by Taylor Fray
“Emily? What do you think about that?”
Emily blinked a few times, her tongue pressing against the back of her teeth. “I think…”
“You weren't listening again, were you?” Dr. Erickson smiled doing his best to chide her in a friendly way. “It’s alright. I understand if it’s difficult.”
Emily cracked a smile herself and it quickly faded.
“You know, I've read about what happened.” Emily knew he was referring to the reports made by the other two doctors. She had told them everything. Detail by excruciating detail. Vincent had asked her to go with him. He had moved inhumanly fast. Snatched a dozen spinning coins from the air. Back flipped over her. He had danced with her for a few fleeting moments when they were in a ballroom surrounded by a vast darkness. Then he had offered her the vampire embrace. To become like him. She had refused. When he had shown her his fangs she had screamed in fright. He pleaded with her. Practically begged her. But again and again she had shaken her head no. For all the surreal nature of what happened, it had a certain quality appropriate for her age. It was a rash decision by Vincent that had marked the rest of their lives. The decision had been made in the thrall of love—or infatuation, at this point Emily no longer knew—in the thrall of youthful fancy and idealism. Vincent had insisted. At one point he gripped her wrists too hard and she screamed in pain.
That's when she realized that something else had come into his mind. The way he looked at her neck. It was like he could hear the blood throbbing in her arteries. His fangs had grown razor-sharp. He had held her head back against the door his lips caressing her neck. Tears pooled in her eyes. Reaching out to some unknown force, some humanity left in him, she had asked him not to. She had told him she loved him, asked why he was doing this to her if he loved her back. It had made him shudder. Had sent him into a violent fit as he seemed to be wrestling with something inside him. Finally the Vincent she knew had surfaced. Emily would never forget the look on his face. It was the look of someone realizing they had made a life-scarring mistake. He realized he had altered their lives forever. He spoke as if he only had moments of humanity remaining. He asked for her to forgive him. To remember him as who he had been before he had made this tragic and fatal mistake. Part of her wanted to reach out, but she couldn't overcome the fear. He told her he would never search for her again, because he couldn't bear it, to be a monster in her eyes, to put her in danger from his very self. So he would run away, and in some dark part of the world hopefully he would meet a quick and final death. He leapt out the window and looked like a blackbird swooping away.
After hours of crying and shivering on the brink of a mental breakdown, she walked down the stairs to the kitchen hoping that food or drink, something, would shake her out of the psychosis. She half didn't believe herself, didn't want to perhaps. Her father, as aloof as he was, recognized that she was distraught. She only told him that she and Vincent had broken up. It was the best she could think of. Still, he seemed suspicious, angry. He assumed that Vincent had hurt her somehow. He had always disapproved of her dating what he called an orphan.
Three months passed and no one had any sight of Vincent. He had been good to his word. He had run away, never to be seen. She was left to deal with it all. Her explanation only made her insane in her family’s eyes, in the police and school administration’s eyes, in her friends’ eyes. Whatever nightmare Vincent was caught in, it bled into her life. Vincent's foster family, classmates, people in town, blamed Emily for breaking his heart. They assumed that she had broken his heart so deeply he couldn’t take it. Somehow Vincent had been turned into the victim in their eyes. She was the rich girl. The heartbreaker. If they only knew. Not only was it her heart that was broken, if she was rich she didn't know it. She sure didn't feel like it. Yes, she never had to worry about paying for dentist visits or car repairs, had a closet full of nice clothes, but if people thought that solved all of life’s problems, they were the crazy ones.
And of course there was the pressure from college. From her father. And suddenly the one person she had built her life for, Vincent, had become a shadow. This was the last month that she could pull it all together. This was the last month before she would lose the semester. Her father had at least set aside his blame and told her that he wouldn’t let her go to college until the psychiatrists said she was alright again, that she had to stay home for her own good. Staying home was the last thing she needed. Everything, her room, her old high school, her friends, it all reminded her of Vincent and what had happened that night; and her father looking over her shoulder never allowed her to delve into the truth of what had happened, which she felt was the only real way she could move on. So she had been planning this for months now. There was a part of her that hated the idea of not being believed when she was telling the absolute truth, but after thinking it all through, she realized perhaps not being believed was for the best.
