by K. S. Thomas
Hudson’s free hand slid down the inside of my thigh, sending shivers through my entire body. And it was only the beginning. After taking off my boxers, Hudson retraced the trail he’d traveled with his hand only seconds earlier, this time with his tongue. Slowly, it came down my inner leg and then moved back up the other. Still using his tongue, he started at the tip, running it around the head, first slowly and then with a mounting intensity. I felt his free hand begin to stroke me taking me to new heights of pleasure until he took me completely into his mouth while still using his tongue and hand simultaneously.
It was only a matter of seconds before I would come completely undone and reach the ultimate peak, and as much as the need to reach it was dominating my body, the need to look Hudson in the eye when it happened was stronger.
Still clasping his other hand, I pulled him up to face me. It took mere seconds to rid him of the sweatpants he’d worn to bed, and then, both of our bodies were completely naked at last. The sensation of skin on skin, combined with the weight of his body as it leaned into mine, was both a turn on and an insanely emotional experience.
Our eyes stayed locked, as we moved together, holding each other. Kissing. Touching. Feeling everything. Until we both reached that mind-blowing high.
***
I could barely catch my breath, and my heart was pounding so fucking loud I was convinced Royce could hear it. I’d never made love like that. I’d never had the confidence to before. Not even during the three years I’d been with Paul. He’d always been the more aggressive lover and I’d just followed his lead. But tonight, there’d just been something in Royce’s eyes. In his voice. All I’d wanted to do was to love him. And not just by holding him or kissing him. I wanted to really love him. The way he so clearly needed me to. The way I didn’t think anyone had ever loved him before.
“You’re amazing.” Royce’s deep voice rumbled into the side of my head, where his mouth was resting near my ear.
“Only with you.” The words slipped out before I could stop them. Maybe I hadn’t even wanted to. It was the truth. What reason did I have to hold anything back now?
He chuckled softly. “I doubt that. I’m pretty sure you were already fairly fucking amazing that day I walked into your store looking for Ava.”
I tipped my head up to meet him. “I was fairly fucking amazing. You’re right.” I grinned. “But not like this. You bring out a side of me, I didn’t even know I had. It’s like you make me stronger. More confident. More sure of myself. I don’t even know how you do it.” I kind of knew. I knew he made me want to be all of those things because he wasn’t. What I didn’t know, was how I was able to be them myself now, when I’d spent my entire life trying to achieve the same and had always been unable to get there.
Maybe it was love. Maybe it was real. Maybe love could do more than just move mountains. Maybe it could work a motherfucking miracle.
Chapter 12
Ava was staring at me over the rim of her coffee cup. Then, her finger shot up accusingly. “You had sex!”
Every head in the room spun around to focus on me. Including Hudson’s, who really shouldn’t have been shocked by the news.
“And you’re pissed because you didn’t?” I guessed as I calmly proceeded to spread Nutella on my toast.
Blaise cleared his throat. “Um, for the record, that is not an accurate assessment of her reaction.” He passed behind her, smacking her ass and smirking. “She had sex.”
Ava pretended to ignore him, but the undeniable curve in the crease of her mouth made it all too clear that she had enjoyed every moment of Blaise’s little macho display. “Whatever, I have sex all the time. You don’t. And I’m not pissed. I’m excited!” She leaned across the counter. “How was it?”
“Yeah. I’m right here.” Hudson raised his hand awkwardly.
“I know. I was going to ask you next.” She waved him off, dismissing his right to any sort of feelings of discomfort. “So?”
Angel came in closer, resting his elbows on the end of the counter. “If we’re sharing sex stories with breakfast, I want to go next. This chick last night did something I ain’t never seen nobody do before.”
“No shit. What was it?” Blaise’s immediate interest landed him a swift punch in the gut. “Ow. Fuck, Ava. I was just curious.”
