“Yes so she could fucking leave me alone. I know her, she would’ve kept coming back and trying to hang onto me when all I wanted was time with you. I gave her what she wanted so I could get rid of her. Even when I was zoned out I still saw you, in that blue dress and the tiara. You looked beautiful Lucy. The memory of you that night has been running through my head on repeat. I wish I was able to get a real picture of it. I can still smell you from when you passed by me. I saw you come down the stairs with my dad and I swear I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I mean FUCK!” he ran a hand through his hair, “I didn’t even get a fucking dance. I had a hard on all night just thinking about it. When I got rid of fucking Nancy I looked around for you forever. Then Erica called me a dick and told me you ran off. I had found the jewelry in my pocket and I panicked. I finally went upstairs to your room and knocked and you said to leave you alone and threw something, so I left. I didn’t want to but I know it’s not always about me and what I want.” He sighed. “Lucy I want this, I want us. I’m tired of getting you and you running away. I know I have a lot of fault in it but I didn’t see it before. Now I do. Tell me what I have to do?” he asked.
I was trying to fight the tears while my mind was in the ultimate battle. A part of me wanted to melt into him at his words, the other part didn’t believe it. Not that he’s lying to me, but that if I gave in he would hurt me again. I could only find one solution, “prove it” I whispered. He dropped his forehead to mine and nodded. Then he planted a soft kiss on my cheek.
When we separated I noticed that everyone else was trying their hardest to look engaged in other things, but I knew they heard every word, nosy asses. We left the Eiffel and headed back to the hotel. When we were getting off the elevator Landon grabbed my hand and led me to the room he was sharing with Nick. When Nick saw that he shrugged and ran over to Mel. I laughed, it’s not like everyone didn’t have their own room. With that I figured we might as well all stay in the same suite together and dragged Landon that way. Everyone went to their rooms without a word. When we entered my room it was pitch black, the only light was coming through the window where the curtain was partially open. I took off my clothes down to my panties and bra. Today I had on one of the sets that Nick had bought me. I knew he could barely see me since it was so dark but I’m sure he could tell what I was wearing. He sucked in a sharp breath. I went to my suitcase to find a comfy t-shirt when I saw him wave a shirt in my face. He had taken his off and was giving it to me to wear to bed. I took it from him, and got in the bed. He followed shortly after. When he got under the comforter he grabbed me and pulled me over so he could hold me. It was then I could tell all he was wearing was his boxers.
He rubbed my scalp, my shoulders, my arms, back, everywhere he could pretty much reach. He dropped occasional kisses on my head, and face. I felt my eyelids getting heavy and I snuggled closer to him. He pulled the comforter up higher to cover me fully. “Can we do this every night? It feels perfect having you in my arms.” He whispered into my hair.
I smiled, “This’s nice…” I murmured. “I like it.”
He chuckled, “you’re drunk on sleep Luce”
“Mmm hmmmm.” I responded.
“Can I have a goodnight kiss?” he asked.
I picked my head up and crawled over him. I gave him a soft kiss. It was the sweetest kiss ever. There was no tongue or anything. Just the touching of our lips yet it was filled with promises. After I pulled back I plopped back down on his chest and gave him a peck there.
I was right on the edge of sleep, that I’m not sure if I was awake or not. “Night angel I love you.” I thought I heard Landon whisper.
And I think I said, “I love you too Landon.”
We ordered breakfast the next morning and everyone packed up. The guys got their stuff and came back to our room where we lounged until it was time to leave. We got into a cab to take us to the airport and I watched the scenery out the window. It felt like we just here, I really have to come back. Next time for longer, there’s so much more we could’ve done if we had more time. I sighed wistfully.
Landon had his arm around me and I had my head on his shoulders. “I don’t wanna leave.” I pouted.
Landon smiled and tugged softly on my bottom lip. “We can come back you know. I don’t think Paris is going anywhere anytime soon.” He tried to reassure me. I sighed again, yea right. I’m never coming back. He put his finger under my chin and turned my face towards his, “I mean it. We can plan a trip for us all to come back and next time we can do it over the summer or something where we have more time off of school to have a longer trip. Ok?”
