by J. M. Witt
“Don’t call me that. I’m not your baby. I’m no one’s baby.” He sat quiet and I could feel his eyes on my face. “You should hate me.”
“Cassidy, what happened? Everything was fine when I left last night, at least I thought it was. What changed between then and now?”
The lyrics of the song playing were fresh in my mind and I used them as I saw fit. “You need to be free of me. I’m a landslide and I’ll just bury you in my path of destruction.” He caressed my cheek and I tried to pull away, but I couldn’t. “Please, let me be. I’m a horrible person, you should hate me for what I’ve done.”
He sighed, “He came here last night didn’t he?” I just shrugged my shoulders. “He left me a pretty nasty voicemail that I didn’t listen to until this morning. I should’ve suspected that he paid you a visit.”
“He was drunk.”
“He’s lucky he has a fucking job. What did he say to you?”
“It doesn’t matter. He wasn’t wrong in what he said.”
James didn’t say anything, just crawled in next to me and pulled me to him as I cried. “You’re not defined by your mistakes and neither am I. Lord knows we’ve both made them. If people want to judge us by our mistakes, let them. But I know YOU, the real you. You’re amazing, loving, giving, creative, loyal, and fucking stubborn.”
“You don’t want me. I’m broken.”
“Are you listening to the lyrics at all? You’re the one who taught me to listen to them. You’re a diamond in the rough and you won’t break for nothing. Wake up. If you want me to be free and you want to run, then I’ll run with you because I’m only free when I’m with you.”
His tone was louder than it needed to be, but I didn’t flinch. I focused on the lyrics and on his heart hammering away under my ear. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, Blackbird. That’s what I’m here for. To smack some sense into you when necessary. I hope you’ll do the same.” I just nodded against his chest. “I’ll reschedule Dr. Pratt.”
I jumped up, “No! What time is it? Are we too late?”
He chuckled, “No, it’s not too late. I just figured you wouldn’t be up to it. We can still go.”
“Ok. I want to go.”
“Well, you need to get up and get ready. I’ll wait for you downstairs.” He climbed out of the bed and leaned over to kiss me. “Don’t forget about the amazing person you are. You’re amazing. I’ll tell you every day if I need to.”
I fought back more ridiculous tears as I wiped at my nose, “Stop making me cry. You’re pretty amazing yourself.”
He simply smiled before disappearing downstairs. I looked at the clock to discover it was after four in the afternoon. There were no words to describe him and my gratefulness for him. I was an idiot to have so quickly turned my back on him. Deep breaths, girl. I turned on the shower and hopped in. When I got out, I wasn’t sure what to wear. What did one wear to meet a therapist? It was June, but the summer weather had yet to make a full appearance. I opted for a maxi skirt, peasant top and sandals. I grabbed my cardigan before heading downstairs.
He was finishing up a phone call and standing by the fireplace when he spotted me. My hair was still damp and I’d put on very little makeup, also a norm for me. He grinned and ended the phone call.
“You look great.”
“Thanks. I wasn’t really sure what to wear.”
“I was thinking we could grab dinner after, if you’re up to it.”
“Yes, I think that would be lovely.”
Chapter 11 ~ Therapy
~ CASSIDY ~
We were driving back toward the city and it felt like old times. I was riding shot gun in his truck admiring the view—him. He looked way too good behind the wheel of that big black truck. I immediately remembered his bike. I wondered if he’d pulled it out of storage and was eager to go for a ride.
“What is it?”
“Hmm. Nothing.”
“You’re a terrible liar.”
I smiled at him as I made it obvious that I was checking him out. “I want to go for a ride on your bike.”
“Eager to feel the roar of the engine between your legs.” He started laughing as my eyes got big and I blushed.
“Why do you have to make it sound so dirty?”
“You like it dirty.”
“Touché. Ok. Enough of the innuendos. Focus Mr. Benedict.”
“We can go for ride tonight if you like.” He gazed at me and added, “On the bike, of course.”
“Right, the bike. Of course.” I looked out my window as I felt his hand on the back of my neck. “I would like that. A ride, on your bike.”
