by J. M. Witt
I didn’t know what the hell she was rambling on about and I needed to leave the room before she really woke up. I tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn’t. I called the one person who I knew would be up if she was working.
“Jane. Yeah, everything’s fine. You’re working right. Ok. I was worried I’d wake you. I just, well, I have an odd question and I don’t even know if you’ll know the answer.”
“Ok, what is it?”
“Cassidy was talking in her sleep and she mentioned a baby. Is she just dreaming? I’m so confused.”
I heard her sigh. “James, you should talk to Cassidy about this.”
My gut wrenched. “Is she pregnant? You know something.”
“Not that I know of, but…”
“But what?”
“She was.” I dropped down to the bed and pressed my hand across my forehead. “Are you there?”
“Yes. I’m here.”
“James, she lost the baby. It was yours. You should talk to her about this, not me. I’m not surprised she hasn’t said anything to you though. She took it really hard, but there was nothing anyone could have done. These things happen.”
“Is it why we got married?”
“No. It happened after your mother passed away.”
“Ok. I’ll let you go. Thank you.”
I hung up the phone before Jane had a chance to say goodbye. I laid in the tiny bed mentally crushed. Why hadn’t Cassidy told me? Should I bring it up? I didn’t think it would be a good idea because Lord knew I didn’t want her to suffer any more.
I managed to fall asleep and my dreams—or nightmares—had me tossing. In one I remember having a woman bent over a bench at the club and I was fucking her in front of everyone. The room spun and I was in another corridor, alone, and a door closed, but I didn’t have any clue who went into the room. Then I was talking with Annie and smashing furniture.
When I woke, the morning was half gone. I carried myself down the stairs and didn’t see Cassidy. Her car was still out front and I went back up stairs. Knocking on her door, I opened it slowly and she wasn’t there. I started to get worried when I heard the front door open. She saw me at the top of the stairs, closed the door and walked into the living room without as much as a hello. I’d really fucked things up, again.
~ CASSIDY ~
I was finally back in his arms, his hungry mouth on mine never tasted so good. Then he pulled away after I opened my big mouth about him moving back into our bedroom. I thought we’d made so much progress. Could I blame Kim? Because I wanted to. Her interruption hadn’t stopped the kiss that came later, but, FUCK! Now everything was screwed up again. After putting everything back in my purse, I slammed the door behind him and turned on some music. Loud! If he didn’t like it, he could leave. God, I hope he doesn’t leave.
Pulling off my clothes, I put on a cami and scrolled through my playlist. Walking around in my cami, panties and socks, I put away a basket of clean clothes while the music blared. I was angry and trying to focus on that emotion. Over You by Ingrid Michaelson came on and I couldn’t stop the tears. I was a sucker for a piano ballad and the song opens with her singing about him wearing his three piece suit. The song was on my playlist for a reason. It reminded me of James.
Wouldn’t everything be easier if I could just get over him? I knew I’d never get over him. I couldn’t give up, I swore to myself that I wouldn’t. Weeks had passed and he was still there. Something was keeping him there. And if it was pride, then I’d take advantage of it. If the club was the only way I could have him, then the club it would be. I knew immediately that I’d sacrifice having him in my bed at home if it meant I had him in my bed at the club. It was a start. A glimmer of hope buried itself deep inside me. Maybe the club would be the thing to help him remember.
The next morning I woke and swore that my dreams were filled with him. I didn’t have time to think about it. I showered, got dressed and Delaney picked me up for coffee. Before I left, I opened his door to find him sleeping. Hopefully he’d still be home when I returned.
Deciding to confide in Delaney about his reservations, she responded, “Damn! You two still haven’t?” I shook my head. “Wow. I’m surprised he’s exhibited so much restraint, though not really. You’re there for the taking. What’s wrong with him?”
I laughed at her remark, “I don’t know.”
“Maybe you should make a move on him. He won’t turn you down.”
