“I don’t know,” said Lily. “Hollow Rabbit is a funny name. Maybe I’ll bet on him.” Lily hadn’t been to the horse races since the last time Grandma Whitacre had come to visit many years ago, and she knew nothing about the track except that she’d lost the only wager she’d ever made.
“How do I know if I’m picking a good horse?”
“You gotta read the racing form,” said Joe. He unfurled the booklet that was rolled up in his hand, opened it to the page that listed horses in the upcoming race, and set it down in front of Lily, flattening the curled corners with his thick hands.
“See this here?” he asked. He retrieved a short, green, eraser-less pencil from behind his ear and underlined a section of the form. “This is a previous race that Hollow Rabbit ran in. This little number means that’s the position that Hollow Rabbit was in at that stage of the race.”
“It says one, then two, then four, then six, then seven,” said Lily. “What does that mean?”
“It means that Hollow Rabbit started out in the lead, but as the race went on, he fell behind, and then finished second last.”
“Well then we don’t want to bet on him!”
Joe laughed. “Not so fast,” he said. “A horse has to qualify at each level, so if your horse has no business in this race he wouldn’t be allowed to run it. We have to look and see who else was in that other race, and try to figure out why your horse hit a wall.”
“How do you do that?”
“See this here?” Joe circled a section of the form and sidled his chair closer. The hairs on Lily’s arm stood at attention as she admired his bow-shaped lips, his brown eyes intently trained on the paper in front of him. Joe continued, oblivious that she was watching him. “This tells you the finishing order of the horses in that other race. We need to see if any of those horses are also in this one - ah, see? Here’s one - Triumphant. So now we have to find Triumphant and see what he did in that race.” Joe scanned the form. “Here he is. See this mark?”
“What?” Lily tore her eyes from his face, and squinted at the paper. “That little x?”
“Yeah. That means that Triumphant broke in that race.”
“He broke?”
“He broke stride - but it’s just ‘broke’ for short. It means the horse lost the rhythm of his gait. Like if you’re dancing, there’s a rhythm, right?”
Lily nodded. Her heart swelled with pride to hear Joe speak so knowledgeably on a subject that so few people knew anything about; she could sit there all night listening to him. It was interesting how much there was to a person that you could never tell from the outside. Lily found herself wondering what other surprises he held in store for her.
“And if you lose your rhythm when you’re dancing, you absolutely might mess up the whole routine. Same thing happens here. If a horse breaks, it’s really hard for him to get the rhythm back. They usually fall way behind the pack.”
“What does that have to do with Hollow Rabbit?”
“You tell me,” said Joe, placing a kiss on Lily’s forehead. “Look at Triumphant’s position when he broke in that race against Hollow Rabbit.”
“It says that Triumphant started out second and then he was first, and then he broke.”
“Good!” said Joe. “And where was Hollow Rabbit?”
“In second place!” said Lily, excited at having figured out the puzzle. “So when Triumphant broke, Hollow Rabbit was right behind him!”
“Right! And when the horse in front of you breaks, you’re in big trouble. That’s why when there is a horse in a particular race that tends to break, it’s really important to find a horse that can get out in front of him and stay in front of him - if you’re behind him and he goes down, he’ll take you down with him. So now tell me - is Hollow Rabbit still a bad bet in this race?”
Lily wrinkled her nose. “It depends?”
Joe smiled. “On what?”
“On whether or not Triumphant breaks and whether Hollow Rabbit is behind him?”
“She’s a friggin’ genius,” said Anthony, shoving a limp ketchup-soaked French fry into his mouth but not taking his eyes from the form.
“Hee-hee-hee,” laughed Big Tony.
“Now,” Joe told Lily, “you have to do that with all of the horses in the race and try to figure out who has the best chance of winning, according to the form. That’s how you handicap a race.”
“For all the good it’ll do ya,” said Big Tony. He slowly dragged the fingertips of his left hand back and forth along the length of his jawbone as he looked up at the tote board that displayed the odds for the race and then looked back at his form. “These jockeys are all so crooked, you might as well just close your eyes and point.”
