by Ward, Quinn
“You don't think I’m a freak?” He lifted the binkie to his lips but didn’t pop it into his mouth. Instead, he curled his fingers around it, twisting the nipple like it was a stress ball. I wished I could make him understand that I really didn’t have a problem if he needed the comfort it gave him. I might not understand, but I did see the differences in him since he’d started dating someone who accepted that side of him.
I lowered myself to the floor in front of him, sitting with my legs crossed, the way we used to when we were kids. “Do you think I'm a freak for dating two guys at the same time?”
“No, but this is—”
I held up a hand to silence him. “The point I'm trying to make, Chase, is, who you are to me isn't going to change just because you're a little. I've actually known for a long time.”
“You have?” His face went white.
I gently rubbed his knee, hoping to calm him down before his boyfriend beat the hell out of me. “Yeah. Word of advice. If you ever hand a computer down to someone, make sure you at least wipe your history.”
Chase buried his face in his hands. “Oh God. What if Mom and Dad found it?”
“The good news for you is they didn't. And what I started to learn about you, it taught me something about myself, too.”
“Are you like me?” Chase's expression fell when I shook my head. “Of course, you're not. But you're okay if I’m this way?”
“Of course, I am,” I insisted. “And watching you and Jayden last summer helped me realize that there's no reason to hide and that it's not all or nothing. I have my own stuff that I'm into. It's not the same as what you and Jayden do, but that's not what this is really about.”
“You know about me, why can't I know about you?” Chase pouted, crossing his arms tightly over his chest. I was halfway waiting for him to stamp his foot on the floor.
“Because I don't want to out anyone without their permission,” I explained. “I needed you to know that I'm seeing Zach and Daniel, but that needs to be enough. For now. If they're okay with you knowing more, then I promise you'll be the first person I talk to.”
“Okay.” Chase shrugged and curled into a ball on his beanbag. “If it's okay with you, I think I'm going to take a nap before the festival. But don't worry, if anyone tries to say anything, I'll put them in their place.”
“Okay.” I chuckled, reaching out to scruff his hair. “I'm sure you'll be my big bad defender.” As I stood, I bent down, kissing my brother’s forehead. “Do you need anything else before you take your nap? You have a cup or a stuffie you like?”
“I couldn't ask you to get—”
I pressed the palm of my hand against his mouth to silence him. “You can, and you will. I know you let Matt and Brandon help you when Jayden's not here. I want you to know you can come to me, too. If it helps, you can think of yourself as the little brother and I am the big brother taking care of you for a change.”
“Okay,” Chase conceded. He curled into a ball and started rubbing his eyes. “Can you grab my sippy out of the closet and get me some juice?”
Chase obviously forgot who he was dealing with. I knew that smirk. It was the way he looked when he was trying to do something he wasn't allowed.
“Would Jayden give you juice if he were here?”
Chase sucked his bottom lip between his teeth letting out a few deep puffs. “No, but you're my brother, and if you say it's okay then he can't say it's not.”
“Buddy, you have a thing or two to learn,” I quipped. “I'll be right back with a sippy of water for you. Get into your bed.”
“Fine. But you're no fun.”
“That might be, but doesn't it feel better knowing you don't have to hide from me anymore?” I knew it sure as hell felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, knowing that Chase knew most of my truths at this point.
“Yeah, it does.” By the time I got back from filling his cup, he was already half asleep.
I quietly shut the door behind me and went back to my bedroom. In a few hours, Daniel would be home and I’d ask him if he wanted to take a nap as well before heading out to the festival tonight. We were finally in a good place as a threesome, now it was time to make sure we were just as strong as couples.
17
Daniel
Chase knows about us.
If I hadn't already been itching to get out of study group so I could spend at least a bit of today alone with Colin, his text would have obliterated my ability to focus. While everyone else argued about whether rural or urban communities struggled more to get the assistance they needed, I started gathering my notes and shoving them into my backpack. All of them brought up valid points, but it was clear that no one was going to sway those who disagreed with them.
