by Karen Ferry
She shivers, and I take great pleasure in being able to elicit such a response from her.
“What kind of punishment are you thinking about?” she whispers back.
When I gaze into her mischievous eyes, I curse under my breath.
“I’ll think of something,” I promise.
She beams at me, and the innocence in her eyes, mingled with the lust, is like a punch in my stomach. It lasts but a moment before her smile dims slowly.
“What is it?”
“We need to talk…about what you told me this morning.”
I sigh.
“I was afraid you’d say that,” I answer. “Later, I promise. But we need to be alone for this conversation.”
She nods.
“I met your brother, Isaac, when I came home.”
The change of subject puzzles me.
“When I asked him where you were, he said he saw you go into the bathroom with someone called Donna.”
Hearing her name, and seeing the question in Suzy’s eyes, makes me tense up.
“You don’t have to worry about her,” I grit out, trying to relax my hand in hers. “She’s no one.”
“I…” She looks down and shrugs. “It just seems strange to me, that’s all.”
“Listen, waif, when I say that she is no one, that’s the truth. Alright?”
She opens her mouth, but our little bubble of intimacy is interrupted when Colin stops beside me, clapping me on the back.
“Hey, Garrett. It’s good to see you get out amongst the living again. The party’s great.”
I shake my head at him. This guy has always had the worst timing ever.
“I’m getting too old for these late nights, man. And I’m not sure I know even half of these people,” I grumble. He only laughs.
“Well, I did invite a couple of possible investors – thought you might want to bring some more business to Mama Rosa’s now that you’re home.”
He takes a sip of his drink, and I just shrug.
“We’ll see.”
A tall brunette in a black, strapless dress, with a tight waist that flares out to stop just below her knees, comes towards us. When she stops at Colin’s side, I smile when I see the way his eyes light up as he takes her in.
“Garrett, I’d like you to meet Daisy, the love of my life.”
Daisy laughs loudly and extends her hand to me.
“Alright, Colin, please stop saying that whenever you introduce me to one of your friends.” There’s a slight blush in her cheeks but her blue eyes shine with happiness.
“It’s nice to meet you,” I say, and I mean it. “I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to talk when I came by to pick up Rufus. Thanks for looking after him while I was away.”
She nods. “Me, too. It was lovely to have him, and my daughter, Clementine, was quite taken with him.” She smiles up at Colin. “I have a feeling that we’ll be getting our own dog soon.”
Colin groans and shakes his head, but I know my friend. He’s going to relent on this one.
“But I hope you and your friend here will be able to come over to dinner soon.” Daisy looks questioningly at Suzy, and I feel like an idiot for not having introduced her to my guests.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter awkwardly as I look at her. She has a polite smile plastered on her face but seems a bit subdued.
“Suzy, this is Colin, one of my closest and oldest friends. And his girlfriend, Daisy.”
“Hi,” she smiles wide at both Colin and Daisy as they take turns shaking hands. “I love your dress, Daisy, where did you find it?”
And just like that, Colin and I are left to ourselves as Daisy starts talking exuberantly about some fashion shop she manages downtown.
Colin and I smirk at each other, and I indicate with my hand that I need something to drink. We leave the ladies to themselves and head to the kitchen. On the way there, I’m stopped several times by people who want to congratulate me on my recovery, and I find it difficult to not bristle at them.
Perception is everything, however, and I merely nod and smile politely as others stop me to thank me for the party before they leave.
I breathe a sigh of relief when we reach the kitchen, and I go to the fridge to get a bottle of water.
“No scotch?” Colin asks as he sits down at the bar opposite me.
I shake my head. “No. I need to keep my wits about me.”
He nods slowly, a thoughtful look in his eyes.
“What?” I ask him after I’ve picked up a glass and poured some water. I take a long sip as I wait him out.
He hesitates for a beat but then straightens in his seat.
“It’s probably a good idea. I’ve read that people just out of rehab are more prone to pick up another kind of addiction when they get out. I don’t want to see you end up an alcoholic now that you’re finally free of the drugs.”
I snort. “No chance of that happening, Colin.”
He looks over his shoulder and I follow his eyes. Daisy and Suzy are laughing, their heads close together, and I smile softly. It doesn’t seem that the age difference between them bothers them: they look thick as thieves already.
Colin turns back to me, wide smile in place, and I grin at him.
“You’re completely love-sick, aren’t you?” I ask him, leaning a hip on the counter.
“Yep. And I’m not afraid to admit it.”
I take another sip of my water. “I’m happy for you, I really am. Where’s her daughter, Clementine, tonight?”
“She’s with my mom and dad. I’m telling you, Garrett, that girl has completely wrapped my parents around her little finger. I’m not surprised, though. I feel the same about her.”
I laugh. “How old is she again?”
“Ten. Still a sweet and innocent kid, but Daisy’s warned me that the preteen stage will hit us soon, and that if she’s anything like Daisy was at that age, we’re in for a wild ride.”
I laugh heartily and shake my head at him.
“Good luck, then.”
He nods and looks back at the women in our lives.
“So…” He shifts in his seat, looking a bit uncomfortable now. “I take it you and Suzy are a whole lot more than just roommates now?”
