jenika said to me. “Don’t look.”
The back of my throat closed up, making me gag and heave. But nothing came out. I didn’t know whether to scream or cry. Megan was sick. A killer. But in my mind, she was still the girl I’d known most of my life.
Alex was screaming, his wrists pulling up the cuffs. Someone needed to tell him.
“She’s gone, Alex,” I said. “Megan’s gone.”
He went still then, his breaths quick and shallow. At least he couldn’t see her. It was a small comfort, but a comfort just the same.
Gabi hadn’t moved. Her gun was still pointing at the place Megan had been standing. Her eyes went from Megan’s body to Jenika to me. There was no remorse on her face. No sadness. No fear.
Nothing.
But I could tell her wheels were turning, trying to calculate her next move. She lowered her gun and grabbed a pair of gloves from the box, slipping one on. She snapped the rubber against her wrist, as if she enjoyed the sound.
My pulse rose again, heat building inside me. I could keep sitting here, waiting to die, or I could stand up. Run at her. It really didn’t matter anymore. At least I’d die trying.
Jenika caught my gaze and gave a slight nod in Gabi’s direction. Distract, she mouthed and wiggled her left arm.
Gabi walked toward us, her handgun pointed at Matt this time. She squatted down and lifted the shotgun off Megan’s chest, keeping her eyes on us.
I needed to get her to turn her back on Jenika. Which meant I needed her attention completely on me.
“What’s the plan?” I asked. “Shoot us all with Megan and Alex’s gun. Plant it on Mega
n. Or maybe Alex. Have you thought that far yet?”
She stood and focused those cold dark eyes on me, but she stayed right where she was.
“You can say you shot Megan in self-defense. Maybe they’ll buy it.” I felt like I was out of my own body, watching myself speak. “But you’d have to move our bodies somewhere else—there’s way too much evidence in here. And how are you going to do that? You gonna ask Daddy to help you?”
She shoved her handgun into her jeans pocket and stepped over Megan’s body, gripping the stock and the barrel of the shotgun. There was still no reaction in her expression, but her focus was completely on me. I needed to get her to turn a little more. Then Jenika would be out of her line of sight.
“Where is he, anyway?” I continued. “Doesn’t he ever come in here?”
“Only during hunting season,” she said. It was almost startling to hear her voice again.
“You could try to clean this place up.” My thoughts were going faster than I could talk. “But there’d be a lot to explain. Why were we all here? Did you have the gun on you? If you did, why didn’t you use it sooner? Why are you the only survivor?”
Gabi took two steps forward, aiming the shotgun at me. Just like I wanted her to.
Jenika brought her arms forward, clutching the pocketknife with one hand. She rose slowly, her legs shaking. If she stumbled even a little or a bone creaked, it was over. Adrenaline rushed under my skin.
“There’s going to be cuff marks on Alex’s wrists,” I said, raising my voice slightly. “Probably his ankles, too.”
Gabi’s grip on the barrel relaxed and she lowered the gun a little. Still no response. Just that empty stare.
Jenika took a step toward us, lowering her foot slowly onto the floor. Her arms were spread wide for balance. I shifted my knees against the wood, like I was adjusting my position. It didn’t make a lot of noise, but hopefully it was enough.
“Even if you kill us now, it might still be possible for them to tell that Megan died first. What about gunshot residue? How are you going to get around that?”
Jenika was closing in, only a couple feet behind her now. Matt’s eyes closed, and his chest expanded with air.
“Why don’t you face it,” I said. “You’re screwed.”
Gabi stiffened, as if she could sense Jenika, and whipped around, tightening her grip on the shotgun. Jenika lunged at her with the knife, slashing her arm before trying for the handgun in Gabi’s pocket. Gabi hit her in the side of the head with the stock of the shotgun.
I stood. Matt stood.
We both slammed into Gabi, taking her down to the floor. She landed on her stomach, and pain shot across my chest as I landed on her back. I shoved my knees into her hips, her rib cage, anything I could hit. Matt was on half on top of me, using his body weight to keep her pinned.
Jenika pried the shotgun out of Gabi’s grip and shoved it away from us. Gabi moved her left arm down, probably trying to reach the pistol in her front pocket, but Jenika stomped on her hands, repeatedly, and I dug my knee harder into her rib cage.
Gabi made a feral sound, something between a scream and a growl.
“Get the handgun.” I rolled my top half off Gabi, still using my legs to pin her. Matt moved up, his chest forcing Gabi’s head down.
Even with Gabi pressing her body into the floor, Jenika managed to slip one hand underneath her hips and yank out the gun.
“Grab the bag of zip ties,” I said. “Then break ours.”
Jenika ran to the worktable, clutching the side of her head with one hand. She returned with the bag and scissors and knelt next to me. The cold blades slid against my skin and then I felt a pop.
I was free. I was going to make it through this.
I moved my sore arms in front of me, flexing my fingers to get the circulation back into them.
We forced Gabi’s arms behind her back and pressed her ugly red hands together, securing a zip tie around her wrists.
“We should get her legs, too,” Matt said.
“That was the last zip tie,” Jenika said, holding up the empty bag.
I ran to the chair against the wall and untangled the rope from its legs. We wrapped the thick black rope around her ankles, again and again. More than we needed to.