I nodded, “Ok” but I was still pouting. What can I say, I wanted my way.
I felt his laughter through the movement of his shoulders. Glad to see someone thinks this is funny. When we got to the airport, and were waiting to board we shared my iPod and listened to music together. I liked this, it was just like hanging out with Nick or the girls… just with a ton more butterflies and feelings. But it was comfortable. I noticed most of our time spent together is usually intense and filled with kissing and touching, or hating and avoiding each other. It was a little different when we’re in groups because everyone is engaged. But right now we were all in our own worlds. Erica was chatting with one of her friends from school and she’ll be heading back tomorrow. Nick and Mel were together whispering. Besides being asleep, we never really just did… casual.
When we boarded I started to worry about going back home. I had this sinking feeling that like the other times, once we were back and it was a new day Landon would go back to ignoring me and being with the next girl. I remembered his words from last night, and although I knew he meant it I still couldn’t trust it. He swapped seats with Mel and sat next to me on the plane. As the first hour passed my anxiety only grew to the point I was wringing my hands nonstop. He must’ve sensed my worry because he grabbed both my hands in his, and used his finger to turn my head.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he whispered.
I shrugged, “nothing…” I told him. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to confess everything going through my head.
“There is something, so tell me.” he insisted.
I sighed he wasn’t going to let this go, “well we’re going back home…” I prompted. He nodded slowly as if telling me to continue, and I blew out a long breath. Here we go, “I just can’t get over the fact that this won’t last.” I said motioning between us. “I like this, and every time I let myself do that, something always happens. And I’m left … at the beginning again you know. And I feel stupid right now ‘cause it’s like I know it’s inevitable. I don’t even stand a chance next to any of those other girls. I know you won’t want to stay with me anyway. It’s like I’m torturing myself.”
He frowned, “I told you it wasn’t going to happen again. Before I didn’t realize it, we would be ok one minute and the next you’re pulling away from me, running away from me. I was confused, and didn’t know what to do. Half the time I thought that the moments we had together was a pity on me from what Nick and Erica told you about my uh… I guess infatuation with you since we were younger. Now that I know what the problem is, I won’t let it happen. I’m pretty sure I want this – us, more than you do. And I promised to prove it, I know you won’t stop worrying overnight and I can accept that. But I want you to know that I mean it, all of it. You will be mine… and I’m going to let you ease into that. I will lay off of the kissing and stuff until you can trust me completely to be with me. In the meantime there won’t be anyone else.” He told me.
My heart warmed a little, and my anxiety lessened traumatically but it was still there. I brought up the other thing that has been at the back of my head since Christmas. “What about Dan? I mean I feel horrible, you know. About us kissing and everything before and we’re dating.”
“What about Dan?” he asked. I arched an eyebrow at that response and he rephrased it, “what do you want with Dan? Do you want to keep seeing him? Do you want to be
just friends with me? It’s about what you want Lucy. You tell me.”
I sighed; this was the easiest, hardest question ever. “Well, I mean we never really had an us, but there was an us first. And it kind of never really went away. I mean, we’ve been ping ponging since the beginning… I agreed to go with him because he’s a really nice guy. He’s sweet, a bit persistent but you know.” I shrugged. “I like him and all. But I never would’ve dated him if I felt like there was really an us. I wouldn’t do that to anyone, I truly thought that it was done when you went right back to Delilah,” he started to talk, but I raised my hand to cut him off. “I get it, you didn’t go back to her… I understand your kind of twisted ass way of thinking, but that’s how I saw it at the time. And I wasn’t going to sit around moping or crying about something I knew would never really happen. To be honest, I don’t want to end things with him for us, because you know I’m still very wary and doubtful and also because I like him. With me and him, we’re ok it feels safe. There’s sparks.” Landon frowned. I ran my thumb across his knuckles, and whispered “but we’re the fourth of July’s fireworks, the ball dropping in time square, the thrill you get when you bungee jump… but I’m worth more than a few stolen moments when its convenient. With you it’s like a freefall and you have to go with the moment and see where you end up, and it’s never ended in a good place.”
