by J. M. Witt
“Don’t you fucking antagonize me?” He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall and waited. “Did everyone on the planet know, but me, that my wife was fucking one of my best friends?”
“Whoa. Sit down.” I glared at him. “James, sit the fuck down and shut up.” It was rare that Smith got mad, but when he did, you listened. I threw myself down on the couch and he handed me a bottle of water. “Do you remember anything?”
Pulling the bottle from my lips I replied, “No. She confessed.”
“Well, did she tell you that you made her life a living hell? You let her believe that you were fucking around with Melissa.”
“That’s no excuse!”
“Dude! Melissa tried breaking you guys up for months and then you let Cassidy believe Melissa was sharing your bed. As far as I know, Cassidy didn’t sleep with Paul until AFTER you two signed divorce papers.”
“Separation papers.”
“What the fuck ever. I’m not going to argue the specifics with you. She’s been loyal to you when I’ve debated walking away. You put her through hell.”
“What the hell?”
“What the hell, nothing. If I did to Delaney the things you did to Cassidy my balls would be dangling around her neck. And you never even slept with Melissa as far as I know.” He glared at me as I thought everything over. “I don’t know what’s worse. That you didn’t sleep with Melissa or that you let Cassidy believe you did.”
“Alright. Enough. I get it.”
He sat down across from me. “Why do you care so much? I mean, I know you care, but I thought you were keeping emotions out of it.”
How the hell did he know that? “God dammit, Delaney!”
“Don’t blame her.”
“Cassidy’s opening her big mouth and now I know to whom.”
“They’re friends. In case you forgot, Cassidy doesn’t have many of those.”
“Well Delaney didn’t need to tell you what Cassidy told her in confidence.”
“Give me a break. It’s me. I know about the fucking mole on your left nut.”
I glared at him. “I don’t have a fucking mole on my left nut!”
“Dude. I was just making a point. Chill the fuck out.” I finished the bottle of water and crushed it between my fingers. “You need to decide if you’re in this or not. She’s one tough broad, but she’s been through enough. Do you remember anything?”
Running my hands through my hair, I rubbed my hands over my face and then propped my elbows on my knees. “I keep having dreams about a woman.”
“Cassidy?”
Shrugging my shoulders, “I don’t know. There’s never a face and everything is in black and white. What do you know about the pregnancy?” I looked to him and saw a sliver of grief in his own eyes.
“It was your kid and you were both devastated by it. We all were.” He stared off into space for a minute and I wondered what he was reflecting on. He and Delaney didn’t have kids and didn’t have any desire to have any as far as I knew.
“I can’t stop thinking about her.”
His hand clapped down on my shoulder. “Dude, stop torturing yourself. You’re falling for her.” I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. “Your secret is safe, for now.” He winked and then walked out of my office.
I just wanted one thing. To remember everything as it happened. The fucking glimpses from my dreams and stories from my friends weren’t enough. My life had become a fucking jigsaw puzzle and I’d had enough of it. It’d been almost two months since the accident and nothing. I wanted to make it work with Cassidy, I just wasn’t sure what all that entailed.
~<>~<>~<>~
That evening I brought dinner home and told her I didn’t want to move forward with the divorce. I knew that much was true. She smiled brightly and I wanted nothing more than to kiss her, but I just couldn’t. My head and heart still hurt from the knowledge she’d been unfaithful. Though, was it really considered cheating given all the circumstances surrounding it?
“I forgive you.” Her mouth dropped open as she stared at me.
“James.”
“No, it doesn’t change anything. Not yet. But, I get it and I meant what I said about the separation, divorce, whatever it is. I don’t want to give up on it…this.”
She stared at her plate and nodded. “Ok, but you have to do it. You need to call Judge Mathis.” I nodded and retreated upstairs for the rest of the evening.
A couple nights later, we got home from the club late. We both had work to do the next day and agreed to sleep in our own beds. I carried her up the stairs. She was exhausted and I’d been exceptionally rough on her. She refused me at first when we pulled back in the drive, but when she stepped out of the truck she almost fell over.
“Stop being stubborn.” I swooped her up in my arms and into the house.
I laid her down on the bed and undressed her. Leaving her alone in nothing but her bra and panties nearly did me in. She was asleep before I left her bedside and I stood and watched her sleep for far longer than I should have. Not kissing her was becoming increasingly difficult. The only thing that helped was not being face to face with her when we fucked. I knew I should just come clean and tell her how I felt. I was almost positive she would reciprocate my feelings.
Feelings. Something I’d kept out of every equation for so long. Melissa was the closest I’d let a woman get to me and that was just because of how long I’d known her. Cassidy was filling a void in me I didn’t know existed and I still couldn’t wrap my brain around the fact that I’d let her in. She’d seen and accepted parts of me that I never wanted to reveal to anyone.
Love. Unconditional love.
Cassidy had handed over her body to me, with me not remembering her, and I knew her heart was there in the mix, though she denied it. It was more than silly wifely duties. She could’ve easily let me go and discarded me after the accident. I was used to people using me for what they needed and walking away with no qualms. Cassidy was different. She was mine and in the process she’d made me hers.
