She knew her parents were stuck in their lack of forgiveness, and she also knew she had to address it. Regardless of what happened between her and Noah.
Noah crouched down in front of Millie, who was stroking another kitten. “You know you guys can come here anytime to see the kittens.”
“But will you be here all the time?” Trust Millie to cut straight to the chase.
It was a question that had taunted Shauntelle the past couple days.
Yesterday after church, they had come to the ranch and had lunch with Noah and his mother. And then Noah had taken the girls out on the horses again. It had been a wonderful day, and what made it even nicer was the fact that Shauntelle and the girls had come back to an empty house. They didn’t have to deal with the repercussions of their visit.
When Shauntelle had asked what was keeping her parents so busy over the weekend, they had given her some vague answers about visiting old friends and taking time off from the steady work of the gas station.
While Shauntelle was happy for them and Nick had been only too willing to take over for the weekend, she was still curious about what was going on. They seemed secretive. And she didn’t like it. Currently she had enough other questions in her life.
All seemed to center on the man sitting with her daughters. Could she continue to be involved with Noah if he was still thinking about leaving?
The mother cat came to join them, batting a paw at the kitten on Margaret’s lap.
“I think the mother is getting nervous,” Noah said. “Maybe we should put the kittens back and let her take care of them.”
The girls didn’t even protest, which surprised her. Noah could get them to listen and obey him far easier than she could.
Moments later the kittens were safely tucked away and the mother was purring. “I think she’s happier now,” Margaret said, taking a moment to run her finger over one of the kitten’s heads again. Then she turned to Noah. “Can we go pet the horses?”
Noah glanced over at Shauntelle, and she gave him a quick nod. “But only for a few minutes,” Shauntelle warned the girls as they ran out of the barn. She wanted to be home when her parents came back.
She stood, brushing the straw off her pants, thankful for this quiet moment with Noah.
He gently plucked a piece of straw out of her hair, and then let his fingers linger on her cheek as he smiled down at her.
“I’m glad you came today,” he said. “It’s been so nice having you and the girls here.”
Shauntelle looked up at him, questions hovering. Did she dare ask? Did she dare think she had any right?
But she had responsibilities. And she needed to know.
“I need to talk to you,” she said, not knowing how else to broach the topic.
“That works out well,” Noah said. “I need to talk to you too.”
She held his gaze a moment. “We both know things are changing between us. I think you know I’m attracted to you...” She let the sentence trail off, feeling self-conscious.
“I kinda got that feeling.” Noah chuckled as he rested his hand on her shoulder and tightened his grip. “And that works out great, because I’m attracted to you too.”
She smiled, and taking a chance, took his hand in hers, stroking over his rough knuckles while looking down at the faint scar on his thumb. “I don’t know how else to say this so I may as well just come right out. I have my girls to think about, and my own future to take into consideration. In my previous marriage I spent a lot of time working around my husband’s plans.” She stopped there, a surprising hitch in her voice.
“You must still miss him,” Noah said. Was that a faint note of disappointment in his voice?
“I miss having someone to share life with.” Then she looked up into Noah’s eyes, holding his gaze. “He’s the father of my daughters. But recently I don’t miss him like I used to.”
Noah’s smile gave her hope.
“But like I said, I spent a lot of time working around what he wanted. I...I...can’t do that anymore. I have my own dreams and plans, and I’d like to see them come to fruition.”
Noah’s smile slipped, and he released a light laugh. “You and most of Cedar Ridge. After you left the wedding, all I heard was people saying how excited they were for you to open your restaurant. I told them it wasn’t just pastries you excelled at.”
“Thanks for the endorsement.”
“I’m excited for you to open your restaurant too. And I’m excited to see the arena getting finished. It will be a good thing for the community.”
“The community is important to you, isn’t it?” she asked.
“My relatives are here. Cedar Ridge holds a lot of memories.”
Her mind slipped back to what Fay Cosgrove had told her. “Your mother said some of your memories of this ranch aren’t so pleasant.”
Noah’s eyes seemed to drift over the yard, then back to her. “They aren’t. This barn, the corrals, the whole ranch in fact—every part of it has an unpleasant memory of my father. My mother has tried to make me see his point of view, but it’s been difficult. My grandfather let this ranch run into the ground, and my father was working his hardest to fix it. To get it back to where it was before. I sometimes think he was competing with my mother’s family. Or at least showing he was as good as any Walsh could be.”
“That’s a hard burden to carry. And that’s not a fair burden to put on you,” Shauntelle said, her voice quiet.
“It wasn’t, and like I said, it made for some bad memories.” He stopped there, but looked like he wanted to say more.
“Are you guys coming?” Millie stood in the doorway of the barn, one hand on the doorjamb and the other on her hip, looking like a put-out debutante.
“Yes we are coming,” he said, pulling his hand away as if to retreat.
As Shauntelle followed him, she felt a mixture of hope and apprehension.