Landon placed a kiss to my hair. “Lucy, don’t choose for me, choose for you. I’m not even asking you to breakup with him. I know I fucked up enough, and probably don’t deserve you to even look my way. And I’m not just talking the past weeks, I’m talking years. I just know that it’s you that I want. So I’m going to do anything I can to prove that. I’m not looking for you to guarantee that I’ll get what I want in the end, I just have to try.” He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, “and know you should choose because of your heart. Not just because someone is safe. Even if you don’t want me, don’t string anyone along just because they’re nice and you’re afraid to hurt their feelings. The longer you do it, the more it’ll hurt.”
I nodded in agreement. He was right, and the worst part about it is that I knew from the beginning. Yes I thought he was nice, and cute. I do like him, but a part of me always felt like I’ve liked him as a friend and nothing more. I also never wanted to broach the subject with him afraid of maybe hurting his feelings. What am I going to do?
When we got home, Mel and I went to help Erica get her stuff ready for her to return to school. We did all the girly things that night and saw her off in the morning. She teared up saying she was going to miss us and can’t wait to come back home now. When she left Mel headed home since we needed to return to school the next day. I missed Max so I spent time with him for most of the day. He asked me to make him some beef stew for dinner, so I hopped my ass into the kitchen to get cooking. When it was almost done I heard the door.
The boys were in the basement I think playing pool, so I went to answer it. Dan.
“Hey Dan.” I greeted him with a smile.
“Lucy.” He stated. He eyed me warily… alrighty then.
“We just got back yesterday. I know I’ve been busy lately but I’m pretty freed up again for a while. How was your vacation?” I asked him.
“Ok. How was the game?” he asked. Now I’m getting it, he saw the kiss cam footage.
“We had a lot of fun. Met the team and everything, they gave us jerseys.” I told him, intentionally avoiding mentioning any kissing.
“Saw that and I saw the kiss too. Or I should say kisses, you know plural.” He eyed me waiting for a response.
“Well isn’t that what you do when the kiss cam falls on you?” I asked him. Fine, the kiss was more to me, but it really wouldn’t have happened if we wouldn’t have been targeted by that damn screen.
“No you don’t have to do anything. Especially when you have a boyfriend and that looked like more than a kiss. I asked you if you and Landon were seeing each other and you said no.” he accused.
“We are not seeing each other and we weren’t seeing each other.” I told him.
“So what, are you guys just fucking or something? What is going on between you two? It’s fucking weird. At school you don’t pay each other any attention then he’s giving you jewelry and dry humping you on TV? I saw you guys on Christmas and I’ve noticed the way you look at each other. Then you guys just went to Paris together. Did anything happen there that I don’t know about?” he asked, he was getting angry I could tell.
My head snapped back like he slapped me. “Did you just insinuate that I’m a fucking whore or something? No I’m not fucking him or anyone else. And well our relationship is fucking weird. It’s not on you to analyze. Some days we get along other days we don’t. What’s the big fucking deal?” I was getting angry now too.
He let out a long breath, “Look babe, I don’t want to argue with you. I just need to know if there’s anything I should be worried about?” he asked softly.
I was still too angry. I took a step back and shook my head. “I would tell you if there was. If I wanted to be with Landon, I wouldn’t be with you… know that. But don’t ever fucking talking to me like that again. “I took another step back. “I think you should leave, and we can talk when I’m calmer. Right now, we will not get anything accomplished and I’m just more than a little pissed off.” I told him trying to keep some of the aggression out of my voice.
He took a step towards me and grabbed my arm. “Babe, let’s just talk this out. We both got angry. How about we go out somewhere.”
“I’m cooking right now, and as I told you. This isn’t the time… we need to cool off before we talk again.” I jerked back to free myself but his gripped tightened. I could feel a pinch in my arm where he was holding it and I held back a wince.