I shouldn’t be annoyed to hear his question, and yet the first thought that enters my head is a defensive one.
Back off.
“What we are is not really any of your business, Colin.”
He frowns. “Come on, Garrett. I’m your oldest friend. I saw the way you looked at her when you noticed her chatting with those men.”
I clench my teeth.
“And what way was that?”
He leans towards me, a stubborn set to his chin. “You might as well have had a tattoo inked on your forehead. Your whole face screamed ‘mine’, and not in the way a Dom/sub relationship works. Not to mention the intimate way you looked when you talked with each other before I came over.”
I open my mouth to protest, but I don’t get the chance to utter a word before he continues.
“Admit it, Garrett. Your feelings for her run deep. If I didn’t know you as well as I do, I’d almost say your eyes conveyed ‘love’ when you prowled towards her.”
I take a step back from him and then scowl.
“You’re wrong, Colin.”
“Am I? Can you honestly say to my face, right this minute, that the feelings you have for her don’t come close to the ones you had for Cecilia?”
My head snaps back, and shock fills me.
He nods at me and takes another sip of his drink.
“That’s what I thought,” he mutters.
“Look, Colin, for the last time – you’re wrong.”
Fuck, I want a drink.
Colin only stands up and comes to my side. I watch him carefully when he stops next to me.
“Garrett, stop running. This constant guilt you carry around is all messed up, and you need to talk with someone about it before it’s too late.”
�
�You need to stop talking before you find my fist planted in your face,” I growl.
He sighs and shakes his head, sadness written in his eyes.
“Deep down, you know I’m right. Ruining every chance you get of finding happiness needs to end now, my friend.”
Frustrated, I run a hand over my face and grunt when he walks away from me.
“Colin!” I shout. Either he doesn’t hear me, or he ignores me.
Probably the latter.
I ponder his words as he stops next to Daisy and she nods at him when he bends down to tell her something. I watch as they say their goodbyes to Suzy. Before Daisy leaves with Colin, she takes out her phone and hands it to Suzy, and it’s clear that they are exchanging phone numbers now.
My attention is broken by a commotion at the other end of the bar, and the displeasure of seeing Donna tear through my home, not caring in the least who she runs into, settles in the pit of my stomach. I don’t go after her when she heads to the front door and slams it behind her.
I’m finished with her for good, and I pray that I won’t have to see her ever again.
There are not that many guests left, and relief mingled with fear overtakes me when I realise that revealing my story to Suzy is drawing close. But I promised her I would explain myself, and I intend to do just that.
I’m broken from my thoughts when I feel a hard hand on my shoulder, and I turn around to see Isaac grinning at me.
“Fine-looking roommate you’ve got there, brother,” he says.
I frown.
“Keep those eyes away from my woman,” I growl.
“Oh, so she’s yours, is she?” he laughs, and I narrow my eyes in warning.
“Never mind,” he continues and glances at his watch. “I’m heading home now. Got my own little plaything waiting for me, warming my bed.”
I shake my head at my little brother’s choice of words.
“It was good to see you,” I say and give him a brief, but warm hug.
“You, too, big brother. I’m glad you’re home.”
He lets me go, and we stare into each other’s eyes for a moment. His smile grows wider.
“Fuck, I’ve missed you,” he mutters. “Let’s get together next week, and you can tell me all about your little woman there.”
I look to the ceiling and roll my eyes at him.
“Get home to your girl, brat,” I tell him. “I’ll call you.”
“Sounds good.”
With a firm handshake, I tell my little brother goodbye, and then I turn my attention back to Suzy who’s watching me from the other end of the room.
Our intimate moment is broken as friends and associates come towards me, one after the other. I paste a polite smile on my lips and pretend to be the perfect host. Even so, it takes at least twenty minutes before the apartment is empty. After everyone’s gone, I go to the bookshelves to end the violent noise from the stereo system.
I breathe a heavy sigh of relief when the incessant bass stops, and I cloak myself in the welcoming silence. My reprieve doesn’t last for long, though, and I shut my eyes when Suzy’s question from across the room reaches my ears.
“What did you mean this morning, Garrett? How can you be responsible for the deaths of two people so close to your heart?”
I raise my head slowly and turn to face her. She’s standing with her back to the floor-length windows, soft light from the ceiling illuminating her figure. She’s fiddling with her fingers in front of her, giving away that she’s more nervous than she wants to let on, but her head is held high, and when my eyes find hers, all I see there is determination.
She’s so much stronger than I first thought she was.
Maybe she’s even stronger than me.
“I’M NOT SURE WHERE to start this story.” I put my hands in my pockets and take a couple of steps further into the room, but I keep my distance.
Suzy places a hand on her hip and frowns at me.
“Why don’t you start at the beginning? You had a twin brother, Vincent, and you were engaged to be married, about to become a father…What was your fiancée’s name?”
I swallow the lump in my throat.
“Her name was Cecilia, and we’d known each other since kindergarten.”
Her eyes widen in surprise, and I nod once.