He was grinning like a fool when I looked over at him. He just nodded and soon pulled into a small parking lot a few blocks off of Main Street. “We’re here.”
He took my hand and we started walking toward an old Victorian home that had been converted into office space. We walked in to a cozy living room with oversized furniture. I was about to sit down when a door from above opened and footsteps followed. I grew nervous as I waited. A pair of tanned legs made their way down the stairs and I became possessive as James smiled at her.
“Angeline, nice to see you.” They shook hands and I chastised myself for assuming Dr. Pratt was a man. “This is Cassidy. Cassidy, Angeline. She’s Dr. Pratt’s secretary.”
Thank God! “Hi, nice to meet you.” We exchanged a handshake as James wrapped an arm around my waist.
“Dr. Pratt is ready for you. He’s looking forward to meeting you.” Her eyes were directed toward me. She was stunning, but seemed unaffected by James. He motioned to the stairs and we made our ascent.
“Don’t worry. That’s Dr. Pratt’s wife.”
He smiled as my eyes made the connection. “Oh. Ok.”
We walked through some double doors at the end of a long hallway. He was standing at a bookshelf and turned to greet us. He had on a three piece suit, though the jacket wasn’t on, narrow black glasses and thinning hair that was highlighted with gray. He was almost as tall as James but slimmer.
“You must be the infamous Cassidy? His description didn’t do you justice.” I smiled as he added to James, “She’s beautiful.”
He winked at me as he responded, “Yes, she is.” Turning back to the doctor, “Dr. Pratt, thank you again for meeting with us.”
“Of course. Let’s get started.” We took our seats on a couch as Dr. Pratt sat in a chair across from us. “So, tell me what brings you here. You’ve been through quite a lot the past several months.”
“Well, Cassidy brought it up,” he took my hand in his, “and I think it’s a good idea. We’re not the best at communicating with one another and we want to be. At least I think that’s why we’re here.”
Dr. Pratt looked to me and I nodded. “You seem nervous, Cassidy.” I nodded again. “James, can I have a few minutes alone with Cassidy?”
“Is that ok with you?”
“Yes. That’s fine.” He kissed me before walking out the door and closed it behind him.
“So, it’s just the two of us. Coming here was a big step, for both of you. I’m here to help any way I can. Why did you feel coming here was a good idea?”
I took a deep breath as I tried to organize my thoughts. “He’s been through so much and kept his whole time in the Army a secret from me for a long time.”
“Yes, he has some pretty deep scars from his time in the service.”
“When his mom died, it got worse. I pushed him, probably too much, to open up to me.” I could feel my chest tightening as I repositioned myself on the couch. “I care about him so much.” My voice cracked, “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m getting emotional.”
“You care for him deeply and he does for you, too.” He passed me a box of tissues, “Do you want this marriage to work?”
His question tore at me, in a good way. “More than anything. But we’ve both made so many mistakes.”
“We all make mistakes. You’ve both proven by coming
here that you want to try to make things right.” He waited for a moment as I twisted a tissue around in my hand. “He’s given me permission to answer any questions you may have. I assume you’re aware of the PTSD.”
Tilting my head, “I assumed. I don’t really need the details, I don’t think. I just want to be able to comfort him. He has nightmares and doesn’t sleep much.”
“That’s pretty common.”
“And the more frequent the nightmares get, the more he drinks.”
“Yes, that is a problem of his.”
“Is he an alcoholic?” I struggled getting the words out, but had to ask.
“Do you think he’s an alcoholic?”
“I don’t know. My mother was one, I think. He seems to be able to decide when he drinks, whereas some alcoholics can’t be around it at all.”
“You’re correct. He has great restraint when he wants. Does it concern you?”
“Sometimes. When he decides to drink, sometimes it’s a lot. That scares me.” He looked to me and I felt I had to add, “Not that he’ll hurt me or anything. Just that he’ll hurt himself. He busted his head open a few months ago because he was drunk.”
“He told me.”
“How, er, has he been coming here long?”
