by J. L. Powers
“Khosi.” Gogo’s voice is low but strong. “We must go now.”
But I’m like a doll in this old woman’s hands.
“Khosi,” Gogo says, now more urgent.
The old woman lets go suddenly, almost shoving me backwards. “Yebo, hamba.” Her mouth breaks open into a wide grin. “Yes, go now with your weak old gogo. But I will come for you just now, Nomkhosi Zulu. Soon, I will come for you.” Her laughter twists and coils, snake-like and cold. “And nothing on this earth can stop me.”
I stumble against Gogo, who puts her arm around me. She is shaking, even more badly than I am. We hurry away, not daring to look back.
It isn’t until we’re around the curve and out of the old woman’s sight that we stop to look at my arm, bleeding from where her fingernails dug in.
“Oh, no,” I moan. If a witch is able to get some of your body dirt from your clothing or your skin, she has the power to harm you.
I breathe deep before asking the burning question. “Do you think that old woman will really come for me? Is she really a witch, like you say, Gogo?”
“Angaz’, Khosi,” Gogo says. She looks as worried as I feel. “We will ask the sangoma to make some muthi to protect you.”
The right muthi can protect you from all sorts of evil. But in the wrong hands, that same muthi can be used against you. You have to be vigilant–and hope and pray that both God and the spirits of your ancestors are strong with you.
“What will Mama say?”
“Eh-he, I don’t know.” Gogo’s hands still tremble as she holds onto me, her energy dwindling as if the old woman has already consumed her strength. That’s what witches do, after all. They suck the life out of people, to make themselves rich or to make themselves live longer. “She is not believing in the old ways. It will be difficult even now to convince her that we must go to the sangoma about this problem.”
“Mama is never here,” I point out.
Gogo nods and we silently agree to keep Mama in the dark about this. We walk, quiet and tired. The whole world looks washed out, like a grainy black and white photo—the kind of photo published in history textbooks that shows early missionaries to Natal, as this part of South Africa was known then, with the first Zulu converts, formal and stiff in their European clothes.
I sneak a sideways glance at Gogo. “I wish that woman didn’t know my name.”
“Yebo, impela,” Gogo agrees.
Your name is all a witch needs to have power over you.
“Gogo, how can that woman have so much power when she is so evil?”
Gogo’s eyes grow dark, and I can see within them the memory of growing up in the shadow of the white man, when their power over Africans was absolute. “At the end of time, God will defeat all evil,” she says. “But in the meantime, we must suffer. Perhaps this suffering is cleansing us from our sins.”
“What did she mean when she said, ‘This one’s spirit is strong’?”
“Yo, Khosi! I have always known that,” Gogo says. “You were born the same day your grandfather Babamkhulu died. I believe he gave you part of his spirit as he departed. Even then, I told your mother, ‘Isithunzi sake is strong, you watch. Khosi won’t be like us. Her spirit won’t stay the same all her life—it’ll grow with time.’ And up to this day, you look just like Babamkhulu. This to me says I am not wrong.”
In the picture we have above the mantelpiece, Babamkhulu looks like an old black bird, shrewd with very dark skin, small eyes, and a beaky nose. Do I really look like him? I’ve always wanted to look like Mama, beautiful with smooth brown skin and wide, full lips, a big bosom and hips that sway like a tree when she dances.
“Maybe Babamkhulu’s spirit will keep you safe now,” Gogo says. She clasps my arm and rubs the spot where the witch dug in with her claws.
“Maybe,” I say. I don’t feel like my isithunzi is strong. I don’t feel like there is anything of Babamkhulu about me. I’m just a teenage girl, vulnerable like anybody to the evil spirits that are invisible but hovering in the air all around us.
CHAPTER THREE
MAD CRUSH
After Gogo and Mama disappear into the Zionist church, I almost turn around and run home. But I could never outrun a witch. All she needs to do is hop on her baboon and come racing after me. So I keep my pace slow and deliberate, like I’m not afraid of anything.