Staring at my coffee cup, I muttered, “I doubt that. He turned me away last night.”
“Well, try harder.” She sighed as she saw me fighting internally. “I’m sorry. What are you going to do?”
Shrugging my shoulders, “I’m going to agree.” I looked to her, knowing I was blushing. I lowered my voice, “I want him Delaney and if this is the only way I can get him…”
“Well, I’m going to warn you now. The James you knew and the James you’re with are two different beasts. Pun intended.”
“What do you mean?”
Sighing, “He had rules, has rules. Most of the girls couldn’t handle how well he could compartmentalize everything. Sex and emotions don’t mix for him. That’s why we were all so happy and surprised when he started pursuing you. He changed.”
“Yeah, everyone keeps saying that. I hope I’m doing the right thing.”
“I think you are. There’s no other choice and time’s running out.”
“I can’t let the divorce happen, but I don’t know what else to do. This wall between us needs to come down. If I tell him about it now I’m worried he’ll just walk away. Why would he stay if he finds out we were separated?”
“But you said…”
“Yes, we reconciled, but he doesn’t remember.”
“Cassidy…” She looked to the ceiling and took a deep breath. “I shouldn’t be telling you this, but I’m going to. It was more than just a reconciliation for him.”
I shook my head, not understanding her meaning. “What do you mean?”
“The poker game.” I nodded. “He won, not you. He wants to marry you, the right way.”
“But, you said I won.”
“He was worried it was too much too fast and didn’t want to push you too hard. Don’t you see?”
“I see and know it’s just something else he doesn’t remember.”
“He was willing to do anything for you.”
“I know and now it’s my turn.”
I walked in the front door after Delaney dropped me off and he was standing at the top of the stairs. I knew what I was going to do, but I was still hurt. Attempting to ignore him, I shut the door and walked into the living room. I heard his steps pound down the stairs and watched him circle into the living room. He was wearing jersey shorts and nothing else. I groaned and tried to look away.
“You ok?”
“No, I’m not. Unless you want me to start walking around half naked, I’d appreciate the same consideration.” He seemed surprised at my words and I added, “You’re dangling the carrot when we both know you won’t hand it over.”
He looked to his crotch before he realized I was being facetious. “Right. Sorry.” He walked to the laundry room and walked back out with a shirt on. “Can we talk?”
“Yup.” He sat down in the chair facing me as I played with my phone.
“Do you think you can put that down?” I looked up to him, rolled my eyes and set the phone down. I was being a bitch on purpose and I think he knew it. “Listen, about the club.”
I put my hand up, “I agree.”
His head jerked back a little as his eyes blinked a few times. “Wait, agree to what?”
Huffing, “The club. If Beast wants to come out and play, I agree.” I just stared at him, deadpan as he processed my words.
“Cassidy, I have rules. You can’t just agree.”
“I have rules too and I can just agree.” We stared at each other, each waiting for the other to speak. “So, what are these rules?”
He leaned back in
the chair and quietly observed me. I kept eye contact and smiled, assuring him that he wasn’t going to scare me off. “Why don’t we start with your hard limits? If you know what those are.”
“No blood play, electricity, ball gags, I don’t like sleeping alone, umm…” He was surprised at how quickly I continued to rattle things off. “Surprised?”
“A little. I wasn’t sure how much I educated you before.”
“Anal is ok, but it needs to be worked up to. I enjoy being restrained, spanked, man handled…”
“I’d like to figure out on my own what you enjoy.” His tone was serious and I nodded. “What’s your safe word?” He didn’t think I saw it, but he adjusted himself as my eyes traveled back to his eyes. “Focus, Cassidy.”
“Oh, I’m focusing.” I wasn’t sure if I should use the same safe word when, “Unicorn,” fell from my lips. It was time for a new word.
“Unicorn? Ok.” His gaze lingered over me and I wasn’t sure what he was thinking about and I was dying to know. “Are you always so challenging?”
