“You said you’d protect her with your life, Colby?” Sierra asked.
He nodded his head, his eyes still downcast.
“And she got mad at you?” Sierra asked.
“She said that…” He began, tears choking his voice for a moment, “That you couldn’t lose me too…” He raised his head, tears in his eyes that spilled over. “She really thinks dad is going to kill her mom, and she’s scared…” His voice broke off again, as he put his arms around his mother, crying.
Sierra held Colby, her own tears flowing. My God, my god was all she could think.
Kashena woke, feeling like she was swimming through Jello. Shifting in her bed, she groaned out loud as the pain shot through her side.
“Pain killers my ass,” she growled lowly to herself, “More like tranquilizers…”
She suddenly became aware of another person in the room and turned her head to see Sierra sitting next to the bed.
Sierra could almost feel the shield that dropped over Kashena’s deep blue eyes, it pricked her conscience, she knew it was her that had put that look in her wife’s eyes.
“What is it, Sierra?” Kashena asked, her look both cautious and impatient.
Sierra canted her head slightly, “Why do you ask it that way?” She asked softly.
Kashena’s eyes narrowed, her lips pursing in disquiet, “Well, you’re sitting there,” she said, motioning to the side of the bed, “Not laying here,” she said then, touching the empty spot on the bed to her right, “And you’ve got your lawyer face on.” She said the last with a touch of anger.
Sierra stared back at her wife; she read so much in Kashena’s eyes. Kashena’s face reflected annoyance and impatience; it just didn’t make it to her eyes. Sierra suspected that Kashena didn’t want her to see the hurt, the fear or the regret. In truth, Sierra didn’t want to see that either. It was that thought that caused the pained look on her face.
Kashena looked away from the look on Sierra’s face, knowing her time was up and that Sierra was about to lower the boom.
Sheer desperation had Kashena saying, “Can we not do this right now?” Her tone sharp.
“Do what?” Sierra asked, wanting to say so much, but unable to come up with the right words at that moment.
“This,” Kashena said impatiently, “I just… can’t right now…” She said, reaching up to press the heels of her hands to her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” Sierra said, shaking her head.
She saw Kashena’s jaw tighten and she knew that she was not getting through. Leaning over, she reached out to take Kashena’s hands away from her eyes, looking down at her, her look searching. Kashena turned her head, looking away.
“I’m sorry,” Sierra said again.
That had Kashena’s head snapping around to look at her.
“What are you sorry for?” She asked, her tone pained, “Which part? Marrying me, or just–“
Sierra cut her off by pressing her lips to Kashena’s, kissing her softly. When she pulled back, Kashena’s look was wary.
“I’m sorry for that,” Sierra said, seeing Kashena’s eyes take on the cynical look she hadn’t seen in a really long time, she rushed on, “For that look in your eyes right now, Kashena. For putting that look and so many others back in your eyes.”
Kashena looked back at her, and Sierra could read confusion on her face now.
“I’m sorry that you don’t know what I’m talking about right now,” Sierra said, smiling softly, then shaking her head, “I’m sorry that you’re waiting for me to say something that I can’t say.”
“What’s that?” Kashena asked, her tone still tinged with fear.
“That I’m leaving you,” Sierra said.
Kashena turned her head slightly, giving her a confused look, “You’re saying that, or that you won’t say that?” she asked.
Sierra blew her breath out in frustration, “For a litigator, I’m really failing at communication right now.” She said, more to herself than to Kashena.
She leaned down to kiss Kashena’s lips again, her lips trying to say what she couldn’t manage to. For a moment she could feel Kashena soften, her hands reaching up to touch Sierra’s face, then she groaned tearing her lips away from Sierra’s.
“Jesus, Sierra, tell me what you’re saying,” Kashena said, then her voice ragged with emotion.
“I’m saying I love you, and I’m not going anywhere, ever,” Sierra said, “I’m saying that I’m sorry I’ve put you through this with my stupid fears and worries. That I’ve been so–“
Kashena’s lips on hers stopped her words. Kashena pulled her close, kissing her, her hands sliding through Sierra’s hair, her lips moving over Sierra’s with a mixture of hunger and tenderness. Within minutes though she was wincing from the pain in her side. Sierra moved to lay next to Kashena, levering herself up to look down at her wife.
“Colby told me what you said to him,” Sierra said.
“What was that?” Kashena asked, her tone cautious.
“He said that you told him that I couldn’t lose him too…” Sierra said, her voice trailing off.
“If things happen,” Kashena said.
“I really don’t think Jason would kill anyone, Kashena,” Sierra said.
“And I think you’re wrong,” Kashena said, her voice soft.
“And you think he’s going to kill you,” Sierra said, her tone tremulous.
Kashena nodded.
“He was a Marine for God’s sake,” Sierra said.
“Is that the hope you’re clinging to?” Kashena asked, “He was a Marine that raped his wife and hit her in front of their son… He’s not the good kind of Marine, Sierra.”
“And Colby said he’d protect you with his life,” Sierra said.
“Yes, he did,” Kashena said, her tone somber.
“He wants you to know how much he loves you, Kash…” Sierra said, her voice sad.
