by K. S. Thomas
The liquid glass that had lined her eyes was spilling out now and running down her cheeks. “I love you, Royce. I love you for so many wonderful reasons, but Hudson said I could only pick one tonight.” Her lip curved up into a half grin in spite of the tears. “So, this is it.” She brought up the paper in her hands and turned it over. It wasn’t a piece of paper at all. It was a picture. Of me. She was there too. But I was definitely the focal point.
“This is the Royce I see when I look at you. The man with the best, sickest, most inappropriate, most outstanding sense of humor. The only one I know, who’s guaranteed to laugh at every bad and tasteless joke I make. And a girl needs a man like that in her life.”
I hated seeing pictures of myself. Ava knew that. Which was why she had continually raised it up while she spoke until it had blocked out her entire face and left me with nothing to do but see the man staring back at me. He was laughing. Really laughing. So was she. And I remembered exactly where we’d been and what we’d been laughing at. And she was right. The joke had been hugely inappropriate. Even Blaise had shook his head and walked away shunning her in shame. Not me. God, I had laughed for so long my sides had hurt. Not uncommon for me and Ava though.
Except now. Laughing was the furthest thing from my mind as Hudson moved me a few steps over to see Blaise.
“I swear, I’m not going to cry. Just gonna put that out there right now.” He was joking. Sort of. “Nearly two months ago, I had the chance to return a favor. To repay a debt. A debt, which honestly, I didn’t think I’d ever get the chance to repay. I thought for sure, I would owe you for the rest of my life. And, I was okay with that. Until, I walked into that room and saw you. Saw you, and recognized in you what I had felt way back then. And immediately, all I wanted, was to find a way to be the kind of friend to you, that you’ve been to me.”
Blaise’s voice was oddly shaken and I had an unnerving feeling that his promise not to shed tears was on the verge of being broken. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, thanking every force of the universe working in my favor, that I didn’t have to speak.
“You were there for me when I was completely broken. You showed up, even after I pushed away the one person who had fought the hardest to stay. You listened. You understood. You shared. You supported me. And then you fucking set me straight.” With slightly less grace, Blaise flipped over his picture and held it square in my face.
“I fucking love you, Royce Lemmi. And if I have to choose one thing I love the most, I choose your honesty. Because it’s rare to find someone, who will not only be blunt with you about your shortcomings, but who will be just as willing to admit his own. It’s even more unusual when you meet someone, who is capable of using that same honesty to not only see, but then also express every redeeming quality he’s discovered in you with the genuine hope that you then may find it for yourself. You are that person. And today, I want to be that person, too. So, take a good look. This is the man I see when I’m standing face to face with you.”
I swallowed hard, grateful for the fact that I was not under the spotlight. The image Blaise wanted me to see, was of the two of us. We’d been sitting at the table on the bus. It could have been one of a million different moments, only it wasn’t. Blaise had gotten a call from his dad that day and it had stirred up a shit storm of unpleasant memories for him. We’d sat there together almost the entire drive as we traveled from one state to the next while he fought with himself and his past. And I’d listened. I’d shared. Done my best to support him. And then, I’d set him straight.
I’d barely wrapped my head around the whole conversation, when I found myself standing in front of Angel.
“How you holdin’ up there, Royce? Still good?” He leaned in closer and whispered, ”‘Cause, I’m not gonna lie, I’m having a hard time keeping it together. So, if you could go ahead and start sobbing loudly, I think it might make the rest of us a little bit more comfortable about expressing our feelings.”
I cleared my throat several times before I managed to choke out, “Sorry. But if you’re feeling the need to bawl like a baby, I’m afraid you’re on your own.”
He grimaced. “Yeah, I thought you might say that. That’s how you roll. Mister cool. Never yells. Always keeps a level head. I don’t think you know how much we rely on you for that. How much I rely on you for that. Over the years, I think we’ve all kind of settled into our roles in this family. Ava’s the puppet master, pulling all the strings and moving us all forward. Blaise is the problem child, sorry, man, but you know it’s true. Derek is the responsible one, making sure our moral compass always points in the right direction. Me, I’m the guy who eases the tension and keeps things chill even when we’re all so high-strung we’re about to jump out of our skin. And you, you’re our rock. The unbreakable force we turn to when we got shit too big to carry on our own.”
As Angel proceeded to raise the photo of us performing, he continued. “I know it’s no damn secret I get a stupid kind of nervous every time we step onto a stage. I don’t know why. But even now, it still happens. And you know how I cope with it? You don’t. You wouldn’t, because I’m behind you and you have your back to me most of the night, so you can’t see me. But I can see you. And it helps me. Always has. Ever since that first show we played at Rusty’s. Remember that? You saw me freaking out, and you said not to look at the crowd, to just pick one thing in the room and focus on that. And I did. And it worked. And I’ve been staring at the back of your head every time I get on stage ever since. So, what I love most about you, Royce Lemmi, is the way you can lighten the dark. Most of the time you don’t even know you’re doing it.”
Holy shit. These assholes were going to kill me. How had I never known he did that? And honestly, if it hadn’t been for the fact that I was staring right a picture of him with his eyes locked on the back of my head as if I had fucking horns growing back there, I would have written it off as total bullshit. But there it was. Proof, in black and white.