Shaking his head, “He started again a couple weeks ago, after I went to the cabin. He’s made a lot of progress and is willing to do whatever it takes to make things work with you.” I just smiled at that, not sure what to say. “How’s your physical relationship?” I balked at him, “I’m a sex therapist as well.”
“Ok. Well, there are no complaints, except.” How did I say it without sounding like a prude? “We may rely on sex too much? I don’t know how to explain it. We’re very attracted to one another and there are no problems there.”
“So the intimacy isn’t an issue?”
“No, yes, just that it’s hard to keep our clothes on and our hands off each other. I refused to have sex with him last night because I didn’t want to just hop back in bed.”
Chuckling, “Well, that’s a good thing. How long did you two wait before consummating your relationship?”
I knew I was blushing when I told him. I explained the timeline and how we’d pretty much slept together within twenty-four hours of reconnecting. “I don’t regret it, I just, well, we didn’t really have a ‘courtship’ per se. Even saying courtship sounds ridiculous.”
Smiling, “It’s not ridiculous. Ok. Are you willing to try an experiment? I think you’re worried he’s going to hurt you again and we need to rebuild your trust.” I nodded. “Before I bring James back in, I want you to know that you can call me too, anytime. If you’d like to make an appointment to see me, I’m here to help.” He handed me his card and said, “I’ll be right back.” He walked out of the office and returned a moment later with James.
James sat down next to me and kissed my cheek, “You ok?”
“Yes.” I interlaced our hands as Dr. Pratt sat down.
“Ok. James, would you agree that your physical relationship with Cassidy isn’t a problem?”
He coughed, not expecting the question. “Umm, I have no complaints there.” He looked to me as I hesitantly made eye contact with him. “You’re embarrassing the lady.” He winked and said, “She’s an amazing lover and I couldn’t ask for more.” He thought I was an amazing lover and it sent a tingle through me.
“Cassidy, what about you?” Hadn’t I already told Dr. Pratt I was good there? “This is all part of better communication.” I knew he was trying to reassure me.
“Ok. I have no complaints, he’s the most attentive lover I’ve ever had.”
James went to say something and Dr. Pratt cut him off. “Great! So, it’s safe to assume you both want this relationship to work?” We nodded. “Now, I have something I want you to try. Hear me out before you say anything.” We both agreed. “No sex.” I felt his body stiffen next to mine as Dr. Pratt tried to negate any rebuttal, “James, hear me out. No sex for four weeks, twenty-eight days. No ‘I love you’s’, it can lead to too much pressure. Just dating. I know you’re married, but you two missed the whole dating phase that most relationships start with. Separate living quarters, the works. You’re dating. Holding hands, cuddling, kisses are fine, but no sex, of ANY kind.” He eyed us as his words sank in. “Thoughts?”
My brain was running a million miles a minute. Twenty-eight days? Ugh. How the hell was I supposed to be around him and not have sex with him for a month! Shit, that put us past Cal and Jane’s wedding. There was no way he’d agree to it. Maybe we could try it for two weeks.
“I’ll do it. I don’t like it, but if that’s what you think we should do, I agree.” What! I looked to him and he started chuckling. “I think the lady may have a problem with that. I’ve clearly spoiled her.” I smacked his arm. “Hey now! I don’t think resorting to violence is what the good doctor had in mind.”
“Cassidy. Do you agree?”
“I, yes, it’s just, that’s a long time.” James was beaming ear to ear as I shook my head at him. “I’m afraid he’s getting a big head.” He started belly laughing at my unintended pun. “For the love…that’s not what I meant.” I looked to Dr. Pratt who was watching us with a smile on his face.
“I’d say you two have the humor and light-heartedness down. Work on rebuilding your trust and the foundation of why you want to be together. We can meet back here next week at the same time if you like.” We both agreed as James put the appointment in his phone.
Standing to leave, we all shook hands before James led me out of the house. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?” He turned me to him and pushed some hair out of my face as he leaned in closer.
“Twenty-eight days! Are you high?”
“Come on, it’s not that long.”