Did she dare believe her and Noah could make a go of this?
* * *
“That was a nice visit,” his mother said as Noah cleaned up the dishes.
“It really was. I enjoy having Shauntelle and the girls here.” He knew it was stronger than that, but he also knew enough about his mother not to give her too much to run with. He was still trying to balance how he felt around Shauntelle with figuring out what future he could create for them.
He didn’t want his mother to know the direction of his thoughts while he still sorted them out.
But one thing was sure—having them here pushed some of the older memories down. Created new ones that made him smile. That made him wonder if he could stay in Cedar Ridge and make a life on this ranch. As much as his father had built bad memories, there was still a large part of his heart that yearned for the open spaces and life on the ranch.
“I enjoy having them around too.” His mother finished the last of her tea, then set the cup on the table. “It’s as if this house, and this ranch, have gotten a new lease on life with them here.” His mother ran her finger over the handle of her mug, looking contemplative. “I know living here hasn’t been easy for you. And I haven’t been the mother I should have. I see how Shauntelle is with her girls, how careful she is with them and how much she protects them. I should’ve been that kind of mother.” She looked up at Noah, her eyes full of pain. “I hope you can forgive me for not standing up for you.”
Noah saw the sorrow on her face, then walked over, bent down and gave her a tight hug. “You are always a good mother,” he said. “I’m thankful now and I was thankful then for everything you’ve done for me. You are an example of faithful love, and of faith.” He brushed a kiss over her head, then straightened.
The words she spoke released the remnants of anger and frustration he had felt about her. Was it time to move on? Make new memories here? Did he dare believe his feelings for Shauntelle could overcome the pain of t
he past?
“Thank you for that,” his mother said. “That helps me a lot. But I’m also hoping that you can find redemption here. I see how you are with Shauntelle and those girls, and I know I’m being forward here, but I’m getting older and I can’t afford to be tactful. I know you could be a good father to those girls, and I know you can be a good husband to Shauntelle.”
“I’m not so sure about the good husband part,” Noah said, thinking about Shauntelle’s husband. “Kinda hard to go up against the hero that her previous husband was.”
His mother folded her arms over her chest, her eyes narrowed. “I’ve had chances to talk to those little girls. I don’t believe he was unkind, but I think he was often absent, following his own dreams. So to me he’s not such a hero.”
Noah had to smile at the defensive tone in his mother’s voice. However, what she said also gave him hope.
“That may well be, but he was still their father. And I wouldn’t want to disrupt their memories.” As he spoke, he realized where his thoughts were going. As if it was a foregone conclusion he would be a part of Millie’s and Margaret’s lives.
And, more importantly, Shauntelle’s.
The gleam in his mother’s face showed that she was headed in the same direction too.
Then his phone buzzed in his pocket, and he pulled it out, glancing at the screen.
He frowned a moment, trying to figure out who was texting him. Then he realized it was the owner of the company he was planning to buy. How could he have forgotten about that?
Because it doesn’t truly interest you? Because you’ve been distracted by a pair of hazel eyes, and a pair of adorable girls?
Could it be that’s not where your heart is?
Been trying to call, the text said. We need to arrange this sale before you leave on your trip.
“I’ve got to call this person,” he said to his mother, puzzled by how Gord Tkachuk had gotten hold of his cell number.
“Is that the man with that construction company you’re thinking of buying?”
“How did you know?”
“He’s called here a few times.”
Noah frowned at her. “I don’t remember you mentioning it.”
“I forgot. Besides, I thought he would call you on your cell phone.”
Now he realized why Gord hadn’t stayed in touch. “I didn’t give him my cell phone number. He must have gotten it from my old partner.” The man who had bought Noah out after Josiah’s death.
“So what are you going to do?” his mother asked.
He paused, still not sure what to think or what plans he dared make. “I’m not sure.”
His mother held his gaze, her expression serious. “You must be sure,” she said. “For your sake and for Shauntelle’s.”
Noah knew she was right. Knew he had to be careful. Being with Shauntelle would be an all-or-nothing proposal.
Did he dare change his life for her?
Chapter Twelve
“Hey there, how are things going at the arena? Kyle not ragging on the employees too much?”
Shauntelle pressed her cell phone to her ear, to cancel out the sounds of drills on the other side of the arena’s wall. She had been taking pictures of the walls of the restaurant so she could order prints and decorations when her phone rang.
When he had called her on Monday night to tell her that he had to go to Vancouver for a quick trip, she was struck by a combination of emotions.
One was the fact that he felt he had to tell her he was leaving. As if she had a right to know.
The other was that he hadn’t told her why.
“It’s going well,” she said, moving into the kitchen area of the restaurant, to get farther away from the noise coming from the arena. “The guys are putting in the seats. That’s the drilling you hear in the background. The lights are up, and the fellow installing the scoreboard is here with his crew.”