The only saving grace at this point, was that there wasn’t anyone left after Derek.
“Guess that means, I’m next.” He smiled halfheartedly. “Well, after this last year, I think it’s safe to say, I’ve come to rely on all of you more than ever. It’s been a shit year, but it’s also been an amazing year.” He looked down at the picture in his hands as he let it dance back and forth in his grip. “I kind of always thought I had the lockdown on the whole love thing. I knew Angel and Blaise were too busy banging one chick after the next to ever actually feel something. And, even though you weren’t nearly as big of a whore as those two, it was pretty obvious that you weren’t handing your heart over to any of the douchebags you were hooking up with. Then, there was me. The guy who fell in love at seventeen and married that same girl just a few short years later. How fucking on top of shit was I?” He laughed, but it was a painful laugh.
“Turns out, I was a bit off on my assumptions. Because here’s Blaise, loving Ava. Angel’s still a slut, but Blaise, he knows so much more about being selfless and generous with his heart than I ever gave him credit for.” He glanced down again, this time slowly moving his hands, preparing to reveal the image he’d seemed captivated by more than once while talking.
“Then, there’s you, Royce. And it should go without saying, especially after what everyone else has already shared here tonight, but you have been more than just a best friend to me, you’ve been a brother. A better brother even, than my real brothers. And, while I value all of the qualities already mentioned, the thing I find most admirable...most beautiful about you, Royce Lemmi, is the way you are able to love.”
I’d been expecting to see an image of us. Of Derek and I. Because that had sort of been the theme up until this point. Except that’s not what I was looking at. Right before my eyes, was a shot of Hudson and I. He’d taken it in Australia on our last night there. We’d tried several times to set the timer and then pose just right. Finally, he had given up and set it to just keep shooting back to back shots for sev
eral seconds. Apparently, that’s when this one had been taken.
“I’ve always known you had a great heart behind all of that sarcastic, crass commentary you sprinkle around so heavily everywhere you go. We’ve all known. The way you’ve loved all of us, has made that much clear. But then I saw you with Hudson. And I saw this. And there are no words...” his voice broke off there, but it didn’t matter. I understood. I saw it too. For the first time in my life. I saw it. I saw what it looked like to be loved, by me. And it wasn’t horrific. Or ugly. Or abnormal. It was just love. Beautiful. Real. Love.
I sucked in a loud breath of air and took a fast step forward, placing myself directly under that last spotlight.
“I know you were probably saving this spot for yourself,” I said quietly, watching while Hudson stopped in surprise. “But, I think, no, I know, it’s time I shared something here tonight.” In lieu of a picture to hold, I reached for his hands instead. “I didn’t think I’d ever be here. I just, I honestly didn’t think it would ever happen for me. That night I told you that no one would ever be more important to me than these people standing here beside me, or the music that saved me and made who I am today...I meant it. I believed it.” I looked down at his hand in mine, my thumb stroking the back of his nervously.
“The thing is though, I only thought that because I didn’t know any better. As much as I love my family and my music, I simply couldn’t imagine ever loving anything or anyone more. I just didn’t think it was possible. Then I fell in love with you. And everything else paled in comparison.” I could feel the fucking lump rising in my throat again and I knew I was about to totally lose my shit. It was now or never.
“The fact that you would do this for me, that you would set this whole thing up...there’s no denying my heart is better off in your hands than it’s ever been in my own. So, keep it. And trade me. Trust me with yours and, I swear, I’ll guard it with my life. I’ll spend every day from here on out, trying to figure out a way to make you feel as loved as you’ve made me feel here tonight.” I stupidly dared one more glance around the room, before my eyes locked onto the man in front of me, and I dropped down on one knee.
“Marry me, Kieran Hudson. Marry me.”
An arrangement of gasps echoed around the room, and I saw Ava out of the corner of my eyes as she clasped Blaise’s hand, trying desperately to keep from jumping up and down like a fucking five year old at Disney Land. But those were minor distractions, none of which would sway my focus.
There was only one thing that mattered right now. Hudson’s answer.
***
I couldn’t move. I couldn’t talk. I wasn’t entirely sure I was even still breathing. Wasn’t until I felt the dampness on my skin and realized I was crying that I knew for certain I hadn’t blacked out and was subsequently experiencing an outer body type of phenomenon.
“How did you know?” I barely recognized my own voice. Nothing else had ever overwhelmed me to the point of such a physical reaction before.
“How did I know what?” Royce was still down on his knee, holding my hand and, in spite of the open ended proposal I still hadn’t answered, he was smiling back at me.
I held up the photo I’d brought and had shockingly managed to cling to with my free hand through the temporary body shut down.
I took a deep breath to steady my tone enough to get the words out. “That what I love most about you is the way you continue to surprise me.”
I watched as his eyes traveled from my mouth to the picture at my chest and the expression on his face was perfect.
“That’s fucked up.” He actually laughed and the sound of it set me at ease like nothing else could.
