Shauntelle acknowledged her sympathy with a nod, then gave her another smile. “It’s been hard, but to tell you the truth, I’m getting ready to move on.”
“That’s good to know.”
Fay Cosgrove’s voice held a curious tone—and was that a glint in her eyes?
“Look, Mom, I’m riding a horse!” Margaret called out to her as they rode past, breaking into the moment. “And Mr. Noah says I’m doing really good.”
“You’re just sitting there,” Millie returned, but this time Margaret didn’t rise to the bait Millie always dangled in front of her sister.
“You’re both doing well,” Noah put in, his eyes catching Shauntelle’s.
For a moment, neither of them looked away as he walked past her, but then one horse flicked its head up and his attention was back on the girls.
Shauntelle watched as they made another long circle, smiling. Her girls were happy. The sun was warm on her head, granting the promise of warmer temperatures and longer days. Today was a good day.
And then as he turned, Noah looked over at her again, their eyes locked and Shauntelle’s heart lifted.
Possibilities swirled. Hope sparked. A kiss was remembered.
Did she dare allow herself this tiny dream? This distraction?
Chapter Eight
“Do you want to take a turn?” Noah asked Shauntelle.
“I’m fine,” Shauntelle said, shooting a quick glance at her watch. He wondered what she was checking for.
The ride was over, and she had joined him and the girls. As he lifted them out of the saddle, he told them they had to help him.
And now Shauntelle stood beside him, showing the twins how to hold the bridle and wrap the reins so they didn’t tangle.
“You know something about horse tack?” he asked, surprised.
“I’ve ridden before,” she said, giving him a slight grin. “Enough of my friends lived on ranches or acreages that I’ve been out on a horse several times.”
He held her gaze, and in spite of the girls there, his mind cast back to the kiss they had shared yesterday. And right now he wanted to do it again. He wished he could blame his reaction on plain, ordinary loneliness, but he knew there was more going on between them. Feelings he hadn’t experienced in a long time. A sense of rightness he never had with his former fiancée.
She’s staying.
You’re leaving.
You’re the Evil Man.
She returned my kiss.
“How did the Farmer’s Market go this morning?” Noah asked.
“Pretty good.”
“We didn’t have as much because Mom was so mixed-up yesterday. She kept making mistakes. She even had to throw out a whole batch of muffins.” Millie gave Noah a knowing look. “Too much baking powder. That happens sometimes.”
Noah chuckled.
“I wasn’t mixed-up,” Shauntelle protested, shooting a frown at Millie.
“Yes you were,” Margaret put in, coiling up the reins like Shauntelle had shown her. “You were just staring out the window a bunch of times and you almost burned the cakes.”
He would not look at her. He wasn’t assuming that what happened between them had anything to do with her distraction.
But in spite of his self-talk, he stole a glance, surprised to see her cheeks flushed and her gaze averted.
“And then my mom got a phone call from someone named Ella. She wants some baking for her wedding.” Millie toyed with the reins, slowly looping them around her hand as she looked over at Noah. “Do you know her? She’s marrying Cord Walsh. His boy, Paul, is in our class in school and he’s so excited that he will get a mom. Lucky him.”
“You have a mom,” Noah said, loosening the cinch strap.
“But we don’t have a dad.”
There was no way Noah was going within sniffing distance of that comment.
“Can you please put the bridle away, missy?” he said instead.
“It’s Millie,” she corrected, sounding huffy.
“Excuse me,” Shauntelle said, tapping her daughter on the shoulder. “Manners.”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Noah, but my name is Millie.”
“I know. I think you should be called Missy, Millie.” Noah shot her a teasing glance, and she accepted his comment with another nod.
“That sounds good.”
“Glad you approve. Now can you put the bridle away?”
Thankfully she didn’t give him any attitude after that and flounced off, her braids bobbing behind her.
“I’m so sorry about that,” Shauntelle said. “She’s been in a mood all morning.”
Noah held up a hand, chuckling. “No worries. She’s a pistol, that one. I’m thinking you have to fight hard to keep up with her.”
Shauntelle sighed. “You’re right. It’s a steady and exhausting battle of wills. She needs a firmer hand than I can give her sometimes.”
“Probably needs a male role model in her life.”
No sooner had he said that than he wished he hadn’t. It didn’t come out as he’d intended.
“I guess I meant to say that I’m sure she misses her father.” He stopped himself there, realizing that anything he would add to that would only dig him in deeper.
“We hung up the bridles,” Margaret said as the girls rejoined them. Their timing saved him from making a bigger fool of himself.
“Just let me get the saddles off, and you can bring the blankets to the tack shed.”
“Can we come again on Monday?” Millie asked as he released the cinch.
“I’m not sure,” Noah said. And that’s all he would say to that. He enjoyed being around the girls; they were a lot of fun. But he didn’t know if he should spend extra time with this small family on purpose.
“That’s good enough for me,” Millie said with the confidence that seemed to belie the vagueness of his comment.