“Yes. A long time. We were each other’s first kiss, first lovers, first…everything, I guess. The perfect pair, it would seem. If Vincent hadn’t ruined it. No, wait – that’s a lie.”
She moves towards me and stops next to the couch.
“What happened?” she asks me softly.
I sigh and take off my blazer, the old hurts tearing through me like a nightmare.
Stalling for time, I toss the jacket on an armchair and roll up the sleeves of my button-down shirt.
“Well, I don’t know,” I admit.
“What do you mean?” She sits down on the armrest and bends down to take off her black pumps.
“Do we really have to talk about this now?”
Her long legs cross at her ankles, holding my gaze captive.
What I wouldn’t give to make her forget my story…
“Yes, Garrett, we do.”
I sigh and rub my eyes, blinking a couple of times to clear my head.
“You have to understand that while Vincent and I were twins and shared many similarities, our personalities were very different. Whereas I was very focused, driven, and compelled to take over Nonna’s restaurant, he was the funny, outgoing, and laid-back type. He didn’t take things very seriously, he hadn’t mapped out his future at all, taking each day as it came. For the most part, I was fine with it.”
I pause, the memories assaulting my senses. I begin to feel lightheaded and sick to my stomach.
“Please, go on.”
I grimace and start to pace in front of her. My steps make a loud noise, and there is an ominous sound to it – but it keeps me centred at the same time.
“I don’t have all the details, but like I told you before, Cecilia and I might have been young, but given our long history together, we were ready to get married. I was 23 years old, but mature, and I had a steady job at the restaurant. A couple of weeks before, she’d told me that she was pregnant, and…” I pause, remembering that day as clear as if it was yesterday.
“She was crying when she said those words,” I mumble, lost in the memory. “Trembling as she showed me the pregnancy test; at the time, I thought that she was afraid of my reaction, because the baby wasn’t planned. I came to learn that it was only masking another kind of fear.”
I force myself to unclench my teeth, to breathe deeply, and to get the rest of the story out in the open.
“After the initial shock wore off, I was ecstatic and couldn’t wait to become a father – to be a dad.” My voice breaks on the last word, and the nausea intensifies in my gut. I take a couple of breaths, forcing the bile down.
“I felt as if my whole life was on the right track. So I proposed to her that same night. I thought, why not marry if you’re sure you’d found your soul mate, right?”
“Right,” Suzy whispers. I glance at her. The sound of her despondency puzzles me. She’s looking down at her feet, twiddling her fingers again, and I frown at her.
“I know, it’s the stuff fairy-tales are made of. It’s probably not something that happens a lot.” I chuckle sadly, but she shakes her head.
“No, but I’ve heard of it and seen it happen before, so I think I understand how you felt about her.”
I nod and continue to pace, loosening my tie in the process.
“I thought that everything was going well, that we were happy.” The old hatred to my brother has dulled over the years, but the consequences of his actions, the ones that led to mine, are still hurting my soul.
“But…” I take a fortifying breath and stop in front of Suzy, my side to her. “Cecilia thought differently.”
“What do you mean?”
“That night, we were having dinner at th
e restaurant, the whole family together. Cecilia had been a bit withdrawn – not her usual, bubbly self. I thought it could be the pregnancy that was causing her some discomfort, but I couldn’t help but notice that Vincent was acting strange as well. He wasn’t bragging about his latest piece of ass, or being his funny, flamboyant self.”
“I’m not going to like what happened next, am I?” Suzy whispers, and I close my eyes.
“No.” I shake my head slowly and close my eyes. “You’re not.”
“Finish it, please.”
I sigh and turn to face her. “Fine, I will. Most of us had had a bit more than usual to drink and what I remember is that one minute, we were laughing, celebrating our engagement, and the next, Cecilia got up and ran from the table, crying. Obviously, I went after her, worried – but so did my brother. And when I found Cecilia at the bathroom and went to hold her, she pushed me away.”
Running a hand through my beard, I fall silent and try to gather my thoughts once more.
“She turned to Vincent instead. Sobbing, she told me that she couldn’t marry me; that our…her child wasn’t mine.”
Suzy’s gasp causes me to grimace.
“Yeah. I’ll spare you the details of what she said next, but bottom line: she said that due to my always working, she felt she didn’t know me anymore, that I wasn’t the boy she fell in love with. One night, her and Vincent had met at a club in town, and they’d clicked.”
I sneer. The anger erupts to the surface, and my body is vibrating with the old hurt.
“Well – it’s the same old sob story, I guess. They’d ended up fucking each other’s brains out in some filthy toilet stall, but that wasn’t the end for them. Against their better judgments, they continued to see each other on the side and suddenly found themselves in love with each other.”
“Oh, my god, Garrett – I’m so sorry.”
I take a deep breath. “Apparently, they’d been seeing each other for a couple of months when Cecilia found out that she was pregnant.”
“How could she know the baby wasn’t yours?” Suzy asks me. “I mean, if you were identical twins, then surely she couldn’t know for sure, not even if you’d ended up doing a paternity test.”
I shrug. “She said she was pretty sure that the baby had been conceived when I had been in Italy on business for a whole month. Technically, I guess she couldn’t be 100% sure.”