“Are you bailing already?” Marcus was the closest I had to a friend outside of the suite. As two of the few guys in our program, we’d bonded quickly, but that didn’t mean we were friends. Our interactions were still isolated to school projects. That probably wasn't healthy but, over the past couple of years, the guys and I had become this insulated unit—a hodgepodge family of sorts—and I rarely thought about how odd that would be to a lot of people.
“Yeah,” I confirmed. “My boyfriend’s waiting for me. He just texted and told me he had a heavy talk with his brother. I want to get back and see how he's doing.”
It may have been a bit of an exaggeration, since there was nothing in Colin’s text that indicated things had gone poorly, but I needed to talk to him. And in case he was holding something back, I preferred waiting until I could pull him into my arms if things hadn't gone well.
“A boyfriend?” He elbowed me playfully in the ribs. “Man, you've been holding out. I didn't even know you were gay.”
“Probably because I was never interested in sleeping with you,” I remarked. Marcus wasn't a bad looking guy, but I had blinders for Zach long before we met. “Seriously, it's not something I typically make a big deal out of.”
“But what about all the girls I saw you taking home?” It seemed like forever ago, when I’d reluctantly tag along with Zach and we’d find someone to fool around with for the night. It was a time I wish I could forget; I still hated the idea that I’d gone along with his plans so I could be closer to him. Never would I have imagined he might have been doing the same damn thing.
“You're the one who assumed I'm gay because I have a boyfriend,” I pointed out.
“Man, that's just not fair.” By this point, no one was arguing; they were all too interested in hearing about my sex life. This was exactly why I didn't talk about my sexuality. If a guy was straight, no one even gave it a second thought. But hearing that I didn't discriminate, as long as I felt some sort of attraction to the other person, had the ability to quiet everyone.
I hefted my backpack on my shoulder, waving as I walked away. I knew they'd all have questions for me, but right now, none of that mattered.
I opened my text conversation with Zach as I hurried across campus. I knew him well enough to assume he'd be stressed, knowing he couldn't be there when Colin needed us. The more comfortable he became with his own sexuality, the more his authentic personality shone through. He wasn't the self-centered dick everyone thought he was. Well, he'd deny it, but the man had a heart of gold and I was lucky as hell that he'd chosen to show that to me.
Headed home now. I'll let you know how Colin’s doing.
It wasn't surprising when he didn't immediately answer. Zach spent most of his day shifts on the road or in the kitchen doing prep work for the night crew. He'd get back to me as soon as he had a minute. I made a quick detour by the deli a couple blocks away from home and picked up lunch for Colin and me. I wasn't sure either of us would be in the mood to eat, but Colin had a bad habit of forgetting to take care of himself when he was stressed out, and the longer he kept us a secret, the more weight he’d lost.
Chase was in the kitchen making himself something to eat when I walked through the suite. It would’ve been easy enough
to sneak past him; he tended to live in his own little world most of the time—no pun intended. But that made it seem like I had something to hide, and I didn’t. I was happier than I’d ever been, and I was proud of the men I was with.
“Hey Chase, how's it going?” I moved past him and pulled two plates out of the cupboard. He eyed me warily as I started unpacking the lunch I'd picked up for Colin. I sucked in a deep breath and decided to tackle whatever he was thinking head on. After all, I’d promised myself I wasn’t going to act like I was doing something wrong. Hell, if I’d told Colin already, I’d admit to Chase that I was head over heels in love with his brother. “So, I hear Colin told you about us.”
“He did.” Chase gripped the edge of the counter, leaning against it with his head hung low. He turned to me and I didn’t miss the hurt in his eyes. “I just don’t get it. Why him, Daniel?”
I held out my hands in surrender. “Look, I know you and Zach got off to a rough start, but, please, don't be mad at us. No one's taking advantage of Colin.”