Zi is like a tiny bolt of lightning, bristling energy as she skips ahead of me down the dirt road, whirling back and forth from house to house, going right up to each fence. Dogs bound out, hurtling toward her, barking furiously.
“Khosi! Khosi! They’re coming to get me!” she screeches as they slam against the fence, the thin wire trembling under their weight. Zi throws her arms around me, thrilled with terror, her black eyes happyscared as she looks up at me.
The people smile indulgently at us as we pass.
“What will you do if one of these dogs escapes?” I ask, scolding her a little. Because Mama is gone throughout the week, and because Gogo is so old, I can’t help but be Zi’s second mother. Besides, it takes my mind off everything else. “What if it comes running out and tries to bite you?”
“Then I’ll make friends with it,” she says.
I laugh. That is exactly what Zi would do too. She makes friends with everybody and everything. When Zi settles down and stays beside me, clinging to my hand, I ask her something that’s bothering me. “Zi, do you think I look like Babamkhulu?”
“How do I know? I’ve never met Babamkhulu,” she says.
“You’ve seen his picture on the mantel.”
She screws up her little face as if she’s trying to remember. “You look like Khosi,” she decides. “Babamkhulu looks like you!”
Maybe I should have known better than to ask a little girl to reassure me that I’m beautiful.
We reach the tuck shop, a small shack built in front of the owner’s house and stocked with small items—biscuits, bread, milk, oranges, cool drinks. When I see the man sitting on a red bucket in front of the shop, tipped back and leaning against its tin wall, looking as though he’s been enjoying too much beer at Mama Thambo’s shebeen, I look around to see if other people are nearby. But the street is empty.
It’s true, drunk men are everywhere in Imbali. You can’t avoid them but you must steer away from them as best you can. When men are drunk, evil enters them and who knows what they will do?
His eyes are just tiny slits in his swollen face and he slurs his words as he looks at me. He looks like he’s in his late forties. “Girl,” he says, “you are toooo much beautiful.”
My heart beats just a little bit faster.
“Thank you, Baba,” I murmur, calling him “father” to emphasize his age, to remind him how young I am. Anyway, what does he care that I’m only fourteen? Lots of fourteen-year-old girls in Imbali go out with men his age. Even my friend Thandi dates older men.
Zi stands close behind me as I step up to the little window and ask the man for some bread, a box of milk, and Coca-Cola.
The man in the tuck shop looks me up and down. “He’s right,” he says. “You’re becoming a beautiful young woman.”
I know why they’re noticing me. Lately my entire body is rebelling against clothes. I’m finally becoming a woman and it’s obvious I’ll be curvy, like Mama. If only I had Mama’s small nose and big eyes! Oh, Babamkhulu, I think, why was I born the same day you died? Couldn’t you have waited and passed your spirit into one of your other descendants?
I pass my money through the hole in the wire netting, taking my things and turning away.
“Why don’t you sit with me for awhile? Lapha!” The drunk man pats a stone step next to his bucket. He tilts forward, expectant, and almost falls off.
“Gogo’s expecting me home,” I lie, juggling the milk, bread, and Coca-Cola in my arms. I glance down the empty street towards our house, calculating how long it will be before Gogo and Mama will be home. If he were so bold as to follow us, I’d still have to wait some few hours
before they returned.
“Your grandmother will wait. I’m sure she is a patient woman.”
“No, Gogo expects me home now now.” I tilt my head at Zi. “Besides, she’s only five. She can’t walk home by herself.”
“She can stay.” He grins, showing off his front teeth, yellowed and bleeding at the gums. His dry mouth makes a soft sound, pah pah, as he smacks his lips together. “But it’s you I want to know better.”
“No no no, my friend, leave her alone,” the tuck shop owner says. “She’s just a child. Let her grow a bit more, eh, Ndoda?”
“What are you talking about?” He’s so drunk, he can’t even stop squinting as he looks at me, greed pooling in his dark eyes. “She’s young and look at her—hey hey! So fat!” He leers at me. “She’s probably a virgin.”
These older men are always obsessed with virginity. A virgin can’t spread the disease of these days. But a virgin isn’t protected from HIV—she can get it from one of these old men, if they are already infected. That’s why I’m always telling Thandi to be careful with the men she dates.