“Vincent and I… We had a bad breakup,” she said to Dr. Erickson who ran his hand along his trimmed beard. By now she knew that his long silences meant for her to go on. “I just loved him so much. I had this whole dream of how our lives were going to be. He was my first boyfriend. The only boy who had ever shown interest in me. So I think when he broke up with me, it felt like my life was completely destroyed.” Again, Dr. Erickson was silent. His large gray eyes only studied her calmly from across the room, so she went on. “I think I just couldn't handle it and now… the pressure of college and moving away, my dad not really giving me any support. I think I just wanted someone to finally pay attention to me and I…” She truly had to let go of her pride, and lie, “I think I imagined some things… or made them up, I don't know.” Again, silence. “You know the part about him being a vampire. All that stuff. I feel so stupid now.” She started to cry silently. That part was real, even if the words were not. “I guess it was the first thing that came to mind. You know, from all those vampire books and all of that.”
Dr. Erickson nodded agreeably. “You said you wanted someone to finally pay attention. That you felt your father was not really giving you any support. What made you feel this way?”
It was strange. Part of it was the truth. She really didn't have a great relationship with her father. But in that moment she just wanted to say whatever would get her out of this town. “Yeah. We’re just not that close. He’s really busy with work. And he and Donna are starting a new family, you know. Actually the new baby should be coming in any day. Or coming up not sure what's the right expression.” She managed a half smile and Dr. Erickson half smiled back like he was mirror. After a bit of back and forth, Dr. Erickson asked her a pointed question. “Emily, what do you hope for your life once you begin college?”
She wanted to tell him that once she had gotten her life back to normal, once she was stable again, she was going to get to the bottom of what she had seen. She wanted to say that once she was herself again she was going to put every drop of her mind into focus like a laser until she discovered the truth of the hidden side of the world. She wanted to tell him that she would learn every language, upturn every stone, walk into every hidden place, face every fanged creature, unfurl every cursed scroll, that life would not mock her with only a passing glimpse of the greater, vaster reality. But she knew this was not the time and not the place for those words, so she said: “I just want to study biology and meet a nice guy.”
“Anything, as long as I get out of this town,” she said as she walked down the stairs with a box of books in her hands.
Her brother Jared laughed, his back to her as he walked down the stairs in front of her. “Come on don't be too hard on this place. The lake is pretty cool. And it's not that far from the beach.” He had a loveseat loaded on one shoulder. He was not all that muscular, but he was one of those tall thin guys who were incredibly strong for their build. It helped he was a jock. Swimming, water polo, kayaking, just about any sport that got him wet, he was all over it. He had a bushel of curly brown locks and a big chin. Emily often joked w
ith him that he was that one crying troll meme. Humor was how she connected to Jared. It was practically the only way. When she had been going through the worst of her depression she had considered confiding what had happened to him. But she thought better of it. Jared wanted nothing more than for everyone around him to be happy, especially his family. He was great, always goofing around, always looking for something fun and exciting to do, but he didn't quite understand life when it wasn't set to “be happy and have fun” mode. It wasn't that he wasn’t compassionate, or that he didn't care, but over the years Emily had realized he just didn't seem to know how to relate to other aspects of people's lives.
As she was making her way down the stairs she felt her toe catch on a stair at a weird angle and she began tripping. “Ah!” she yelped as the books slid from her hands and her feet stomped awkwardly on the stairs trying in vain to keep her balanced. Jared somehow managed to catch her and still hold the loveseat aloft by pressing it against the wall with one shoulder.
