by J. M. Witt
Between heaving and broken breaths she whimpered, “I thought you were dead. After everything we’d been through, everything was finally falling into place. Then, then Dan almost killed us both, and…” She stopped talking, almost like she knew she’d said too much and just held on to me.
What was ‘everything’? Dan, Dan who? I knew a few, one was from high school. What the hell had happened to her, to me, to us? Dan who and why had he tried to kill us? I was about to ask her when my nurse came into the room.
“Fucking hell.” Cassidy bolted her head up and looked at me, eyes narrowed. “What?”
“Well, that’s something I always say. I’ve never heard you say it.” She pressed her lips together and tried smiling. “Sorry, it just caught me off guard.”
“I hate to break this up, but I need to check his bandage and he really should get some rest.”
“It’s fine.” She looked back to me as she gingerly pulled herself out of my embrace. “I’ll be back later. Is there anything you want or need?”
I grabbed her hand and looked at the raven tattoo on her wrist. Something told me there was more to the story, but I didn’t have any idea what it was. I just nodded as she slowly let her hand fall out of mine.
“Is that a yes you need something?”
“What? Oh, umm, no. I think I’m good. I’ll see you soon.”
“Ok. Get some rest.”
I watched her leave before I climbed back in the bed. The nurse made a positive comment and asked if I’d remembered anything. I told her I hadn’t and she told me to give it some time. I couldn’t help but feel like time was the enemy.
It didn’t take me long to sleep, but it didn’t last. My thoughts were running amuck, willing myself to remember something, anything. I was missing her and had an almost uncontrollable urge to strip her naked and bend her over the bed, or my lap, every time she walked in the door. Shit! What the hell was wrong with me? It was like my body remembered her, but my mind didn’t.
“Fuck!”
I heard the door open and spotted my father in the doorway. “Everything ok, son?”
I exhaled and pounded my fist on the bed. “Define ‘ok’. Why can’t I remember her?”
He walked over as he digested my words. “Her who?”
“Cassidy, of course. Who else would I be talking about?” He sat down in the chair next to me and folded his hands in his lap. “In my mind I’m single, well, seeing Melissa, but that’s just casual. When in reality I’m married to, to her. Cassidy. And she’s stunning, funny, kind, at least from what I can gather.”
“She is and more. You found a gem and we love her dearly.”
“She’s not my usual type at all.” I knew that wasn’t entirely true. “I don’t understand.”
“What’s to understand? You changed when you met her. Your mother and I both saw it. That’s how it happens for most of us. We find the one girl who unhinges us and it changes everything. To say that Cassidy unhinged you is an understatement.” His gaze scrutinized me as I tried not to take offense at his words. He smiled and added, “In a good way, James. She reached a part of you that had been closed off to all of us for a long time.”
I sighed. He was probably right. I didn’t do love and romance, even I knew that. I also knew that I wanted to romance her, this woman I didn’t know, and it sounded ridiculous to me.
“How is mom?” He stared at me and I was becoming uncomfortable as he shifted in his chair. “What is it?” Realization hit me that mom had been battling cancer for two years already back in 2011. Now it was 2014. “Dad?”
The door opened and in walked my redhead. She was the stranger my body already ached for, my wife and my memory had no recollection of her. She smiled at me before she spotted my father. She noted his somber expression and returned her blue gaze to mine.
Stopping in her tracks she asked, “I’m sorry, am I interrupting?”
“Cassidy, please join us.” My father motioned her into the room and hesitantly, she did just that. She set her bags down and stood nervously at the end of my bed. “I was just about to talk to James about his mother.”
The unease that washed over her face told me everything I didn’t want to know. My dad started to talk and I put my hand up to stop him. My lips barely moved as I made the statement. “She’s gone, isn’t she?” My eyes shut as I took a deep breath, dropping my head into my hands I winced when my hand tugged on the hair by my wound a little too hard.
