by Ward, Quinn
My eyes nearly popped out of my head. “You knew? Why didn’t you fucking tell me?”
“Of course I knew. We all did,” Jayden informed me. His jaw clenched tight and his nostrils flared. I hadn’t expected this to be what he was pissed off about. “Who the hell do you think he turned to when you were busy using him to help you get more girls? Do you have any clue how hard that was on him?”
I swallowed hard around the lump in my throat. I was actually grateful to hear Jayden sticking up for Daniel. He deserved that.
“What I did wasn't cool for a lot of reasons,” I admitted to Jayden. “But that's done now. And I promise you, if I hurt him, you have permission to beat the shit out of me. Hell, I want you to. I'm so scared I'm going to fuck up because this is all so new to me.”
“Then I guess it's a good thing you got all of us,” Jayden remarked, seeming satisfied with my answer. He stepped back, taking Chase's hand before they both collapsed onto the couch.
“This is a fucking trip,” Jayden muttered, more to himself than anyone in particular. “Who would have thought all of us would eventually wind up coming out?”
“But are you really surprised?” Chase teased. “I mean, look at all of you. It's a good thing I saw you first. Otherwise, I probably would have wound up crushing on one of the other guys, and that would make things weird after I started to fall in love with you.”
“Don’t even joke about that.” Jayden's irritation with me vanished as he started tickling Chase. Brandon stepped into the kitchen, saying something about needing to get dinner out of the oven. That left Matt and me on our own.
He walked around in front of me. “Look, I don't know why it took you this long to say something. I know all of us are probably a little confused about you not even telling us but, at the end of the day, you needed to do what was right for you. Hopefully, this means you'll eventually let go of the past. And if your dad does decide to be a dick about you hooking up with Daniel, you can always come home with Brandon and me at break.”
I let out a deep breath. Probably the first one in months without feeling a weight on my chest. Even if I was still in the closet back home, the guys who mattered most to me knew and weren’t pissed about the things I’d done while trying to hide my truth until I was ready.
Chase was right. I no longer feared what might happen in the future. If my dad couldn't accept me the way I was, I'd still have this new found family looking out for me.
13
Colin
Suite’s going to be empty Thursday night. Subtle wasn't Zach’s strong suit. He was jonesing to see what we planned to do to him next. And from the texts he sent late at night, it was obvious he’d been watching porn. Soon, I was going to tell him he wasn’t allowed to jerk off unless he asked permission. That would be hot, especially if I could get Daniel on board with him having to come to my room to ask me, not just beg Daniel when he was already hard.
Zach was more relaxed since coming out to our friends, but there hadn't been a time when all three of us could get together. He'd invited me to hang out in their room every night, but I had way too much homework to sit around watching them play video games all night. The one night I’d tried studying while they played, I’d been distracted by their bickering back and forth.
And, honestly, I was nervous about how intense things had been between us that last time. If I thought there was a chance of walking away, I was an idiot. Both of them were already under my skin.
Good, Daniel responded. We need to talk.
What the fuck, man? That's the worst thing you can say to somebody who's trying to get in your pants. I could picture Zach staring at his phone instead of paying attention to his professor, his mouth gaping open.
Zack's right, Daniel. How many times does anything good come after a we need to talk text? I knew what Daniel meant, but ‘we need to talk’ was one of those phrases that put just about anybody on edge.
Not like that, Daniel promised. My professor walked into the lecture hall, so I shut down my phone. If the two of them were going to keep talking while I was in class, I’d have to start turning it all away off. Silencing it only made it so I felt my phone buzzing against my thigh every twenty-two seconds. Knowing it was the guys making my phone vibrate had my dick hard and aching. I couldn’t make it until Thursday without seeing at least one of them naked. Even if we had to hold off on sex for a bit longer, I wanted to feel them fighting over my cock again, kissing each other with my shaft between them. That had been hotter than anything I’d ever imagined.
Somehow, I managed to take a copious amount of notes, and the professor was completely unaware of the other document I had open on my laptop, filled with all the filthy fantasies I wanted to eventually explore. I even had an idea of what I wanted to do for the paper he’d assigned, which was nothing short of a miracle.
I waited until I exited the building to pull my phone out of my pocket. The two of them had been bickering back and forth about whether talking was overrated. It wasn’t. Especially not in a relationship like ours.
But could what we were doing even be called a relationship? I wasn’t sure because, so far, it was a lot of texting, one sexy afternoon, and promises that never seemed to come to fruition. But tonight, we were going out to dinner—which was basically like a date—so maybe this was turning into something more than just fooling around and we hadn’t admitted it yet.
Tonight. I’d find a way to talk to them about what was happening over dinner, then maybe we could go home and celebrate.
“Hey, wait up.” I kept walking because I figured whoever it was had to be talking to somebody else. Between work, classes, spending time with my brother, and this drama with my roommates, making friends hadn’t been a high priority.
“Hey, I'm Landon.” I looked up at the guy who was now standing directly in front of me.
He looked like a Landon, with his neatly pressed khakis, button-down shirt, and blazer. He probably also sported a coordinating stick implanted firmly in his ass. The thing I couldn't figure out was why he was trying to catch my attention.