“You OK?” Jared asked as he helped her get her footing again. Her elbow had hit the railing, but other than that she was fine.
“Yeah. Ten years here and that’s never happened before.”
“Well, now I know never to pick you for dodgeball.”
“You already knew that,” she said as she picked up the scattered books.
“Here, I’ll help.” Jared set the loveseat on the floor and started picking up books. Suddenly he came across one that seemed to interest and confuse him. He held it up and flipped through it. Emily caught sight of what book it was. Oh no. It was “Blood Arcana” her book on all things vampire. Her father must have told him about her story, her claims about Vincent. She was supposed to have gotten over all that. That’s why she was being allowed to go off to college. Now it could all come crashing down if her father found out she still believed what she had seen was real, that she was intent on getting to the truth of it.
“Everything alright?” she heard her father as he made his way from the kitchen toward them. She felt a cold sweat.
“Jared…” she began searching for an explanation, her eyes darting to the kitchen doorway, knowing her father would be there any second. Jared’s face was still full of confusion as he flipped through the book, then he looked at her.
“Here you go!” he said with a big smile, then handed it to her. He turned to their father who stood at the doorway peering in at the scene. “Yeah, dad Em’ just dropped some books. No big deal.” Emily saw her father give a disinterested nod and walk back. Jared picked up a couple more books and put them in her box. She made sure the vampire book was out of sight.
“Thanks for that,” Emily said, barely audibly.
“No problem, it’s not that heavy,” Jared said as he picked up the loveseat again.
She only stared blankly, not sure if he was purposely keeping her secret or if he was simply oblivious to what had happened. She was grateful, whatever it was, that she could go on living in secret. And yet, she realized what a distance a secret can create between two people. She had a feeling this was a taste of what her life would be like for years to come.
6
The first thing that stood out to her about her dorm room was the wine bottle that was waiting for her on her desk, with a small note that read: to good times ahead, roomie! Suddenly Emily felt as if it would have been best if her father had accompanied her up to her new room after all, however embarrassing it might have been. He would have thrown a fit, and perhaps had her reassigned to another dorm. But she was an adult now, and had to start learning to deal with people of all sorts. After all, she had a glass of wine with dinner now and then, though it had always been to feel sophisticated like the rest of the adults around the table rather than her own liking of it. Whatever the case, maybe it was a cultural thing? Perhaps her new roommate was Italian or French? She looked up her roommate’s name again on her registration form. Tori Anderson. Nope, not European. So she slipped the note into her back pocket and proceeded to set up her new room. The whole building was impeccably kept, especially considering it must have been at least 50 years old, ancient as far as the West Coast was concerned. She laid out her comforter which she was self-conscious about being a pastel pink, perhaps too much of a teenager’s style. She set up her lamp, books, photos, and began hanging her clothes in the closet. She had always been a very private person, and so sharing a dorm like this made her a little nervous. Her dad had thought it best that she would have someone to talk to, a built in friend of sorts. Emily hated the idea, but it was one of the conditions her father set. At least she wasn’t sharing the room itself. The dorm was made up of two large bedrooms that shared a bathroom and common space—more luxury than most students had, but it was more than paid for by the cost of attending Santa Clarita College.
She heard some muffled noises nearby. Now that she thought of it, perhaps her roommate was already in her room. She walked to her door, and tapped it a few times. “Hello?” Emily whispered, then felt self-conscious and asked again, “hello?” though this time louder. The silence was broken only by the faint sounds of movements on the other side. Emily thought she might be bothering her roommate and so she slinked back to her room and kept setting up her things. After a moment she heard laughter and some kind of banging sound. She peeked again into the hallway between rooms but she couldn't make out what the noise was. She kept on hanging blouses in her closet when suddenly the noises from the other room became louder. An awkward mixture of embarrassment and lust sprang up in her when she realized what the sounds were. The creaking of mattress springs grew louder and louder. It became clear that the sounds she mistook for laughter before were joyful gasps of pleasure. Her eyes widened and she blushed. She closed her door to the common hallway. But still the sound crept through. The rhythmic creaking kept on and so did the rushed gasping. She started playing some music on her computer but she quickly realized how much most music was directly about or at least alluded to sex. Finally she had to find the most unsexual thing she could think of so she latched her headphones into her phone and started playing videos of endoscopic surgeries. Finally she inhaled and was glad to only be hearing a doctor’s monotone droning about the large intestine. Still, she felt an agitation in her chest. She just about finished decorating her room when her door swung open without so much as a knock or a hello. "Hey, you must be Emily!" said the blonde girl at her doorway.