“Yeah, okay. Go sit with Derek and find out what committed guys get to be curious about, cuz that ain’t it.” She pointed over at where Derek was sitting half asleep on the sofa. No need to guess what had been keeping him up all night.
I nodded toward Hudson. “You might as well go with him. This isn’t going to be over anytime soon.”
He chuckled in that deep throaty way of his and I instantly wished I could drag him back to our room and never come back out. Only that was definitely not an option.
“Alright. You first. What’d the chick do that was so weird?” I brought my toast up to my mouth. “Wait. Before I take a bite, is this story going to make me wanna hurl?”
“Nah man, wasn’t anything like that.” He shook his head. “She wanted me to call her all these different names. Had a whole list of them. Said to just shout them out randomly, so I did.”
“And?” Ava’s face spoke volumes as to how dumb she already thought this chick was.
Meanwhile, Angel’s eyes looked like they might pop out of their sockets at any given moment. “And...every time I called her a different name, she became someone else. Like she had split personalities or something. I’m telling you. By the time I was done, I felt like I had fucked at least seven different women. It was crazy as hell.”
I laughed so hard I nearly spit my toast out. “That’s fucking awesome.”
Ava was considerably less amused. “Seriously, Angel. When are you going to stop banging these dumb twats you pick up outside the tour bus? Huh?”
Angel made a face suggesting he was actually offended, even though we all knew he wasn’t. “Hey! I said she was fucking crazy, not stupid. Besides. I found her hanging out in the service elevator. Her aunt’s a maid here at the hotel and she snuck her in.”
“Yeah, you’re right. That makes such a difference.” Ava rolled her eyes. “Now then. Can we please talk about you and Hudson? What was he like? I bet he was sweet. He’s so fucking nice, he would have to be sweet in the sack.”
“Yes, Royce. Tell us all about how sweet Hudson was. Did he kiss your pee pee? Rub oil over your buttocks?” Angel mimicked her, and this time I was glad I’d finished my breakfast already, or Ava would have been wearing it for sure.
“Look, I’m not going to tell you anything. It would be rude, since he’s right there. And weird because you guys know him, and uncomfortable since everyone has to work together.” Then I pretended to have a sip of Ava’s coffee and instead whispered, “Oh. My. God! MIND. BLOWING.”
Ava clapped her hands like a preschooler watching Disney on Ice, while Angel just gave me his grin-meets-nod of approval. I knew Ava would hunt me down for actual details later, but for now, I was quite sure she was satisfied just knowing I was happy. And fuck if I wasn’t the happiest I could ever remember being.
From that moment forward, the European tour officially became the best part of our trip. Even though we were going non-stop for the most part between work and the random tourist excursions Ava insisted on, Hudson was constantly keeping me on my toes either with dirty notes I’d find slipped into random places, like my pants pocket or my bass case, or, even better, surprise sex in locations and at times I least expected it.
After six weeks, countless cities and a wide variety of new sites I could list as having received a blowjob, we were settling in at our hotel in London after a late show. There’d been no party after this time, since the following day promised to be crazy enough with the EMAs.
Ava had booked us all a suite, which meant limited privacy, but better access for her, should she decide at any point that she needed to come crashing in on one of us with some last minute information. Which we all knew wasn’t
unheard of. Unfortunately.
Hudson was already in bed when I came into the room from the attached bath after taking a much needed shower.
“What’s that?” I nodded at a pile of pictures he was flipping through.
“Just some of my favorite shots since I started this gig.” He smiled and flipped over a photo for me to see. “I ever tell you how goddamned sexy you look when you’re playing on stage?”
I glanced at the picture and shook my head. “Yeah, okay.”
“I’m serious.” He continued going through them while I pulled back the covers and climbed into bed beside him, mentally putting together a plan of attack to distract him from the pictures.
I was about to let my hand glide down along the inside of his thigh when he held up another shot for me to inspect.
