Jeff knew his actions would make him appear immature, but he’d be free to complete this job assignment without any personal encumbrances. He was confident he could work without allowing his personal feelings to interfere with his boss’s directive as long as he didn’t become further involved with Robin.
Even after he decided on his plan of action, he was tormented by his situation. His dinner tasted like stale cardboard, and he got no relief from his anxiety no matter what he did. After he lay down, the strain of the day caused sleep to elude him. Whenever he closed his eyes a vision of Robin’s face danced before him. He felt like a certified ogre going over to her home for breakfast when he knew what may be in store for her after he completed his mission.
When he finally slept, his restless sleep was filled with dreams of Mr. Brownstein chasing him across a barren desert. When his employer eventually caught up with him, he literally dragged Jeff before a student loan review board. Without allowing him to give any testimony or to present evidence in his own defense the board ruled Jeff was in default of his loans. Mr. Brownstein dramatically hauled the humiliated accountant off to a dreary dungeon where he was doomed to be served stale bread and tepid water for the rest of his life.
Finally, he roused from his nightmares a few minutes before six o’clock on Saturday morning. As he sat up, he felt completely disoriented. He’d knocked his glasses off of the nightstand during the night and now stepped on them with bare feet. The frame was bent and didn’t sit right on his nose. He stumbled into the bathroom to discover his eyes were bloodshot and rimmed in red. He even looked a little pale. Perhaps Robin would attribute his impending rude behavior to the fact he had contracted some new, as-yet unnamed virus.
He decided to stretch and go for a long run. The rhythm and exertion of running usually left him feeling peaceful and serene. Don’t kid yourself. There’ll be no peace or serenity for you today, buddy. He gulped down a glass of orange juice and choked down a couple of pieces of toast before stretching for his run.
His thoughts never far from Robin and the unwelcomed task he faced, he realized he was feeling a bit fatigued. Man, am I ever dragging. Maybe it’s because I didn’t sleep well or maybe it’s the higher elevation here in Bonita Creek. When he finally glanced at his watch, he discovered he’d already run for fifty-five minutes.
A quick glimpse at his trail map showed he wasn’t even close to the trailhead. Even if he sprinted, he wouldn’t make it back home in time to shower and get over to Robin’s by eight o’clock. He didn’t have the option of calling to tell her he would be late because the two hadn’t exchanged numbers.
Suddenly his thinking shifted . . . This might be the perfect way to escape my current predicament. He would be late for breakfast, appearing at Robin’s without showering or shaving. Seeing him in less than pristine condition ought to convince her he wasn’t the sort of man who was interested in actively pursuing a relationship with her. Although being well-groomed was a personal dictate, he’d do his best to be at his worst with the librarian this morning. Maybe he could one day convince himself a relationship with her wasn’t meant to be.
He immediately picked up his pace and was soon at the trailhead. He slowed down to a walk and headed home to change clothes and get a well-earned drink. He’d worked up quite an appetite with his long run. If yesterday was any indication, Robin was an excellent cook. He found himself smiling as he looked forward to eating a delicious home-cooked meal.
Recalling his conversation with his boss yesterday afternoon swiftly wiped the smile off of his face as he struggled to convince himself any time spent with Miss Robin Bennett from now on would be strictly for purposes of official business.
~*~
Robin frantically rushed around trying to complete the food preparations for her guest’s eight o’clock arrival. She’d thrown a bright patchwork quilt over the picnic table and placed some colorful seat cushions on the benches for comfort. Pale pink dogwood blooms and bright yellow daffodils arranged in one of her grandmother’s old Mason canning jars served as a centerpiece. She’d decided to use her everyday dishes, unadorned cloth napkins and flatware to keep the mood casual. Now she needed to focus on her cooking.
She frequently thought of her Grandma Estelle and Grandpa John when she was cooking for guests in her little pre-World War II kitchen.