“Yes.” He was straight to the point, something I admired in him, but at that moment I wondered if he could’ve been gentler when he broke it to me. When I asked when he told me that it had only been a few months prior.
“Jesus. Was it the cancer?”
“Yes. She stopped treatment in November.” He continued speaking as my ears turned themselves off.
I didn’t want to believe his words. That meant that she’d battled it for over five years. I couldn’t listen to any more. “Please, stop.” The suffering my mother had gone through was too much to think about. It was making me ill.
“James, do you feel alright.” I was aware of her voice as her hand touched my forearm. I didn’t mean to flinch at her touch, but the harm was already done. She took a step back saying, “I’ll get you some water and a cool rag.” The emotion was gone from her voice as she turned and left the room.
“I’m sorry, James. I didn’t want to break it to you this way, but you needed to know.”
“I know, Dad. I just. My last memory of her isn’t really my last one.” I looked to see that Cassidy was still gone. “Did she meet her?”
“Your mother loved her. I think before she even met her. They spent a lot of time together.” I nodded. “She was disappointed you two eloped so quickly, but only because she missed out on celebrating with you.”
I felt like a jerk for taking that away from my mother. As her only child, I knew how important my wedding day would’ve been to her. “Is there anything else I need to know, that I’ve missed in this three year time-warp.”
“No. The only thing you need to know is that your mother loved you, loved Cassidy and she wanted you two to be happy.” He gripped my shoulder as he stood. “Take comfort in her. She loves you.” The door opened and Cassidy walked in with a pitcher of water and some cups. “I was just leaving dear.” She placed the cups and pitcher down and I watched as my father embraced her. “Take it easy on him. Call me if you need anything.”
“Ok.”
When he was gone she poured two glasses of water and handed me one. I took a sip and then a few more before I set the cup down. She was drinking her own water while trying not to make it obvious that she was gauging my reaction to the news that my mother was gone. Our eyes met as she stared over the rim of her cup before she moved to sit down in the chair my father had been occupying.
“I’m ok.”
My words seemed to surprise her. She muttered, “Ok.”
She was holding back. I could sense it in her. “What is it? You can tell me.”
“Well, it’s just…”
“Out with it!” I huffed, “Christ, are you always like this? You’re like a simpering child.” I regretted my words immediately as I watched the flush of anger spread over her cheeks.
“NO. I’m not always like this. I was told to tread lightly, by your doctor, so that we didn’t re-traumatize you.”
“I didn’t know…”
“No, you don’t know. Do you have any idea what I’ve been through, what I’m going through?” She was angry and started pacing the small path by my bed. “There are so many things I want to tell you, but I’m so afraid I’ll do something to make it worse. So, instead I sit here biting my tongue, desperate for you to remember anything about me, about us.” She swiped at a tear and then angrily pointed at the tears falling down her cheeks. “And this! I FUCKING hate this. When I’m angry I cry and I know what I must look like. But I also throw shit and say things I don’t mean.” Turning on me she hissed, “Remember anything yet?�
�
Hot damn! She was a firecracker with a submissive side. I think I’m in love! Fuck. Focus. “Cassidy, I’m sorry.”
She inhaled and exhaled a big breath before she grabbed her purse. “I should go.”
I jumped off the bed and blocked her path. “No. Please don’t go.” I tried to touch her, but she backed away and I took a step closer. She had nowhere to go. “Please stay.” I wiped the last remaining tear off her cheek with the pad of my thumb and licked it away.
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?” I pulled my thumb from my lips as I savored her salty tear.
“That! Wipe my tears with your thumb and then lick it.” I was a little confused when it dawned on me that it must have been something she was used to me doing. “It gives me a glimmer of hope that you remember, when you don’t.”
Damn. Everything was so messed up. “Cassidy, will you sit with me on the bed. I don’t want you to go.”
She looked to the small bed and then back to me. “There’s hardly room.”