“Sis, man, you’re pathetic,” the tuck shop owner says, turning away and going back inside his house.
Left alone with the drunk man, I look up and down the street again. It’s still quiet, but now one or two young men are loitering at the end of the street, smoking cigarettes and glancing our way. They will not offer to help. No.
“Come on, Zi, let’s run.” I grab her hand, peeking back at the man, and at the red bucket, tilted forward like it’s about to topple. “Quick quick.”
But the drunk man is fast, whipping his hand out, grasping my leg, pulling me toward him, whirling me around, his fingers streaking across my thighs, his swollen eyes bugging out as I fall towards him. The milk tumbles in the dust at his feet.
“Ouch!” I screech.
“Come on, girl, give me some sugar,” he whispers, one hand gripping me, the other crawling up my leg, fingers like little spiders.
I try to wrench my leg free but he has a strong grip, that man, and even as I jerk away, he rears back and I stumble towards him. A flash of blue from his shirt as I crash beside him in the dirt. A sudden stinging pain as the ground peels away layers of skin. My lips kiss the earth and I roll away, scrambling through the dust, tasting rust, smelling the metallic scent of blood.
“Khosi!” Zi shrieks.
On my hands and knees, I look at the drunken man, my vision blurring. His features haze over until they resemble a crocodile’s, with a long snout and big hungry teeth.
The crocodile opens its mouth, ready to swallow me.
“Hey, man! Leave her alone!”
I glance up and see Little Man Ncobo standing between me and my attacker. A flash and the crocodile is gone, the drunk man glaring at me through Little Man’s legs. He creeps back to his bucket, spit and vomit drooling out of his mouth onto the dirt.
What just happened? Did I imagine that man turning into a crocodile?
I push myself off the ground and brush dirt off my skirt. My knee is bloody.
“Did he hurt you, Khosi?” Little Man asks, his voice low, like we’re having a private conversation. I’ve known Little Man all my life and we’re even in the same class at school. He’s a scrawny guy, short and skinny, but for now, he’s like some hero in the movies, rescuing me.
“I’m okay,” I whisper, ignoring the throbbing in my knee and trying not to limp.
He smiles at me and I can’t help smiling back, suddenly noticing that his lips are the same blue-black color as his skin. In fact, I’m seeing all sorts of things about Little Man that I never noticed before. Like the way he leans toward me as he talks, close, his arm almost touching mine. We have such different color skin—he’s so dark in comparison. Like my babamkhulu. Like my baba.
My skin prickles. How is it you can know somebody all your life and only start seeing them some few minutes ago?
“You’re all covered in dirt,” he says, reaching out and brushing my arm.
His fingers are so gentle as they graze against my skin. I quiver, my heart beating fast. I’m not sure if it’s racing because of the drunk man or because of Little Man touching me. Maybe it’s both.
“What about the milk, Khosi?” Zi worries.
“Forget about it.” I feel bruised where each of the drunk man’s fingers wrapped around my thigh.
“But we need it for Gogo’s tea,” she protests.
“I’ll get it,” Little Man says.
As he trots over to retrieve the box of milk, the drunk man begins to shout at me. “I’ll be here when you change your mind, little girl,” he yells. “I’ll be your sugar daddy! I’ll buy you whatever you want! See? I have so much money!”
He reaches into his pocket and silver coins slip from his fingers into the dirt. He begins to comb the dust, searching for them.
Zi laughs. “Oh, you have too much money!” she calls.
“Don’t be rude, Zi. Just ignore him.” Even as I chide her, I wish I had her courage. And she’s only five!
The next time an older man attacks me like that, I promise myself, I won’t be so helpless. They’ll know just who they’re dealing with.
But even as I make that promise, I wonder if I’ll have the courage to keep it.
“Catch it if you can, Zi,” Little Man calls, throwing the box of milk into her outstretched hands. “Good catch.” He grins at her and she grins back.
“I’ll walk you home, Khosi,” he says.