“The worst thing to do,” Joe continued, “is split your money. Whether you handicap or not, you gotta commit to a horse, and don’t second guess yourself - you’ll go crazy. If you can’t commit, you’re better off sitting out until you find a race you can get excited about. ‘Cause in the end, you gotta know it in here.” Joe tapped on his chest with a closed fist.
“OK, here you go.” Joe handed the pencil to Lily. “You have fifteen minutes till post time - but if you wait too long to choose, the teller windows will close and you’ll get shut out, so you should decide within the next ten minutes. Don’t over-analyze it.”
Lily nervously studied the form until her mind swooned with its tiny notations and numbers as they danced on the page through her haze of concentration. She finally settled on a roan named Abracadabra.
“Abracadabra to win,” said Lily, handing Joe four dollars.
“Hee-hee-hee.”
“What’s so funny?” Lily asked.
“Nothing,” said Joe. “It’s just that he’s the three-to-two favorite. Lots of people think he’s going to win.”
“Then I did a good job, right?” Lily smiled.
“But you won’t make no money,” said Anthony. “A three-to-two only pays five bucks on a two-dollar bet. If you bet four bucks and he wins, you’ll collect a sawbuck.”
“A sawbuck?” asked Lily.
“Ten dollars,” said Big Tony. “It’s a waste of time to bet on him.”
“But if he’s the best one,” said Lily, “then at least I won’t lose. Gaining ten dollars is better than losing four. Isn’t it?”
“You won’t never strike it big with that attitude,” said Anthony. “The trick is to find a long shot that has the best chance to surprise everyone.”
“Even if he has the worst chance of winning, and you lose your money? That doesn’t make much sense.”
“That’s why they call it gambling,” said Anthony.
“Hee-hee-hee.”
Anthony stood up and put his hand out to Joe. “Lemme have a coupla bucks,” he said. “I only got five minutes.”
Joe handed his brother a five-dollar bill and a single.
“If you bet that on Abracadbra,” Lily said. “At least you’ll get fifteen dollars.”
“She’s got a point,” said Joe to Anthony. “I’m tapped out after this, so I hope you got toll money for the ride home.”
“Let’s just all pound Abracadbra to win,” said Big Tony. “Maybe Lily will be our good luck charm. Lucky Lily. Hee-hee-hee.”
Triumphant broke, Abracabadra won, and Hollow Rabbit came in fourth.
“How much did you have on him?” Joe asked his father.
“A lot,” said Big Tony. “It’s a good thing for your girl here that he won. Hee-hee-hee.” He counted twenty-dollar bills out onto the table. “Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, a hundred. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, two hundred.” He pushed the two piles over to Anthony, and then shoved the remainder of the wad into his pocket. “That’s what I owe you,” he said. “And this is for you.” Big Tony slid a twenty-dollar bill over to Lily.
“What’s this for?”
“For picking me a winner.”
Lily looked up at Joe. “Go bet it right away,” he told her, laughing. “Before his luck turns bad and he com
es looking for that twenty.”
Between her own winnings and what Big Tony had given her, Lily had earned thirty dollars in five minutes - and she didn’t have to do a thing except pick a horse. That was more than she’d earned in a week cooking and cleaning for her father, and almost as much as an entire day at SaveMart.
Lily was still buzzing with excitement as she and Joe entered the dark apartment. Lily’s mother was out for the evening and she often failed to anticipate that it would get dark later on and that it might be nice to leave some lights on. Not surprising from someone who claimed to have used the rhythm birth control method yet still ended up with twelve children. Lily felt her way through the living room, and clicked on the lamp next to the couch.
“That was so much fun!” she cried.
“You were quite the star tonight, picking not one, but two winners - you sent everyone home happy.” Joe took Lily in his arms. “You were just like one of us. It made me love you even more.” Joe kissed Lily and then led her over to the couch. “It made me more sure than ever about something I wanna ask you.” Joe sat down and motioned for Lily to sit next to him.