“We’ll make room.” I took her purse and set it back down before taking her hand in mine. I sat down on the bed and moved as close to the other side as I could. Patting the space next to me, she sat down awkwardly. Laughing, “You can come closer. I won’t bite…”
“Unless I ask. I know.” Her tone had me smiling as she settled in next to me. “I miss your mom. More than you know.”
I put my arm around her and we sat hip to hip and side to side. “Strangely, that makes me very happy.”
“I don’t know that it’s strange.”
“Yeah, well. I just know that if you two were close then I made the right choice.” She turned and smiled at me. Before things had a chance to get uncomfortable, she dropped her eyes and put her head on my shoulder.
Softly, she said, “I’ve missed you, too.”
It was the oddest feeling because I felt the same way. How could I miss someone I didn’t know? “Did I handle her death badly?”
“Um…badly is an understatement.”
“Oh, boy. I don’t think I can handle that discussion. Tell me about her service.”
“Are you sure?”
Nodding, I replied, “Yes. We’ll save my deplorable behavior for another time.”
Snickering, she said, “Ok.”
I reclined the bed a little as she laid in the crook of my body. She began describing in great detail the beautiful ceremony. Apparently my mother had planned the entire thing out in advance. That was so her, planning every single detail, no matter how minute. Cassidy had dozed off and I was staring at her left hand as it dangled over her side. There was no wedding band on her ring finger. I looked to my own and saw the same thing. Maybe we’d both lost them in the accident. I couldn’t imagine not giving my bride a ring. My stomach grumbled and she started to wake.
“You hungry?” She looked up to me sleepily, “Did you eat dinner?” I shook my head. “James, you need to eat. Did they bring your dinner?”
“I forgot to order.”
Sighing, “What am I going to do with you?”
“Feed me hopefully!”
Giggling she said, “I have some snacks or I can run down to the cafeteria and get you something warm to eat.”
“It’s going to be late soon. Do you have to work tomorrow?”
“Nah. I’m good. Melissa has it covered. We need to get you home and settled.”
“Melissa?” What were the odds that we were even thinking about the same Melissa? I couldn’t imagine that she was working with the girl I was—used to be—screwing. This time lapse was bound to get me in trouble.
She sat up, “Yeah. Something else you don’t know. Melissa and I work together.” She started laughing, I’m sure it was in response to the look on my face. “Relax, I know about your history and she was on my shit list for a while. That’s all I’m saying about that for now.”
~<>~<>~<>~
The next morning I was released from the hospital. Cassidy was there to take me home. Funny how I didn’t even know where ‘home’ was. We walked out of the hospital and her mustang was pulled up in the valet lane. It was a sweet ride and I was eager to drive it, though I wasn’t about to over step my bounds. We both buckled up before she pulled out of the hospital.
“Nice ride.”
She smirked, “Thanks. It was a gift,” she paused and looked to me before adding, “from you.”
“Really? I have good taste!”
“Ha. I picked it out. You were driving foreign when we met and now you have a Ford pickup.”
“What? Why?”
She giggled and shrugged her shoulders. “My Ford love rubbed off on you is my guess.” Before I could respond, she pulled onto the freeway and opened her up. “Hang on!”
She gripped the stick like a pro as she flew down the freeway. It was a miracle that she wasn’t pulled over. Soon, she was exiting and headed toward a part of town I was fond of. I figured out almost immediately where she was headed. The townhouse. The last I recalled I was in the process of gutting the place. It was my baby, my side project and what I worked on in my down time.
When she pulled in the drive, the outside changes were well evident. It looked great. “So, we live here?” She just nodded and got out of the car. When I walked around the back of the car, I spotted the license plate. “MRSJB3? Really?”
“Really!” She walked up the few steps to the front door and sniggered over her shoulder. “That was all you, too!”
“I hate that nickname.”
“I know, but I like it!” She winked and walked in the front door.