“Yeah, hi,” Emily said, at a loss for words as she saw her new roommate was only wearing a t-shirt and shorts that were borderline underwear. She didn't have time to say anything anyway as her roommate giddily strode toward her and snatched her in an enormous hug.
“Hey, I’m Tori. You’re finally here!” Tori beamed.
“Yeah.” Emily nodded with a shy smile, still a lingering blush on her cheeks.
"Oh. My. Gosh," Tori said with a gawking smile that was part embarrassed but mostly an expression of amusement. "We were making way too much noise weren't we? I am so sorry. We just got carried away.”
“It’s alright…” Emily didn't know what else to say.
“No-no, I am so sorry. Dominic! Come here. You have to apologize to my new roommate.”
“Oh don’t worry. Really you all don't have to—”
“No, we do. You should meet him anyway. He’s going to be around a lot.”
Emily looked nervously toward the hall door as Tori's boyfriend made his way toward them buttoning his shirt. She caught a glimpse of his bare torso before he could finish and the blush came back to her face. It was even worse when she was face-to-face with him.
“Hi, I'm Dominic and… this is a really embarrassing way to meet someone.” Dominic’s soft eyes seemed entirely sincere. “We thought you weren’t arriving until tomorrow. We got wrong information," he said, glancing at Tori with a subtle accusatory eye. He held his hand out to Emily who reached out hiding the tremble in her hand as best she could. Normally she only would've been a little anxious at the whole thing but now looking at Domi
nic, his tussled hair and his dark eyes, his tanned skin and lithe frame he only reminded her of one person: Vincent. She was flooded with sorrow and a burning desire all at once.
“Oh by the way,” Tori interrupted Emily’s glance that was bordering on staring at Dominic, “did you see I left a gift for you on your desk?” Tori walked over to the wine bottle and handed it to Emily as if it was important to personally make that gesture. “Whoever your friends were back in high school, I'm gonna blow them all away," Tori said with a wave of her hand. “I know we’re going to be total besties.” Emily tried to look only at Tori and smile without letting her eyes rest where they wanted to, on Dominic. Tori gave her one of those smacking non-kisses near the cheek and then walked back to her room. Emily was left alone, silently holding only the bottle of wine. Looking down at it in her hands, she realized she had never seen a wine so red. It looked so red it reminded her of only one thing: blood.
A month passed and she did her best to avoid Tori and Dominic as best she could. It was not easy. Now and then she would run into a bare-chested Dominic coming out of the shower wearing only a towel or she would forget to lock the door and Tori would barge in and drag her to some party where she was determined to set her up with an upperclassman. Emily would stay for a whole 30 minutes before she grew tired of the whole thing and sneaked back to her room and left Tori to her drunken revelry.
She found refuge in the musky halls of the library as well as a New Age store called Amethyst Haven. As always her schoolwork was easy for her, and so she focused her efforts on studying the experience which had forever marked her. Though that experience had only been related to vampires, as she studied the subject she realized they were inherently linked with other occult subjects. She devoured books on vampires, on spells, zombies, angels, reincarnation, psychic powers, Tarot, mythology, pagan rituals. If it was strange and hidden knowledge, she wanted to know it. She wanted to understand what had really happened, what was the truth of it all.