“What is it?”
“Lily,” he began. “Ever since I first saw you, I knew you were a special girl. And now that my family has been spending time with you these past few months, they know it, too.” He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small red velvet box, which he handed to her.
“What is it?” Her heart pounded.
“Open the box, silly,” said Joe. “And see.”
Lily raised the lid to find a small ring with a tiny diamond displayed inside.
“What is it?” It couldn’t be an engagement ring. She was still trying to decide about college. She was still trying to figure her life out. She scoured her mind for something appropriate to say. Something about how much she loved him, but how young they were and how she was still confused about her future. Or maybe she would say something about how much she loved him and how wonderful it would be to dismiss all those annoying questions about her future and just start living a life. She didn’t feel ready to say “yes,” to dismiss the vague yet persistent ideas about her dreams. Still, if she said “no,” he would surely leave her right then and there. There would be no turning back.
“Lily,” Joe said. “I know you had a hard time of it when you were a kid. So did I. Neither one of us had much and both of us still live in crazy houses with crazy people. I want to take care of you. Don’t you want to take care of me?”
“Yes,” said Lily, without hesitation.
“We can get away together.” His voice cracked as he added, “I know that’s not the biggest diamond in the world, and I know we will have to work really hard to build the kind of life we want - a house in Gates, a family of our own - but I will do whatever it takes. I will work night and day to make you happy.” Joe’s eyes filled with tears. “Please make me the happiest guy on earth. Please marry me.”
Lily’s heart swelled at the image - a little house with a fenced-in yard and dark-haired olive-skinned children running through the sprinkler. She saw Christmas trees surrounded by piles of gifts and Sunday mornings reading the paper in bed with Joe at her side and a cooing baby in a crib. She felt the angst and fear of an uncertain future lift from her, easing the burden she’d carried since Dolores’ death. She looked at Joe and she saw the hope in his eyes as he awaited her reply. She saw how much he wanted this, how desperately he wanted her to say she would stay with him and be his wife. What she couldn’t see, could not imagine, was breaking his heart. Or watching someone else leave her. In that moment, she could not imagine saying “no”.
“Yes,” she said. “I will marry you.” A wave of joy erupted within her and she threw her arms around his neck
“Woo-hoo!” shouted Joe. He took her face between his hands and kissed her passionately. “Let’s get this thing on your finger before you change your mind!”
Joe removed the ring from the box and placed it on Lily’s finger. He took Lily in his arms and kissed her with a voraciousness that reminded her of the way the bull calf from Cousin Bill’s farm used to suck on the nipple of his feeding bucket - as if his life depended on it.
“Can we go upstairs?” said Joe, breathlessly. “To your room?”
“I guess,” said Lily. Since her mother wasn’t home, it wouldn’t make much difference where they were, and it would be nice not to have the sharp zippers from the couch cushions to contend with while they made out.
Lily cleared her bed of her guitar and sheet music to make room for them and their new excitement. Joe was especially enthusiastic, charming each article of Lily’s clothing until it yielded to him, one at a time ending up on the floor. Her blouse, her bra, her socks, her Calvin Klein jeans.
Lily placed her hand over Joe’s as he started to slip her panties down over her buttocks.
“Let me,” he said. “I want to.”
“I thought you were looking forward to marrying a virgin.” Lily was not prepared for this tonight. She had spent her entire life protecting her virginity, its surrender always suspended in some nebulous future. This was not the future. It was still today.
“C’mon, Lil - we’re engaged now. What’s the difference if we do it now or wait a few months?”
There was no difference as far as she could tell. Except that you can give a ring back. And except that she just didn’t want to do this right now. Shouldn’t she want to? Joe was sexy and handsome - sweet and worldly. And they were engaged. Why didn’t she want to?
“I don’t want to risk getting pregnant.” That was a great reason. He would have to agree.
“Would that be the worst thing that could happen?”
“No,” Lily said. Yes, she thought. “But your mother would have a fit.”
