by J. M. Witt
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The next weekend we were headed to the club again as I reflected on what’d happened after our mild confrontation. We’d talked earlier in the week and I just decided to let everything out. I told him that we’d separated after the death of his mother and during that time he led me to believe he was fucking Melissa which ultimately led to me fucking Paul. I told him that on one occasion Misty and Roxy were part of it. He was furious and I wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. He could only be furious if he cared, right?
After a couple days of silence he had said he wanted to move past it and agreed to no group play. I was shocked, but relieved. He also said he wanted to stop the divorce proceedings and while I wanted to jump for joy into his arms, he was still keeping me at arm’s length. I told him we’d need to call the judge and Annie, but that it was up to him to do so.
It almost seemed too easy, like I was waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me. But life was short and I didn’t want to fight about it. We’d fought enough. I just prayed he wasn’t playing me.
Chapter 22 ~ Desperate
~ CASSIDY ~
It was September. I had grown accustomed to our arrangement and easily made it through the days, knowing that come the nights and weekends I’d have my Beast and Master back. Though, I missed kissing him more than I could admit.
“Any requests for tonight?” I looked over to him and wondered how far I could push him.
“I’d love to dance with you, first.” He observed me quietly and said he’d think about it.
We arrived at the club a few minutes later and he escorted me to the dance club instead of directly downstairs. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face as he ordered me a drink and smiled back at me. He was being affectionate and I had a hard time remembering that it only happened in the club. His hand was caressing my back and he held my hand when he led me to the dance floor. It would’ve been all too easy for me to lose myself in him. And I did, knowing the club was the only place I could do so.
Dancing was clearly something he was able to do before the amnesia. He grinded up against me like a pro and I grinded back, losing myself in the music and not him—or so I told myself. A few songs later we headed downstairs, clearly both primed and ready for action. He had demanded silence that night and I was playing along, eager to let my other senses guide me. I’d also gotten good at compartmentalizing, too. While at the club I only referred to him as Master and not James. It helped.
I was blindfolded, hands tied behind my back, the way he liked it. Master leaned in and I could feel his breath on my forehead. His hand turned my chin up, slowly. I inhaled his sweet breath and something inside me shifted, yearned to touch him, ached to kiss him, and look upon him more than the other nights. My tongue licked my lips, without permission to do so. I knew the rules. No kissing, no talking, always blindfolded and no emotions. Just pleasure. We had an agreement. Fuck, if he wasn’t evoking emotions from me, this man whom didn’t know me like he once had. It wasn’t supposed to happen.
“Little bird…” My footing was compromised when his body pressed up against mine, his lips hovered above mine and he abruptly stepped away. His arms braced my shoulders as I felt his breath against my lips once more.
He backed me up against the wall as a shudder ran through me. He was going to kiss me and if he kissed me I wouldn’t be able to go back. “Please don’t.”
“I said no talking.” His hands held my hips as he pressed his groin into me and his mouth traveled my neck. I was vaguely aware of my fingernails digging into the palms of my hands when he asked, “Don’t what?” His voice was deep and soft and turned my insides to mush. His lips kissed my cheek, across to my ear and back again.
“James, please. You may not remember what your kisses did to me, but I remember. Please don’t kiss me if it’s only something you want for tonight. I can’t…”
“Can’t what?”
“You’re right. Kisses evoke emotion. I can’t kiss you and not fall in love with you all over again.”
I didn’t expect what happened next. I knew he’d walk away from me, get himself under control and we’d go back to our no kissing arrangement. Instead his lips crucified my own. My arms strained behind my back, desperate to touch him. My chest hurt as my heart constricted. I was dreaming. There was no way he was really kissing me. When he pulled away he took my blindfold with him. My eyes remained closed, I couldn’t look at him.
He stroked my face, down my neck and across the top of my chest. His hands cupped my face as his thumbs moved across my cheekbones and then over my lips. He brought his mouth down to mine again and when his tongue licked at the seam of my lips I whimpered. Pulling back, he wiped the tears falling from my closed eyes.
“Cassidy, look at me.” I hesitated before opening my eyes. “Why are you crying?” He quickly unbound my hands and looked in my eyes awaiting my answer.
“Because this isn’t real.”
He held my wrists between his hands and then kissed each hand. “What if it was real?” His green eyes penetrated my soul. He was killing me.
My chest heaved as my words came out in broken breaths. “If it was real I’d tell you that I was falling in love with you, again. I loved you then and I love you now.” He just stared at me and I wasn’t sure if he was in shock, angry, confused. I couldn’t tell. “And if it was real you’d tell me emotions just get in the way. So, let’s go back to our agreement. You never kissed me, it didn’t happen.”
A wicked grin spread across his lips and my breath caught, scared to death at what he might say. “If it was real I’d tell you that I was falling in love with you, too. My memory of you, of us is almost non-existent, warped, scattered, but I’m falling for you, Cassidy.”
I shook my head, “But it isn’t real…”
His lips closed over mine as he whispered, “It is real.” I stared into his eyes, looking back and forth between each green globe. “I love you, Cassidy.” He smiled.