“This one. This is you. The real you.” He turned it back around to look at it some more. “You’re fucking beautiful, you know that? Those eyes. Shit. Who has eyes like that, Royce? I could take a million different shots and every one of them would tell a different story.” He was smiling at me with such adoration, the words just sort of slipped out of my mouth.
“I’m in love with you.”
Hudson didn’t even react. He just kept sifting through his pile.
“Did you hear me?” I wasn’t sure why I was pressing the issue. Whatever his reasons were for not responding, I’d probably have been better off not finding out what they were.
“I heard you.” He tugged at the corner of a photo sticking out of his pile and pulled it out. “See this?”
I barely looked. I didn’t want to check out another fucking picture of myself. “Yeah, I see it.”
“Know when I took this?”
I shook my head. I felt like a fucking idiot. But he just kept on about it.
“New York. Dinner the night of your last show before we took off for Europe. Ava brought take out on the bus for everyone, but it was already cold by the time she got back. Everyone was bitching about it, but you. You just pulled out the chopsticks and started eating your lo mein cold, straight out of the carton. In the midst of everyone giving her shit, you glanced over at me, grinning. Remember that moment?”
Vaguely.
“I do. Know why? Because it was the moment I first realized I was in love with you. And I’ve been waiting ever since, for you to let me know that you were ready to hear it.”
“You’re in love with me?” Even though I’d hoped he’d say it, I found myself struggling to believe it.
He put the stack of pictures on the nightstand, then placed one hand on each side of my face. “I’m in love with you. And not the sexy as hell bass player who gets me hard every time I look at him, but you. The guy who eats his noodles cold. Who considers his friends his family. Who smiles at me over the rim of his coffee cup when no one else is watching. And who lets me see a new piece of himself with every day I know him.”
That last part wasn’t really my doing. It was his. He was the one who kept looking, kept searching for what lie beneath the surface. It was part of what drew me to him, his inexplicable need to see me. To know me. But it also scared the fucking shit out of me.
There were things I kept buried away for a reason. Things I had learned a long time ago the world deemed ugly and pathetic. There were only a handful of people I trusted to love me in spite of those things, and as of yet, I wasn’t sure if Hudson would land on that list alongside Ava, Blaise, Angel and Derek, or not. I wanted him to. Fuck, I needed him to. But until I was sure, it was safest to keep him at bay. Keep the buried things hidden for as long as I possibly could.
Hudson’s dark eyes were on me, and I knew I’d left myself open to more scrutinizing by letting my mind wander. Not that I’d ever felt so much as an ounce of judgment from him. Well, not counting the night he’d seen that chick stick her tongue in my ear and I’d let her, like the spineless piece of shit I was. Even then, he’d forgiven me. And I realized now it was because he’d already figured out earlier that evening what it had taken me another six weeks to fully comprehend. This thing between us...was love.
“What happens when you see something you don’t like?” I whispered as his fingers gently stroked the side of my face.
His lips came down on mine. Just as my mouth opened to meet his, he growled softly, “That will never happen.”
And because I was a fucking fool, I chose to believe him.
***
I was still replaying Royce’s question in my head long after he fell asleep beside me. What would happen if I saw something I didn’t like? In the moment I couldn’t imagine there being anything so unforgivable living inside someone so beautiful that it could make me turn my back on him and walk away from everything he made me feel.
I felt fucking alive when I was with Royce. Alive like I’d never felt before. The closest I’d ever gotten without him was through my camera, and even that passion now seemed magnified and more unbridled with him in my life. Like falling in love with him opened up something inside of me I hadn’t even known was closed, hadn’t even known was possible.
I was raised to be open and generous with my heart, and I’d genuinely believed that I had been. That I’d willingly and easily handed it over to anyone who’d wanted it. But that was a fucking lie. I’d never given it to anyone. Not even Paul, and I’d imagined a future with him. We’d talked about fucking marriage. I’d always blamed our break up on him and his refusing to come out publicly about our relationship, but maybe that was all bullshit after all. Maybe it was just a convenient excuse enabling me to continue to ignore the truth. I wasn’t open and generous with my heart at all. I held onto that motherfucker with an iron clad grip, unwilling to hand it over.