Looking out the kitchen window to her garden Robin mindlessly stirred the chunky applesauce simmering on the stove. Her thoughts sifted through volumes of memories interwoven with this place. She sighed and added a dash more cinnamon to the pot. The batter for the French toast was chilling in the refrigerator. The strawberries had been washed and chopped for the toast’s topping. She washed and dried the mixing bowls and utensils in the sink and decided it was time to get ready for her guest’s arrival.
~*~
Jeff arrived at his own front door at 8:15. He gulped down two bottles of water and changed clothes. It felt strange to skip his customary shower and shave, but he had to do something to end his budding attraction toward Robin so he could perform his job successfully. His feeling was if she found him unappealing and didn’t want anything more to do with him, he would lose interest in her too. “Yeah, right. Nice try, fool,” he muttered into the silence.
He tried to convince himself the sole purpose for his actions was to retain his job with Brownstein & Associates. He ran through his list of rationalizations and justifications. He was still paying off his student loans from college and graduate school. He didn’t want to have the blemish of a job termination for insubordination on his employment history. He was saving to buy a home. The list of excuses went on and on. While he attempted to persuade himself this makeshift plan was being launched for all the right reasons, he knew the outcome wasn’t likely to be what he hoped for. He was losing the battle with his conscience about his deceit. He wasn’t in the habit of lying to others—or himself.
He was anxious for this situation to vanish. He’d always dreaded confrontations. Speaking honestly and openly with Robin about his job commitment versus his desire to spend time with her on a personal level was more conflict than he wanted to deal with. He decided he was willing to risk a chance at a future relationship by following his original plan, however lame it was. He’d behave atrociously in the hope Robin would be repulsed by his lack of tact and good manners. His decision was final. He’d have to live with the consequences of his actions, or not.
~*~
Jeff walked around the block to Robin’s cottage. He arrived at 8:45. He knocked tentatively, almost hoping she wouldn’t answer. She scanned his disheveled appearance and a look of bewilderment clouded her face. Her eyes crinkled in puzzlement as if trying to remember something. Cringing at her unspoken disapproval, he spoke first.
“Good morning.” He purposefully failed to apologize for being half an hour late.
“Uh—Hi there, Jeff. Come in. I thought we could eat first. The patio is this way.” Compared to their meeting yesterday, she seemed like a bundle of nervous energy. Her tight smile wasn’t convincing, so Jeff assumed his plan was working.
As they passed through the cottage’s entryway and living room he saw her home was tidy, a reflection of her warmth. The sitting area was overshadowed by a vintage sofa with floral upholstery. Her TV was the wooden console type in vogue nearly sixty years ago. He wanted to sit down and absorb it all, but instead followed her through the kitchen and outside to the patio.
The brick patio was the gateway to a spectacular garden. Trees, plants and flowers of all types and colors grew along the undulating stone pathway down the center of the yard. He saw the bird houses, bird feeders and water-filled birdbaths in the garden Robin had mentioned the day before. The backyard was indeed confirmation she spent a lot of time gardening. She obviously had a natural eye for landscape design. He told her so.
Robin responded with a curt, “Thanks,” and gestured for him to be seated at a wooden bench pulled up to a picnic table already arranged with a tablecloth, dishe
s, and a vase of flowers in the center. Deciding to play his part like a professional actor, Jeff sat down and stretched his legs across the length of the wooden bench. Robin flinched and walked hastily back to the kitchen.
She returned in a few moments with a tray heavy-laden with a carafe of cranberry juice, a tea pot, and a large bowl of a delicious-smelling cooked concoction. She unloaded the tray onto the table and returned to the kitchen to pick up another load. Normally, Jeff would offer to help, but, playing his part, remained silent. This time she returned with two plates containing some kind of bread and a bowl of strawberries. As she unloaded the tray she asked him if he would like a cheese omelet to go with his French toast and applesauce.
“This’ll be enough for a start.”