“I’ll pull out before I finish,” said Joe. You can’t get pregnant if I pull out first.”
“I’ve heard that takes all the fun out of it for guys,” she said. Someone had told her that. Was it Iris? She wished she could talk to Iris now.
“I don’t care,” said Joe.
“Besides,” she said. “I promised myself I would save myself.”
“For your husband,” Joe said, covering her neck with kisses. “That’s me. You did save yourself - and that’s why I want you so bad right now.”
While Lily was trying to convince Joe to agree that they shouldn’t have sex, he had come up with his own compelling reason why he thought they should: because he wanted her so bad.
Joe lowered his Jordache jeans and lay on top of her. Maybe she was just conditioned like that dog they’d learned about in school... what was his name again? Maybe she was so used to saying “no” that saying “yes” seemed wrong, even when it wasn’t.
Joe kept the steady rhythm of his body as he worked himself in-between her clamped knees, prying them apart.
“Pavlov!” blurted Lily.
“What? What are you talking about?”
“I’m sorry, I was just... thinking...” She wished she’d had more warning, more time to decide. The prospect of losing her virginity right at that moment caused her heart to race. Was it fear, or excitement? As a girl she had been charged with doing whatever she could to avoid this very experience. She was a woman now. Perhaps her virginity was an obsolete amenity, the contents of a hope chest whose musty linens needed to be aired on the line.
While Lily avoided taking a definitive stand, Joe decided for them both.
Lily’s head swirled in an eddy of emotion and desire. Actually, it would be a relief to finally have the choice behind her. She was glad that Joe insisted, that he convinced her to allow him to discharge her of the dull duty of guarding her honor, yet oddly sad and disappointed that her first time would not be as she had imagined: in a fancy hotel bed, with a bottle of champagne on the nightstand, wearing a sexy negligee and a sense of wild exhaustion.
Joe’s breath quickened. He thrust himself into her with such vigor that she had to squelch the cry of shock that
shot up into her throat. She struggled to catch her breath as he raised his upper body onto his hands and drove himself into her with a force that lifted her buttocks from the mattress.
She panicked. “Joe!” she cried, “Don’t forget to pull out.”
“Shit!” Joe scrambled from the bed and bolted toward the hallway. Lily first heard the bathroom door close, then the toilet lid hitting the tank. She lay still, her heart pounding in her chest.
“Uhhh,” groaned Joe. “Uhhh.... uhhh...”
The moans grew louder and closer together, then suddenly stopped. The toilet flushed, the faucet ran, and Joe reappeared in the doorway. He put his pants on and sat on the edge of the bed.
“Now I’m going to ask you this question once,” he said, “and I want you to absolutely be honest with me, OK? I promise I’m not going to get mad, just don’t lie to me.”
“I promise.”
“Are you really a virgin?”
“Yes!” Lily cried. “Of course I am! Well, I was. I don’t think I am anymore. Am I?”
“Cuz I didn’t notice you bleed or anything and it absolutely didn’t seem like I even hurt you just now. Did you bleed?”
“No,” she said, pulling the bedspread up to her chin, covering herself. “But that doesn’t mean anything, you know - I’ve read that sometimes when girls use tampons, they don’t bleed the first time.”
“Did it hurt?”
“Yeah,” said Lily, wishing she had let out the cry that she now found was still lodged in her throat. “It still does.”
Joe stood up, fastened his belt, and pulled his sweater on.
“What are you doing?”
“I gotta take off. I told Anthony I would meet him at OTB to listen to the last few races from Hollywood Park.”
“You do believe me, don’t you?” Lily asked.
“Yeah, I guess,” Joe replied.
“What do you mean, you guess?” Lily asked. Her heart sank to think that she had saved herself for him, like a precious gift, only to have him cast it aside like she did whenever she came across an extra part for a crib or a stroller.
“Joe - you were my first, I swear.” Her eyes stung with tears.
“That’s just not how I thought it was going to be, is all.”
The Complete Series Page 59