“You're in Professor Edwards’s Modern History class, right?”
“Um, yeah.” That solved the mystery of why he was trying to talk to me, but I still had no clue who this guy was. I would have remembered seeing someone so uptight. “You?”
“Yeah. I was wondering if you be interested in studying together over coffee?” The way is gaze traveled over my body, I was fairly certain what he actually wanted had little to do with studying. While it did the ego good to have someone interested, I already had my hands full.
“If you really want someone to study with, sure,” I offered. “But that's all.”
“You have something against making friends?” he countered, there corner of his mouth turning up in a cocky smirk. I’d known guys like him before. He was good looking, and he knew it. He wasn’t used to being turned down, and I didn’t believe he would give up easily if he was interested, but there was also a chance he truly just wanted to be friends.
And I needed to stop isolating myself to the guys in the suite. They’d all graduate in the spring, and then I’d be on my own. Fuck. Reality was a bitch sometimes.
I cleared my throat. “Sorry. I didn't mean to assume you are asking for anything else. I just…” No. I was not going to explain to this complete stranger how I already had my hands full with the two guys I lived with. Annandale was a welcoming place, and they didn't tolerate any sort of bigotry, but that didn't mean everyone would understand or be chill with gay guys who were maybe, possibly, thinking about committing to a closed poly relationship.
“Give me your number and I'll text you. We can set up a time,” he offered. I handed in my phone and told him to send himself the text, so we’d have each other's numbers. “Cool. I’m hoping that maybe you understand what Edwards is saying, because it’s all going over my head. I don’t want to screw myself in my first year.”
“Yeah, he’s so dry, it’s hard to stay awak
e sometimes.” Okay, so he wasn’t that bad, but I didn’t want Landon to think I was accusing him of being stupid and that seemed to be the safest response. “Listen, I hate to cut this short, but I need to get to my next class.”
He didn't need to know I was done for the day. Zach was eager to move things along in the bedroom, but Daniel and I wanted to show him we weren’t just looking for convenient sex. I needed to get home, shower, and duck out before any of our roommates got home. If all of us disappeared at the same time, it might raise suspicions.
I hurried through my shower and threw on the clothes Daniel had picked out for me this morning. He wouldn’t tell me where we were going. He said he wanted it to be a surprise for both of us. All I knew was that we were meeting at a little park across town. I was just about to take off when there was a knock at my bedroom door.
“Hey, man, what's up?” I greeted my brother when I opened the door. He'd been busy enough between classes and Jayden that we’d barely spent any time together so far.
“Hot date tonight?” he asked as he took in my outfit.
“Something like that,” I admitted.
“Who's the lucky guy?”
I'd never talked about guys with Chase, so it caught me off-guard when he didn’t assume it was a girl. I nearly let the standard lie fall from my lips before I remembered that I had come out to him, unlike the rest of the family.
“Oh, it's nobody you'd know. Somebody from one of my classes.” I hated lying to him, but he’d lose his damn mind if he knew I was going on a date with two of his friends.
“You have condoms, right?”
Heat flared in my cheeks. “Yes, Dad. And if I didn't, I’d go out and buy some rather than asking my brother for a hand-out. God, that would be horrifying.”
“Oh, I don't have any,” he scoffed.
“Chase, what the fuck do you mean you don't have any condoms? I know damn well you and Jayden are fucking like bunnies,” I scolded him. He was the responsible kid; he was the one our parents didn’t worry about when he said he wanted to go to school away from home. And now, he was admitting he’s been having unprotected sex.
“You’re not wrong there. But here's a little secret…” He glanced over his shoulder to make sure nobody was coming up behind him and cupped his hands over his mouth like he was about to share some sort of top-secret information with me. “When you settle down and find that one special boy, and you love each other very, very much, there are things you can do so you don't have to keep suiting up. I highly recommend it.”
I playfully backhanded his shoulder. “You're ridiculous. But I'll keep that in mind.”
I really hated that he’d put that idea in my head. Now all I could think about was being with Zach and Daniel long enough to talk about ditching the condoms. I wanted to know what it would feel like to push into Zach's ass using Daniel's cum as lube. I wondered how many times both of us could take him before his hole couldn’t hold another drop of cum. We could spend the entire weekend filling him, taking turns, and plugging him when we needed a break.
“I don't even want to know what that look on your face is about,” Chase teased. “Just promise me that until you're serious about someone, you won't go there.”
“What I promise you is that if you keep trying to have the birds and bees talk with me, you might learn more about my sex life than you really want to know.”
Chase twisted his fingers in front of his mouth as if locking his lips together. Probably a good idea. I chatted with my brother for a few minutes, feeling bad about ditching him when he wanted to hang out.
I could always call the guys and tell them to start without me…
“What time do you have to meet this mystery man?”
I checked the time on my phone. “I need to get going soon. You sure you're cool if I take off?”
“I'm not your keeper, Colin.” He shooed me toward the door, walking behind me. “I know mom and dad wanted me to make sure you didn’t get in trouble when you didn’t have them hovering over you, but you’ve got this. I’m proud of how focused you’ve been.”