A few moments later he had the saddles off and he followed the girls to the tack shed. They chattered away as he showed them how to lay the blankets out so they could dry, and set the saddles on their stands. He fussed around a bit, straightening halters, adjusting the saddles, reluctant to return to Shauntelle.
But the girls flounced out ahead of him, and he followed.
“Can we go see your mom?” Millie asked. “She was here while we were riding but now she’s gone. We didn’t have time to talk to her.”
“I think Mrs. Cosgrove is tired,” Shauntelle said. “I don’t want to bother her.”
“But she invited us to come in,” Millie wailed, turning to Shauntelle and putting on what Noah thought must be her most plaintive look.
Shauntelle bit her lip, looking uncertain. He wasn’t ready for them to go home either. He enjoyed spending time with the girls, and if he was honest, the chance for some social time with Shauntelle was even more appealing.
Then his mother was on the porch, calling out to the girls, and the decision was taken out of their hands.
The twins ran ahead, clambered over the fence and were at the house before he could open the gate for Shauntelle.
He deliberately slowed his steps, unwilling to cut this time alone with her short.
“Thank you for being so patient with my daughters,” Shauntelle said, slipping her hands into the pockets of her blue jeans. “I know they can be quite a handful, and I appreciate how you’ve dealt with them.”
“I enjoy being around them,” Noah said. “They’re good girls.”
“So have you been out riding much while you were here?” Shauntelle asked as they walked toward the house.
“Not really. I’m not so crazy about horses.”
“Are you kidding? What kind of rancher are you?” She was smiling at him now, and he knew she was teasing him.
“The kind of rancher who spent too much time getting bu
cked off them as I was helping my father train them.” Noah tried not to sound bitter, but he couldn’t help the tone of his voice.
“So your father trained his own horses?”
“He did, though most of the horses my father had trained have been sold already. The ones we used today were older horses that my mother got from one of her brothers. But like I said, they’re great horses. I wouldn’t put your girls on them otherwise.” Again he heard a defensive note drifting into his voice.
“I know you’re careful,” Shauntelle said. Her words of affirmation warmed him more than he thought they should. “I’ve seen you working,” she continued, “and I’ve heard you talking to the employees at the arena. I know safety is important to you.”
He didn’t bother to respond to that. But there was something else he felt he needed to deal with.
He slowed his steps, turning to her. “I don’t know how to say this without sounding awkward, but about yesterday—”
She stopped and turned to him. “Please don’t apologize. It wasn’t only you.”
Her comment made his heart skip its next beat. And once again he was lost in her eyes. Once again he wanted to kiss her.
And then his hand was on her shoulder, his fingers gently caressing her neck. To his surprise, she didn’t look away. Instead she reached up and covered his hand with her own, her eyes still holding his.
He wasn’t sure what would’ve happened next. He didn’t have a chance to find out.
“Are you guys coming?” Millie was hanging out the door. Her voice echoed across the yard, bouncing off the trees and shattering the silence.
“Guess we’ve been summoned,” Noah said, disappointed at how shaky his voice sounded.
“Good way to put it,” Shauntelle said, but she didn’t turn away either. Which raised questions and launched an undercurrent of feelings. He wanted to touch her, to connect with her, while his head fought with his lonely heart.
Her hand lifted, and for a moment he thought she would touch him, but all she did was tuck her hair behind her ear, smile at him, then turn away.
They walked to the house together, but they didn’t move very quickly; it was as if neither of them were in any rush to rejoin responsibilities and family.
“So, you’re baking for my cousin’s wedding on Friday?” Noah asked, trying to find a neutral topic of conversation.
“Ella called last night in a panic. She has a caterer for the supper who couldn’t do desserts. Then her dessert caterer bailed on her.”
“Will you have time?”
Shauntelle lifted one shoulder in a vague shrug. “It’s an excellent opportunity to showcase my own upcoming business. And I’d like to help Ella out.”
Her comments made sense. But it also meant she would be at the wedding. And he doubted she would take her daughters. The thought created possibilities.
Be careful. You’re not staying.
But even as he formulated that thought, he looked around, heard the birds singing in the willows along the edge of the dugout. Above him, the sun shone down from a sky that seemed unnaturally blue.
He felt a settling in his soul in the quiet. Regardless of the bad memories, the ranch still appealed to a deeper part of him. Then he looked over at Shauntelle, and that same soul felt a deeper yearning.
She was watching him, a puzzling expression on her face.
“Do you miss this?” she asked, as if she could read his thoughts.
He didn’t want to delve into why she was asking. Mere curiosity, probably. But the kiss they shared seemed to color every interaction they had.
“I miss the space. The quiet.” That much he dared to admit.
“Your mother said your life here wasn’t easy.”
Noah shoved his hands in his pockets, once again struggling with the negative emotions and memories being on the ranch also created. “I’m surprised she admitted as much.”
“I got a sense she didn’t always know what to do. How to help you.”
Noah stopped, as his feelings battled with his mother’s current reality. She was alone, living on a ranch that was falling apart, waiting and hoping he would return.