“And I love him, Sierra, that’s why I can’t take the chance that he’ll try to be a hero,” she said, her look very serious, “Hero’s die.”
Sierra looked back at her, shocked, then she grimaced, “Then what does that make you? When you protect us with your life.”
Kashena looked back at her, her look not changing, “A hero,” she said, sadly.
CHAPTER 7
Raine lay next to Natalia, they were both sleeping when a phone began ringing.
Raine groaned as she turned over looking at her phone, “Babe, it’s you.”
Natalia reached past Raine, picking up her phone and looking at it. She picked up the call.
“Si?” She said, listening, smiling and nodding, “Great! Gracias!”
“What was that?” Raine asked, moving to pull Natalia back to her.
“I have an interview later today,” Natalia said, snuggling back into Raine’s arms.
“You’re quitting the gym?” Raine asked, surprised.
“No,” Natalia said, shaking her head, “This is for a second job.”
“How are you going to hold down two jobs and go to school?” Raine asked.
“Well, I may have to take less classes,” Natalia said.
“But that’ll take you even longer to get your degree,” Raine pointed out.
Natalia looked back at her, smiling, “I’ll still get it,” she said, shrugging.
“Why do you need a second job?” Raine asked.
“Because I can’t afford this apartment without it.” Natalia said.
“How much is your rent?” Raine asked.
“Twenty-five hundred,” Natalia answered. “I’ve used up my savings trying to keep up.”
“So, what if it was twelve fifty a month?” Raine asked.
“How would that happen?” Natalia asked.
“If you have a roommate,” Raine said.
“It’s a one bedroom,” Natalia said, “You want me to have another girl here?”
“No, I want to be the girl here,” Raine said.
“You’d do that?” Na
talia asked surprised.
“Are you actually asking me that?” Raine asked, equally surprised.
“Well, I didn’t know…” Natalia said.
“I’m here, most of the time anyway,” Raine said, “I might as well pay rent.” She said, grinning.
“But I thought you liked your apartment,” Natalia said.
“I do,” Raine said, “But I like being here with you more.” Raine said, “Or did you not want that…” she asked, suddenly realizing that Natalia may not have wanted that.
“Way past the second date, mija,” Natalia said, grinning.
“Oh,” Raine replied, grinning, “So when is your rent due again?”
“End of the week,” Natalia said, “But I know you need to give notice and everything.”
“I’ll pay the whole thing on Friday,” Raine said.
“What? No,” Natalia said, “That’s not right.”
Raine leaned in kissing Natalia’s lips, pulling back to look into her eyes, “I’m doing it.”
“Why?” Natalia asked.
“Because I want to, and because I love you,” Raine said, smiling. “I’ll move in this weekend.”
“But don’t you need to give notice?”
“Are you saying you don’t want me here this weekend?”
“You’ll lose so much money!” Natalia exclaimed.
“I haven’t used my savings up,” Raine said, grinning.
“Callate,” Natalia said, narrowing her eyes and telling Raine to shut up.
Raine chuckled.
“Are you sure you can afford to do this?” Natalia asked.
“Yes, I’m sure.” Raine said, glancing at the clock and seeing that it was still early. “Make sure you call whoever that was back and cancel that interview.”
Natalia looked up at her, ever amazed by this woman. For someone who’d never been in a relationship before, she certainly understood the idea of a partnership. This was further proven the following weekend when Raine moved in.
To Natalia’s shock, Raine only had a few boxes of things. They were standing in Raine’s bedroom at the apartment. Raine gestured to the pieces of furniture that she had.
“Do you want, or need any of this stuff?” She asked.
Natalia was surprised by the question. Raine’s furniture was far nicer than her own furniture, she’d figured that Raine would put it in storage. Suddenly she realized Raine was looking at her expectantly.
“I, um,” Natalia stammered.
“What?” Raine asked, knowing that somehow she’s surprised Natalia again, but not knowing how this time.
“I just figured you’d put stuff in storage or something…” Natalia said, her voice trailing off as she shrugged.
Raine looked back at her for a long moment, her look perplexed, “Why?”
Natalia’s brows furrowed in bewilderment, “For when,” she began, then stopped herself.
Raine looked back at her for a long moment, then understanding dawned.
“For when we break up and I go back to my own place,” Raine said her look pointed, “Right?”
Natalia pressed her lips together, knowing that for Raine it was a terrible way to think, but Natalia had been through enough relationships to know how things happened sometimes.
Raine shook her head, “How can you be in a relationship and already be planning for the end?” she asked.
“Because there’s always an end,” Natalia said simply.
Raine just looked back at her, her look somewhere between disappointed and sad. Finally she nodded, “So yes or no on the furniture?” she asked.
It took Natalia a few moments to catch up, she nodded, “Okay, sure.” She said, not understanding Raine’s mood, but not wanting argue with Raine about it.
Three hours later they’d moved everything in and set it up. Raine went in to take a shower. Natalia sat on the bed they’d just set up and made and looked around at the room. It was much improved with Raine’s furniture, most of her furniture was pressboard, and stuff she’d picked up at Walmart or wherever. Raine’s furniture was solid wood, and good quality. It seemed that Raine spent money on what she thought mattered.