“What? Tell me this doesn’t capture surprised better than anything else you’ve ever seen.” I flipped the picture back to look at it for what was probably the hundredth time. I’d taken it in Australia, that morning on the boat when Royce had about jumped overboard at the sight of the whale popping up to greet him.
He nodded, still grinning. “Say yes and I’ll top it right now.”
“You don’t have to do this,” I whispered.
He smiled back at me. “Yes, I do. Because if I don’t ask you to marry me, if I don’t beg you to be mine, I’ll spend the rest of my life regretting it. I love you. And, honestly, that’s just not something I could hide now even if I wanted to.”
“You want to marry me. Just like that?”
“I do. The only question is, do you want to marry me?”
“Of course, I do.”
I bent down and pulled him back up to his feet, my mouth landing on his before he even stood up straight. In a blur, I realized Ava had been unleashed and was bouncing all around the room, while the others let out enthusiastic sounds of approval and surrounded us with congratulatory pats on the back.
In a million years, I’d never expected the evening to turn out this way. But then, I’d never been less disappointed that a night hadn’t gone according to plan.
Chapter 21
“What do you think?” I held up the band for Ava to see.
“I think I’m going to fucking cry again.” She was leaning so far into my lap, her nose was almost touching the ring.
“Well if you’re about to start snotting all over the place, you need to back the fuck up.” I laughed and carefully put the wedding band back into its little velvet box. “Now, you’re not going to lose this, right?”
“Me? I thought the best man is in charge of the ring.” She dabbed at the corners of her eyes to fix the smudged eyeliner. She’d been a total freaking sap ever since the night of the proposal three months ago.
“Yeah, like I’m really going to trust Blaise with this. You’re in charge until we’re standing at the altar. Then, casually hand it off to him. At that point, even he should be able to manage keeping track of it.”
After carefully considering our options in terms of our Wedding Party, Hudson and I had decided to keep things simple. Since my parents were definitely not going to be attending, and his mother definitely was, we thought it would only make sense to have the two most important women in our lives walk us down the aisle. So, while he would be escorted by his mother, I would be making the walk down to the altar with Ava by my side.
When it came to picking a best man, Blaise, Derek and Angel had drawn straws and Blaise had won. Which seemed fitting really, all things considered. On Hudson’s side, he had asked his friend Carlos to stand up with him. I had yet to meet him, but if he was important to my fiancé, he was already important to me. As for Derek and Angel, we’d split them up evenly and each taken one. As far as picking a side of the aisle, we’d left that part up to them. The way my life had been turning out lately, I was really starting to enjoy the element of surprise.
“Alright, we’ve got the ring. What’s next on the list?” Ava was scrolling across the screen of her phone. Even though it wasn’t actually her wedding, she was pretty much treating it as if it was. Called it her ‘dress rehearsal’, but only when Blaise wasn’t around to hear it. Anyway, as part of her little practice run, she was insisting on being copied and pasted into every email Paris, our wedding planner, sent out.
“Okay, we need to go finalize the cake.”
I shook my head. “Nope. Hudson and his mom are taking care of that.” Maxine had been in town for nearly a week already. Ever since I’d met her over Christmas, she’s been busy making up for all the years I’d been motherless. No one was shocked when Max and Ava declared they were new BFFs, and I finally understood why Hudson hadn’t been more put off by my overbearing and outspoken friends. And, the added bonus was, of course, finding yet another thing to love about him. His mother.
Meanwhile, Ava was seriously disappointed regarding the cake situation.
“What do you mean? I was really looking forward to going back there. It’s a bakery. They have cake. Lots of it. And one of them was Nutella flavored.”
“If I tell you that we included it as one of the five flavors in our insane cake
and then take you to the cupcake shop one block over right now, will you stop asking why Hudson went to finalize the cake for his wedding?”
She nodded. “Okay.”
One of the jewelers who had helped us earlier came and got the door for us. They’d had to lock us inside for security reasons. Unfortunately, those reasons were still waiting for us when we stepped out onto the sidewalk.
“Royce, is it true you’ve bought an engagement ring?” It was the first question I could actually make out among the shouting.
“No. It’s not true.” I took Ava’s hand and proceeded to lead her through the crowd toward her car, which was parked merely a few feet in front of us. Of course, it could have been miles what with the major speed bumps wielding cameras we were hitting.
To distract them while Ava made a run for it and started the car, I raised my hand holding the fancy paper bag containing my ring and called out loudly, “It’s a wedding band. I’m getting married.”
More questions ensued, none of which I understood specifically, but I gathered what was at the center of all of their inquiring was the identity of my fiancé. So, taking a deep breath and feeling my heart swell with the joy that came from simply fucking saying his name, I smiled and announced. “Kieran Hudson. I’m getting married to Kieran Hudson.”
Then, taking full advantage of having stumped the paparazzi for the first time ever, I ran for the car and jumped in.
Two hours later, I was strolling in through my front door, a bag of cupcakes in hand.
“Babe?”
“In the kitchen,” he called back.
I wandered in, planting a kiss on him as I passed him while headed toward the fridge with my leftover baked goods. “So, I went ahead and took care of sending out our wedding announcements while I was out.”