“Gee, thanks.” Chase laughed as he walked me to the door.
“If you need someone to rescue you, call me,” he offered. If I had been going on a first date, maybe with someone like Landon, it would be good to know I wasn’t stuck in a situation I wasn’t comfortable with. But this was Zach and Daniel; I wouldn’t need my older brother to save me.
“You don't have plans with Jayden tonight?” I glanced into their bedroom, seeing Chase’s Pika and blankie on the beanbag. He’d be horrified if he knew I knew what that was about.
“He'd understand,” Chase promised me. “But I hope you don't have to call because I want you to have fun. You might be more of a bookworm than I was, and I didn't think that was possible.”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” I scoffed. My dedication had little to do with academic goals and everything to do with wanting to prove to mom and dad that I could thrive without them watching over me.
* * *
To anyone we passed, we probably looked like nothing more than buddies enjoying a fall afternoon in the park. We strolled along one of the trails, all of us carefully avoiding the topic I knew was on all of our minds. But we couldn't ignore it forever. What surprised me most was when Zach was the one to mention the so-called elephant in the room.
“What exactly are we doing? I know you guys worry about rushing things, but seriously, I feel like I’ve had a permanent case of blue balls since the beginning of whatever this is,” he complained. I felt his pain. It was torture going to sleep every night, knowing the guys I’d thought about while I jerked off were just on the other side of the wall. I wondered if they had done anything when I wasn’t with them, but I didn’t think so. Daniel had been pretty insistent that there would be no one-on-one action until we’d talked about it.
That needed to happen. Soon. Even if I knew where Daniel stood—he was definitely in favor of us continuing in whatever configuration felt right—that didn’t mean it was a given that Zach would feel the same.
Testing the waters, I reached down to slip my fingers through his. I looked past him to Daniel, who was looking back at me. Neither of us said a word. This wasn't going to help us, so I took a leap of faith. “I know when I brought up the idea to you guys, I said it was just going to be fooling around and never really considered anything beyond that first day. And then everything felt so big. It didn't take long for me to realize I was in over my head.”
“Same,” Daniel agreed. “And, no matter how much I tell myself it doesn't have to be anything serious, I feel sick to my stomach when I start thinking of all the ways this could end badly.”
“Then don't think about it,” Zach suggested. If only it was that simple. And how the hell was he the calm one of the three of us? “Aren’t you the one who’s told me I’ll never get what I want if I’m already thinking about how things are going to go wrong? Look, you guys are both making way too big of a deal out of this. So, things might not work out. Would that really make us any different from most college kids? How many people actually leave home expecting to find their soul mate while getting a college degree?”
He was being way too logical about everything. “But what if we try this and it doesn't work,” I countered. “It's not like we can avoid one another the rest of the school year. You're just starting to get along with the guys again. I don't want them to have to pick sides if we can't stand to be around one another.”
Mostly, I worried I’d be the odd man out. Zach and Daniel had history with everyone. All I had was shared DNA with Chase.
“By that logic, the same could be said for Matt and Brandon or Jayden and Chase,” Zach argued. “I don't want to be frozen in place by the what ifs anymore. I’ve lived my entire life that way. I want to do this, and I want to be with the two of you.”
That was oddly sweet. But I wasn't going to give in to him that easily. I glanced around to make sure we wouldn't traumatize
anyone who might be on the path behind us before coming to a stop, tugging Zach back against me.
“But what happens next year when you’ve both graduated and I’m still in school?” I asked. I’d spent a lot of those nights alone, trying to imagine how we’d manage once they jumped into the real world and I was still living in Talbert. I had three long ass years left without them, and it wasn’t fair of me to expect them to wait.
“You’re getting ahead of yourself,” Zach scolded me. “If we’re still together by graduation and we all fall madly in love with each other, we’ll figure that out. Otherwise, you’ll be able to spread your wings, and find the next repressed gay boy in need of rescuing. Either way, if that’s what’s holding you back, you need to let that shit go. We’re wasting valuable opportunities to get laid.”
Again, if only it was that simple… At first, I’d told myself I only wanted to get off with these two hot men, but now I wanted more. I wanted Zach to trust me enough to show his vulnerable side. I wanted to be the one Daniel used to explore his controlling side. I wanted more quiet afternoons in the park, evenings staying in watching movies, and late nights naked, squeezed into a bed that was barely big enough for one of us.
“Is that all you want?” I asked, unwilling to tip my hand. Not every man was looking for a relationship. Hell, I hadn’t been looking for a relationship. The desire sort of snuck up on me. “We need to make sure everyone is on the same page here.”
“I, for one, don’t want it to just be sex,” Daniel admitted. I breathed out a sigh of relief that he and I were on the same page, even though I already knew that. “And all of us together is great but, unless one of you has a problem with it, I don’t think it’s feasible for us to say we all have to be there all the time.”
“Agreed.” I looked to Zach, trying to gauge his thoughts since he was still tight lipped. “I mean, if I’m working or studying, I don’t want the two of you feeling like you have to keep your hands off one another, or thinking I’m going to be pissed if you go out to dinner without me.”