~<>~<>~<>~
It was September and I woke in a cold sweat that night, like so many nights before. The dream ran rampant in my head again. This time I had heard her voice or my imagination was playing tricks on me. It was Cassidy in my dreams and we were in her bed and it wasn’t the bed at the club. We were saying and doing things unfamiliar to me, but probably normal for any regular couple. We were kissing, cuddling and whispering secrets to one another. She wore a necklace, but I couldn’t make out what the charm was. I had to try to remember. These had to be memories. And if they weren’t, they were things my body craved, wanted, needed and desired. I had to let her know.
Having spoken to Annie about Cassidy having my DOM card, Annie filled me in. Apparently during our time apart Annie and I had concocted a plan for me to be Cassidy’s DOM. The plot was complicated, but just validated my feelings for her. I had been willing to go to extremes then to have her and now—still not remembering her—I was willing to do the same.
That morning, with my DOM email open, I emailed her.
Dear Cassidy,
I hope this email finds you well.
Annie gave me your name and
mentioned that you might be
looking for a new DOM. I won’t
go into any details unless I hear
back from you.
~Master B
Only a few hours passed before I got a response.
Master B,
Thank you for your interest.
However, I regret to inform you
That I am deeply in love with
my current DOM and I’m collared
to him in every way imaginable.
~Cassidy
I had the answer I needed. I took her to the club that night and knew exactly what I had planned. It wasn’t until I had her tied up and blindfolded that I had regretted taking her to the club.
Home. I wanted to take her home. My heart nearly burst at her words an
d she thought it was all pretend. I loved her and had fallen for her weeks earlier. I think I knew the night of the carnival and it had taken me by surprise. I knew I wanted her, had to have her, and demanded it be the only way I knew how; as my sub.
Once we made it home that night, after our debauchery in the rain, and I was lying in that big bed with her, limbs tangled and hands caressing, did I finally get it. She was my home, my anchor, my north star. She fell asleep in my arms and my brain flashed white as my vision left me.
I was lying on the table as Styx dug his needle into my back. “Why an anchor?”
“It’s simple, really. She’s been mine and it’s time that I become hers. We’re having a baby.”
“Wow. Congrats man. I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks. Me too.”
The flash of white dissipated and my vision returned. I blinked rapidly as my eyes adjusted to the dark room. She rolled over as I pulled her back tight against my chest. Holy shit. I finally really, truly remembered something. I’d seen the tattoo in the mirror a few days after being home from the hospital and was surprised. I didn’t ask her or anyone else about it, figuring it wasn’t that important. Then, it happened again.
We were sitting on the couch downstairs and I was removing her boots and asking her about tattoos. I spotted the anchor on her ankle and she told me about Holly’s tattoo. The conversation happened in warp speed and soon we were fucking on the couch.
It stopped and I was so exhausted that I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. I fell asleep wondering what the sudden cause for these small memories coming back was. It had to be her.
Chapter 23 ~ Dedication
~ JAMES ~
It was the end of September and the night of the dedication ceremony for the art studio. Cassidy still had no idea. She just knew that I wanted to take her out and I asked her to wear a dress. I’d kept the couple of memories that I’d remembered to myself. I didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up and no other memories had come back to me since that night. The only thing that was eating at me was that necklace I kept seeing in my dreams. I still couldn’t make out what the charm was, except that it was black.
Earlier in the week Delaney, Smith and I had been at the penthouse at the hotel picking up all the artwork. I stood in the middle of what had apparently been my bedroom and looked around. No memory came back to me. I still had a few miscellaneous items there, but didn’t think anything of it. I’d also been distracted from looking further when Cassidy called me on my cell.
“What did you do?”
“Excuse me?” I grew nervous, not sure what she was referring too. I had too many plans in motion and there was no telling what one she may have found out about.
“Did you pay off my student loans?” She sighed when I didn’t respond. “I just got a letter saying everything has been paid in full. James?”
“Yes. I paid them off.”
“You can’t just do that.”
“Why not?”
Groaning, “You’re so frustrating. They were my loans to pay off.”
“Cassidy, what’s mine is yours. I have the money and it’s silly to pay all that interest when I can more than cover the expense.” When she didn’t respond I said, “If you’re that worried about it, you can work off the debt.” I could hardly contain my laughter.
“Excuse me”
“We can come up with a payment plan that involves bondage and blow jobs.”
“Oh. My. God. You are so frustrating. Goodbye.”
“I love you. I’ll be home soon!”
Smiling at the memory, I waited downstairs and heard her heels click on the stairs. She walked into the living room and looked stunning. She was wearing a black cocktail dress and her hair was pulled to the side. She’d gone all out. Her phone buzzed and she pulled it out of her clutch and checked the text message.
“Melissa just landed in Atlanta.”
“And why is she there, again?” I knew Paul was there, but that didn’t make sense.
