Chapter Seventeen
By the time Harrison carried Elena to one of the guest bedrooms, she calmed down enough for him to loosen his hold on her. That didn’t mean he would let her go, though. He’d ripped off both of their masks before they hit the suite, not wanting her to feel as if she couldn’t breathe. God knew that neither of them needed the feeling of suffocation. Grant opened the door, letting Harrison carry her across the threshold. Giving a cursory glance around the room, he took comfort in the décor, hoping it would soothe Elena. The light Tuscan colors kept their calming influence as Grant turned on the bedside light.
“I’ll go get a warm washcloth,” Grant said, taking his mask off as he walked across the room and into the bathroom. “I’m sure that Sander has bottled water in here somewhere as well.”
“See if there’s any chocolate, or something containing sugar.”
Harrison sat on the bed, cradling Elena in his arms. Looking down at her tear-streaked face, his chest tightened. He’d never personally experienced a sub panicking after being brought down from subspace, and never wanted it to occur again. He brushed some of the tears from her left cheek. It was time for her to trust them enough with her emotions and not just her body.
“Blossom, I need you to stop. I need you to open your eyes and see me. Really see me.”
Her eyelashes fluttered, causing more tears to leak out. Finally, he could see her caramel eyes, along with her fear. He knew that it wasn’t him that she was afraid of, but something from her past. He needed to know everything, not just the pieces of the puzzle that James had been trying to piece together. Her eyes finally locked onto his.
“Repeat after me. I am safe.” He waited. She shook her head. “Say it.”
Grant reappeared, leaning down on his knees. He’d unscrewed the bottle of water and held it to her lips. When she tried to turn her head away, Harrison tangled his fingers in her hair, holding her steady. She took a few swallows before Grant held what looked like tiny bite-sized pieces of a granola bar covered in chocolate to her mouth. She parted her lips, taking the small chunk and slowly chewing. Taking the cloth, he carefully wiped Elena’s cheeks, causing her to flinch. With more strength than he would have thought possible, she flattened the palms of her hands against his chest and shoved. He tried to wrap his hands around her arms, but she was too quick. Grant dropped the cloth and caught himself before falling to the floor.
“I’m not safe,” Elena said, her voice coming out strangled. “I knew it after the first time and I know it now. Where am I bleeding from?”
“What?” Harrison saw her looking down at her stomach. He reached up with his fingers, realizing that he was bleeding. Grant picked up the washcloth and tossed it to him before standing up. He brought it up to his nose, cleaning it the best he could. “Elena, you’re not bleeding. I would never hurt you like that. When you panicked, I was standing right behind you. You snapped your head back, hitting my nose. That’s all.”
“And you’re still coming down from the scene,” Grant said. “You need to let us hold you for a while, and then we will talk about what happened and what caused you to panic.”
Elena had started shaking her head halfway through his speech. She didn’t seem to believe him. Grant tried to reach out for her, but she kept shaking her head and backing away. He held up his arms, letting her know that he was stepping away.
“Don’t you see?” Elena whispered. “I lose all judgment. I want more, despite that I’m causing myself real damage.”
“Because you asked for more?” Harrison stood, throwing the cloth on the bed. “There is nothing wrong with saying what you desire, Elena, but it’s up to me to know where to draw the line. Grant and I know that your endorphins are flying and that it impairs your judgment. As your Dominants, it’s our job to ensure that you’re safe.”
Elena wrapped her arms around herself. Harrison couldn’t stand the vulnerability that she was obviously feeling, so he walked over to the chair and snagged the soft brown afghan. Walking slowly toward her, so as not to unsettle her further, Harrison held it up until she hesitantly allowed him to cover her.
“If you’re going to disregard what I say,” Grant said, regarding his earlier suggestion of letting them hold her until she calmed down, “then start talking. Tell us what happened five years ago with Adam Nichols. I can’t stand having this barrier between us anymore.”
“But then you w–won’t want me,” Elena said, a hiccup in her words as she tried to control herself.
“Don’t you understand?” Grant asked. “We need to know.”
Elena tilted her head back, letting her hair drape down over the blanket. She looked so helpless that it was tearing Harrison’s heart in two. He hadn’t lied to Grant when he said that she’d crawled underneath his skin. He physically hurt when seeing her in pain. When she laughed at something he said, it made him feel as if he’d conquered the world. When her eyes shined with gratification for something he’d done, he knew that if he was taken from this life right now, he’d die a happy man. Fuck, if he hadn’t fallen in love with her.
She walked over to the window and parted the curtains. Snow was falling at a rapid rate, making the estate lawn seem as if it were something out of a Wonderland movie. Everything appeared white, yet it was dark enough that he and Grant could see her reflection. As she started talking, Harrison knew that she wasn’t really there with them. She was a million miles away. Her eyes focused on a distant place. She was in the past.
“I met Adam at a bar next to this club that I tried to join.” Elena looked haunted as she observed an unseen chamber, not seeing what must have been a very cold windowpane. “My father found out that I’d submitted an application and immediately had it shredded. He didn’t want his black sheep of a daughter to sully his reputation with her deviant sexual preferences.”