He tugged me toward him and he caught my other arm in his hand and held it in a similar tight grip. “Do you know how much I love you? I just want this to work Lucy. I have your Christmas gift in the car and its way better than what Landon got you. You need to really give us a chance.” He leaned down and pressed a hard kiss to my lips. I tried to free myself but he tightened his grip to the point of pain, and this time I did wince. When he tried to press his tongue into my mouth I folded my lips tight together. When he realized I wasn’t complying he drew his head back breathing heavy. He looked into my eyes and I don’t know what he saw but I saw the change in his. They turned hateful, and he pushed me back… hard. I slammed into the wall and he left the house. I hurried to the door and locked it. I leaned against it and let in a harsh breath. I stayed there until my breathing steadied and made my way to the kitchen on shaky legs. I fixed a glass of water and drained it quickly, with water dripping down the sides of my mouth. I downed another glass and sat down. When I gained my composure I finished up dinner and setup the plates. I went through the rest of the night as normally as possible when inside I was a shaking mess.
The next day when I got out the shower I saw the huge purple bruises in the form of a hand on my arms and cringed. I put on a long sleeve t-shirt to cover it. I drove myself in and tried to push everything else to the back of my mind. When I walked through the parking lot to the building I spotted Nick, Mel’s, and Landon’s cars. I was the last one here. I headed to my locker and started gathering my things.
“Hey Luce, what’s up.” Mel greeted me. I turned and smiled at her. I looked up and saw Nick making his way up behind her and smiled wider.
“Hey Mel” I met Nick’s eyes, “Hey Nick!” I yelled a little louder so he could hear me.
He sauntered up and slapped Mel on the ass, she turned and punched him in the chest and he gave her a kiss on the lips. This is interesting… very interesting. I crossed my arms and arched an eyebrow. When Mel turned back to face me the blush was already coloring her cheeks.
“So are you two dating yet? I mean, you need to put me out of my misery already!” I said to them throwing my arms up in exasperation.
“NO!” Mel said and turned impossibl
y brighter. I giggled.
“Mel and Nick sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.” I sang the nursery school rhyme to them.
Mel scowled and Nick said, “Actually I think the baby in the baby carriage is coming after the kissing.”
My eyebrow’s shot up, “Mel, are you withholding information? Is there something you want to tell me about?” I asked and wiggled my eyebrows. Nick laughed and Mel tried to contain hers. When it came out she punched me playfully on the arm. Unfortunately she hit me in the spot where Dan had grabbed me and I winced.
Both Mel and Nick frowned. “I didn’t hit you that hard did I?” Mel asked concerned, guilt in her eyes.
“No, of course not.” I told her to ease her worry. She looked relieved and Nicks frown deepened. I cocked my head to the side while I looked at him.
He stepped forward, “what happened to your arm?” he asked.
“Oh nothing.” I told him, quickly.
His eyes narrowed, “so why are you still rubbing it?” he asked pointing to where I was unconsciously rubbing my arm. I dropped both arms down.
“Nothing, you’re just crazy.” I said and tried to laugh it off, but it sounded strained.
He grabbed my arm, and pulled up my sleeve until he revealed the bruise. His eyes traced it a few times. I heard Mel’s gasp. He met my eyes and looked at the other arm that was still covered in question. I couldn’t look at him because I couldn’t lie so I diverted my eyes to the floor. I felt him grab that arm also and push up the sleeve.
“What happened?” Mel asked.
I couldn’t respond. Then I heard Nick say in a deadly voice I never heard from him before, “Did you do this to her? I swear to god, I will knock you the fuck out right now if you did.” Nick threatened.
“What are you talking about?” Landon. I didn’t think it could get any worse but now he’s going to know too. I hung my head lower.
I wasn’t paying attention to what was going on around me. All I could feel was the anger and embarrassment of the situation. Landon put his finger under my chin and pushed my face up to look at him. I couldn’t meet his eyes.
Losing Her (The Lexington Series Book 1) Page 23