“I know that,” Chase responded. He shook his head. “I'm just confused. Zach gave me such a hard time, I really thought he had a problem with gay guys. But then, he didn't have a problem with anybody else in the suite and that confused me even more. I don't want my brother to get hurt if he decides he’s done with this little experiment or whatever.”
“Neither do we,” I promised him. “As for Zach, I'm hoping he'll talk more about it when he's ready, but a lot of what you experienced was internalized bullshit from his old man. I think he was jealous of you because you were the most open about your sexuality. Hell, the rest of us were all trying to skirt around it, but then you come waltzing in like it’s no big deal. And maybe it doesn't help right now, but you should know that he's a totally different guy with Colin. It's kinda cool to see. And I promise, this isn’t an experiment to Zach. He’s finally living his own life instead of the one he’s convinced he’s supposed to.”
“And it works? The three of you all being together?” Chase relaxed a bit and went back to spreading peanut butter on one slice of bread and jelly on the other.
“It does.” This was a question I expected we’d get a lot as we told more people we were together. Society said that people were supposed to fall in love with their one true match, but that wasn’t the way it always worked. Hell, I hadn’t imagined being in love with two guys at the same time without it causing issues, but now I couldn’t imagine being without either of them.
“I don't think I could do that. Does that make me a bad person?” Chase gave me a sidelong glance but didn’t actually look at me. He lifted his hand to his mouth to chew on his nails and I swatted his hand away. Somehow, all of us, except Zach, had become caretakers of sorts to him. He pursed his lips together and his cheeks turned pink. “Thanks. Jay’s been on me about that. But seriously, is it bad that I couldn’t do what you guys are?”
“Absolutely not,” I reassured him. “Why would you think it would?”
“Because I want Jayden all to myself,” he clarified. “I couldn’t share him with anyone else. Even thinking about him sleeping with anyone before we met makes me grumpy.”
“A lot more people are the way you are than the way we are. And hell, I didn't realize this, being with both of them, was something I'd want either until your brother brought it up as a possibility.” I let out a content sigh as I thought about how much happier I was this year. I didn’t have to pretend anymore, and I didn’t have to watch Zach trying to fuck himself straight. “He gives both of us what we need. It's hard to believe he's the youngest sometimes.”
This time it was Chase who held up his hands to silence me. “I don't need to know what you two are doing to my brother.”
“More like what he's doing to us,” I clarified.
Chase's face twisted in a horrified, disgusted, expression. “Seriously, I don’t need to know. I’m not even sure I’m comfortable with how all of you guys know about me, I do not want to know what he’s doing.”
“I won't say anything else,” I promised him. “Just know, Zach and I will both do everything in our power to make sure Chase doesn't get hurt.”
“Then I’ll try to be happy for the three of you. I'm not going to lie and say it will be easy,” he admitted. “I mean, I am glad you’re all in a good place, but I can’t just stop worrying about my brother because you say you won’t hurt him. Colin tries to act like he's never needed anybody, but that's because he's constantly trying to be the strong one. He's always been the caretaker out of all of us kids, even though our parents didn't see it that way. College was supposed to be a chance at freedom for him. His time to only think about himself.”
“And it still is,” I replied. “We’re not trying to keep him locked away, so he won't realize how much better off he'd be without us but, most of the time, he's the one who wants to sit around and spend time together.” Hearing Chase talk about how his brother had fallen into a caretaker role at home, it made more sense that it came naturally to him here as well. But he also needed to be able to rely on us to care for him sometimes, even if that felt impossible to him.
Chase glanced down at the sandwich and chips I had unwrapped for C0lin's lunch. I pulled a small container of grapes out of the fridge. Tonight, there would be plenty of junk food, so we needed to eat healthier before then. I told myself it had nothing to do with wanting to prove to Chase that I would take good care of his little brother.
“Are we good?” I asked as I picked up the plates. I didn't want to waste any more time out here when I could be comforting my boyfriend.