“How did you know that Adam was in the lifestyle?” Harrison asked, taking a seat in the chair that sat off in a corner. Grant was now sitting on the end of the bed. “And what made you think that it would be for you?”
“I have always been fascinated with BDSM. I read anything and everything I could get my hands on. It only became clearer for me when I started to masturbate, because the only way I could achieve an orgasm was adding a bit of fantasy. I knew then that if I was ever going to be really satisfied, I needed to find someone to dominate me.”
“And Adam?” Grant asked.
“He was dressed for it—similar to the way that you dress. It was in how he carried himself and how he spoke. I was attracted to that magnetism.”
“So you became involved with him?”
“Yes. I was attracted to his virility in a sexual way and the more we got to know one another, I really thought he was the one. He introduced me into the lifestyle slowly and my trust in him grew. It lasted for around four months until—”
“Until?” Harrison asked, prodding her to continue.
“One night, Adam came over and we had a scene. It was the first time that he used a whip on me. I remember—”
Harrison couldn’t take the sadness in her voice. He noticed that Grant was now resting his elbows on his knees, while contracting his hands into fists. Harrison stood up and walked to the middle of the room before stopping. If he touched her now, she might not continue. Harrison sidetracked and leaned against the wall, waiting impatiently for her to continue.
“I don’t really remember what happened, just that I’d never experienced that type of euphoria before,” Elena whispered, almost as if she’d revealed a sin. “The more pain he delivered, the higher he took me. I’m positive I asked for more. And he gave it to me.”
“If he was any type of man, let alone a proper Dominant, he would have known better,” Grant said, anguish deep in his voice. “Your body was overloading on adrenaline and endorphins. You’re not in the right frame of mind to know what the hell you want when in subspace. It would be like letting your partner drive after drinking too much.”
Elena was shaking he
r head, as if she disagreed, but her next words made Harrison think she knew the right answer. “I must have passed out at some point. I don’t know. I woke up in my bed, flashes of what had happened immediately coming back to me. I was laying facedown and the minute I tried to rise, the stinging in my back felt as if I’d been lit on fire.”
Grant spewed a few choice words, and it was all Harrison could do not to walk over to her and gather her up into his arms. Was this the first time she’d actually told someone what had happened? No, he thought, remembering that her father somehow had a clue as to what happened. Did the judge even know what really took place?
“Adam was there, walking toward me with a bottle of water. He told me that I asked for more. And it was his job to give me what I wanted.” Elena held up a hand before either of them could say anything. “I know now that he wasn’t a true Dominant, not in the sense that he had the best interest of his submissive in mind. But it doesn’t change the fact that I can’t control myself in subspace. The entire scene not only destroyed my ability to trust during that time, but it also destroyed what Adam and I had. Looking back, I realize he was as young as I was. Young love can blind a person to the facts.”
“You aren’t supposed to control yourself, Elena,” Grant said, finally standing up from the bed. “You’re handing over control as part of the D/s relationship.”
Those words got Elena to finally turn and face them. Several emotions were evident, but the one that shot Harrison in the heart was the guilt that was written all over her. She felt guilty for needing pain, as if that somehow made her a bad person.
“I want it,” Elena cried out in anguish. “Do you understand that? No matter if I really get hurt, if it makes me bleed, or if I cause myself permanent damage—I want it!”
“And I gave it to you,” Harrison said softly, needing her to understand that he and Grant could give her what she desired, yet keep her safe. “Are you bleeding? Are you hurt?”
Confusion washed across her heart-shaped face. Elena bit her lip, as if she needed to think about that. It didn’t take long before she started to argue the point. “No, but I still asked for more. What if there comes a time when you think I mean it? What if I ask for something that—”
Harrison had had enough. He crossed the room, reaching her in five steps. He took her face into his hands, making sure she could see the genuineness in his eyes. He needed her to truly understand that she was more important to them than anything else in the world.
“You listen to me, Elena Conti, and you listen well.” Harrison leaned down until their faces were inches apart. “Nothing you say, whether you beg or plead, will ever cause me to hurt you. The sensations that I, that we, bestow on you will only be to enhance your pleasure.”
“Haven’t we spoken of trust?” Grant asked, coming up behind her. He wrapped his arms around her waist. “For five years, you haven’t trusted anyone to take you to that place. Yet, today, you stood before me and gave up mental, emotional, and physical control. Why?”
Although Elena had stopped crying, another tear escaped. It trailed down her beautiful face, and Harrison immediately wiped it away with his thumb. She didn’t need to cry anymore over the past. They were her future. They just needed her to believe.
“I–I don’t—”
“You do know,” Grant whispered, making eye contact with him. Harrison gave a small smile, letting his best friend know that he was more than ready for where Grant was taking this conversation. “You just need to say it out loud. Then the past will have absolutely no hold over you.”