“Thank you.” I’m glad Gogo is at the funeral. I can hear her voice grumbling in my head if she saw me with Little Man: You can’t even walk home for some few minutes without meeting some boy? What am I going to do with you? Don’t you become one of those bad girls, always chasing after men.
“Hey, it is not a problem,” he says, his arm stroking against mine for some few seconds. It makes me shiver. “Cold?”
I nod, even though it’s not true, and keep my arm near his, hoping we’ll accidentally touch again.
He glances at Zi, who’s watching us, curious. “You feel warm to me,” he whispers, so low she can’t hear.
It suddenly feels like a dozen monkeys are dancing in my stomach.
That’s when it hits me. I have a mad mad crush on Little Man.
All this warmth is leaking out like tears from my eyes as I smile at him. Maybe I’ll regret it later, letting him see how much I like him, but I can’t hide it just now.
CHAPTER FOUR
DREAMS
I try to forget about what happened with the old woman and the drunk man, focusing instead on Little Man, my rescuer. But that night, nightmares flood my mind.
The worst is the one that finally wakes me, sweating and shivering and hot-cold all at the same time.
I’m flying high above Imbali, looking down through the smog at dozens of zigzag streets, twisting here and there, house after house after house crowded together, stair-stepping their way up and down hills and all the way to the city of Pietermaritzburg. An ambulance flashes its lights as it speeds around bends in the roads, goes down a wrong street and hits a dead end, backs up and turns around to try again to get out of the maze that is Imbali.
And then I see her. A witch—my witch, the woman who lives at the top of the hill—as she sneaks through the winding streets, as she passes each sleeping house, observing them all briefly until she comes to ours. And then she stops, staring right at the bedroom window where I sleep with Mama.
Though she doesn’t say a word, I know she’s daring me to come out and challenge her. I can hear her cackly voice speaking in my head: Hah! So! You think good always defeats evil, eh? Well, why don’t we find out, Nomkhosi Zulu?
Don’t do it, I whisper, but my body ignores my brain. It gets out of bed even while I scold it, even as I shout Stop! It walks to the window, and there I am, looking outside, watching that witch walk around and around and around the perimeter of our house, digging small ditches, scattering a white powder on stones, placing the stones in the
holes, refilling each ditch with dirt, then stomping down until nobody can find the spot where she dug.
Muthi. She’s scattering a potion around our house, one that will harm anybody who steps into our yard.
No no no! Stop. I try to speak the words out loud but my voice strangles against the muscles of my throat.
She pauses to look at the bedroom window again, spreads her lips into a thin grin, and provokes me with her wordless taunt. What are you going to do about it? How are you going to protect your family from this muthi?
What did I do to deserve this? I ask. Why am I your target?
She laughs. You think you and your family are innocent? Ah, but there was an opening to evil. You invited me.
I didn’t invite you, I argue.
Somebody in your household did. And now I’m daring you to come outside and we’ll see who’s stronger. You or me. Hah!
Who invited evil into our lives? I can’t imagine Mama or Gogo or Zi doing anything that would cause this attack. Did I do something? I think back back back, months back. Of course, there are always these things that we should do for the ancestors, to ensure their protection over us. My family is not as faithful as we should be. But surely, our omission isn’t so big that it would open the door so a witch thinks she is perfectly welcome in our home.
Our eyes meet. My fear collides with her hatred, like two khumbis in a car accident. I start to shake and shiver.
There’s no way I’m going outside and facing her, alone.
And she knows it. She knows I’m a coward. That’s why she laughs, her mouth open wide, gold glinting on her front tooth. She laughs and laughs and laughs. At me. But it’s the strangest thing. There’s no sound anywhere, like God opened my eyes and plugged my ears.
She puts her fingers in her mouth and whistles until a baboon lumbers over from the shadows and kneels. She climbs on and rides away, still laughing.
Mama shakes me awake. “Khosi,” she’s shouting, “vuka! Wake up!”
I’m standing next to the window, the same window in my dream.
“You must have been sleepwalking,” Gogo says. She looks like she wants to ask more, but respects my privacy too much.