After Raine got out of the shower and got dressed, she walked back into to the bedroom.
“Let’s go.” Raine said.
“Go?” Natalia asked, “Where?”
“Well, we need a TV for the living room, and definitely need more than just the one couch, and whatever else you like.”
“But…” Natalia began, she didn’t’ have money for that kind of stuff at that point.
“Let’s go.” Raine said, holding her hand out to Natalia.
Finally Raine took her hand, but still wasn’t sure how to broach the subject of her lack of funds.
As it turned out, the question never came up. Raine paid for everything without ever even looking at Natalia like she expected her to. When they looked at furniture, for the living room, Raine liked a set of recliners that were expensive to Natalia’s way of thinking.
“Do you like them?” Raine asked her, the same question she’d asked about the paintings they’d picked out for the living room.
“Si, que estan bien,” saying in Spanish that yes they were very nice, “Pero caro,” she said then, saying but they were expensive, trying not to offend the hovering salesperson.
“You get what you pay for, babe,” Raine said, winking at her, to the sales woman she smiled and said, “We’ll take them.”
“Fabulous!” the woman said.
On the way home in the car, Natalia looked over at Raine.
“Why did you buy all of that?” Natalia asked.
Raine looked over at her, she was driving Natalia’s car, as she often did now, whenever they rode together and it wasn’t feasible for them to take the motorcycle.
“We needed it,” Raine said.
“No, we didn’t need it,” Natalia said, her tone neutral.
“Okay, we didn’t need it,” Raine said, “But I just thought I should do my share.”
“Your share is half of the rent, Raine,” Natalia pointed out.
“Do you usually let women come live with you?” Raine asked her tone conversational.
“What do you mean?” Natalia asked, surprised by the question.
“I mean, do you usually have women live with you? As opposed to you going to live with them.”
“I always keep my apartment,” Natalia said, her tone succinct.
Raine nodded, accepting that answer, “So it’s safer that way, right?”
“Safer?” Natalia asked, her tone cautious.
“Safer for you,” Raine qualified.
Natalia looked back at Raine, trying to decide if she was being insulted or complimented.
Raine noted the conflict on Natalia’s face and reached over to take her hand.
“You’ve been hurt in the past, and you’ve been let down by women you counted on and loved… It’s completely understandable, Talia.”
“You’re saying that I keep my apartment so they can’t take that away from me too.” Natalia said.
“Exactly.” Raine said, nodding.
Natalia smiled softly, “I guess that’s probably true. It also keeps one constant in my life.”
Raine nodded, “Well, that’s why I pay more money for things that are better quality, I want something constant that will be around for a long time.”
Natalia looked back at Raine and saw in that moment the way Raine saw things. She’d had nothing constant her entire life, except for change and… And Auri, and Auri had been taken away from her… Suddenly Natalia felt tears sting the backs of her eyes.
Raine was trying to make her a permanent part of her life, and she was already pushing her away by talking blithely about ‘storing’ things for when they broke up, ‘because things always end’. She realized in that moment how much she’d hurt Raine earlier in the day at her apartment. Here Raine was giving up her apartment, her constant, to help Natalia and for that she was getting N
atalia’s cynical outlook on relationships. And in the face of Natalia’s doubt and callous disregard, Raine had remained the kind, generous person she always was.
“You are an amazing person, Raine Mason.” Natalia said, taking Raine’s hand between both of hers, sliding one hand up Raine’s arm as she leaned over to kiss Raine’s shoulder.
Raine looked over at her, obviously unclear where the comment had come from, but smiling in appreciation for the kind words.
“You’re kind of cute too,” Raine said to Natalia, making Natalia laugh, lightening the mood in the car immediately.
It was that conversation that Natalia was thinking about in her class a few days later when she got a call. She was just leaving class when it came in, so she answered it without even looking at who it was.
“Yes?” she answered.
“Wouldn’t count on your cop being home for dinner.” Said a voice on the other end of the phone, then the phone disconnected.
Natalia stopped dead in her tracks, looking at the display on the phone, but not seeing anything. Immediately she dialed Raine’s cell phone number, there was no answer. Natalia’s blood ran cold as she started to run to the parking lot of the school. Only to find that the tires on her car were all flat. She knew it had to be Julie. She wouldn’t really do anything crazy, would she? Yes, yes she would!
Natalia called Cat’s phone next, Cat answered on the second ring.
“Nat? What’s up?” Cat queried, seeing Natalia’s name on her phone display.
“It’s Raine, she’s in danger!” Natalia exclaimed, “I got a call, it said she wouldn’t make it home for dinner… Catalina… It’s Julie, she’s going to hurt her. I can’t get ahold of her, please help me…”
“Okay, Nat, calm down, Raine just left, she probably didn’t answer her cell because she was on the bike and can’t hear it. I’ll get a patrol officer to track her down, okay? Calm down.”
“Okay, okay,” Natalia was practically chanting, sitting on the back bumper of her car and rocking back and forth in worry.
Marking Time (WeHo Series Book 4) Page 15