As expected, the food was delicious. Jeff kept reminding himself he was attempting to end any possible friendship with Robin before it had a chance to develop any further. The battle raging inside his mind was causing him some anxiety. He basically had to choose between ending their new friendship or sweet talking Robin to get information about the library to make his boss happy. Jeff didn’t want to conjure up a fake romance just to keep his job. Doing so felt dishonest to him. By default he’d chosen to dissolve the friendship. “You seem quiet this morning. Does the food taste all right? Would you like more juice or tea?”
Robin’s voice roused him from his deep thoughts. His determination faltered. You fool, this woman worked hard to cook you a tasty breakfast. Show some guts and act like the man you claim to be.
“Yeah, it’s all right. I’m not a big breakfast eater. I think I’ll just skip the omelet if it’s all the same to you.” His tone sounded terse even to his own ears. As he glanced over at Robin, he saw pain and confusion in her befuddled eyes. He cringed inwardly at his harshness. Stick with the plan, Clarke.
She took a deep breath and settled her eyes directly on his. “Look, I’m getting the feeling this wasn’t a good idea. Feel free to leave if you’d like.”
Her voice sounded so sad he wanted to scoop her into an embrace and explain the situation. He longed to be candid and truthful with this woman because she deserved his respect.
Instead he said, “I didn’t want to do yard work on my day off anyway. Thanks for the food. Obviously, this isn’t working out the way I’d hoped either. I’m outta here.”
“I’ll walk you out,” she responded icily. One glance at her face and Jeff could see she received his intended message loud and clear. Her frosty eyes glowered at him as she stood and swiftly began walking on the stone path around the corner of the house toward the front yard.
He realized his plan had been brutally successful, but he felt lower than pond scum about how he’d treated her. Hesitating slightly, he followed her to the front yard. He longed to pour his heart out to her, telling her about his job. He wanted to share his unfamiliar feelings for her and his hope of getting to know her better. Instead, when she bent to open the front gate, he slid past her tossing a, “Later,” in her direction. He avoided looking back for fear of the hurt he would find in her eyes. Can you blame her, you jerk?
After he reached the sidewalk, he began cursing himself for his cowardliness and unkind behavior. What kind of man hurts the feelings of an innocent woman who has treated him with nothing but kindness? What kind of man deliberately does and says things to turn away a nice lady? What kind of man leaves like that without speaking the complete truth to her about his motives and actions? Most importantly, though, Jeff wondered what type of man went against God’s word and biblical teachings about how to treat others? Remember the Golden Rule, Jeff. You learned that in Sunday school when you were three or four years old.
He never felt more ashamed of himself at any time in his life than he did at the moment. He knew his actions would cause Robin to shun him like a stranger with an incurable, contagious disease. He knew because it was how he felt about himself.
Chapter Seven
Robin managed to make it back into her kitchen before she began her tirade of accusations. “The rat! What a skunk. What a . . . a . . . weasel scamp. How could I have thought I could have any sort of relationship with Jeff Clarke? He’s pond scum. No, he’s the pond scum feeding on the scum growing at the bottom of the pond.”
She threw herself into a kitchen chair and surprised herself by bursting into body-wracking sobs. Unwanted tears stained her cheeks and her heart ached as it hadn’t ached in a couple of years. It took her a long while to calm herself and collect herself into some semblance of her usual peaceful demeanor.
“How could I have been so wrong about a man—again? I am such a loser. My woman’s intuition mechanism needs an extensive overhaul,” she growled.
Wishing with all of her heart her Grandma Estelle was there to talk over this latest blow, she continued. “I thought this one was kind, humorous, and pleasant. I blindly assumed he was interested in me. Even though he acted like a weasel, he may be the most attractive man I have ever set my eyes upon. Shows how smart I am!”
These heartfelt confessions only made her feel worse inside. A cache of hurtful, painful memories she rarely probed these days was wrenched open, and pain flowed freely through her heart and mind. She was transported back to her world as it existed five years earlier.