“And the restaurant?”
“All painted and ready for the next step.” It was hard to keep the excitement out of her voice. “The chairs and tables are arriving in a week. I still can’t believe it’s all coming together. I’m standing in the kitchen now, and it’s like a dream come true. I’m reluctant to cook in it and make it all dirty.”
“After the first pot boils over, it will all be fine,” he said with a light chuckle that dived into her soul.
“I’m sure.”
“Sounds like things are under control. I thought I would let you know I’ll be back late tonight.” He paused and she waited, her heart beating with anticipation. She so wanted to ask him what he was doing in Vancouver. When he’d first come, she heard rumors he would be buying a new company there. But she didn’t know if they were at that place yet, so she kept silent.
“That’s good.”
“I was also wondering if it would be possible to go out tomorrow evening. Just the two of us. If it works for you.”
Out. A date. He was asking her out on a date. Would he do that if he were leaving? Would he lead her on like that?
“What time?” she asked, wishing she didn’t sound so breathless.
“I was hoping to take you some place in Calgary, so would it be possible to pick you up after work? I know you’re done at three o’clock.”
Her mind felt scrambled as she tried to figure out how this would work. She could ask her mother to pick up the girls from school and watch them. Now that her father had a full-time worker at the garage, her parents had more free time.
And what would happen if her father found out she was getting them to babysit so she could go out with Noah? For a moment the complications of her situation clouded her anticipation of spending time with him.
“I’d have to figure something out,” she said, clasping one arm around her middle, fighting down her hesitation and second thoughts. “Find someone to watch the girls.”
His pause told her he knew enough not to suggest her parents.
“But I’d love to go out with you,” she added, just in case he thought she was looking for an excuse to say no.
“I’m glad we agree on that.” He released a light laugh that, to her ears, sounded relieved. “I’ll call you once I’m back. We can make further plans.”
“Sounds good.” She waited, wondering what else to say, then realized he was waiting for her to hang up. “Are we going to do the ‘you hang up, no you hang up’ thing so popular with teens?” she teased.
“We could. Never really played that game.”
She chuckled. “Oh, how much you have to learn, grasshopper.”
“I know.” Another pause. “I’m looking forward to tomorrow. A lot.”
“Me too.”
“So, you hang up,” he said.
And just for fun, she did.
* * *
Noah looked at himself critically in the mirror, then ran his fingers through his hair to make it look more natural.
He hadn’t been this nervous in a long time. Which was ridiculous, because he and Shauntelle had been together plenty of times recently, but this was an actual date, which could mean a large step toward something more permanent.
His visit to Vancouver had been enlightening. Walking around the downtown streets, along the seawall and through Stanley Park, places he had always dreamed of being, wasn’t as much fun on his own.
The whole time he was there, all he thought about was open fields, horses, two spunky girls and one beautiful woman.
His mother was in her easy chair, reading a book. She looked up when she saw him come into the living room and grinned at him.
“You’re looking very spiffy, and quite happy, I might add.” She set her book down.
“And you’re looking rather smug, I might also add,” he said with a grin.
“I’m just pleased for you,” she said.
A
pprehension shivered down his spine. He wanted to stop her, tamp down her hopes. And in the process, his own. He hardly dared believe that his life had come to a good place.
“One step at a time,” he told his mother.
“I know you have to be careful, but don’t be too careful. Sometimes you have to latch on to things when they come your way.” She held out her arms, and he bent over and gave her a hug. “You’re a good son. You’ve always been a good son. I wished I could’ve been a better mother.”
Noah caught her hands and gave them a squeeze as he pulled away. “You’ve had your own things to deal with. You’ve always been a loving mother to me. And I’m so thankful for you in my life. God has blessed me. And I know it.”
He was surprised to see a glimmer of tears in her eyes. And in that moment of vulnerability, that moment between mother and son, he felt a rush of love for her stronger than any he’d felt before.
Something important had shifted between them. And he knew he would do whatever he could to make her happy.
His phone dinged, and he glanced at it and smiled. Rows and rows of heart emojis filled the screen.
Then his phone dinged again. It was a text from Shauntelle apologizing for the previous text. The girls had gotten ahold of her phone.
He laughed and replied to her text with a smiley face.
“You better get going,” his mother said. “Girls don’t like to be kept waiting for dates.”
Noah bent over and brushed a quick kiss over her soft cheek, then left, whistling.
As he walked over to his truck, he heard the sound of a vehicle coming around the corner and up the driveway. He frowned, wondering whom it could be. He didn’t think his mother was expecting any company, or else she would’ve told him.
A compact car, rusted and dented, pulled up beside him, and an older man got out.
“Are you Noah Cosgrove?” he asked, striding over with purpose.
“Yes I am,” Noah said, puzzled as to whom this might be.
The stranger handed him an official-looking envelope, and instinctively Noah took it.
A Cowboy for the Twins Page 14