“I’m shocked that you’re agreeing to this.” I pulled my face back and glared at him.
“Hey! I’ve gone longer without sex, maybe longer than you have.” He pressed his forehead to mine, “He said we could kiss, hold hands. Kiss me, Cassidy.”
“We’re both going to be so sexually frustrated.”
“He didn’t say we couldn’t sext or take care of ourselves.”
Smiling, “Always looking for the loop hole. Perv!” He smiled as I got on my tiptoes and kissed him. I pulled away quicker than we both wanted. “Feed me.” His eyes got big. “Dinner, you ass! I want food that doesn’t involve your cock.” I thought he was going to come in his pants. He adjusted himself as we started walking down the street toward the restaurants.
“Two can play that game, Blackbird.” His hand moved to cup my ass as I swatted his hand away. Leaning into my ear he whispered, “I can’t wait to devour your sweet ass—with my cock—and my mouth.”
My wet panties clung to my aroused mound as I said the only thing I could, “I hate you.”
“I hate you, too.”
~ JAMES ~
Twenty-eight days. I knew it would be hard, but I knew it would be harder for her. I wasn’t trying to be cocky about it and I knew what kind of pull we had to one another, but I knew I could handle it. The question was if Cassidy could and would handle it and if she begged me, I knew I’d concede.
We enjoyed a laid back dinner at a small Mexican place. We sat out back enjoying the weather and food. It was something I’d been looking forward to for a long time. Her and I in the summer and enjoying life. Summer days, summer nights, I didn’t care what it was, I just wanted her and summer.
When I dropped her back off at her place, she’d invited me in and I declined. She was pouting her lips at me as I backed her up against her front door. “Stop tempting me. You can do this, we can do this.”
She huffed and narrowed her eyes at me, frowning. “I call shenanigans.”
Smiling, I tilted my head at her. “Excuse me!”
“You and Dr. Pratt; this is a setup, a bet, right?”
My laughter bellowed around us. “Cassidy, I promise you, there’s no bet or setup.” Her arms were cros
sed over her chest as she scowled at me. I dropped my voice and leaned in, “Don’t think I don’t want you, I do, always will.”
“You sure about that.”
I fell into her trap without even knowing. I lowered my arm and began pulling her skirt up until my hand found the naked flesh of her lower thigh, “I’ll hike this skirt of yours up and take you against the door.” Her eyes closed as I leaned in closer, her citrus scent filling my nostrils. “I’ll bury myself so deep, you’ll think we’re fused together.” The soft moan that escaped her lips wasn’t lost on me. Her hands latched onto my forearms as I said, “I can’t wait to be with you again…in twenty-eight days.”
Her eyes flew open, her pupils enlarged as she took a deep breath. “You suck.” Grumbling, she turned and put her key in the lock. I dropped her skirt as she opened the door. She stepped through the entryway and asked, “When can I see you again?”
She faced me again and I molded my mouth to hers, stealing her breath and making it my own. Her tongue glided over mine as her hands worked through my hair. My hands were wrapped tight around her, my rock hard cock pressed against her soft belly. She sucked my lower lip between her teeth as I smiled against her lips.
“How about tomorrow night?” She just hummed and refused to stop kissing me. “Weather should be perfect. We can go for a ride.” My tongue joined hers again before she pulled away, both of us trying to catch our breath. “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’. I’ll pick you up at six.”
Gently, I pulled her hands from my scalp and kissed the top of each hand before pushing her away. “Don’t go.”
I smiled, “You’re the devil.” She just smirked at me. “I give you permission to think of me tonight while you pleasure yourself. I’ll be thinking of you.”
“I didn’t know I needed permission.”
“Goodnight, Cassidy.”
Sighing, “Goodnight, James.”
She closed the door and set the alarm before I walked down the steps. I checked in with Ryan, who was parked in front of the house. There’d been no sign of Dan, or his existence, since the incident with Melissa, but that didn’t mean anything. I wanted him found and the sooner the better. Jane’s wedding was only a few weeks away and we’d all rest easier knowing he was locked up. Or dead. Dead was better.