“Wow. I really did it.” She smiled at me before walking into the kitchen. “So, how did we both end up here? Did you move in after we got married? It wasn’t my plan to keep the place.”
“That’s another funny story that I still don’t have all the details to. I rented the place from your Aunt Bev, thinking she was my landlord. Your cousin, Jane, later told me that you were the landlord.” Her revelation baffled me. “I’m still not really sure what your intentions were, but it doesn’t matter now.”
“Wow. I surprise myself.”
“Hopefully that’s a good thing.” I smiled and nodded.
There was a knock on the door and when I saw Jane on the other side I was surprised and happy to see her. Apparently she was happier. She threw her arms around me with some guy covered in tattoos hovering behind her.
“Jane! What are you doing here?”
She leaned back and was examining me. Looking to Cassidy she scolded, “Why didn’t you call us? Are you ok?”
Looking to Cassidy she nodded, shrugged her shoulders and said, “It was your honeymoon and we’re both alive. I didn’t want to worry you.”
Honeymoon? To this guy? “Fuck. I’ve missed a lot.”
Jane and—whomever he was—walked in as I sat down on the couch and Jane joined me. “It’s true? You don’t remember?” I just shook my head. “Oh, God.”
Jane was married and I wanted details. “So, fill me in. Who’s this guy?” Her guy smirked at me and his eyes seemed familiar.
“Well, this is Cal my husband and your brother-in-law.” That’s right. Cassidy had mentioned that her brother married my cousin. Was that weird? I didn’t have time to think about it.
I looked to him and he smiled, they had the same eyes, that’s why they seemed familiar. I stood and held my hand out. He shook it as I said, “Cal, right? Nice to meet you. Well, you know what I mean.”
“I do. I’ll give you two a few minutes while I chat with my sister.” Jane and I nodded as Cal followed Cassidy upstairs.
~ CASSIDY ~
I walked into the bedroom and looked around. Smith and I had moved the majority of James clothes back in the day before. He’d never know he hadn’t been staying there. I felt guilty, like I was pulling one over on him. I walked to the bed and sat down as Cal followed. He sat in the chair across from me and leaned forward, elbows on his knees.
“So he really do
esn’t remember anything?” I just shook my head. “How far back?”
“He thinks it’s 2011. He’s lost everything and anything that had to do with us. How do I get him back, Cal?”
“You have him back. You guys mended things, right? Before everything?” I nodded. “Fuck! If that asshole wasn’t dead. I should’ve been there.”
“It’s not your fault, Cal.”
“I spoke to Frank. You’re sure you’re ok? I can’t believe what he did.”
“I’m ok. I really don’t want to talk about it. It’s too disturbing and fucked up.” I saw his face change and remembered what Jane’s ex had done to her and Cal must’ve assumed. “No! He didn’t get a chance.”
He dropped his head to his hands as he grumbled, “Thank, God.” He muttered something else, but I didn’t catch it. Then he asked, “So, how’s this supposed to work?” He motioned around the room and I knew what he meant.
I tried to clear my throat, but it didn’t help. “I don’t know. I remember everything about him, he just knows I’m his wife.” I was picking at my fingers, while saying, “I don’t know what he’ll expect from me. I don’t know if I can give myself over to him again and risk losing him, Cal.”
He looked at me for a moment before his eyes drifted over the room. “So, set some boundaries. I know it’s easier for us men to separate emotions from sex. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. I know how important he is to you.”
“Am I being punished?” I started crying and he got up to sit next to me. “I hurt him and I don’t know what’s worse, that he knew and did nothing or that he doesn’t remember anything now.”
“Hey. Shh. You’re not being punished.”
“Do I tell him? I mean. What the fuck? ‘Hey, thought you should know that I cheated on you—but you knew—and you let me believe you were cheating, too, when you weren’t’.” I stood up and peeked into the hall and quietly closed my door and turned back to Cal. “Who would believe that? It’s a little far-fetched.”