I narrowed my eyes at him, “What do you mean?” He didn’t say anything. “If you mean the banter, we’ve done that since day one. I’m not sure it’s something I can turn off with you.”
“Ok. We’ll manage. I don’t mind it.” He shifted positions and said, “Now for my rules.” I was dying of anticipation, yet dreading what his requirements would be. “I know that they call me Beast, but you’ll refer to me as Master or Sir, preferably Master. No kissing, unless I say so. It muddles emotions.”
God, Delaney was right. How could I go with no kissing? Why hadn’t I listed that as a hard limit? “No kissing!”
“I’m not finished.” His demeanor was so different, intimidating and sexy. My clit was already tingling. “You will always wear a blindfold unless I tell you differently. Satin panties, no bra, stockings are optional. I want you to make a playlist of songs that turn you on, that you enjoy, and email it to me. I’ll make sure it’s playing. And try to steer clear of super sappy songs. They annoy me.” I nodded and was looking forward to that. I already had a good start on a list of songs I could send him. “I always wear a condom, but you must use a method, too.”
“I, um, I have an IUD.” He nodded. I wasn’t going to bother telling him I had it put in after the miscarriage because that would just start a whole new conversation I didn’t want to have.
“We won’t always have intercourse, but pleasure is always my top priority. We, I, need to build up our trust. Can you be ready tonight?”
Tonight! Fuck, yes! “Yes. Tonight should be fine.”
“When we’re here, there will be no sexual intimacy. You will not instigate and we will continue on as we have been. If and when the time comes for that to change, we’ll sit down and discuss it.” My heart sank. Baby steps and I kept repeating it to myself. “Do you still agree?”
I returned my gaze to his and thought about everything he’d said. “Yes. I agree.”
He headed toward the stairs, “Oh and no masturbating. Your orgasms are mine to claim from now on. Send me the list and be ready to leave at seven.”
“Ok.”
I sat on the couch in disbelief for a few minutes. Soon, I heard the treadmill and I grabbed my laptop. I started on my playlist and tried to keep sappy songs out of the mix. Of course, I added in some of our songs. He’d never know and maybe they’d trigger a memory. Over an hour later he walked down the stairs dressed in jeans and a button-up shirt.
“I emailed you.”
“Already.”
“Yup.”
He smiled. “Ok. I have to run to the office. I’ll be back in time to pick you up.” He didn’t say anything more and he was gone.
I’d titled the playlist ‘The Club’ and emailed it to him and I included the link to my streaming playlist as well. I had no idea how he planned on utilizing it. If he hadn’t figured out my eclectic music taste, he’d get a taste of it with that playlist. He’d be back in a few hours. I got a few chores done and then headed upstairs to shower again and primp. New razor, salt scrub, lotion and all the essentials for extra smooth skin were awaiting my use.
I did my hair, leaving it down and lightly curled. It was longer than it’d been in years, of course so was his hair. I applied my makeup the way I remembered him liking. Heavy eyes with a nude lip accentuated my eyes and features. I had music playing and heard a door close. Turning it down I listened to him walk to his room and then into the hallway bathroom. Looking at the clock, I knew I needed to get dressed. I stared at the two outfits in front of me and debated making a decision.
There was a knock on the door. I was standing in the middle of my room in nothing but my satin panties and bra. I smiled at the torture I was about to unleash. I strolled over to the door and opened it before walking back to the outfits laying on my bed.
“Hey, I, uh…” He stopped talking and when I turned my head, his eyes were planted on my ass. Slowly, I turned around, hands on my hips. His eyes traveled up my body, leisurely, before meeting my gaze. “Sorry, I was just checking to see how long you needed.”
Turning back around, because I couldn’t keep the smirk off my face, I responded, “Just trying to decide what to wear. Did you want to pick?” I heard his steps approach behind me. “I’d need help with that one.”