“Yeah, we’re good,” Chase assured me. “I would tell you that if you hurt him, I’ll kick your ass, but we both know that that’d be laughable.”
I let my gaze travel the length of Chase's body and shrugged. “Oh, I don't know. I think that if any of your siblings were in trouble, you'd find some sort of superhuman strength long enough to kick some ass. You might be small, but you’d be scrappy as hell in a fight.”
“Luckily, I’ll never have to find out if you’re right.” Chase leaned against the counter and the corner of his mouth tipped up in the cutest, cockiest, little smirk. “All I have to know do is let Jayden know, and he'd beat you up for me. You know I'm right.”
“Yeah, you are,” I agreed. After all, Zach almost got his ass beat once already for talking shit about Jayden and Chase's relationship. As much as he was going to hate it, made a mental note that I needed to convince Zach to sit down with Jayden and Chase, so they'd understand where he was coming from. “Anyway, I'm going to take this to Colin. If we’re not out here, come knock on our door when it's time to go.”
Chase shuddered. “Again. I don't need to know what you're doing with my brother.”
“You have a dirty little mind, don't you? I just meant we might watch a movie and maybe take a nap. It's going to be a long night, and he hasn't been sleeping well because he's been stressing about keeping this from you.”
“I wish you wouldn't have,” he said, making it clear he blamed all three of us for sneaking around behind their backs.
“I know, but he had to tell you when he was ready.”
“All of you should have said something a lot sooner. You would think we'd all learned our lessons about keeping secrets,” he grumbled. The past year had been filled with plenty of them. First Jayden, then Matt and Brandon. At this point, Chase was the only one who’d been honest from the start, and even he had things he preferred to keep hidden.
“Yeah, you would, but we’re a stubborn bunch. Anyway, I’ll see you a bit later. And if you happen to see Zach when he gets home from work, let him know I'm in Colin’s room?” I was going to text him, but I figured giving Chase something to do would help him feel useful.
“Yeah. And maybe at some point you can convince him he doesn't have to hide from us? Now that I know what's going on, I'm not mad at him.”
I set down one of the plates and ruffled Chase's hair. “You’re a good guy, Chase. I don't
think any of us would blame you if you held a grudge.”
“Nah, that's not my style.” He picked up my lunch and followed me to Colin’s bedroom door.
After so many weeks worrying about how Chase would take it when he found out that his brother was sleeping with both of us, it felt like a huge weight lifted off my chest as well. I hadn't truly taken the time to realize how much it had worn on me. I twisted the knob and popped the door open before turning back to grab the second plate from Chase.
“I know this isn’t easy for you but thank you for taking it as well as you did. I think it'll be easier for Colin now that he doesn't have to worry about you telling him he's making a huge mistake.”
“Oh, he probably is. I mean, have you seen the two of you? Seriously, my brother could do a hell of a lot better than you guys.” I bristled and Chase busted out laughing. This new, unguarded, version of him was going to take some getting used to. Either way, I was grateful that he was finally opening up a bit.
“You're an asshole,” I retorted. “And you're also not wrong. Colin could do better than us, but I can't say I'm not grateful he doesn't realize that. I'll talk to you after a bit.”
“I mean it, Daniel. Take good care of him.”
“I will. I promise.” When I walked into the bedroom, Colin was sitting cross-legged on the center of his bed, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. “You heard that?”
“I can't believe he's being so chill about everything.”
I set lunch down on the desk and climbed into bed behind him. Colin scooted closer until his back pressed against my chest. “He worries about you.”
“He's a good big brother.” Colin sighed. “He’s not the uptight jerk I thought he was when we were younger. Maybe Mom and Dad insisting that I room with him was a good thing. Now, we can get to know each other for real.”
“I think that’ll be a good thing, too.” I wrapped my arms around Colin's torso and pulled him back against me. “He was hurt that you didn't tell him sooner, but I think he understands.”