Then we rolled her over and grabbed her phone out of her pocket. Nobody said a word. Gabi remained stiff and silent, except for the air moving in and out of her nose.
Jenika dialed the police.
Matt paced back and forth, keeping his eyes on the floor.
I went to Alex.
“It’s over,” I told him, pulling the duct tape from his mouth. “We got her.”
His lips parted and he gasped, but he didn’t answer. His skin was red and blotchy where the tape was.
I put my hand over his, my thumb gently stroking his skin. “Do you know where the keys are?”
He shook his head. “Take this mask off me.” His voice was hoarse—more like a whisper.
“You don’t want me to,” I said. “Trust me.”
He didn’t protest, but his hand remained tense under mine.
I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and lowered myself onto his lap, resting my cheek against the top of his head.
Neither of us moved. We just waited in silence.
Tuesday, May 1
Everyone screws me over. Overlooks me. My mom. My dad, whoever he is. My perfect brother. The bitches at school, who act like I don’t exist. Even my grandpa. Alex is his favorite. Alex always came first. Alex has always gotten off easy. My whole life I’ve felt like I don’t belong here.
But you make me feel like I belong. When I talk, you actually hear what I’m saying. You don’t think I’m weird. You don’t think I’m crazy. You get me like nobody else ever has. I always hoped I had a soul mate out there. But I never thought in a million years it would be you. I guess it makes sense, doesn’t it? We’re both alone. Totally and completely alone.
Saturday, May 10
There was a time I thought I was your number one. But I never was… As soon as Nova came along, she became the most important person in the world to you. I’m something to pity. Something to leave behind like a bad nightmare. I’ll never be anybody’s number one.
I heard your conversation today. You thought I was still at the cemetery with Grandma, but I walked home before you did. You didn’t notice. I was in my room when you got home. You didn’t bother to check, though. You rarely do anymore.
I heard your big plan, the whole thing. You’re going to run away with Nova. Disappear. You’re going to leave me alone with Grandma, let me clean up the mess. How could you do this to me? You said you’d always take care of me—no matter what. You said you’d always be here.
You’re a fucking liar. But of course…I already knew that.
Tuesday, May 20
I asked you about him today. If you remembered what he was like. If you think Mom is still with him. And I could tell by the look in your eye that you remember. You know what he did to me. But you didn’t say a word. You’ve never said a word. You don’t care. You’d rather just run away and forget I ever existed.
Guess what? I’m not going to let you.
Friday, June 13
I wish you’d believe me when I say I won’t disappoint you like he did. I love you more than anything in this world. I will do anything for you. It’s us against the world. We’re going to make them pay.
Epilogue
Two months later…
Alex loaded the last of his boxes into the bed of his El Camino. I stood a few feet away, an ache building in my throat.
We wouldn’t be walking together to school tomorrow.
I wouldn’t be making him laugh in class with my cartoon portraits.
He wouldn’t be taking notes for both of us, so I could tune out.
There would be no “us.” No Megan…
Alex would be in his Uncle Joel’s Southeast Portland duplex, trying to forget this town. His life here. All the ghosts waiti
ng for him every time he opened his eyes.
I knew he needed to leave more than I needed him to stay. I’d encouraged him to do it. But seeing him now, ready to drive out of here for good, made me want to take it all back.
“Five more minutes?” I asked.
His lips curved up a little and he sat on the El Camino’s tailgate, patting the space next to him.
I sat on the cold metal, my arm pressed against his. Stars were breaking out across the dimming sky, but the remnants of the day still glowed in the distance, turning a small tuft of clouds pink. There wouldn’t be many more nights like this. In a few weeks, the low clouds would roll in, and the wind would bite at my fingertips. Then the rain would come, washing away all the color.
Alex wove his fingers through mine, tilting his face up and closing his eyes. We hadn’t done a lot of talking these last couple months. Mostly we’d lie side by side, listening to the Chameleons on repeat—our new obsession. Or we’d go for a run, deep into the woods, until our muscles gave out.
I still had so many questions. We all had so many questions. But Alex had given me some of the missing pieces, when he could bring himself to talk about it without shutting down. He said Megan had been acting sketchy for weeks, never coming out of her room, freaking out whenever he’d knock on her door. One night, he’d even caught her sneaking out—she’d said she was waiting for Gabi to pick her up.
After they’d gotten home from Oswald Beach on the night of the Fourth, she took off her hoodie and a phone fell out. Alex picked it up and asked her where she’d gotten it. She snatched it out of his hands and said Gabi had “given” it to her. When he asked her why and who was paying the bill, she told him to mind his own business and locked herself in her room.
He heard her talking on the phone afterward, so he stood outside her door, listening. He heard something about a fire, but he couldn’t make out the whole sentence. I can’t wait until they arrest him, she said. I can’t wait to see the look on his face. Then she told whoever was on the other end that she “loved” them and she’d “see them soon.”
Later, when he was with me, he kept waking up. He couldn’t stop thinking about Megan, wondering who was getting arrested and why she knew about it. There was even a part of him that thought she might be talking about him. He knew she was angry with him, that he’d let her down—but did she really think he was capable of something like this? Obviously she was seeing someone—keeping it secret. He started to wonder if it was some cake, playing games. Or worse.