“Help with what?”
“It’s a corset. I can’t lace it up alone.” I could if I really wanted to, but he didn’t know that.
“You can’t leave the house looking like that.”
“I can’t. Why not?”
A low growl vibrated in his throat as he looked at me, “Stop that.”
I chuckled, “Stop what?”
“Wear whatever you want as long as you’re covered up when we leave.” He stormed out of the room and bellowed, “You have five minutes.”
Quite pleased with myself, I put on my usual hot pants, my black bra—not caring that you could see the straps—the purple corset that I could easily lace up myself, and my black boots. I pulled a small black jacket out of my closet and put it on. It only covered my shoulders and I hoped he would find it satisfactory to being ‘covered up’ as he put it.
Chapter 21 ~ Consummate
~ JAMES ~
I drove in silence to my office, her words playing over and over in my mind. She couldn’t be accused of not being assertive. If she wasn’t familiar with the things the club brought to my life, she was a great pretender. And she had one of my business cards and it was eating away at me. I made a mental note to see if I had any emails in that specific account from her. I doubted that she’d be able to handle the no emotions part of it all. Hell, I doubted if I would be able to handle it. But fuck if I wasn’t going to enjoy trying.
The Blue Horse renovation was almost complete. The dedication ceremony and grand opening was in a few weeks. We’d managed to keep the surprise from Cassidy and Cal, Jane and Smith had filled me in on the details of that fateful night. Cassidy hadn’t discussed much about Holly to me and I understood why. My own actions had me confused. I was planning this great surprise for her, I was attracted to her and I knew I cared about her. But why wouldn’t I consummate our relationship like a normal human being?
Sitting at my desk, I scrolled through my DOM email and found nothing. Maybe it was a fluke that she had one of my cards, maybe not.
Pondering my next move, I called Dr. Pratt. He was surprised to hear that we had yet to consummate things. I told him what I was struggling with and he advised against my plan.
“If she’s agreed, I can’t stop you, but I think—if you want this to begin to function properly—you need to live as normal a life as you can.”
“But doc, the club is my normal.”
He sighed, “Touché. Please don’t shut her out at home. The only thing you’ll do is build animosity between the two of you. And if you still have that ridiculous no kissing rule, get rid of it. You can’t do that to her. She’s your wife.”
“Gee, doc, just speak y
our mind.”
“You asked for my opinion as a friend. I’ll gladly bill you and give you my professional opinion if you like. Though you’ll only hear the same thing.” I laughed at that and we said our goodbyes.
Pulling up her email, I opened up the playlist. Scrolling through it I recognized some songs and some I didn’t. She had songs ranging from Rob Zombie to Ginuwine and everything in the middle. I compiled the list onto my iPod and began listening. She had a thing for guitar riffs and pianos, which was evident, but not necessarily together in the same song. I laughed wondering if I should have her checked for schizophrenia.
Looking at the clock I realized the day had flown by. After locking up, I headed back home. She wasn’t down stairs and I concluded she was in her room when I heard the faint sound of music drifting through the air. She was always listening to music and a lot of it I’d never heard before. She loved her top forty, heavy metal, but she also liked her obscure indie rock. If anything, she was quickly catching me up on the music scene and introducing me to bands I didn’t even know.
I knocked on her bedroom door and waited for a moment. To say I was flabbergasted when she opened the door didn’t even begin to describe me. She was in her bra and panties and I nearly became irrational. She totally played it off like it was no big deal. I don’t even remember what we talked about when I left the room and told her she had five minutes. What the hell was wrong with me?
She walked down stairs and my eyes traveled up her legs and over the pants that looked painted on. Gauging by the look on her face, there was no point in asking her to change. She wouldn’t be seen by many anyways. There was no way I’d be able to walk around with her for long without her being propositioned. That’s when it dawned on me that she had no collar. People would think she was free game. I’d have to remedy that, but there was no time.