“Cecily. She’s made a few trips down there to see Cecily. Lena went a couple times, too, but not this time.” She looked up to me and saw the question in my eyes. Laughing, “No. Lena had a crush on Paul, but that’s it. She’s dating Ryan.”
“I wasn’t thinking about Lena.”
“Melissa…and Paul? Umm…no.”
“If you say so.” She put the phone back in her clutch as I escorted her to the door. “We’ll be late.”
“Yes, you keep saying that. And are you going to tell me yet where we’re headed?”
“Nope.” I walked her to the truck and when she slid in I handed her a blindfold.
“Really?”
“Yup.” I watched her put it on and then walked to my side of the truck. “So, the house is coming along.”
“The house?” She looked to me and tried lifting her head so she could sneak a peek out of the corner of the blindfold.
“Stop peeking! Yes, the house.”
“Oh, I. I guess I wasn’t sure if you were still working on it.”
“Of course I am. Though, I’m not sure when it’ll be finished. I’d like us to sit down and go over everything, since I don’t remember anything you wanted. All I have is the drawings to go over.”
“You still want to live out there. I mean, with everything, I didn’t know if that had always been a dream of yours or not.”
I grabbed her hand and brought it to my lips. “Yes. I want to live out there. I’ve lived in the chaos of the city long enough.”
“It’s a long commute…for us both.”
“Well, it’s a good thing we’re both in charge and can make our own hours.” She laughed. “And, that’s what home offices are for. Speaking of work. How’s the masquerade and auction planning going?”
“Good. Lena has taken over the masquerade and I’m handling the auction. I’m just not ready to hand everything over to her. She’s capable, I’m just having control issues.” I chuckled at that. “Don’t laugh! Your Aunt Bev is making poor Lena crazy.”
“Oh, how so?”
“She’s changed the color scheme and we had to send out notices to all the guests. Apparently she’s insisting on everyone wearing black or white only. It’s ridiculous.”
I smiled knowingly and agreed with her, “That takes all the fun out of it. My guess is everyone will wear black.”
“Exactly. I love black, don’t get me wrong, but I’m going to miss seeing all the purples and reds that are usually present.”
“I’m sure everything will be fine. Don’t stress about it.” We drove for a few more minutes and I pulled into the parking lot. “We’re here. Ahh, don’t take it off. Not yet.”
I parked and saw everyone there. Dad, Cal, Jane, Smith, Delaney, Lena, Ryan and a few more people, including Cassidy’s father, Dave. The renovation had turned out beautifully. News reporters would arrive soon and I thanked the heavens that the story hadn’t been spilled yet. I helped her out of the truck and walked her to the center of the parking lot. Everyone was quiet as they circled around behind us.
“Ok. You ready.”
Nodding her head, she said, “Yes!”
I took a deep breath and removed her blindfold. I still didn’t remember what had happened, but I’d read the news stories and everyone had filled me in with their side of the story. I knew it would be hard for her to be there again, where Holly had died, but I hoped she’d be able to move past it with all our friends and family there.
Her eyes adjusted as she blinked a few times. I saw the emotion wash over her as it registered with her where we were. “I, why are we here? Why did you bring me here?”
I held her hand and put my other one on her back. “We’re all here. Take a look.”
She looked behind her and saw everyone there. She was confused as Cal walked over and said, “Look at the sign, Cass.”
I watched as she hesitated. Cal took her other hand as her eyes looked at the small sign over the back door. The big one out front was even b
etter. Her eyes scanned the sign. I knew what it said because I’d looked at it a million times.
Her voice was barely a whisper when she asked, “I, who did this?”
Oh, God. Maybe I’d misjudged. It hadn’t been my plan, well, it was mine, but I didn’t remember it. Delaney and Smith had to fill me in and I thought it was a great idea. “I’m sorry. I thought…”
She looked at me as she choked out, “Don’t be sorry.” She looked back to the sign. “Halos and Wings Art Studio.” Then she read the line below, “In memory of Eva Benedict and Holly Madison.” She released Cal’s hand and placed it over her chest. “I, um, I’m speechless. Did you do this?”
I squeezed her hand and nodded. “I wanted to turn something that was bad into something good.” Before I could go into more detail, she threw her arms around my neck. “I hope its ok.”
Whispering into my ear, “Ok? It’s amazing. I can’t believe you did this.”
“I had to.”
“When did you do this?”
“Apparently I started planning back in May or June. Smith and Delaney helped.” Pulling away, she looked to everyone who was there and blushed. She linked our hands and thanked everyone for coming. “Come on. I want to show you the inside before the reporters get here.”
We walked in the back door and down the hallway. Where the bar had once been was now a counter and some shelves filled with pottery to paint. At another end of the room easels lined the wall with various blank canvases and at the other end were a few long tables where you could paint the pottery.
“Oh my, God. It’s amazing.” It was then that she spotted the art work on the walls. “James!”
“Another secret even I forgot about. Apparently I bought all of these before I took you to that gallery in June.” She smacked my arm, “Hey! I don’t remember.”