I let out a short laugh as the tears fell, but they were happy tears and I threw my arms around his neck. “I love you, James. Promise me it’s real.”
“Promise. Now kiss me.”
I leaned in slowly and kissed his full lips. He lifted me up and held me above him, his arms around my ass. Pulling the tie from his hair, I did what I’d wanted to do for weeks on end. I tangled my fingers in his dark chocolate locks and tugged as I heard the growl I loved so much. He sat down on the couch as I straddled his lap.
Breaking the kiss he asked, “Do you want to go home?”
I smiled, “I love it here, being here with you, but yes. Take me home.” He set my feet on the floor and I put my hand on his chest, “Only if you’re moving back into our bedroom.”
Shrugging his shoulder he sighed deeply. Shit! “If I have to.” He winked and I smacked his chest. “Get dressed. I’m taking you home and we’ll continue this there.” He smacked my ass as I turned to get dressed.
He’d been kinder and gentler with me when we were at home, but my punishment—which we both knew wasn’t really punishment—at the club had grown more severe. He’d been pushing my limits with different kinds of bondage and I was growing fond of rope and the many knots he was able to tie around my body. Had his walls been breaking down this whole time, me oblivious to it?
He took a detour as we headed home and pulled into the alcove he always used to, when he remembered me. When he got out of the truck, I waited for him to open my door. He offered me his hand and I hopped out of the truck. It was a warm September night and it smelled like it might rain. He dropped the tailgate and pulled me back against him as we stared at the stars in the sky.
“I’ve never brought anyone here before, but something’s been nagging at me to bring you here.” His chin was resting on the top of my head as he pulled me a little closer.
“I hate to break it to you, but you used to bring me here.” He turned me to face him. “Sorry.”
He shook his head, “Don’t be sorry. That
makes me happy. Did I ever tell you why I loved this spot?” I shook my head. If the place had importance to him I was clueless about it. “Jason and I used to come here in high school.” He was staring into the field below us as he pointed. “We learned how to play football in that field as kids and partied here when we were teens.”
Turning, I dropped my head to his chest and held him. He’d never confided that in me. And while this new-old James didn’t remember me, he opened up to me easier than my original James had. We’d discussed his time in the Army a lot since the accident and he did it freely. We got to know each other on a level that had never happened and probably wouldn’t have had the accident not happened.
“You should pick a song to play. I want to dance with you.”
I smiled and ran to the cab of the truck and scrolled through the playlist. The song I chose was fitting—as usual—if you listened to the words. The twilight was finally lifting and I could see the sun rising. He was the only star in my night sky and my day, another would never compare. Cosmic Love by Florence and The Machine began to play as he held me close and we danced. I listened to his heart beat and a peace settled over me. I knew he may never remember our life together, but we were building a new one. I had him back. I squeezed him a little tighter as I counted my blessings.
His hand found my chin and lifted it to his lips. The kiss was sensual and full of promise. “I’m sorry I left you in the dark.”
“You didn’t mean to.”
“I want you to know this. No matter if I ever remember or I never do; I’ll never leave you alone in the dark again, Cassidy. You stuck by me when I think any other person would’ve walked away.”
“I love you.”
He smiled, “I know. I love you, too.”
Our kiss was slow and passionate as our hands took their time roaming over the body of the other. He picked me up and set me on the tailgate as his hands moved under my shirt and my own did the same. I hadn’t been able to touch him like that since before our arrangement and I reveled in the feel of my fingers roaming over his chest and through the hair that graced it. The heavens opened up and we were soaked by the time our lips pulled apart.
I was laughing and looked up to the sky as the warm rain fell down on us. He seemed to appreciate it as well as he grabbed my face and kissed me again. Our tongues glided and teased one another and before I knew it we were both shirtless.
“I should take you home.”
I shook my head, “Make a new memory with me. A new first for us both, together.” He tilted his head. “Make love to me, James, in the rain.”
He didn’t speak, simply acted. Pulling a jacket out of the back seat of his truck, he laid it on the ground. Our clothes were piled on the tailgate and I laid myself down on his jacket, supporting myself on my elbows. His figured towered over me in the moonlight. The rain dripped over him and I wanted to lick every inch of him. He knelt down between my legs and held my leg in his hand, kissing my knee before he laid me down.
“I, I don’t know if I can be gentle.”
“I didn’t ask you to be gentle.” His eyes narrowed as I added, “I said to make love to me. I didn’t say you had to be gentle.”
Before he could say anything, I grabbed his face and brought his lips to mine. When he slid in to me we both groaned, our eyes locked on one another. It was the first time we’d done missionary since rediscovering each other and it was the only way I would’ve wanted it. He pulled my leg up and the angle had me crying out in pleasure. His wet hair dangled over us and threw droplets of rain on me as he pounded away.
“Cassidy.”
“It’s ok. I want you to come.”
“No! Not yet.”
We grappled with one another searching for the perfect position to drive us both mad. Somehow he managed to get us to a seated position, still on his jacket, as I wrapped my legs around his waist. Leaning back, I cried out as I found the friction I needed. My clit rubbed back and forth against his rain soaked skin as I rode him. His hands squeezed my breasts as my hair slapped against my back with each thrust. It wasn’t long and I was crying out.