Until now. Royce Lemmi had taken it without even batting an eye lash. And he’d done it without even knowing. Scariest part in all of this, was that I knew I wasn’t the only one sitting on secrets. Mine were only detrimental to myself. But Royce’s, judging from the scared shitless expression he’d had when he’d asked what I’d do when I found them, well, they were likely big enough to fuck us both. If I let them. Maybe I’d been right when I answered him without thinking. Maybe it wouldn’t matter. Maybe I wouldn’t let it.
Chapter 13
“Sammy. What are you doing here?” I actually stopped in my own fucking tracks when I walked out of our room to find her sitting at the breakfast bar.
She threw her head back laughing. “It’s the fucking EMAs, Royce. You really think I’d let my husband be dateless at an award show?”
I shrugged. At this point, I wasn’t entirely sure what I thought she would or wouldn’t do to her husband. Most of the time she seemed to be on an all-out mission to torture the fuck out of him.
“He just didn’t mention it, that’s all.” I started moving again. I needed a fucking coffee to process this shit. “He does know you’re here, right?” It was a legitimate question, although judging by her expression, she hardly thought so.
“Yes, he fucking knows. Shit, Royce. What’s your fucking problem?”
I wanted to tell her. Fucking A, I wanted to let her know exactly what my problems were. And after watching Derek drowning in a misery she poured down upon him day after fucking day, the list was long. But I didn’t.
“No problem. No problem at all. It’s nice to see you, Sammy. Been a while.” I even managed a fake smile to go with my phony as shit tone.
“See. That wasn’t so hard.”
I shrugged. That was debatable.
Thankfully, Angel wandered in before I could say so.
“Yo.” He reached into the fridge for a water, clearly still half asleep. Then he spotted her. “Sammy?”
She threw her hands up, getting pissed. “What the fuck is wrong with you guys? If one more person acts shocked to see me, I’m going to scream.”
“Damn, girl. No need to get all worked up. It’s cool. We like the element of surprise around here.”
That was one way of putting it.
“Derek didn’t
tell you either?” I asked, ignoring the dirty look Sammy shot me.
“Nah.” Angel didn’t need to expound on his answer. The general consensus regarding Sammy and Derek’s relationship was pretty solidly settled in ‘she’s ruining his fucking life’ these days, and she’d have to do some serious proving herself for us to welcome her back with open arms again at this point. Of course, she seemed completely oblivious to our position, or why we might have felt entitled to have such.
Meanwhile, another train of thought had taken off in my slowly waking brain, now working at more efficient speeds since having been jolted with a healthy dose of caffeine.
“Hey, are you bringing anyone tonight?”
Angel leaned against the counter, purposely keeping his back to Sammy. “Yeah. Why?”
I frowned. “Who are you bringing?”
“Petra.”
I twisted my mouth back and forth trying to place her. “That model you were hooking up with last year?”
He nodded. “Yeah. She’s in town for work, so I figured why not mix business with pleasure. Know what I’m sayin’?” Everyone always knew what he was saying. He only ever talked about one damn thing when it came to the opposite sex.
“So, you’ll be there with Petra, Derek has Sammy. And obviously Blaise and Ava will be there together. That just leaves me. Dateless.” Except, not exactly.
Angel tipped his head to the side, his brows knitted. “Where’s Hudson going to be?”
“He’ll be there. He’s gotta be there as per his contract.” Which made the whole thing even worse.
“I don’t get it. If your man’s gonna be there, how the hell will you be dateless?”
“Wait. Royce has a man? Since when?” Considering how hard Angel and I were trying to pretend she didn’t exist, Sammy really wasn’t picking up on being ignored. Or maybe she was and just didn’t give a shit.