“I’m sure that’s true.” He caught her frustrated look and sensed that his curt answer annoyed her.
“Now that I’m a mother, I know how many decisions need to be made every day,” she said. “I think every mother alive feels like she hasn’t done enough. I know I sure do. I feel bad that my daughters are growing up without a father, and I feel bad that we have to live with my parents. That I don’t have a house to give them.”
“But did you ever struggle with the decisions you had to make as a wife or mother?”
She stopped, laying one hand on the railing of the stairs as she turned to him.
“It was always a struggle. Roger was gone a lot, and I know he was accomplishing a great deal. He was a doctor, for goodness’ sake. But I often thought he could have done more for us. That I should’ve advocated more for the girls and me. I should have made him realize his choices hurt his family.”
She wasn’t looking at him, but Noah heard the anguish in her voice.
“But he was a good man doing good work.”
Shauntelle tapped her fingers on the wooden railing, as if delving into the past. As she did, he compared himself to her husband. The man whom everyone admired. The man her parents saw as a hero. And then there was him. The man who everyone thought was responsible for her brother’s death.
“I knew what he did was important,” Shauntelle said. “But I understand what it’s like to live with a dominant personality. It’s hard to put yourself forward. It was a mistake I think of often. Had I been more demanding, had I pushed for what I wanted and what the girls needed, I might not be living in my parents’ house trying to figure out how to support my daughters.”
Noah was surprised to hear the sorrow in her voice and the anguish twisting her features. He was about to say something when she pulled her hand back and turned away from him. “I’m sorry. I’ve said too much.”
She jogged up the steps and went into the house. Noah stayed behind a moment, her words ringing in his ears. What she’d told him wasn’t the picture of domestic stability he’d imagined her life to be. And even though it had cost her much, he also couldn’t help feeling relieved. The hero that her parents admired wasn’t everything he was cracked up to be. It felt small to be happy about that, but it also reassured him, for some reason.
* * *
Monday morning. The doors were coming today.
Shauntelle had tried to call the door installers all weekend but could not get in touch. Now it was time. She didn’t want to go to the arena but had promised them she would meet them there.
Don’t think about it. Don’t panic. Look at the page you have to do right now.
She clenched her hands around the steering wheel, praying as she drove, for patience and for wisdom, wishing she could just get a break.
She knew she was being small-minded. She had gone through bigger things than this and come to the other side. But she was so tired of managing and turning and spinning and dashing, trying to make everything come together.
You can do this. Just be strong.
She pulled up to the arena, but in spite of her pep talk she couldn’t stop the panic bubbling up when she saw the truck emblazoned with the name of the window and door company parked at the back entrance. They were already here. Her heart sank at the inevitability of her situation.
One thing at a time, she told herself.
As she opened the door of the arena, the familiar whine of saws and the pounding of hammers greeted her. Every day she came, something new was finished. It was encouraging, and she knew the members of the rodeo group would be very happy with the progress.
As she walked across the floor, she looked out for Noah but couldn’t see him.
She hadn’t seen him in church yesterday, though his mother was there. Shauntelle didn’t have a chance to talk to her either, because Fay left before the service was finished. Cord and Ella had walked out as well, so Shauntelle suspected they had brought her. As for Noah’s absence, she was surprised at the disappointment she had felt. She couldn’t help wondering if he stayed away because of her parents, or because church didn’t mean much to him.
Not that it mattered to her.
And who are you fooling?
She put her hands on the bar of the door leading to the foyer and hesitated. The moment she had been dreading was here. She sent up another prayer, pushed the door open and stepped inside. The first thing she heard was laughter, then the beeping of a Bobcat backing up.
Then shock surged through her. There, directly in front of her, was a large, beautiful opening on one side of the support, with one gorgeous door already installed.
When? How?
Then she saw Noah partway down the foyer, hands on his hips, sawdust sprinkled on his shoulders as he talked with an unfamiliar man. He looked up, then walked over to her, his expression enigmatic.
“What’s going on? How did this happen? When did this happen?” Shauntelle hardly knew which question to ask first. She gestured to the doors, then looked back at Noah. “I don’t understand.”
“What’s to understand? The opening is in and the doors are being installed. Like you wanted.” He sounded gruff, but a smile teased one corner of his mouth.
“I can see that. But there was no opening on Friday.” She looked over at the installers consulting with Kyle. “How did this happen? And when?”
“I talked a few guys into coming in over the weekend.” He shrugged. “I don’t usually work on Sunday, but I knew you were under the gun.”
“That’s why you didn’t attend church yesterday.”
He seemed to brighten at that. “Were you looking for me?”
She would not blush, but the more she tried not to, the warmer her cheeks grew.
“The girls were,” she offered, knowing it was a lame excuse.
His smile created a peculiar trembling in her heart. This man was edging into her very being, and she thought of him too much. But he had just done a wonderful thing for her, and her relief erased restraint. So, instead of simply smiling her thanks and politely telling him how much she appreciated his help, she threw her arms around him and gave him a tight hug.
A Cowboy for the Twins Page 10