“Come for me little bird. Just like that.”
My body became frenzied as I recognized the signs that he was close, too. I continued to ride him until his release claimed him. He bit and sucked on my neck as he shot into me while I tugged on his hair. We were both catching our breath when a gust of wind came through. A shiver ran through me and he insisted we get dressed and go home. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face the whole drive home.
We ran up the stairs and I started the shower. We both had chattering teeth like it was the middle of winter. He climbed in with his clothes on, saying it’d be easier to take them off once he could feel his fingers and toes. I climbed in after him in nothing but my shirt, having already removed my shorts. The warm water almost felt painful against my cold skin.
I started to pull the shirt up and over my hips as he pleaded, “Please leave it on. I don’t think I can handle the sight of you naked and wet.”
I noticed the tent that had already formed in his shorts and smiled at his amazing libido. Dropping the shirt I cooed, “Turn around, then you won’t have to look at me.”
His eyes struggled to remove themselves from my figure and then moved back to my eyes as he refused. “No.”
The water sprayed down my body as we stared each other down. “I, but why?”
“Cassidy.” What was he thinking about? Plotting, I had no doubt. “Take off the shirt.” I was more than willing to oblige. I removed the shirt and threw it over the shower door. “If you want to help me, you have to do as I say.”
“Am I speaking with James or with Master?”
Smirking, he replied, “Who do you think?” I just stared at him. “Turn around.” He grew quiet as I turned away but I let my eyes linger on him. He lowered his head into the stream of water, his hair dropped past his shoulders. His eyes moved to mine as he ordered, “Put your hands up.”
I raised my arms above my head as he watched the curves of my body change with my movement. He was fisting his cock under his shorts and his free hand ran up my spine. He pulled the shorts down, still stroking his dick. Tangling his fingers in my hair, he pulled my head back as he peered over my body. He was exquisite as the water trickled over his body and onto mine and down my breasts.
My breathing increased as my body responded to his. His head dropped to my shoulder, nipping and sucking as I moaned.
“Kiss me little bird.” I turned my face up and awaited his lips. My hand fell back into his hair as I ran my hands through it. “Fuck.”
He was stroking himself more vigorously and I was so turned on watching him do it. Our lips were barely touching when I panted, “Do it, James. Come for me.”
He increased the pressure and speed of his hand as my other hand gripped his hip, pulling him closer. He aimed just in time, his seed shooting onto my back. His free hand clutched to my breast as the waves rolled over him. We he’d regained himself, I turned around as he backed away. He walked into the stream of hot water and pulled me to him. My hands ran over his lower back as his own washed the remnants of his orgasm from my own.
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We were lying in bed, wrapped in his arms I knew without a doubt that he was where I belonged. His strong hands ran up and down my back and to my hip as I fingered the hair on his chest, staring up into his eyes. We were both glowing. We spent a while talking when I remembered something he said at the club.
“What did you mean when you said your memory of us is almost non-existent and scattered?” I watched his face as his eyes looked to the ceiling and then down to me and back again.
His hand was in my hair as he confessed, “I’ve been having dreams for a while now. I didn’t really think about them, but as things started coming together I realized that the dreams are memories. They have to be.”
Emotion tugged at my heart as I smiled at him, “You’re dreaming of me?”
His h
ooded eyes looked to mine as he rolled us to our sides, facing one another. “I think I’ve always dreamed of you, before we even met.” I closed my eyes as he stroked my face and kissed my eyelids. I knew if I tried to speak I’d just start crying. “I’ve tried so hard the past few weeks to be only your Dom, your Master, but I can’t do it. I want to be your friend, your confidant…your lover.” He pulled me closer to him, my face tucked into his chest. “And most important I want to be your husband. I tried waiting for the memories to return, feeling like my body was betraying me. But, my body knew it before I did. You’re my wife. We belong to each other, every part of me is yours.” I lifted my chin and tried to speak and he shushed me. “We’re both exhausted. You need to sleep. Remember, sleeping with someone is still new to me. I’ll stay with you as long as I’m sleeping.”
I snuggled back into him and said, “I’ll take it.”
When I woke, the early signs of morning were penetrating the curtains. He was still wrapped around me, quietly snoring in my ear. I glanced at the clock. At least six hours had passed and he was still in bed, sleeping. Finally.
~ JAMES ~
She’d just confessed that we had been married, though apparently separated, and she slept with Paul. What the FUCK? Then she told me her actual history with Paul. I was livid, furious, and didn’t want to believe the other things she’d said. I didn’t give a shit about the Misty and Roxy part of it all. It was Paul. He’d worked alongside me the whole time screwing my wife. I screamed and yelled at her and then left before things got out of control.
I was pacing my office, trying to process it all. “FUCK!” I swiped everything off my desk and watched it crash to the floor.
My door flew open and Smith barged in. He took in the scene and closed the door behind him. “Do you want to talk about it or keep destroying shit?”