~*~
Robin met Thomas Bennett at age fourteen soon after she was dropped off at her grandparents’ doorstep by her father. The two had some classes together at the high school and began hanging around together. For some indescribable reason, these two diverse personalities formed an immediate bond. Everyone in town claimed them kindred spirits. The young teen was so traumatized by the recent deaths of her parents she welcomed Thomas’s overtures of friendship and accepted them for what they appeared—a lifeline to normalcy.
The pair was virtually inseparable from the day they met. They were active in the church’s youth group and served in student government at the high school together. Thomas was the consummate extrovert. He thrived on being the center of attention. A natural leader amongst his peers, he was gregarious and outgoing. People of all ages were drawn to his magnetic personality. He was a naturally-gifted musician. He excelled at playing guitar, singing, and composing Christian-themed songs which he performed at church gatherings, weddings, and funerals. He wanted to study music theory and performance in college.
Quiet and reserved, Robin enjoyed working with the younger children teaching Sunday school and working with the vacation Bible school each summer teaching crafts and sewing to the younger girls and boys who attended. She held a lifelong fascination with books, and literature was her favorite subject. Although not shy, she was a lifelong introvert who’d become even more introspective as a wounded teenager new to Bonita Creek. She was kind and sweet and was known as a person who would do anything she could to help another.
What Robin lacked in the area of self-confidence, she made up for with sheer determination and perseverance. She never gave up on a goal. So when at a young age she chose the profession of librarian for her career, it was an accepted fact she would become a librarian. She dreamed of studying literature in college and earning her Master’s degree in Library and Information Science so she could become a public librarian. Perhaps she would even return to Bonita Creek to run the town’s library.
Throughout their remaining high school years, Robin and Thomas were always seen together. They spent much of their free time attending all of the big church and school events as a couple. It was widely assumed by their families and friends they would marry and raise a family.
Words of love and devotion were not spoken aloud by the two as they finished up high school and began college. Looking back to that period in her life, Robin knew now she had naively taken it for granted her bond with Thomas included his unshakable love and loyalty. She assumed their marriage would last forever.
When the time came to attend college out of state after two years of studying at the local community college, a well-intentioned outside party suggested the couple marry
. Then they could live in the university’s ‘Married Student Housing’ and save money. There was no still no official declaration of love or formal proposal of marriage by Thomas. By mutual agreement, a simple wedding, reception, and honeymoon were planned.
Robin and Thomas were married in a traditional wedding ceremony at the tender age of twenty at Bonita Creek Christian Fellowship’s redwood sanctuary. The couple was too young, immature, and ignorant to understand or acknowledge the kind of work goes into a successful, warm, loving marriage.
When they were preparing for the wedding, the reception, and the honeymoon, Robin now recognized subtle warning signs she’d failed to heed. Her Grandma Estelle had tried to impress upon the young couple the need for a deep commitment to their relationship.
“Marriage is not an easy journey, Robin and Thomas, even between those who’ve been raised in the faith. You must both possess a singular belief your marriage will last forever. It’s a total commitment to a lifetime partnership. No do-over’s and no easy-outs allowed,” Grandma Estelle had spoken poignantly to the couple one night a few days before their wedding.
Her fiancée said, “Got it.”
“Thank you for the advice. Since you and Grandpa were married for sixty years, I believe you know what you’re talking about on the subject,” she whispered as she embraced her grandmother.
Robin’s young mind couldn’t comprehend anything besides being married to Thomas Bennett for years and years to come. She expected their marriage to be their own happily-ever-after. To her future regret, the young bride didn’t question the deeper meaning of her groom’s rude retort.
At the time, the couple’s pre-nuptial agenda did not include discussions of when and if they would start a family, their individual goals and dreams after college, or even where they would like to settle after college graduation.
Robin's Reward (Bonita Creek Trilogy Book 1) Page 5