“You were standing in front of me,” Elena whispered. “You were there, making sure I was okay. And Harrison went so slowly, his strokes so confident and sure. I–I trusted y–you both. I l–l—”
“Say it,” Harrison murmured, needing to hear those three words fall from her lips. He’d swear his heart just stopped, but then again, it was beating against his chest too hard. “Blossom, trust us enough to say it.”
“I love you.” Her voice was so low. It was as if she were afraid to say it too loud for fear that everything they’d built would disappear.
“Oh, my sweet Elena, how we love you,” Grant said, laying his head atop of hers.
Elena turned her caramel eyes up to him, as if seeking out the truth in Grant’s words. Even though her nose was slightly red, her tears had long ago wiped away any makeup she wore, and the mask she wore had left slight pink indentions across her cheekbones, she’d never been more beautiful.
“I love you, blossom. And no matter how long it takes, no matter how many scenes we have to stop, Grant and I will find a way to give you what you need.”
“Make love to me,” Elena whispered, standing on her tiptoes and reaching for his lips.
Harrison shook his head, still holding onto her face. He did lean down enough to brush his lips across hers, but immediately pulled back. There were still things she needed to trust them with. They needed the whole story. They needed a clean slate.
“Tell us the—”
A knock came at the door. Harrison looked at Grant, both knowing who it was. They also knew that Calihan wouldn’t go away unless he knew for a fact that Elena was all right and that she wanted to stay with them. Grant nodded to him that he had Elena, so Harrison released her face and then brought the blanket tighter around her front, making sure that she held the material snug in her hands. He walked to the door, swinging it open.
“Is she all right?”
“Yeah,” Harrison said, releasing some pent-up air that he hadn’t even been aware he’d been holding. She loved them. He was still wrapping his head around the words, yet he’d never heard anything that felt so right. “We’re, ah, good. We’re just talking through some things. We’ll touch base in the morning.”
“You know I have to hear it from her, Harrison.”
James had removed his mask and now looked like his normal, gruff self. He’d loosened his bow tie, unbuttoned the top of his dress shirt, and tossed his jacket over one shoulder. He still looked uncomfortable, yet Harrison couldn’t ever remember a time when he’d seen James out of a suit or tux. He knew that they weren’t getting rid of James without him hearing the words directly from Elena’s mouth, so Harrison opened the door a little wider, permitting Calihan to enter.
He shut the door and turned, noticing that Grant had gotten Elena to relinquish her blanket in favor of a long, white robe. It was too big for her, as the arms hung down below her hands and the hem actually touched the floor, but it gave her the cover she needed right now. Upon seeing James, she’d crossed her arms and leaned back up against Grant, who encased her in his arms.
“Ms. Conti, before I leave for this evening, I need to know that you’re all right. That was one hell of a scene downstairs.”
“I’m fine, James.” Elena had used the time it took Harrison to greet Calihan to compose herself. The tone she’d taken was her professional one, and he knew that whatever happened from here on out, the fact that they’d admitted their love for one another spoke volumes that they could handle anything thrown their way. “As a matter of fact, can you stay for a few minutes? I have something to say, and you’re going to want to hear it.”
Chapter Eighteen
Elena relished the heat from Grant’s body. His arms felt like Fort Knox and she knew that no matter what the future brought their way, she’d have them by her side to stand against it. She trusted them. She loved them. Finally admitting it was like having a verdict announced by a jury that she’d won a case.
“I’m assuming it has to do with Adam Nichols?”
James stood in the middle of the room, with one hand in his pocket and the other holding his jacket over his shoulder. He was a good man, with a good heart and Elena now knew she should have trusted him from the beginning. Hindsight was twenty-twenty.
“I think—” Elena broke off, knowing that what she was about to say would change her life forever. She should have done it years ago, but that didn’t change the fact that
her assumption would ruin her father’s career. But if he was guilty, then he needed to face his punishment. “I think my father may have killed Adam.”
“What happened after that night, blossom?” Harrison wasn’t going to have her retell that evening to James. It was too personal. Besides, Calihan had already figured it out, so there was no need for her to relive it. “How did your father know?”
“After Adam left, Richard showed up at my door wanting to discuss my career. I was given the opportunity to work at two firms in the city. He, of course, had a say in which one was better for my future. I’d just gotten out of the shower and didn’t have time to dress my wounds. He was pounding on the door, saying he knew I was home because he saw my car parked in the underground garage. I threw on a robe and answered it, with every intention of sending him away.”
“I take it that didn’t happen,” James said.
“No. He barged his way in and as I was closing the door, he saw blood. I thought the lacerations had stopped bleeding, but one must have bled through the material. He was suddenly the concerned father, asking how I’d hurt myself. Long story short, he somehow figured out that Adam had been at my apartment earlier that evening.”
“He was having you followed,” James replied. “The judge knew that Adam had been there before he came up to your apartment.”
“What?” Elena had to have heard wrong. There was no way her father would do that, but then again, wasn’t she now accusing him of murder? “No.”
“I’m afraid so. I spoke to an aide who worked for your father at the time you were seeing Nichols. He had hired a private investigator to follow you around and report your movements back to him.”
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